BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

I know I am getting older (71), but I’m annoyed with the way my daughter-in-law has started criticizing every move I make. It’s getting to the point that I don’t even want to be around her anymore, and I used to love her company. Here are a few examples:

“Mom, do you notice that you don’t park as well as you used to? Your gravy isn’t as good as it used to be. You should stay out of the sun; those dark spots on your face are getting bigger. You already told me that; maybe you should see a doctor. Why do you need a new car? You hardly ever go anywhere. Have you considered changing your hair? Would you let me pick the new style? You’ve been wearing it this way for too long, it’s outdated. You spoil your dog. You over cook your vegetables. Your skin looks so dry, you need a different moisturizer.”

The list goes on and on. I love my daughter-in-law, but I need a break from her. I mentioned it to my son, but he says I should ignore her comments. I don’t think I can do that, and I feel self-conscious and rattled every time I’m around her. Getting old is hard enough. I don’t need a constant reminder. I am totally self sufficient, and I don’t need her assistance in any way. I need advice.

Mary in Diamond Bar

Dear Mary:

I am sorry you are going through this. My response to anyone who takes steps to ruin my experience would be this:

“I’ve made peace with the fact that I am on the second half of my life. I don’t casually throw my days away like I did when I was twenty or thirty. I’ve decided not to spend my time feeling negative emotions. I’ve also decided I won’t share my time with people who diminish me in any way. At this stage of my life, I’m interested in interacting with people who enhance my days. I think it’s time for us to discontinue our visits. However, I do wish you well.”

If your daughter in law wishes to spend time with you, she will adjust her behavior. If she offers a sincere apology, accept it. As a courtesy, you might want to let your son know of your plans.

Good Luck,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.