Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

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A Letter From Nina

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Q:  My daughter is dating a man who has special diet restrictions connected to his religion.  When we have social gatherings at our home, my daughter asks us to include several members of his family.  My husband and I have no problem including his family – the more the merrier – but I find it irritating to be asked repeatedly if the food I’m serving falls in line with their dietary restrictions. We’ve had eight such gatherings and I’ve taken their needs into consideration every time, but it’s wearing thin.  The whole thing has started to feel rude to me.   I would like to return to my regular party menus and entertaining routine.  Or maybe I should move the gatherings to a restaurant in the future which would eliminate the problem for me.  I don’t want to upset my daughter so I haven’t said anything to her.  Am I being unreasonable?

A:  This is a touchy subject because it involves religion.  We live in a time when everyone wants their religion respected, and those that have no religious beliefs want that respected as well.  However, when an invitation is accepted, it’s my opinion that it’s proper to accept the offerings of the host and hostess without additional or special requirements.  Having special expectations or making demands in any way is poor manners.  Just because your daughter is interested in this man, doesn’t mean that you have to overly alter your lifestyle to accommodate his differences.   Would you expect special treatment at the homes of his family members if you had special requirements for your meals?  These are her choices, not yours.  If it irritates you, discontinue your offers of hospitality and dine in restaurants.  It’s really that simple.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.