Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

“Spoiled Sister”

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.


Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Both of my parents passed away two years ago.  My sister was very dependent on both of them.  Now that they’re gone, she looks to me to entertain her at every holiday and birthday, as if she were still a child, and bail her out financially when she makes stupid mistakes.  She never pitches in for anything that doesn’t directly affect her.  She makes comments like “mom and dad would want you to take care of me.  I’m the baby of the family and you make more money than me,” (she is 47).  Neither of us is married, but I don’t want her to think that she can lean on me for the rest of her life.

-Fed Up


Dear Fed Up:

Your sister has a sense of entitlement.  Make it clear that you have no interest in acting out the role of her parent or spouse.  I’m guessing that your parents did her a major disservice by allowing her to arrive into middle age with this degree of emotional immaturity.  Make it clear that your role is that of a sibling and not a caretaker.   Be honest about the fact that you no longer even see her as enjoyable company because of the way she takes you for granted.  If you have feelings of guilt, or have trouble standing up to her manipulation tactics, I would be happy to assist you.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at You can also visit her website at