Straight Talk

A guy I’m dating asked me to be his date for his friend’s wedding last month – A letter from D.O.

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q: I spent a lot of money on my dress and shoes because it required formal attire.  The night before the wedding he called and asked me if I would shop for the wedding gift because he ran out of time.  He asked me to spend around $300.00 and told me to choose something from their registry.    I took care of this for him and he never mentioned paying me back.  When I received my credit card bill I made a copy and circled the charge that he was responsible for.  He said he thought that the gift was my contribution to the evening.  He brought up the fact that we enjoyed a country club wedding and everything that goes with it and reminded me that I had a great time.  I felt awkward and was quick to let it go, but this still bothers me.  Our dates are usually casual and not very expensive and we both pitch in, but this seems like bad manners on his part.  What’s your opinion?

A: I have no problem with both men and women contributing to the fun, entertainment, and obligations that arise from dating.  I DO have a problem with poor communication.  In my opinion, you were his guest and should not be required to pay for the wedding gift that he gives his friends just because you were provided a nice meal and a couple of cocktails and dances. This is very poor form on his part.  If you had a delightful time then you should reciprocate by creating a nice evening for him.  This is how polite people operate.  Polite people do not make assumptions and stick other people with their bills.  I think this guy is pretty classless. At the very least, he lacks the refinement and social graces that are appreciated and often expected in a classy venue like this Country Club wedding that he’s so proud of taking you to.  He gets a solid “F” from me in the dating department.  Make an effort to get this turned around if you see something special in him.  This means, open a discussion and speak up about the things that bother you.  Good Luck.  Danice Akiyoshi ND