By Nancy Stoops

I have done a lot of grieving work with various ages and losses.  These situations are all horrible and very hard to recover from.

The one we seem to struggle with the most is when a child or teenager dies.  Recently I helped a group do some grieving work over a 17-year old. One of the teens in the group told me it was very hard to see somebody his age die.  In the same group the parents in the room told me that teenagers shouldn’t die.

I have also worked with many people that have lost young children.  For them their child’s death feels out of order because as parents we assume we should die before our children.

I guess the truth is that it is never the right time for a person to die, but it does seem more acceptable when somebody is 80 or 90 years old versus 5 or 17.  We have such a hard time when a young person dies because they haven’t had a chance to live their lives.  Death in itself is a tragedy, but when it involves a young person it is doubly so.

I don’t know why some of the sweetest young people die early and some of the most horrible people live a very long life.  I also think many people suffer from survivor’s guilt.  I think this is especially true for parents that outlive their children.  It also seems to be true for the friends of the young person that passed away.  It’s nobody’s fault that you lived and your loved one or friend didn’t.

We don’t know how long any of us have here.  All we can do is love each other well and make sure we spend quality time together while we have the chance.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.