By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

There is a saying that says something about forgiveness being a gift you give yourself. The idea is that once you forgive those who have wronged you, you take that load off your own shoulders and release that poison from yourself.

This is true in so many ways, but never is that load so heavy as when it is your own forgiveness. It’s so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Often we judge ourselves so much harsher than others, and we make ourselves miserable trying to live up to some insane version of how we think we should be.  The truth is, we’re not perfect and we never will be.

Stop trying to be perfect and instead focus on who you are and the progress that you have made. Try and give yourself the same grace and charity that you give to others, and take a step back.

I do this all the time – I judge myself so much more rigidly than others and expect myself to always know better, do better and be better. But, I’m human, I mess up, I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, etc.  These things don’t make me bad and they don’t define who I am.  They are just mistakes.

Last year, I made some major life changes and decided to get real with myself. I was tired of making excuses and feeling guilty about poor choices I’ve made, and instead I took action. I forgave all those who wronged me, even if they never apologized. I set myself free from the burden of trying to make everyone else happy, and instead focused on just being a better person for myself and my kids.

The struggle to forgive myself has always been within me, and setting achievable goals has been a hard step to take. But, it’s working. I know in God’s eyes I’m amazing, and that He sees me for what I really am even when I am unable to. He sees the struggles, the heartache and all the good intentions. Most importantly, He has forgiven me.  If He can, who I am to say I am greater than He is and not do the same?

That’s the thing about mistakes and bad choices, they are so easy to do; but it’s also easy to convince yourself that you are somehow not worthy of forgiveness.

So finally, after years of hurting and setting unreasonable expectations for myself, I finally have made peace within. I gave myself the same grace that I give others, and I let it all go.

Forgiveness is truly the best gift that I have ever given or received, and it turns out I had the power inside me all along.