Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.,M.F.T.

We started out as a family of five.  I had a mother, a father and two brothers.  I was the baby and the only girl.  At the age of seventeen, it all changed forever when my brother Rory committed suicide.  In my forties, my brother Jeff was murdered and then I watched my father die from pancreatic cancer.  I thought that it was finally over and that now I would be able to breathe, but it’s not over yet.

My mother and I have always been very different women, but now that she is ninety-one it has gotten almost unbearable.  She is very stubborn and can say and do very hurtful things.  I don’t know if it’s on purpose or because maybe there is some dementia.  Sometimes I look up at the sky and ask God, “Why me?”  On a good day, I want to take the fact that God and my family believe I am very strong and can handle all of this as a compliment.  On a bad day, I can throw myself a pity party and to my amazement nobody ever attends these parties but me.

I don’t have the luxury of giving up because I have a son, a husband, a dog, grandchildren, friends, clients and a community that counts on me to be strong and to be there when they need me.  So I ask myself from time to time how I find the strength, and I’m reminded of what I have already worked though and that I do have people that care about me and love me.  I must live in a way that honors the idea that God only gives us what we can handle.  I must dig deep within to keep finding more inner strength.  As I sit writing this article, I am reminded of who I am and what I have already gotten though.  So my message is, if I can do it so can you!  Look deep within and find the strongest you, and have faith that you can overcome whatever you may be going through!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.   Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727.