By Michael Armijo

Once again, I am above the tavern attending grief counseling, and I hold such a heavy heart.

I walked in unbroken and in good spirits, but as my therapist and I talked openly and honestly, I came to a realization: This is the way I used to talk with my close friends who have passed away. I guess I was in therapy each time I spoke to them, and I began to understand that a good friend really is the best therapist.

During our discussion, I recognized that life has many layers; and in our family, we have a layer of self-destruction. For me, this layer has been buried under my friends, my job, my son, and my daughter.

My son and daughter are now married, my business runs well, and my friends have died…and the layer of self-destruction is exposed.

My therapist said what I need to do now is find new meaning and purpose in my life.  Otherwise, my connections end up with empty feelings that I try and fill with the wrong substances.

Another interesting realization is that my self destruction is, for the most part, about people.  I have a tendency to seek some who are unhealthy for me. I have to be careful about my choices.

I left my session above the tavern with new intention.  I need to find a purpose in life that has special meaning for me that will perhaps eliminate that self-destructive layer.

I will continue to seek, and eventually I will find.  Amen to that!