By Sarah Sanchez

A common issue that comes up in relationships is changing your habits or personality for your significant other. This situation came up for me when my husband and I were dating.

Back when my husband was my boyfriend, I claimed to be a woman of God and I constantly nagged my husband for not going to church with me.

But one day, my husband said something that changed my life forever. He said that I had no right to tell him what to do because I was being a hypocrite, pretending to be a Christian on Sundays when I was really partying on the weekends. He also called me out on my relationship immaturity because I would consistently flirt or talk with people I previously dated.

It was at that moment that I decided to change my life for one sole reason: to prove him wrong! I was very stubborn and prideful back then and I was not going to take this guy calling me a hypocrite. So I changed my life for him.

I stopped flirting with other guys, going out to party, nagging him about church, and I pretty much fought every instinct I originally had. Life was great for a while, but then I eventually became very angry at him because I was sacrificing so much of my life for him, and I wasn’t receiving any praise for my sacrifices.

Later, I realized I handled this whole situation all wrong. First, my husband never told me to change for him, he was simply calling me out for not practicing what I was preaching. I was preaching to him that I was a Christian woman and that I was faithful to our relationship. However, my actions were not saying the same thing.

Deep down I knew that I didn’t want to be that hypocritical girl that I was. I wanted to actually live a Christian life and I wanted to be faithful in an adult relationship. I wanted to practice what I was preaching. My husband was just the first person to actually call me out and hold me accountable for my actions. So I decided that the only way I could change my life for who I wanted to be and for who God intended me to be… was that I had to want to change for myself.

It was a lot easier when I changed my mindset to that idea. Think of it as being told you have to eat healthy versus actually wanting to eat healthy. It’s easier to do it when you want to.

After I changed my mindset, I made a list of the traits and qualities I wanted to have. Then, I made decisions in my life based on that list and those goals. For example, if I wanted to live a life of honesty, I would think twice when I had an opportunity to lie. It took me a while to consistently think this way but I am a living example that it is possible to completely change your habits.

I found that this new way of living was ultimately better for my relationship, for my spiritual life, and for my well-being; all because I wanted to change.