Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

I find myself feeling really restless in my marriage.  My husband is a very nice man, but my requests to add more excitement into our relationship are being ignored.  He seems very uncomfortable when I bring up the subject of improving our romantic life.  I notice that he buys me more gifts and takes me to nice dinners when I complain, but that’s not what I’m after.  I want more intimacy.  He is healthy in every way and so am I.  My sister said that this is what happens after 12 years of marriage. I don’t want to believe this is true and that things will get steadily worse.  He seemed uncomfortable with the idea of getting counseling.  He said we are fine and that he’s just been tired lately.  I worry that he no longer finds me attractive even though I’ve worked very hard to stay fit and healthy.  I don’t know what to do.



Dear C. L.

You say you have tried to communicate your needs clearly to your husband and he is not taking you seriously. Is this the way your relationship works in other areas too, or just in the intimacy department?   Give it some thought. Maybe you’ll see that there is a pattern in other areas of your relationship where you are being ignored.  If in fact you have communicated clearly that you feel dissatisfied with the degree of intimacy in your marriage, your husband should be on red alert and strive to remedy that situation promptly.  If you are both healthy then there should be no problem spicing things up a bit.  If your husband is content in allowing you to feel insignificant to him then he has some ugly trouble awaiting him in his future.  The fact that you took time out to write to me means you are not going to deal well with being ignored, nor should you.  This is the time to get some serious conversations started before you find yourselves in jeopardy, and while you still love each other.  Do not wait.  Seek assistance if you need to, but I urge you to aggressively address this issue before you end up dealing with many more serious problems.  At this stage things can be turned around pretty quickly if the love is there.

I wish you the best of luck.


Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at You can also visit her website at

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