By Michael Armijo

I woke at 3 a.m. today and found myself staring at the ceiling. I knew it was my birthday, but I felt like something was missing. Something just didn’t feel right. I felt a sort of numbness creep into my soul.
Maybe it was the fact that two people, who I spoke to on a daily basis, were gone. No, not mad at me gone; life always changes and we can always get over petty angry thoughts and insignificant differences. These guys are gone. Forever.
If that wasn’t enough, I lost my mom last year too. So this was my first year of not receiving her dollar store cologne, or her used stuffed animal. Another year of not receiving some odd gift; she always felt she had to give me something, even if she had nothing to give.
So a certain sadness lingered around my soul. A missing piece. An absence in a spiritual way. Something just didn’t seem right.
I don’t know if I felt “Why am I still here” or “Why did THEY have to go?” Or “What’s to celebrate?” Whatever it was, it kept me from sleeping through the entire night. It kept me awake with wonder and wandering thoughts.
When I got to work, I found my desk streamed with balloons and a Happy Birthday banner. I found the wall in my office bannered and ballooned as well. Then the “Happy Birthday” wishes started coming in on my social media thread. When they reached over 100, I realized something. My numbness subsided. Someone jokingly said “You are spoiled” and another “Wow, you have it great.” And I thought it through: Why must many of us focus on what we don’t have and what we feel we lack? Why can’t we focus on the things that keep us going? What is it that makes us keep going?
It was then I realized what a loving family I have. How incredible the life I have built really is. How the many failures I’ve encountered have turned into many successes because I have such support in my life. I refuse to give up. I have purpose.
When I examine the landscape of my life, I no longer look at the weeds and the patches of dryness or crabgrass. I seek out the many rolling hills of greenery and the beautiful leaves that fill the glorious trees I have watched grow from the seeds that I’ve been planting for so many years. And when those leaves fall, I can only be grateful that I have enough strength and discipline to sweep them up before they turn into swamps of foul smelling piles. I am thankful that I have so much love and support, and that I have developed “purpose” within my life. So instead of looking at what I DON’T have, my will leads me to look at what I DO have. And as sunny blue skies lead to a fulfilled heart, and as the swaying palm trees bring serenity to my soul, I am so very thankful for my God-given ability to help others. And I am grateful for being able to have an extremely loving and happy birthday today.