By Michael Armijo
I’ve ran into people, and have practiced, at times subconsciously, what i define as “aggressive behavior.”
I believe that aggressive behavior comes in many forms. Some forms are in obvious threatening writing, some are in intelligent verbose writing, some are disguised as protective action, but most aggressive behavior is in actual physical delivery.
It’s difficult to handle these types of actions as individuals are clouded by what they believe is the truth, and others are just spewing their anger issues through an action that has nothing to do with the topic at hand.
Although protectiveness is admirable, individuals have a tendency to go straight into“attack mode” and disregard everyone involved. They blindly approach people with aggressiveness without realizing neither the consequences nor the outcome.So i stepped back for a moment and analyzed the root cause of such behavior.
What I’ve come to learn is that many people act out the anger they’ve carried from their childhood. We, as children, were abused and felt helpless. We were victims and had no say so nor did we have the physical ability to defend ourselves. So, as adults, we are quick to resort to “attack mode” in an effort to avoid feeling how we did as a child, trying to avoid feeling like a victim again.
Another misguidance appears to be our anger towards our own life, our lives within our current situation. We are angry with our spouses, our partners, our bosses, or ourselves. The mistakes we’ve made, the consequences of our irresponsible actions.
These are the times to remember that what happened to us as children, with negligent and abusive parents and/or siblings, is not the same as the situation in front of you. Sometimes criticism is constructive, not destructive. But that’s just one of the many scenarios that come to mind.
As a parent, I’ve made many comments that were not abusive, they were given in the fatherly protective love trying to help their child be a better human being, because I believe they have the ability to be better. But it sometimes isn’t received the way in which it was intended. And what I’ve learned from other parents, those scenarios can sometimes turn into another result of aggressive behavior.
What’s sometimes missed by the aggressor is the fact that when you go after someone aggressively, or angrily, the victims protective wall comes up. What happens next is that your input now turns into an unheard statement. Because the victimis so busy trying to protect themselves they are not listening to you. They too turn into a person who is in attack mode. Its not what you say in life,it’s how you say it.
I try to ask others to refrain from what appears to be aggressiveness and stick to common sense and wisdom that’ll appeal to others. You will help that way and you’ll be heard and respected.
No one has the temerity to treat others without respect, it just hurts everyone involved. And no one can give their burdens to others when their intentions are presented in a harmful delivery. You still have the perils that haunt you, bu tnow you can sometimes make new ones by your newest actions.
So I emphasize, and I understand the aggressive behavior now. I get it. I understand. But what I’ve learned is that you can get more from an individual by raising their spirits, than you can by lowering their dignity.