Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter from Shirley:

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I am 86 years old.  I recently had a terrible cough so my doctor ordered a chest X-ray.  They found a very large mass on my lung and want to do further tests and a biopsy.  I have declined.  I am in pain almost every day with my back and I don’t want to deal with anything else.  They are suggesting I sign up for hospice care and that feels like a relief. I’m not sure how to tell my sons that I don’t want further treatment.  I don’t want them to be disappointed in me for not trying.   I’m tired and this ordeal seems like too much to handle at this stage of my life.  I’ve had a good life and I accept that it’s almost over. Can you suggest a way to help them understand my feelings? Thank you.
-Shirley

Hi Shirley,

You are a brave and considerate person.  In my opinion you have the right to handle your end days as you’ve handled all the days before them.  If you are not interested in any life prolonging procedures that might put you in further pain, that should remain your choice.  Tell your sons that you’ve been happy with your life, but that you’d like to only receive treatments that help you stay comfortable.  Tell them clearly that you do not feel compelled to agree to anything that is designed to prolong your life.  Make a kind request that they respect your wishes, especially if you should reach a point that you are unable to speak for yourself.    Remind them that you want to enjoy their company now and have no interest in arguing about medical procedures.  If you feel unable to have this conversation on your own, I would be happy to assist you. Warmest regards.
-Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.