Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Anna:

Q:  I have twin daughters. They are both married and have two children. My husband and I have always kept everything in their lives fair and even as we were raising them. We now have a family dilemma. One of my daughters has complained to me that I seem to be spending more time with her sister’s family. I didn’t know what to say because it’s true. One household is warm and hospitable while the other feels like a stuffy showplace with a staff of workers (nanny, chef, maid) under foot while I try to enjoy my grand kids. I love my daughters equally, but my husband and I like to spend our time where we feel comfortable.  I would invite them to my home more often, but we recently downsized to a condo.  Any ideas would be welcomed?

A:  Help your daughter understand that we live in a world of preferences. For the most part, things are not personal. Give her a few examples. For instance, remind her that you like your steak medium rare and she likes hers medium. You like onions on your burger and she prefers pickles only. You like a bath, she likes a shower. You like to be simple and homey and she prefers a higher-maintenance household. None of this is personal, people just have preferences.  Help her see that you and your husband enjoy a more relaxed atmosphere. Offer to remedy the situation by meeting in restaurants more often or booking a variety of activities so you can spend time together without household staff in attendance. Ask her for suggestions to make this a good experience for everyone involved. This shouldn’t be hard to work out once you get the conversations started. Good luck!

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.