Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops

I have worked with people that have survived horrific tragedy, such as rape or molestation.  Having something so awful happen to you, or somebody you love, can leave you feeling so very powerless.  It leaves you feeling very fearful and as if you have no power at all.

My power in the suicide and murder in my family was in the way I chose to respond.  This is true for anybody that has been through any type of unimaginable situation. We can make a conscious choice to not let it steal our lives from us.  There is so much guilt and shame in rape and molestation, and sometimes, being the one left alive when somebody you love has died.  We suffer from something called survivor’s guilt, but we have nothing to feel guilty about.

People tend to blame themselves when something really terrible happens to them.  The truth is, they are the victim – but they need to do something with all of that anger.

If you are in this situation, try really hard to forgive yourself for whatever lie you tell yourself about what you did to make this terrible thing happen to you.  Take back your power by refusing to let this horrible thing ruin your life.  Go and get help to work through it.  Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed about being victimized.  Tell your story and report the crime, and maybe you will help someone else avoid becoming a victim.  The crime against you was horrible enough, so don’t punish yourself for being attacked.

Make today the day that you stop living like a victim and stop blaming yourself.  Today brings an opportunity to get help and to regain power over your life.

I promise you that you have the strength to work through this and to set yourself free!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.