By Michael Armijo

Once again, I was above the Tavern finishing grief counseling and I held such a heavy heart.
I walked in unbroken and in spirit but as we talked openly and honestly, I came to a revaluation: this is the way I used to talk with my good friends who had passed. I guess I was in therapy each time I spoke to them. I realized a good friend is really your best therapist.
During our discussion, I explained that I came to the realization that life has many layers. And in our family, we have a buried layer of self-destruction.
For me, this layer has been buried under my friends, my job, my son, and my daughter. Well, now my son is married, my daughter is married, my job runs well, and my friends have died. So I believe that I had finally exposed the layer of self-destruction.
I had the option of going with the life of forgiveness or of the pre-programmed life of self destruction. This destruction took my sisters life, crippled my mom, and is taking the life of another sister as we speak. It wasn’t a voluntarily thought out option, but an embedded impulse that was subconsciously taught over a period of years; and unfortunately, during crucial developmental years. Thankfully, I have been able to overcome this horrendous path through the love of God and through the love of a few family members and friends who realized I was worth more in my focus than I was in my dismay. These are the ones who realized the teachings of the Bible: “everything is temporary”. These are true Christians, not the ones who are constantly pretending to be.
So what I’ve learned is that I could be an advocate or a victim. I’ve learned that what I needed to do was to find new meaning and purpose. Otherwise, the connection ends up to be empty feelings filling up with the wrong substances and people.
What was also interesting was I realized that self destruction comes in many forms, and for me it was mostly people. I had a tendency to seek some who were unhealthy for me. I had to, and continually have to, be careful of my choices.
So I must find new purpose and meaning. I must find an outlet that means a lot to me; a desire, something substantial. This great advice had brought me peace and focus. So I will continue to seek and I shall find. This is what I’ve learned, while in counseling, above the tavern.