An Anonymous Letter

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I come from a religious family background.  My husband, kids, and I are at church most of the day on Sunday and other days during the week.  Several months ago, I started feeling overwhelmed.  I realized that this is just another church, and what really counts for me is spirituality and not organized religion.

I want to tell my family, but I know they will be crushed and think I’ve lost it.  I feel like a hypocrite.   I also have guilty feelings, because I agreed to raise my children in this religion.  My youngest child (of five) will turn 18 at the end of the year.  Do I dare to be honest, or continue feeling like a hypocrite?

A:  I’m very impressed with the fact that you have chosen to keep your agreements with your husband, even though you’ve had a change in your point of view.  People in committed relationships will often face growth and change in different directions, and adjustments need to be made.  Arrange a time when you can have a quiet conversation with your husband.  Explain your feelings and request a renegotiation.  Explain that you are willing to fulfill your agreement until the end of the year when your last child will legally become a young adult.  Let him know you will not take any steps to alter the belief systems of any other family members.  Then express your plans to participate in the spiritual practices of your choice.  If he seems to need some time to adjust to the new situation you’ve presented, respect his position.  Please recognize that large changes can affect the whole family, and it may take a bit of time before relations return to normal.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.