Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

An Anonymous Letter

Q:  My husband is overbearing.  When he thinks someone has done something unfair to him, he overreacts.  Yelling, finger pointing, arm waving.  Intimidation is his answer to almost all problems.  He has even had tantrums on my behalf when I do not feel offended.  He has become a real bully.  I am embarrassed, but I don’t know how to tell him to knock it off.  In other areas he is a really nice man.

A:  Having adult tantrums, and using intimidation as a form of communication is a sign of immaturity and low self esteem.  Perhaps he is really hurting about something and feels it would be weak to address his suffering, so he masks it with anger.  I don’t know your husband or his issues, so I will address your situation.  Whenever your husband displays a behavior in your presence that you find unacceptable, it is your right to tell him not to act that way in front of you again.  If he decides to test you and does it again, remind him that you have communicated clearly once before, then leave his company immediately.  Walk away, call a cab, do whatever it takes to set a new boundary.  Do not nag, plead, or repeat yourself again.  Make your statement, and then act on it.  Since you say he is basically a nice man, he should catch on quickly and soften his approach when he’s with you.  Good Luck.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.