By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

When it comes to my group of friends, I am the smart one.  My friends get themselves into trouble and then they call me to help them figure it out.  I help them as much as I can, but sometimes I have problems of my own or I’m just plain tired so I don’t return their call or text right away.  Then the nasty messages start.  They are trying to make me feel guilty.  I don’t get this.  I was only trying to help in the first place.

-Amber.

Hi, Amber:

Here is the age old question, “What do we really “owe” our friends and family?”  In my opinion, just because you’re the smart one doesn’t mean that you owe anyone your thinking skills and problem solving talent.  It’s different in the work place. If you are hired to do a job, then they are renting your skills and intelligence by giving you a paycheck, so you realize you’d be wise to perform.  When it comes to your personal life, I’ll offer my opinion.  You owe every human being simple “decency.”  You only owe your personal time, skills, effort, care, etc. to your spouse (because the two of you have formed a team), your minor children, and any animals you have caused to become dependent on you.  Maybe your parents should be on this list, too, but only if they are decent human beings.  Aside from these people, any gift of your time, skills, intelligence and resources should be considered a PERSONAL FAVOR.  If people have a sense of entitlement with you, fix that situation.  Remember the words, “Personal Favor.”  Do not feel guilty for having boundaries.  Good Luck.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.