By Michael Armijo

I remember the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid.” Ariel, the star of the show, swam in the ocean and gazed upward towards the surface. She could only see the sky filtered through the hazy water, and could never feel the warmth of the sun. She could not survive in our time, she couldn’t breathe our air. She was, simply, part of another world.

Ariel would yearn to be part of a place she felt she didn’t belong. A world she felt would never accept her. An area she believed would never understand where she came from or who she really was. So that kept her longing for the surface. For the humans.

I understand how Ariel felt, coming from a place that I understood was not the norm. Coming from an environment that reflected behavior without rhyme or reason. A place that made me feel that I was never truly accepted nor understood. I felt just like that little mermaid, an outcast. A mutant. Unequal. Inadequate. Different.

I found myself, when listening to that song, drowning within my own life looking outward to another place. To a world I felt I could not survive. An air I couldn’t breathe. A place I felt would never understand who I was, where I came from. All I wanted was to be like the “humans.”

I wanted to be like the people on “the surface.” I wanted what I felt was a normal life. Parents who loved and respected me. A family who cared about me and taught me about love, harmony, and respect. I wanted lifelong friends. That day I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.

And because I didn’t have the proper environment like so many others did, I understand that this is my fate. To walk amongst the “humans” and listen to their stories. To watch their moms, dads, and siblings live in harmony and respect. To hear the functional part of structure and logic, and the fearlessness of life. To see them RESPOND to life’s mishaps instead of dysfunctionally REACTING to them. To listen to their outlook on their future without pain and uncertainty. To feel a genuine love and respect for one another.

While there are times I feel like an underdog, I sometimes pretend as though I DO belong. I pretend that I feel equal and belong on this Earth. I roam amongst the humans but I actually feel like I’m deep inside the ocean waters and all I can see is a murky version of the sun. I cannot feel its warmth. I cannot enjoy its rays of light. I walk with a heavy heart. I walk with an empty soul. And it’s at that time my spirit silently whispers to my soul, that I someday hope to be…part of your world.