Danice Akiyoshi

Baby Blues- A letter from Brenda
By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

My best girlfriend recently had a baby.  I visited her and her husband in the hospital; saw the baby, and everything seemed fine.  Now that she’s home all of my requests to visit and see the baby have been brushed off.  She doesn’t answer her phone very often and when I call her husband he says she’s in the shower or sleeping or nursing the baby.  After 2 weeks of not hearing from her I called her sister who told me that she’s not doing very well and that she is having the baby blues.  This hurts my feelings.  I am her best friend.  I would be willing to help her with the baby.  I don’t understand why she would keep this from me and why she hasn’t returned my calls.  Having to hear this from her sister makes me wonder if I’m wrong about our friendship.  Can’t a woman have a baby and a best friend too?  Doesn’t she realize that I miss her and that friendship is a two way street and she’s not keeping up her end?  Should I stop calling her?  I am hurt and angry. What should I do next?

-Brenda

Well Brenda,

The first thing you should do is take a look at your emotional immaturity.  After that, you should Google postnatal or postpartum depression, also known as the “baby blues.”  Once you become familiar with that topic, perhaps you can do a little bit of personal inventory.  Maybe your friend just simply doesn’t have the strength right now to manage two babies.  (You being the second.)  Why you would turn your friend’s personal crisis into an issue about her not keeping up her end of the friendship is very confusing to me.  I can tell that you are basically a nice person, but please get some guidance and work to improve your emotional maturity.  People are not obligated to accept your offerings.  If I were you, I would send a card in the mail.  Let her know that she is in your thoughts and that you are there for her when she feels ready or if she needs anything.  Then you wait for the call.  If it takes quite a while, send another card, but do not push yourself on a person who is already overwhelmed.  That does not resemble friendship.

-Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.