Dear Readers:

When you hear the word, “hormone,” what comes to mind?  Do you have thoughts of a boy or girl going through puberty, or a woman going through menopause?  Do you think of your grouchy girlfriend who has PMS or an older man who has lost his spark?   Hormones play a big role in a man’s life, too.  As men age, they experience andropause, which is the male equivalent to menopause in women.

Whether you are male or female, young or old, if you are suffering from symptoms of hormonal imbalance, visit your doctor and have your hormone levels checked.  Bringing your system into balance can have a positive effect on your health.  Do a bit of research so you understand all the various options.   Bio identical hormone replacement is an interesting subject.  There is a vast array of information available on the Internet.

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Is there a natural supplement that I can take for acid reflux and heartburn? –A letter from Rita S.

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: Is there a natural supplement that I can take for acid reflux and heartburn?  I heard that too many anti acids aren’t good.

A: Yes, Mint tea gives amazing results.  If you need to sweeten it, I recommend Stevia or a tiny bit of raw honey.

I went to a family reunion at my cousin’s house last year and my camera was missing from the table I was sitting at- A letter from Stacy L.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: I asked my cousin to ask everyone if it got mixed in with their belongings accidently and she said she would send a group e mail.  She said no one responded and I was disappointed because I had tons of important pictures stored in that camera that I hated to lose.  Yesterday, I saw that my cousin was at Disneyland because she posted pictures on social media.   I was mad when I saw my exact camera with a pink and white polka dot case in her hand in one of the pictures.  She lied to me.  I want my pictures back so I plan to confront her and ask for my camera back.  My mom said I might be mistaken and that I shouldn’t confront her.  She said it will cause a fight between our two families and I should not bring it up.  I disagree.

A: I disagree with your mom.  Call your cousin and politely mention that you noticed a camera that looked exactly like yours in her social media photo.  Ask her if she found it after all but just forgot who it belonged to.  If she says it’s hers, I doubt there’s much you can do unless you’re willing for things to get ugly.  Only you can decide how far you want to take it at that point.  This is a tough situation.

My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance- A letter from Jessica

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: My best friend is bringing a lawsuit against my homeowners insurance because she fell down at my house when she got drunk at my Fourth of July street party. There was nothing dangerous in her path, she just had too many Margaritas and fell off her own high heels. She says she has to sue my homeowners insurance because she’s been getting therapy on her hip and knee and doesn’t want to pay for it.  She said I’m being stupid for being mad because it’s just my insurance company and not me personally.  I think I’m ready to discontinue this friendship.  Am I too sensitive?  This doesn’t seem fair.

A: Your friend lacks personal integrity and the ability to take personal responsibility for her own actions.  These are not qualities that most people enjoy in their friendships.  If your friend had been injured on your property due to an unsafe condition then I would be totally on board for your homeowners insurance to become involved.  This is not attractive behavior in my opinion. Yes, take her off of your guest list for future parties and move on.  Holding a grudge over something like this would be a waste of your valuable time.  Let your insurance company sort it out after you give them your side of the story.

I have never been happier.  The only problem I have is that I’ve been neglecting my business- A letter from R.S.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: I met a beautiful woman two months ago.  She’s been widowed seven months.  I had a break up three months ago so we are both healing.  We get along so well that I already feel the urge to ask her to marry me.  I can’t believe how happy I am with her and she feels the same way. I don’t want to make a mistake and mess things up between us. I have been married three times and she has been married four times. At our ages we want to enjoy every day.  I have never been happier.  The only problem I have is that I’ve been neglecting my business. I know that will eventually catch up with me, but I’m just so happy that I can’t help it.  Do you think I’m crazy?

A: You and your recently widowed friend are moving mighty fast for people in your age group.  Of course being older doesn’t necessarily equate with being smarter.  I can see by the seven marriages between the two of you that you are both impulsive and perhaps emotionally immature.  Or you could both be needy individuals who hate being alone.   These personality traits might be part of the reason that you both have so many unsuccessful marriages in your past.  I am a fan of happiness, but that newfound happiness will come to a crashing halt when you can’t pay your bills due to neglecting your business.  Do yourselves a favor, dial back a bit while still enjoying yourselves and be sensible.  Something is mentally unsound with this situation if you feel you have to rush into things because of neediness or the inability to manage your emotions in a sensible way.  I hope things turn out well for you both.  Remember that your chances of that happening are better if you think things through in a mature way.  I encourage you to slow down.

I just found out that my wife hates camping! –A letter from S.P.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: I knew it wasn’t her favorite thing to do, but the kids and I love it so I bought a toy hauler that can sleep 6 people. It has a full kitchen with a sink, range and microwave so she would be more comfortable than she was in a tent with regular camping and cooking gear.  I bought it to surprise her so we could go camping more often.  This is a good way for the kids to see different places without paying high prices for a hotel.  I thought she’d be happy and surprised, but she was mad and hasn’t been very nice to me in many days. I’m at a loss.  Since when do women hate surprise gifts?

A: Sorry, but you’ll have to sell your story to someone who hasn’t been working with married couples for over 20 years.  Let’s take inventory here.  First of all, I doubt you bought this toy hauler with a full kitchen and lodging to please your wife.  It sounds more like it’s something you really wanted.  The “surprise gift for your wife” idea is just the story you tell yourself so you don’t have to feel guilty or selfish for buying something to mainly just please yourself.  Sounds like you’ve got her signed up to be pretty busy doing chores like cooking on these fabulous getaways that you have in mind. Pitching it as a surprise for her probably feels insulting to her intelligence and caused her to react negatively toward you. Not all people feel camping is a fun experience or a relaxing way to spend their time off from work.  My question to you is this…  If you were considering such a large purchase that was supposedly for the happiness and enjoyment for the whole family, why in the world would you not discuss this with your wife beforehand?  Sounds like a passive aggressive, inconsiderate move in my book.  I’ll bet she’s feeling insignificant and has no interest in being your favorite gal pal at the moment.  An honest sincere apology is in order.  You did not treat her as your partner in this decision.  This is a mistake.  Here’s a helpful hint…  When you want to surprise a woman with a gift, give her something that you know for an absolute fact that she will love.  In other words, please listen to her when she talks.  I totally understand why she’s unhappy with you.  If you have no clue how to deliver a proper apology that will restore harmony, (and I believe that might be a huge possibility) feel free to contact me again.  There are very distinct steps in making a sincere apology. I will be happy to teach you.  Good Luck.

My neighbor has two dogs that have attacked my dog twice in the last year when I was walking her- A letter from Tia

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: My neighbor has two dogs that have attacked my dog twice in the last year when I was walking her.  (She IS spayed)  Sometimes they get out because their gate doesn’t latch properly.  They are very decent people and apologize and offer to pay any vet bills but that doesn’t fix my fear of walking down my own street or the trauma to my dog.  My husband told me to let it go, because everything has turned out ok.  He really likes this family and their dogs because he feeds them when they are out of town.  I told him that if it happens again I will contact the authorities.  My husband feels this will lead to problems in the neighborhood.

Am I over reacting?

A: I don’t think you’re over reacting.  I understand that you are not interested in feeling uncomfortable and afraid when you’re walking your dog.  Legally, dog owners are responsible for the behaviors of their dogs and should be held accountable, especially if there is an injury.  You say these people accept responsibility and that’s something I respect, but what if these dogs get out and decide to attack a neighborhood kid next time?  I think you and your husband need to sit down and really discuss this issue. I also suggest that you sit down with the owners of the attacking dogs and find out what measures they are taking to make sure their dogs don’t get loose again.   This is definitely a big deal.  Please see it through.

My angry and offended neighbor assumes I think he’s a “charity case” – A letter from Tiffany

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: Last month I was cleaning out my closets, kitchen and storage areas.  We are downsizing now that our kids are in college.  I had lots of stuff piled in my driveway because I was going to donate it to our local shelter.  My neighbor was working in his garage looking at the stuff and I asked him if he could use any of it.  I offered a brand new waffle iron, crock pot, coffee maker and skillet.  He said sure, his wife uses all of those things.  I was happy he could use them.

Yesterday he approached my husband when he was washing his car and asked if I’d left stuff on his porch.  He said he didn’t appreciate me dropping off canned goods and loaves of bread on his front porch because he wasn’t a charity case.  My husband was confused but since I wasn’t home, he couldn’t give him an answer.  My husband told me he was really upset and offended.  I did not leave any food on his porch!  I can’t believe that he assumed it was me just because I gave him free kitchen items a month ago.  This makes me mad.  How should I handle it?

A: I think you were quite neighborly with your initial offering of house wares.  His assumption that you would leave groceries on his porch and treat him like a charity case is a bit on the rude side.  You have done nothing out of line and are obviously quite charitable.  My advice is for you to knock on his door and ask him directly why he would assume such a thing about you.  If you wait a day or two I’ll bet he and his wife will probably discover who actually did drop the food off on their doorstep.  Leave him with the impression that you don’t shy away from inaccurate assumptions about your actions.  Politely invite him to speak to you directly in the future if he ever again has a question about you.  Continue to be neighborly, but dial it back a little bit.  This guy is obviously not on the same page as you.

I have been feeling depressed after a long drawn out divorce- A letter from Norma C.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

 Q: My neighbor is one of your patients and she said she used to take a supplement for anxiety and depression that was recommended by you, but she can’t remember the name of it.  Can you please give me the name of that supplement?  I don’t want to get on any anti depressant medications.  I believe this will pass when I get used to my new life.

Thank you,

A: I recommend that you purchase a book called “Over-The-Counter Natural Cures” by Shane Ellison, M.S.  In this book Shane explains how to use Lithium Orotate to treat depression.  This book will prove to be a great value if you are interested in using natural cures.

A guy I’m dating asked me to be his date for his friend’s wedding last month – A letter from D.O.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: I spent a lot of money on my dress and shoes because it required formal attire.  The night before the wedding he called and asked me if I would shop for the wedding gift because he ran out of time.  He asked me to spend around $300.00 and told me to choose something from their registry.    I took care of this for him and he never mentioned paying me back.  When I received my credit card bill I made a copy and circled the charge that he was responsible for.  He said he thought that the gift was my contribution to the evening.  He brought up the fact that we enjoyed a country club wedding and everything that goes with it and reminded me that I had a great time.  I felt awkward and was quick to let it go, but this still bothers me.  Our dates are usually casual and not very expensive and we both pitch in, but this seems like bad manners on his part.  What’s your opinion?

A: I have no problem with both men and women contributing to the fun, entertainment, and obligations that arise from dating.  I DO have a problem with poor communication.  In my opinion, you were his guest and should not be required to pay for the wedding gift that he gives his friends just because you were provided a nice meal and a couple of cocktails and dances. This is very poor form on his part.  If you had a delightful time then you should reciprocate by creating a nice evening for him.  This is how polite people operate.  Polite people do not make assumptions and stick other people with their bills.  I think this guy is pretty classless. At the very least, he lacks the refinement and social graces that are appreciated and often expected in a classy venue like this Country Club wedding that he’s so proud of taking you to.  He gets a solid “F” from me in the dating department.  Make an effort to get this turned around if you see something special in him.  This means, open a discussion and speak up about the things that bother you.  Good Luck.  Danice Akiyoshi ND

I’ve made a terrible mistake in my marriage by letting my family offend my husband- A letter from Becky

Danice Akiyoshi

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

Q: They are very critical of him about the slightest thing and I have never understood it.  We were invited for a cook out last weekend and he wouldn’t go with me and the kids.  He said he won’t be going around my family anymore because they are rude to him every time he sees them.  I know he’s right but I don’t want to get a huge family fight started over this.  I wish he would just go with us and ignore my dad and my brothers like he always did before.  What can I do to prevent a family war?

A: What you can do to prevent a family war is to address things as they are happening so you don’t get into a situation where things can escalate into being a full blown war.

If you’ve shown your family that it’s acceptable for them to be unkind to your husband then you are a terrible spouse.  You should have immediately intervened and requested that they treat him with decency even if they didn’t feel a deep connection.  Adults do not owe other adults friendship if they aren’t feeling that special connection, but they do owe each other basic decency and politeness in a family setting.  Your husband obviously attempted to deal with this by following your unhealthy lead and now he has decided to no longer play the game.  It looks to me like he has reached his limit.  Because you are the one who seems unhappy with his new choice, you will have to be the one to take the steps to remedy the situation.  In my opinion, you owe your husband an apology for allowing things to get to this point with your family.  I would also respect his wishes about not socializing with your family.  If your family ever starts to miss seeing your husband, then perhaps they would like to extend apologies as well and see how it goes.  Remember… People do not automatically owe their personal friendship to others, but polite decent behavior is required for relations to be smooth in a family setting.  Your family should have offered basic politeness simply because of his connection to you.  Good Luck

I am always attracted to much older men- A letter from Kim B.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: When we are out, people often assume that my date is my father and in the end this is why they always break up with me (I look very young for my age too). They say they feel embarrassed by these comments.  I do not have any father issues either.  I love my dad very much. I just seem to feel attracted to men who are about twenty years older than me.  Is this really that abnormal?

A: Human attractions are unique and personal.  There is nothing abnormal about that, it’s simply a fact.  You are not writing me about any father figure issues so I won’t address anything in that arena.  My suggestion is to spend your time with people you’re attracted to and hope that one day something greater develops with that special person.  This is the way it works for everyone.  If comments from outsiders are enough to cause someone to break up with you then you can be sure that it wasn’t a good match for you.  The right guy for you won’t get overly caught up in the opinions of others.  Meanwhile enjoy your days.

I do not want a gun – a letter from Evelyn

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Q: My husband has become very paranoid about all of the shootings that have been on the news.  He owns several guns and he is always asking me to go with him to the shooting range to practice.   I go with him so I can keep up my skills and I hope this will help him feel better, but now he wants me to choose a gun for myself.  I do not want a gun for myself.  I do not really feel comfortable with guns.  I carry a taser device instead and I don’t want to go any further with my personal protection devices.  He says he needs me to be prepared to protect our family in case he’s not home, but guns are not for me. I don’t want my own personal gun.  I need your advice.

A: This is a personal choice. You have every right to make this decision for yourself.  The fact that you accompany him to the shooting range and are willing to understand basic gun operations in order to protect your family is quite cooperative of you.  If you don’t choose to be a gun owner yourself, state that firmly to your husband.  Let him know that you’ve agreed with and taken the proper steps to back him up in an emergency but you are just not willing to take it to the next level of purchasing a gun for yourself.  If he pressures you, then point out that he is acting in a way that is similar to the people he fears.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Help! I have toenail fungus – a letter from Lauren

Q: I have toenail fungus and an ongoing itchy rash on my back and chest.  My coworker thinks I need a Candida Cleanse because I constantly crave sugar too.  I never feel good and I’m only thirty five.  I’ve never heard of Candida Cleanse.  Do you think this is true?

A: The things you mentioned are indicative of Candida/ yeast problems.  The product that I recommend to my patients is called Candida Cell Wall Suppressor.  You can read up on this topic at www.candidacleanser.com/blog.   This site will help you decide for yourself if this protocol seems right for you.

No intimacy after lumpectomy – A letter from Claire

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Q: I have noticed that my husband doesn’t approach me romantically since I had a lumpectomy in my breast.  I have been fully healed for three months and my doctor said everything was fine.  I am too embarrassed to ask him why because we are both kind of shy.

A: This is a fairly common question.  Since you’ve admitted that you are shy and not able to have sensitive conversations very easily, I’m wondering if your husband is worried about hurting you in some way.  I hear this quite often from men whose wives are recovering from medical issues.  If you do not have any other problems, try buying him a card that tells him how much you missed him while you were healing.  Tell him you would like a date with him and extend the invitation to take him out for a special evening.  Try your best to gently get the ball rolling to encourage romance.  If my thoughts are correct, this should be enough to put his mind at ease.

Our house needs repairs – a letter from Bebe

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Q: My husband has been ignoring me for years about updating our house.   This is just not a high priority for him even though I offered to save for all the various things by working extra hours so it wouldn’t hurt our budget.  We used to entertain, but over the years things started breaking, paint and carpet looks old, one  toilet doesn’t flush right, landscape dies, sliding glass door doesn’t slide.  I started to feel embarrassed about the appearance and condition of our home so I said no more entertaining until we addressed the issues.  The house has gone downhill for years and I have lived with it and accepted the fact that this is the way it is.  I stopped asking for improvements, but I won’t volunteer for hosting holidays or parties.  He’s always acted like he didn’t care and I don’t want to fight. Now he wants his football buddy to visit us from another state.  I came home from work to find my husband changing all the doorknobs in the house so they would match and there’s a guy outside jack hammering our damaged concrete.  When I complained that this was not exactly what I had in mind, he said there is no making me happy and that I’m too picky and he stomped off.

This is not fair.  I haven’t said a word to him about home repairs for years. Please give me your opinion.  I hate fighting but I don’t want to give in on having a visitor.

A: It sounds to me like your husband fully ignored your requests until he needed you to change your stance on house guests and entertaining in your home.  This gets a solid “F” from me.  The fact that you have become embarrassed about your home to the degree that you have stopped all entertaining and hosting of holiday events tells me that you have all but given up. I don’t think your husband realizes how much this hurts you to not be able to have pride in your home.  I don’t speak for everyone, and certainly there are many men who take great pride in the appearance and condition of their homes, but it’s hard for most people, especially women, to feel embarrassed about their dwelling and to feel continually helpless and hopeless to bring it up to par because the goals and desires of the joint householders are in conflict.

Tell me, Bebe, in what other areas has your marital happiness become as diminished as your home?  I’m willing to bet that you don’t have stars in your eyes for your husband anymore.  I’m willing to bet that you have made a habit of not looking at much of anything in an effort to block out your frustration and disappointment about the condition of your home.  It’s troubling to me that your husband is more concerned about enjoying a visit with his football buddy then he is about your overall basic happiness.  You have far bigger problems than home repairs and houseguests.   You and your husband are not playing on the same team.  Your marriage lacks communication, respect, and cooperation. I’m positive that this will eventually affect your romantic happiness.  It’s time to sit down and really address this problem with your husband before you wake up one day and find yourself giving up on him like you’ve done with your house.  Believe me Bebe, this is a common outcome when couples ignore serious problems.

You have the perfect opportunity right now to get this important conversation started.  Seek guidance if you need to, but don’t miss this opportunity.

Danice Akiyoshi

A letter from J.C.

Q: I recently hired a personal trainer at the gym.  He is very helpful and I’ve learned a lot from him but I want to discontinue his services because he talks about politics all the time.  I don’t agree with his views and I just want to workout and not hear his opinion.  When I mentioned this in the past, he treats me differently in a bad way.  I’m not good at things like this, can you help me?

A: Please don’t be confused about this very important fact.  Your trainer works for you.  If you have become dissatisfied with his services, it’s time to move on.  If he treats you differently because you don’t share his views then he is very unprofessional, which you already know because he’s trying to cram his political views down your throat.  Let him know that this will be the last month that you retain his services.  Express your desire to branch out and try other interesting ways to stay fit that don’t require you to be “ON” and thinking about world events.  He will get the hint and hopefully clean up his behavior for future clients.  If he pressures you and you feel yourself weakening, just say one final time that you have made up your mind and then stop discussing the topic.  You do not have an obligation to explain yourself to your trainer when he’s already ignored your initial requests about discussing politics.