Tag Archives: Danice Akiyoshi

Straight Talk with Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I am 28 years old and live with my parents.  My problem is that my parents are mean to me.  When I’m not doing things their way they put me down.  They say I am over weight, or that I shouldn’t go out with my friends because my face is having a break out, or that my girlfriend really doesn’t care about me and she’s just using me.  I wish I could move out, but we all work together at the same company and we carpool which saves me a lot of money.  I’m getting depressed.  Help.

 

K. Lee

 

Dear K. Lee,

When people make comments to make you feel off balance or injure your self esteem, they are attempting to manipulate you.  Usually they have an agenda and are trying to direct you in a way that gives them their desired outcome at the expense of your own happiness. You are in a dangerous situation where your emotional health is concerned and you need to discuss this with your parents.  If they are not responsive, please consider personal coaching so you can build your own sense of personal power and better manage personal conflicts.  There are plenty of other roommates who are willing to share expenses without chipping away at your well being.  At the age of 28 you should have the developmental skills to restructure your life and still maintain decent family relations.  If you are emotionally immature and afraid to face adult living, please get some assistance. You will feel so much better being in control of your own life.   Good Luck.

 

Sincerely,

Danice Akiyoshi ND

 Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My boyfriend and I moved in together 9 months ago. He is supposed to keep our cars clean and the outside of our house looking nice at all times.  He is also supposed to supply our dinner every other week.  My job is to keep the inside of the house clean and do the laundry and make dinner every other week.  We eat out on the weekend.  We share the rent and utility bills equally.  It was good for the first 3 months, but now he is turning lazy.  The outside of our house and our porch and back yard look bad and I’m getting tired of living on pizza and take out tacos every other week.   I cook for us and make nice dinners and our house is always presentable on the inside.  When I bring it up he says he doesn’t need a mother.  How can I get through to him?

 

Barb

 

Dear Barb,

No one is interested in being a nag or a mother to their significant other, so stop nagging and start meaning business.  If your boyfriend is no longer feeling it is important for him to keep up his end of the agreement then let him know that you are giving him notice that you plan to move out.  If in fact you have a lease, call the landlord and give him the required notice.  A boyfriend who doesn’t keep his agreements is not going to magically turn into a husband who keeps his agreements.  If he is interested in restoring harmony with you then he will make serious attempts to clean up his behavior so that the two of you can return to or reestablish a new agreement.  If he does nothing, then perhaps your relationship has reached its shelf life and your boyfriend was just too cowardly to tell you and is attempting to just wear you down and get you to be the one to breaks things off.  If this is the case, then the guy’s a coward and you truly should move on.  If he’s just lazy by nature then you have plenty to think about, but don’t allow anyone to turn you in to an ineffective nagging girlfriend.  There is no joy there. Express your concerns and mean business.

 Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

My wife is a terrible back seat driver.  She complains about my driving every time she’s in my car.  She says things like, “everyone is stopped ahead, and maybe you should take your foot off the gas.”  “You’re getting too close to that truck.”  “Why are you being so aggressive, let that guy get in front of you.”  “Please don’t take that phone call, traffic is busy; you need to pay attention to the road.”  And the list goes on and on.  I’m driving out in traffic all day.  I’ve had very few tickets or accidents in my life.  I am not a bad driver.  My wife only has a 15 minute commute.  I hate to criticize her, but she is not an expert driver and I’m tired of her comments.  How can I get her off my back?

Thank you.

Blake

 

Hi Blake,

It doesn’t seem as if your wife is actually insinuating that you are a bad driver.  It sounds a lot more to me like she struggles with anxiety.  Do you notice this in any other areas of her life?  I think when it comes to your driving she’s not doing a very good job of communicating and you’re taking it as a personal insult.  If she were a better communicator, she might say, “I’m feeling a little nervous, would you mind slowing down…please don’t drive next to big trucks or talk on the phone in busy traffic, it makes me terribly uneasy.”  If she were to own this as ‘her’ problem instead of making you feel inadequate, would you drive more cautiously or perhaps be a little more passive on the road to cater to her comfort zone?  Experience with my patients tells me that it might be doubtful, because you’re hearing this as a personal attack when she is basically trying to communicate her fear to you. I hear this complaint in my practice all the time.  My ‘simple’ advice is to let her drive or invite her to do whatever it is that will help her to relax before she gets into your car.  Or you could be more considerate of her road anxiety. The best answer by far would be for her to address the underlying reasons for her excessive anxiety.  I hope she makes that choice.

Good Luck to both of you.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

 Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I’m going out with a new guy that I met at my spinning class.  He always takes me out for smoothies after class and seems like he is very health conscious.  He drinks lots of water during our work out and eats fruit and protein bars as snacks.  Last weekend we went to the beach.  When he went into a sandwich shop to get food for our picnic lunch I took a drink of what I thought was iced tea in his travel tumbler cup.  I was surprised to taste alcohol and he was driving us around while he is drinking.  I really like him so I decided not to say anything, but this bothers me.  My health is my top priority and he knows that I only drink on special occasions.  Should I wait and try his drinks a few more times to see if this is a habit?  Did I mention that I really like him?  I’m so disappointed.  Help…

Linda

 

 

Dear Linda,

Intelligent, healthy people are generally opposed to drinking and driving.  I’m having great trouble making sense of your date’s behavior.  On one hand he displays healthy behavior; on the other hand, he is secretly putting you both in danger by drinking and driving.  It’s my experience when people take steps to hide what they are doing that’s a red flag and cause for concern.  If he was openly taking you to lunch in a restaurant and ordering a cocktail I would be fine with it.  If he took you on a picnic and openly had a cocktail I would not raise an eyebrow, but hiding the fact that he is drinking is unimpressive and causes me to wonder what his consumption is really like.  Causal drinkers don’t feel the need to hide the fact that they have a drink on occasion.  If you really like him then address it, but don’t be surprised to find out that this is a much bigger problem than you’re prepared to handle.  If he admits he has a problem and is willing to seek help, consider sticking around awhile and perhaps show support for his progress, but don’t count on this happening.  He knows he has a problem, that’s why he’s hiding it.  Ultimately, he has to be ready to do this for himself.  Please be wise in your choices.  This is a big issue for a new relationship.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

 Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

I have a friend who is constantly competing with me.  I hope you can help me understand her.  When I got a new car, within 3 months she got a new car.  When I changed my hair color and style, she attempted to duplicate my exact look.  When I got a dog, the next month she got a dog.  When I got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years, within 6 months she was wearing an engagement ring from some guy she’s only been dating for a few months.  She doesn’t realize that all of our friends are laughing at her behind her back.  I feel embarrassed for her, but this is awkward for me.  I do not enjoy being the center of attention this way. We aren’t very close.  She is one of my sorority sisters and we have regular gatherings because many of us are getting married, having bridal showers and weddings.  I don’t want to pull out of the group. Aside from this problem we have a great time together.

May I have your advice please?

Meghan

 

Dear Meghan,

This woman obviously idolizes you.  If there is nothing about her behavior that harms you then let it go.  When your other friends attempt to make mention of your copy cat friend, discourage them.  This woman obviously has struggles about her personal identity.  She likes what she sees in you.  Perhaps you can view it as a compliment.  Even though it is awkward, I don’t see this as harmful for you.  If she starts to violate your personal space in any way then that’s a different story.  If that’s not happening, feel flattered; enjoy your days and your friends.  Take note that humans copy each other in many ways.  Look around.

 Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

 

I recently suffered a terrible break up.  I didn’t want my family to see me crying all the time so I started taking long walks.  My walks soon turned into running and I have now lost 23 pounds.  Now everyone is asking me if I’m suffering from an eating disorder and wondering if I’m depressed.  I do look a little under weight, but this is what I need to do right now.  I don’t want to talk about the details of my break up because it is too painful for me.  I just want to run.  I want to avoid socializing right now.  How can I briefly explain myself so people will leave me alone?

-Y. P.

Dear Y. P.

It seems to me that you have found a healthy way to work through your pain and suffering.  In my opinion you are on the right track and you do not owe anyone an explanation about how you are managing your emotions.   As for your well meaning and sincere loved ones, tell them exactly what you told me.  When you feel up to talking, tell them that you are processing your suffering with exercise and that you are not willing to have long conversations about your breakup.  Well meaning people will respect your request.  However, if you find yourself unable to truly digest your difficult experience in a reasonable amount of time, please seek the guidance of a skilled coach or therapist for a bit of additional assistance. Good Luck, and keep safe.

-Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My teenage son (13) thinks he doesn’t need to shower because he goes swimming in the pool.  He will go three or four days without taking a shower and it’s getting pretty bad.  Everything I say goes in one ear and out the other.  Do you have any suggestions?  I’m getting desperate.

M. R.

 

Hi  M. R.

Your complaint is very common.  Kids in this age group quite often don’t want to be bothered with things like personal hygiene.  Thankfully that doesn’t last forever in most cases.  My idea would be to explain to your son that chlorine is a chemical that isn’t overly friendly to skin and hair and really should be rinsed off with soap and shampoo after he’s enjoyed the pool.  If he still ignores you, be straight with him and tell him that you have no interest in living with someone who never smells fresh or clean.  Explain that you have basic standards for the family home and you expect every family member to respect those standards in order for everyone to enjoy a harmonious experience.

Good Luck,

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My mom owns a rental condo that she is allowing me to stay in rent free for my last year in college.  The arrangement is that I rent the extra bedroom to a friend and the rent they pay is to help with some of my expenses.  I also work part time to help with some of my own expenses too.  My problem is that my roommate knows that the money she gives me is for my own expenses and not really to make a rent payment. She is always late or she doesn’t have the full amount and I’m in the awkward situation of having to ask her for the money.  Last week she screamed at me and called me selfish because I pressured her for her rent because I need to go to the dentist.  We are hardly talking now.  She was once a good friend.  I’m miserable.

Candace.

 

Hi Candace,

It’s nice that you were able to have your friend be your roommate, but it looks like she is confused about the differences between friendship and business.  When it comes to her needing to pay her agreed upon portion of the rent, this is simply a business transaction and should not be confused with any other aspect of your relationship.  She is relying on your friendship and your mother’s generosity to take advantage of you.  Give her proper notice and get a new roommate.  Next time don’t divulge the details of your mom’s generosity.  That is between you and your mom. Don’t set yourself up to be prey for an opportunist.

Good Luck

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My father has a terminal illness that he is in denial about.  He has asked me to take him house hunting close to the beach so he can have a better yard to enjoy the sun.  He is frail and weak and I’m not sure that he can survive the move or get used to a new neighborhood.  He sleeps a lot so I’m not sure when he’s planning on enjoying this new yard that he talks about.  He would also be moving away from his health providers which he says he hates.  None of this is logical to me, but I want him to be happy.  Please help.

Bob

 

Hi Bob,

Sometimes when people are faced with a difficult diagnosis they try to become involved in things that give them the impression that they are still involved in the process of life and true living.  Do you think you could provide these feelings for your dad if you spent some days at the beach or in the mountains or even in the desert?  We have so many wonderful locations in our area that help people feel like they’re on a true get away.  The week end cruises might be a good idea too. Remind him that moving has far too many nasty tasks involved and that having fun and enjoying the nice weather is a possibility without the hardships of moving.  I hope you find a way to enjoy this time together.

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My boyfriend and I moved in together 9 months ago. He is supposed to keep our cars clean and the outside of our house looking nice at all times.  He is also supposed to supply our dinner every other week.  My job is to keep the inside of the house clean and do the laundry and make dinner every other week.  We eat out on the weekend.  We share the rent and utility bills equally.  It was good for the first 3 months, but now he is turning lazy.  The outside of our house and our porch and back yard look bad and I’m getting tired of living on pizza and take out tacos every other week.   I cook for us and make nice dinners and our house is always presentable on the inside.  When I bring it up he says he doesn’t need a mother.  How can I get through to him?

 

Barb

 

Dear Barb,

No one is interested in being a nag or a mother to their significant other, so stop nagging and start meaning business.  If your boyfriend is no longer feeling it is important for him to keep up his end of the agreement then let him know that you are giving him notice that you plan to move out.  If in fact you have a lease, call the landlord and give him the required notice.  A boyfriend who doesn’t keep his agreements is not going to magically turn into a husband who keeps his agreements.  If he is interested in restoring harmony with you then he will make serious attempts to clean up his behavior so that the two of you can return to or reestablish a new agreement.  If he does nothing, then perhaps your relationship has reached its shelf life and your boyfriend was just too cowardly to tell you and is attempting to just wear you down and get you to be the one to breaks things off.  If this is the case, then the guy’s a coward and you truly should move on.  If he’s just lazy by nature then you have plenty to think about, but don’t allow anyone to turn you in to an ineffective nagging girlfriend.  There is no joy there. Express your concerns and mean business.

Good luck

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My best friend has made a mess of her life and is in an alcohol rehab program.  I know she is having a hard time having a suspended license so I make a lot of time to spend with her and take her grocery shopping on the weekends and out to eat. She takes the train to work.  I notice that if I’m not available she hints that she’s lonely and needy and feels afraid that she’s probably going to drink and mess up her classes and sobriety.  She’s been doing real well so I hate for that to happen, but sometimes I’m busy with other things or people.  I feel guilty when I can’t help her.  I wish she had other people to count on besides me but she says everyone lets her down.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings either while she’s trying to stay sober but I can’t always be there for her.  I need advice.

B.A.S.

  

Dear B.A.S.

Why do you have the impression that your friend’s sobriety and success with alcohol rehab classes is in your hands or that it is somehow your responsibility for her to be successful?  Your friend sounds like she enjoys the role of being a victim while you take her sobriety seriously and contribute your personal time to her success.  She shows her appreciation by manipulating you into feeling like you’re not doing enough when you need a break from her and the constant tasking you do for her. Your kindness should not result in you feeling guilty.  This is a very bad set up for you.  Your friend is a manipulator.  She has no chance of having a healthy functional life until she takes responsibility for herself.  Do not assist her in staying weak.  Your type of assistance is very kind, but it will not get the job done.  She has to want this for herself.  Stop enabling her so she can tap into her own inner resources.  Of course you can still be helpful and friendly, but stop over functioning for your friend.  You cheat her out of finding her own personal strength.  People who are trying to stay sober need a strong and familiar relationship with their own personal power.  Explain to her that you can see that your efforts have not been totally helpful and ask her seek professional guidance when she’s feeling weak and needy.   Make it clear that you are not the right person for this job.

Good luck.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi,

My dad is a widower. He has 5 kids and I am his only daughter. He relies on me in lots of areas of his life. I’m the one he calls on when he is sick, has a banking dispute, doctors appointments, insurance or social security questions, gift shopping for other family members.

Last week I took him to his attorney to add a new asset into his trust and he was discussing with me how he wants his assets shared equally with his 5 children. He said he has never played favorites and that he always tried to keep everything equal. I had to bite my tongue and I find myself feeling angrier every day because things are not equal when it comes to taking care of my dad’s needs. It all falls on me. My brothers assume I will always be the one to handle everything and I am tired of it. I have a job and I’m busy too. Should I speak up? I don’t want to make waves, but if my dad wants things fair then I think our family needs some changes.

G. G.

Dear G.G.

I understand your irritation. You’re upset because you’ve allowed yourself to be taken for granted and underappreciated. This is happening because you are a poor communicator. We all reach a point in our lives where we have to take on the task of teaching others how we would like to be treated and what we will tolerate. When others don’t comply then they don’t get to share in our personal time and resources. Your time belongs to you. If you choose to share your time with someone other than your own dependants then you should look at that as a gift and the receiving person should view that as a personal favor.

I am in favor of helping loved ones and family members, but not if you feel deeply diminished in the process. Send a letter to your siblings asking for a family meeting. Explain how from this point on everyone in the family must pitch in when it comes to your father’s needs and errands. Create a schedule. If they cannot do their part when it’s their turn then it is up to them to arrange a replacement and this does not automatically fall onto you. It is not your responsibility to play this role in the family just because you are a female or kind hearted. Let them know that your dad expressed his desire for the family to operate in a fair and equal way. You are probably angry on some level because you realize you are betraying yourself. Your days are just as valuable as those of your family members. Remember this.

Good luck.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

“My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance…”

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance because she fell down at my house when she got drunk at my Fourth of July street party. There was nothing dangerous in her path, she just had too many Margaritas and fell off her own high heels. She says she has to sue my homeowners insurance because she’s been getting therapy on her hip and knee and doesn’t want to pay for it. She said I’m being stupid for being mad because it’s just my insurance company and not me personally. I think I’m ready to discontinue this friendship. Am I too sensitive? This doesn’t seem fair. Jessica.

Dear Jessica, Your friend lacks personal integrity and the ability to take personal responsibility for her own actions. These are not qualities that most people enjoy in their friendships. If your friend had been injured on your property due to an unsafe condition then I would be totally on board for your homeowners insurance to become involved. This is not attractive behavior in my opinion. Yes, take her off of your guest list for future parties and move on. Holding a grudge over something like this would be a waste of your valuable time. Let your insurance company sort it out after you give them your side of the story.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@ candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

I dont want a gun- a letter from Evelyn

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: My husband has become very p a r a n o i d about all of the shootings that have been on the news. He owns several guns and he is always asking me to go with him to the shooting range to practice. I go with him so I can keep up my skills and I hope this will help him feel better, but now he wants me to choose a gun for myself. I do not want a gun for myself. I do not really feel comfortable with guns. I carry a taser device instead and I don’t want to go any further with my personal protection devices. He says he needs me to be prepared to protect our family in case he’s not home, but guns are not for me. I don’t want my own personal gun. I need your advice.

A: This is a personal choice. You have every right to make this decision for yourself. The fact that you accompany him to the shooting range and are willing to understand basic gun operations in order to protect your family is quite cooperative of you. If you don’t choose to be a gun owner yourself, state that firmly to your husband. Let him know that you’ve agreed with and taken the proper steps to back him up in an emergency but you are just not willing to take it to the next level of purchasing a gun for yourself. If he pressures you, then point out that he is acting in a way that is similar to the people he fears.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

I find myself feeling really restless in my marriage.  My husband is a very nice man, but my requests to add more excitement into our relationship are being ignored.  He seems very uncomfortable when I bring up the subject of improving our romantic life.  I notice that he buys me more gifts and takes me to nice dinners when I complain, but that’s not what I’m after.  I want more intimacy.  He is healthy in every way and so am I.  My sister said that this is what happens after 12 years of marriage. I don’t want to believe this is true and that things will get steadily worse.  He seemed uncomfortable with the idea of getting counseling.  He said we are fine and that he’s just been tired lately.  I worry that he no longer finds me attractive even though I’ve worked very hard to stay fit and healthy.  I don’t know what to do.

C.L.

 

Dear C. L.

You say you have tried to communicate your needs clearly to your husband and he is not taking you seriously. Is this the way your relationship works in other areas too, or just in the intimacy department?   Give it some thought. Maybe you’ll see that there is a pattern in other areas of your relationship where you are being ignored.  If in fact you have communicated clearly that you feel dissatisfied with the degree of intimacy in your marriage, your husband should be on red alert and strive to remedy that situation promptly.  If you are both healthy then there should be no problem spicing things up a bit.  If your husband is content in allowing you to feel insignificant to him then he has some ugly trouble awaiting him in his future.  The fact that you took time out to write to me means you are not going to deal well with being ignored, nor should you.  This is the time to get some serious conversations started before you find yourselves in jeopardy, and while you still love each other.  Do not wait.  Seek assistance if you need to, but I urge you to aggressively address this issue before you end up dealing with many more serious problems.  At this stage things can be turned around pretty quickly if the love is there.

I wish you the best of luck.

 

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

“Spoiled Sister”

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Both of my parents passed away two years ago.  My sister was very dependent on both of them.  Now that they’re gone, she looks to me to entertain her at every holiday and birthday, as if she were still a child, and bail her out financially when she makes stupid mistakes.  She never pitches in for anything that doesn’t directly affect her.  She makes comments like “mom and dad would want you to take care of me.  I’m the baby of the family and you make more money than me,” (she is 47).  Neither of us is married, but I don’t want her to think that she can lean on me for the rest of her life.

-Fed Up

 

Dear Fed Up:

Your sister has a sense of entitlement.  Make it clear that you have no interest in acting out the role of her parent or spouse.  I’m guessing that your parents did her a major disservice by allowing her to arrive into middle age with this degree of emotional immaturity.  Make it clear that your role is that of a sibling and not a caretaker.   Be honest about the fact that you no longer even see her as enjoyable company because of the way she takes you for granted.  If you have feelings of guilt, or have trouble standing up to her manipulation tactics, I would be happy to assist you.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

Dealing With A Breakup

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I recently suffered a terrible break up.  I didn’t want my family to see me crying all the time so I started taking long walks.  My walks soon turned into running and I have now lost 23 pounds.  Now everyone is asking me if I’m suffering from an eating disorder and wondering if I’m depressed.  I do look a little under weight, but this is what I need to do right now.  I don’t want to talk about the details of my break up because it is too painful for me.  I just want to run.  I want to avoid socializing right now.  How can I briefly explain myself so people will leave me alone?

-Y. P.

 

Dear Y. P.

It seems to me that you have found a healthy way to work through your pain and suffering.  In my opinion you are on the right track and you do not owe anyone an explanation about how you are managing your emotions.   As for your well meaning and sincere loved ones, tell them exactly what you told me.  When you feel up to talking, tell them that you are processing your suffering with exercise and that you are not willing to have long conversations about your breakup.  Well meaning people will respect your request.  However, if you find yourself unable to truly digest your difficult experience in a reasonable amount of time, please seek the guidance of a skilled coach or therapist for a bit of additional assistance. Good Luck, and keep safe.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com

Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Readers:

When you hear the word, “hormone,” what comes to mind?  Do you have thoughts of a boy or girl going through puberty, or a woman going through menopause?  Do you think of your grouchy girlfriend who has PMS or an older man who has lost his spark?   Hormones play a big role in a man’s life, too.  As men age, they experience andropause, which is the male equivalent to menopause in women.

Whether you are male or female, young or old, if you are suffering from symptoms of hormonal imbalance, visit your doctor and have your hormone levels checked.  Bringing your system into balance can have a positive effect on your health.  Do a bit of research so you understand all the various options.   Bio identical hormone replacement is an interesting subject.  There is a vast array of information available on the Internet.

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

Straight Talk With Danice

I have a serious problem with anger- A question from Ray

 By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: My sister said she will never drive with me again or allow me to take her kids to the movies anymore because I had an episode with road rage when she was a passenger in my car.  I can tell that she thinks less of me now and it really bothers me. I am a nice man, but when people do stupid things on the streets I can’t control myself. I will do anything to get her to trust me again.  She says she doesn’t understand me anymore. I already miss my niece and nephew. I don’t have any friends outside of my family.  What should I do to regain her trust?  I regret upsetting her. She is my best friend. Thank you.

A: In my opinion, anyone who would lose their temper in public with a total stranger to the degree that their own loved ones will turn away from them is in serious trouble. Quite often, unnecessary aggression stems from low self esteem and a feeling of having no personal power. I hope you will seriously consider some sort of personal coaching or counseling to identify what is bothering you so deeply that you take these dangerous risks.  The fact that you show remorse and feel sad because of the distance your sister has imposed on you shows me that you care enough to get better. Please call a skilled professional and schedule an appointment. Consider inviting your sister to attend therapy with you eventually so that she can see how serious you are about repairing things with her.

From a safety standpoint I’m glad you are addressing your problem. Please make an appointment to get help right away. I wish you well.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk

Is there a natural supplement that I can take for acid reflux and heartburn? –A letter from Rita S.

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: Is there a natural supplement that I can take for acid reflux and heartburn?  I heard that too many anti acids aren’t good.

A: Yes, Mint tea gives amazing results.  If you need to sweeten it, I recommend Stevia or a tiny bit of raw honey.