By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

New neighbors just moved in across the street two weeks ago.  I was doing yard work as I watched the man working hard unloading boxes into his garage.  When I went inside to make sandwiches for my kids, I decided to make him one too.  He was very grateful for the plate of food when I walked across the street and introduced myself.  I told him my husband’s name and the names of our two sons and even our dog’s name.  He told me his wife’s name.  Being neighborly, I told him if they needed anything to let us know.  The guy was very nice and appreciative.  A few days later, I happened to see both he and his wife working in the garage.  I walked over and introduced myself to her this time.  She sneered at me and gave me a terrible look as if I were her personal enemy.  He looked very uncomfortable and apologetic, but he never said a word.  I quickly excused myself and went home.  I am afraid to even look in their direction now.  Did I make a mistake by taking a sandwich to the man?   I am very confused.

-Debbie A.

Dear Debbie:

I just hate to hear about a person who feels wrong, confused or diminished for being kind hearted, and in your case, generous.  I think you are witnessing a huge disparity in the way the power is distributed in the household across the street.  The man is obviously bullied by his wife, and of course that is none of your business.  It’s a shame that you will not be able to develop a friendly relationship, but accept it for what it is.  You can’t save people from themselves.  If he chooses to live this way, steer clear.  If he waves, wave back, but keep a safe distance.  If his wife is so insecure that she openly sneered at you, she’s way too much drama.  Nice people like you don’t need this sort of negativity.  Sorry this didn’t work out, but please don’t change.  You seem like a wonderful person.

Warmest Regards,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.