By Sarah Sanchez

I’m a small group leader for our church’s high school ministry, and the most common prayer request is for my students’ parents. The students I have are very aware of their parents’ problems (whether the parents know it or not), because the requests range from “my parents are fighting,” or “my parents are struggling with money,” to “my parents might be getting a divorce soon.”

One girl in particular asked us to pray for her relationship with her dad.  She said she wanted to build a relationship with him, but his actions made it seem like he had no interest in doing so. She went on to say that every time she and her brothers hung out with him, she would notice her dad daze off as they talked, glance over at his phone, or start talking about what’s going on in his own life, with no interest in them. In addition, she said that the previous weekend when he was supposed to take them out, he came up with an excuse to get out of it. Then she said, “He thinks we don’t notice.”

This particular statement stuck with me, basically because it’s true. Parents often live by the “do as I say not as I do” principle. Yet no matter what age they are, children look up to their parents as role models and will mimic their actions. Whether we are children or adults with our own children, we’ll always look to what we’re familiar with: what our parents used to do. However, the main problem children are facing is that parents aren’t LIVING the way children should mimic. So the question is: what are you parents going to do about it?

Speaking on behalf of your children, we understand you’re not perfect. We don’t expect you to be. But what we’re looking for are the values and morals you LIVE by, and the way you treat yourself and others. We just look for the basics, because in our eyes, you’ll always be our heroes. We’ll always admire you and look up to you no matter what.  But please do us a favor, and have your actions speak louder than your words.

This young girl’s dad told her and her brothers that he wanted to build a relationship with them, but his actions said otherwise. Those little things can change a child’s whole perspective. Those eye rolls, dazes when we talk, whispering gossip in the next room, mocking the in-laws, loud yelling and disrespecting during fights, cursing another driver, drinking after a fight or a long day; these are all actions you’re teaching us to mimic.

And you think we don’t notice…but we always do.