By Michael Armijo

Once again, I’m above the tavern in the office where I attend grief therapy sessions.  And just like on my previous visits, I am leaving with a lot of things to contemplate.  I’m unsure of what I learned at this particular session, as it was awash in emotion.

We touched on the fact that it was my sister’s birthday.  This particular sister is one of six that I have, and she passed away a few years ago.  Her heart gave out and she succumbed to her addictions. The way that she departed from our lives always left such a void; I loved her very much, and I feel like I should have tried to help her more.

My sister not only left us, she left her own children behind as well.  What saddens me even more is that while she was here, she stayed in a bad marriage for so many years.  Even though my sister eventually found the courage to walk away, her life still ended tragically.

I blame this on the way that we were brought up.  With all of the dysfunction and abuse we endured, my parents never split up.  I believe this subconsciously taught us to stay married despite unhappiness.  Our low self-esteem made leaving or being left too fearful.

I have everything I’ve ever wanted:  an easy job, my dream car, a home by the beach, money in the bank, and a loving family.  Yet I continue to try and fill a hole that seems without end.  You can search for someone or something to make you feel complete, even when you don’t understand what is missing.

Above the tavern I am learning what will fill that void.  I feel like I’m on the brink of finding answers and solutions.  I hope you find what is missing in your life, too.