Danice Akiyoshi

My husband keeps volunteering me!

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am a helpful, nice person, but I’m tired of my husband volunteering my time for everything.  If our neighbor throws her back out, he volunteers me to make dinner for them for three days.  If someone in the carpool can’t make it, he volunteers me to take their place.  If someone is having a refrigerator delivered, he says I would be more than happy to wait at their home for the delivery man. If his family needs anything, he volunteers me.  He feels free to do this because I have my own little business. I do medical billing and I work from my computer at home.  He thinks I can just pack up my work and cart it around anywhere.  Because of these constant interruptions, I am often up until midnight trying to finish my work.  He doesn’t know this because he’s in bed at 9:30.  I don’t mind helping people, but I’d like to do it on my own schedule, not his.  How should I approach this?

-Pamela F.

Dear Pamela:

It sounds to me like your husband doesn’t take your work very seriously.  I don’t know enough of the story, but I wonder if he under values the financial contribution you bring to the household.  Or perhaps he struggles with his own self esteem and wants to be a people pleaser.  Unfortunately, this is at your expense, not his.  To get to the bottom of it, why don’t you ask him if he’s fine with you putting your business on hold, as well as the money it brings into the household (slight sarcasm)? Explain that then you will be free to do all of these errands he keeps setting up for you.  If he says the family needs the money, this gives you an opening to ask him to respect your business as if it were actually important to the family.  If you’d like a more direct approach – which I always like best – advise him that he is no longer free to offer your time or services without your permission.  It really is just a matter of respect.  Let me know if you need additional assistance with boosting up your personal power.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.