By Sarah Sanchez

From shirts that show midriffs to bikini bottoms that only cover half of your bum – has anyone noticed the change in fashion trends? It seems like what’s “in,” is to show more skin.

It’s hard to talk to teens and young adults about going against the trend, but local youth pastor, Chris Kirish, at IgniteVPC, gave it a shot with a modesty-themed sermon last year.

Pastor Kirish talked about how bikinis were invited by French designer, Louis Reard, in 1946. Bathing suits at that time were more modest, only showing a small section of the midriff.   In fact, when the bikini was introduced, it was so scandalous that Reard couldn’t find a model to wear it.  He resorted to having an Exotic dancer being the first woman to ever wear a bikini in public.

Kirish went on to educate the students about a study that was done to determine what men thought of when they saw a woman in a bikini. Men in the study were hooked up to a machine and given a variety of pictures. When they saw women in bikinis or sexually-related clothing, the region of the brain associated with tool use lit up. Therefore, the conclusion of the study indicated that when women wear bikinis or sexually-related clothing, men see them as objects, not a person they can socialize with.

As a woman, I personally thought this study was eye opening on how important it is to dress modestly. Our youth looks up to us, whether we want them to or not. So if we’re wearing a bathing suit that looks like it could be underwear (or smaller than underwear), then our youth will do the same, thinking that it’s okay.

Getting a bad tan line in a modest bathing suit is the rising issue when this topic is discussed with women. But really, what’s more important: getting a good tan line (that you probably will be the only one seeing), or setting a good example to the youth in your life? Considering there are so many cute bathing suits and clothing that cover up, I believe that we can set a good example and still look fabulous doing so.

Many believe this is a controversial issue, but personally, I believe that “Modest IS Hottest”. Does your wardrobe show where you stand?

By Michael Armijo

As I sit here and admire how beautiful life is, I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to better my life with sheer desire, hope, vision, and good will. It’s different when I travel to my childhood home and remember where I came from. The horrid demons of failure, fear, neglect, and abuse creep into the corner of my soul, reminding me of a life without confidence, communication, understanding, and forgiveness.
It saddens me when I remember the bouts of depression, the bouts of anger and frustration. I remember seeing visions of irresponsibility and disregard for life, which made me feel that being normal was a long way away. The vision of cheating the system, denying help to others, and creating false loyalty by betrayal, were all every day visions that haunted all of us who were exposed.
In reflection, I believe we have the opportunity to provide a loving arena for our children and a stable life for our loved ones. As someone who has survived a dysfunctional home, as someone who holds the battle scars deep inside the soul with the visions of a painful war far within the mind, I remind parents to live up to their responsibilities.
As children, we depend on you to provide a consistently loving environment where a child will feel cherished, where a child will develop a strong and confident feeling about himself and his identity. We rely on you to give us the necessary tools to be productive and insightful. We need you to stand before us, and when you cannot, explain how pressure can sometimes overcome a simple human being. We do not expect you to run from your problems or your anxieties by abusing alcohol, prescription or illegal drugs; this is how you teach us to not deal with life’s anxieties and pressures. We do not expect you to lose your temper and mistreat us. But if you do, we expect an explanation and an immediate apology. Otherwise we’ll carry those memories and emotions and they could haunt us for the rest of our lives.
It’s no fun treading through life as though you’re a thousand pounds too heavy, and a hundred points too stupid. It not fair to give us false identities because you’re too insensitive to seek help for your insecurities and your lack of parental guidance. We expect you to fix your problems before you bring us into the world. And if you do not, fix them while we are here. Fix them in front of us, explain, and be honest. Or we will one day find out the truth about our lives and the truth about who you really are.
You do have the opportunity to give us enlightening answers before we ask those confronting questions. And you have the ability to avoid those questions by being open and honest while making an effort to be a better person. Your attempts to fix yourself will allow you some vindication and will allow us to feel better about who you really are.
My philosophies reach out like child’s embrace, although I am physically an adult. But I, or WE, as there are many of us who are labeled “adult children,” still hold childlike emotions because of the lack of guidance we received in our adolescence. And for the lack of communication and vision that we experienced we stay victims. But as each day gets better, we try to correct ourselves into being a better people, continually fighting to reach a realm that I call “normal.” And as we become victorious from each battle we can’t seem to avoid, deep in our hearts we know it’s a war that we may never win.
Today I travel through life and look forward to the bright sunny rays of light that come from our vivid sun. Today I will keep repeating to myself the many wonders of our subtle and kind human compassion to life. And I will constantly remember our commitment to humanity to ensure our mental safety for ourselves and for our children. Because again and again I will try to reiterate the message that each and every one of us do make a difference in this glorious world we call Earth, and in this magnificent time that we call life.

By Michael Armijo

I thought it was a war movie, or maybe a history movie; the previews were very realistic. Children played ball while large planes flew overhead. The camera shot followed the bombs as they landed on the enormous ships. I could see the determined look in the crewman’s eyes as he fired the machine guns at the planes in the sky above. It seemed like a pretty cool action movie, but I was taken by a deep surprise as a love story unfolded while watching, “Pearl Harbor.”
Picture this: a young woman departs from a train, and you can’t help but notice the beautiful glow on her face. She smiles, convincingly, and carries herself as though her life was like a child’s dream. The gleam in her eye, the uncontrollable smile, the happy pitch in her voice – she is most definitely in love.
As she approaches a young man, he stands there, handsomely, in his striking uniform.  With flowers in hand and hat in place, his love beams like a proud 10-year-old who has hit the winning home run. He obviously desires to be near her. He’s in love; free from judgment, free from dysfunction. He stands there and confesses his love for her, and she believes him, because he means it. He means every syllable, every vowel, and every adjective that comes out of his mouth. He loves her as no other. He loves her unconditionally.
When I saw the reflection of his heart on her face, when I saw her overcome with the power of emotion, I saw how she felt, and it came to me- it was obvious that she felt the way she did because he loved her, completely. He stood there in his fairytale book stance, and he proved he was, undeniably, the man of her dreams.
The look in her eyes, the love in her smile, was just captivating. It was right then that I knew he was responsible for her love, and I understood that as men, we are responsible for our partner’s love. It’s our responsibility to provide a strong, loving arena for the one we love, so they have no choice but to feel that life is like a Hollywood movie with a storybook ending. I also realized that it’s been years since I’ve seen that movie-like emotion in a woman’s smile. And something surprising came to me:  I am no Prince Charming.
I wondered what it would be like to be someone who was capable of giving their heart to someone else, unconditionally, uncontrollably. I wondered what it would take to love someone and to feel free from fear, to give it all up, opening myself to possible pain.
I wanted to be like that actor. I wanted to be someone who was capable of all the emotion that comes with love. But more surprisingly, I wanted that stature in life, and not for me, but for my partner. I wanted to become something that I currently was not, so that I could someday stand there like that actor did, at the train station, while my love’s heart beamed with the desire to be with me. I wanted to be free from all of life’s historical pains, egos, anger, frustration, and unhappiness, so that I could be responsible for her undying love. I wanted her to have this life because deep in my heart I know she deserves it. She deserves to feel the way that young woman did at the train station. She deserves every minute of that joy.
Yes, it was just a movie, but to me, today, it’s real life. Because of a simple, believable moment manufactured by Hollywood, I will do all I can for the woman I love, the love that she deserves. I’m trying my best by forgiving past pain and experiences. I’m letting go of agony that bad love once provided. I’m leaving all the insecurities and the egos in the past. I will be giving her my heart. I’ll hold her hand. I’ll open her doors. And I’ll be patient. I’ll learn how to apologize more often. I’ll be her friend, and I’ll let her be my friend. I’ll call her, sometimes just to tell her “hi,” or “I love you,” and I’ll have no ulterior motive. I’ll work so hard to earn her trust, to prove to her that I’m capable of loving. I’m learning how to love again.
And I know that a day will come when she’ll smile brightly. She’ll stand there, and her eyes will glisten with happiness. Her hand will clasp my own. Her hug will be trusting and convincing. She’ll whisper in my ear that she loves me. And she will smile uncontrollably. Then I will know in my heart that that I’ve finally provided her with her fairytale, her movie-like love. And when that day comes I will be able to feel her heart from a million miles away, and I’ll know that I’ll finally, become what she deserves. Her Prince Charming

By Michael Armijo

It’s 5:52 in the morning and I find myself leaving my home on the way to a Bible study that’s almost an hour away. Why would I travel so far to read the Bible with like-minded, quality men?
Over the past few years I’ve lost several people, two of whom were good friends that I spoke to on a daily basis. So now I find myself, heartbroken and lonely. Always seeking to replace at least one of those friendships with someone else with whom I can be honest, open, forth-right; someone who will listen to me when I’m right and when I’m wrong. Especially when I’m wrong. I’ve had my share of friendships, only to find myself feeling abandoned and told that I was just too wrong, especially during a crisis. Lord knows I am not right so many times, but Lord also knows true friends would stick by me like my other friends have in the past.

What I’m learning is that I continue to try to be myself and not everyone can accept who I am. It takes years of understanding and the development of loyalty, and compassion.  These friendships don’t develop overnight. So as I find myself alone, I realize I keep trying to push relationships, most likely to replace whatever I lack. I’ve been told I have a huge hole inside of me and I keep trying to fill it, but I have to come to the realization that this hole may never be filled again.  I just may have to walk this earth like a wounded soldier, like I’ve lost a leg or an arm. As a challenged individual that may never be whole again. So I have to learn to deal with my injury to deal with my loss.  To understand that legs will never grow back again. I am coming to the realization that I may never have friends as loyal and loving as those I had. Those friends are gone. But I am fortunate I do have a few good friends left, although they are busy and cannot give me the time my others had. It’s comforting to know that they do exist, and that they care for me. I can still trust these people.

So as I sit here with a heavy heart, driving in the dark of early morning, searching for a hug or a warm handshake, I’ll have to continue to stop mourning my losses and try to continue to remember how valuable my life has been. And now I must learn to glow again like I did when my heart felt safe. So, at this Bible study I am going to, I will seek friendships, and that may just be God’s way of telling me to just be thankful for what I’ve had and stop trying to seek out replacements. Instead, I should try to be a friend to someone who’s never had beautiful times with special people that I have had. I should try not to seek friendships, but instead, be a good friend to someone else who’s never had the love and care I’ve been so lucky to have received.

By Michael Armijo 

Last night, during the day, I was driving to the airport to pick up my buddy Mike Mendez. I was driving my current car, and was concerned about how his luggage would fit into the tiny back seat. As I gazed upon the back seat I was convinced it would fit.

When I got to the airport, I was in New York and suddenly I was part of a group of young, excited students who had English accents and were amazed at being in such a place. Where we came from, there wasn’t a place like this. So we frolicked through the airport like kids in a candy store. We were amazed, surprised, and excited to be with such a hodgepodge of people.

One of the other students made gifts and placed phone numbers in a box. He skipped his way through and handed out the gifts: mostly chocolate bars and CDs of classic rock. He gave me a phone number and said “You’ll want this number, it’s hers,” and he pointed to one of the other students. I looked at her and she was only about 19 years old, and I thought: “That’s disgusting; she’s too young for me.” Then I gazed into a nearby mirror and saw something shocking: I wasn’t a middle aged man, nor did I look the same. I was a young 20 year old, my ethnicity was now different, but I had the wisdom and memories of my current self.

I was completely confused on what was transpiring.

I went to a turnstile and saw a young man who resembled, exactly, my childhood friend Todd Mestas. I was right next to him and stared in amazement. He was smiling and looked so happy.

What’s interesting was that when I woke from this vivid and realistic dream, I didn’t know where I was, nor did I know what to do with the memory of that dream. I can visualize, hear, and smell the airport and I could still taste the chocolate bars. It was so realistic I believed I was really there.

The stranger part was the friend, Mike, who I was supposed to pick up from the airport, had passed away a few years back. So had Todd. He died the following year. They are both gone. So what does that mean? Or what does that mean to me?  I drew some conclusions:

1. When I pass, am I coming back as a new person, reincarnated into someone different who deep inside I’ve been yearning to be?
2. Should I leave California, as I’ve been wanting to do these past 2 years, and begin a new life?
3.  2 Corinthians 5:17 says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Was God telling me that I am now a new man?

I’ve had many dreams, but don’t remember most of them. This one stuck in my head and I can remember so many details. I thought about my life and realized I eat fairly healthy, I don’t take any drugs, I don’t drink, I just had a CT scan and I have no tumors, nor is my heart in danger. So why has this message that came to me, while asleep, embedded itself into my mind, and now into my spirit?

I’m not sure why this dream disrupted my life, felt so real, and won’t leave my mind. But what I do know is that the way I felt during this episode in my life made me feel better than I’ve felt in a very long time. Made me feel different. Gave me some type of hope. I guess God knew that a trip to a New York airport when I was living in England would give me what I needed, which it did…last night.

By Sarah Sanchez

A common issue that comes up in relationships is changing your habits or personality for your significant other. This situation came up for me when my husband and I were dating.

Back when my husband was my boyfriend, I claimed to be a woman of God and I constantly nagged my husband for not going to church with me.

But one day, my husband said something that changed my life forever. He said that I had no right to tell him what to do because I was being a hypocrite, pretending to be a Christian on Sundays when I was really partying on the weekends. He also called me out on my relationship immaturity because I would consistently flirt or talk with people I previously dated.

It was at that moment that I decided to change my life for one sole reason: to prove him wrong! I was very stubborn and prideful back then and I was not going to take this guy calling me a hypocrite. So I changed my life for him.

I stopped flirting with other guys, going out to party, nagging him about church, and I pretty much fought every instinct I originally had. Life was great for a while, but then I eventually became very angry at him because I was sacrificing so much of my life for him, and I wasn’t receiving any praise for my sacrifices.

Later, I realized I handled this whole situation all wrong. First, my husband never told me to change for him, he was simply calling me out for not practicing what I was preaching. I was preaching to him that I was a Christian woman and that I was faithful to our relationship. However, my actions were not saying the same thing.

Deep down I knew that I didn’t want to be that hypocritical girl that I was. I wanted to actually live a Christian life and I wanted to be faithful in an adult relationship. I wanted to practice what I was preaching. My husband was just the first person to actually call me out and hold me accountable for my actions. So I decided that the only way I could change my life for who I wanted to be and for who God intended me to be… was that I had to want to change for myself.

It was a lot easier when I changed my mindset to that idea. Think of it as being told you have to eat healthy versus actually wanting to eat healthy. It’s easier to do it when you want to.

After I changed my mindset, I made a list of the traits and qualities I wanted to have. Then, I made decisions in my life based on that list and those goals. For example, if I wanted to live a life of honesty, I would think twice when I had an opportunity to lie. It took me a while to consistently think this way but I am a living example that it is possible to completely change your habits.

I found that this new way of living was ultimately better for my relationship, for my spiritual life, and for my well-being; all because I wanted to change.

By Sarah Sanchez

We live in a world
where we can’t spend time with family
without looking at our phone
We live in a world
where we have thousands of “friends”
yet, we constantly feel alone

We live in a world
where we don’t know the time or directions
without relying on technology
We live in a world
where we’ll say and do everything
BUT actually admit we owe an apology

We live in a world
where we teach kids to speak their minds
but only behind computer screens
We live in a world
where they tell us our sexuality
is determined by our genes

We live in a world
where our kids can be kidnapped
outside the house within our community
We live in a world
where children are starving around us
while we’re calculating server gratuity

We live in a world
where we throw out food and water because we feel full
We live in a world
where we take 30 minute showers
while others bathe in a lake or a pool  We live in a world
where people are greedy and selfish
because it is normality
Are you living IN the world
or OF the world?
What’s your reality?  

Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

There is a saying that talks about forgiveness being a gift that you give yourself. The idea is that once you forgive those who have wronged you, you take that load off your own shoulders and release that poison from yourself.

This is true in so many ways, but never is that load so heavy as when it is your own forgiveness. It’s so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Often we judge ourselves so much more harshly than we judge others, and we make ourselves miserable trying to live up to some insane version of how we think we should be.  The truth is, we’re not perfect and we never will be.

Stop trying to be perfect and instead focus on who you are and the progress that you have made. Try to give yourself the same grace and charity that you give to others, and take a step back.

I do this all the time – I judge myself so much more rigidly than others and expect myself to always know better, do better and be better. But, I’m human. I mess up. I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, etc.  These things don’t make me bad and they don’t define who I am.  They are just mistakes.

Last year, I made some major life changes and decided to get real with myself. I was tired of making excuses and feeling guilty about poor choices I’ve made, and instead I took action. I forgave all those who wronged me, even if they never apologized. I set myself free from the burden of trying to make everyone else happy, and instead focused on just being a better person for myself and my kids.

The struggle to forgive myself has always been within me, and setting achievable goals has been a hard step to take. But, it’s working. I know in God’s eyes I’m amazing, and that He sees me for what I really am even when I am unable to. He sees the struggles, the heartache and all the good intentions. Most importantly, He has forgiven me.  If He can, who I am to say I am greater than He and not do the same?

That’s the thing about mistakes and bad choices, they are so easy to do; but it’s also easy to convince yourself that you are somehow not worthy of forgiveness.

So finally, after years of hurting and setting unreasonable expectations for myself, I finally have made peace within. I gave myself the same grace that I give others, and I let it all go.

Forgiveness is truly the best gift that I have ever given or received, and it turns out I had the power inside me all along.

By Sarah Sanchez

I’m a small group leader for our church’s high school ministry, and the most common prayer request is for my students’ parents. The students I have are very aware of their parents’ problems (whether the parents know it or not), because the requests range from “my parents are fighting,” or “my parents are struggling with money,” to “my parents might be getting a divorce soon.”

One girl in particular asked us to pray for her relationship with her dad.  She said she wanted to build a relationship with him, but his actions made it seem like he had no interest in doing so. She went on to say that every time she and her brothers hung out with him, she would notice her dad daze off as they talked, glance over at his phone, or start talking about what’s going on in his own life, with no interest in them. In addition, she said that the previous weekend when he was supposed to take them out, he came up with an excuse to get out of it. Then she said, “He thinks we don’t notice.”

This particular statement stuck with me, basically because it’s true. Parents often live by the “do as I say not as I do” principle. Yet no matter what age they are, children look up to their parents as role models and will mimic their actions. Whether we are children or adults with our own children, we’ll always look to what we’re familiar with: what our parents used to do. However, the main problem children are facing is that parents aren’t LIVING the way children should mimic. So the question is: what are you parents going to do about it?

Speaking on behalf of your children, we understand you’re not perfect. We don’t expect you to be. But what we’re looking for are the values and morals you LIVE by, and the way you treat yourself and others. We just look for the basics, because in our eyes, you’ll always be our heroes. We’ll always admire you and look up to you no matter what.  But please do us a favor, and have your actions speak louder than your words.

This young girl’s dad told her and her brothers that he wanted to build a relationship with them, but his actions said otherwise. Those little things can change a child’s whole perspective. Those eye rolls, dazes when we talk, whispering gossip in the next room, mocking the in-laws, loud yelling and disrespecting during fights, cursing another driver, drinking after a fight or a long day; these are all actions you’re teaching us to mimic.

And you think we don’t notice…but we always do.

By Sarah Sanchez

I married my best friend almost two years ago, and I believe I’ve settled into the routine of my new married life.  I can look back over the last few years and honestly say that no one prepared my husband and I for marriage. Even though we took a pre-marital course and were given advice from family and friends, there are still things that no one told us about.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I love our marriage. This is not a complaining session, but an informative piece. If I had been given this list before the wedding, I don’t think I would have been so shocked with the changes. So pass this along to any engaged or newly married couples you may know, and you’ll save them a few surprises.

#7 – Communication And Compromise Are Key:  Marriage is about becoming one unit, and this “all for one, one for all” mentality can be a little tough to get used to. You will be making sacrifices throughout your marriage, mainly because it’s not just about you anymore; it’s all about the “we”. You are a team now and you need to constantly be on the same page. But if you communicate and compromise with one another, then both of you can be happy with the decisions that are made.

#6 – You Will Become One; But So Does Your Bank Account:  If you and your spouse put all your money into a joint bank account, all of it now belongs to both of you and you have to learn to budget EVERYTHING. This can be tough because budgeting your money makes you realize how much you need to cut down on going out to eat, and how much groceries really cost.  My suggestion is to download a budget sheet online, fill it out every month, and – oddly enough – actually follow it by writing down every expense you make every day. Dave Ramsey has an awesome book and class you can take that will benefit you as well.               

#5 – Men And Women Are Wired Differently:  This particular point actually became quite clear to us after reading a daily devotional called, “The Love and Respect Experience,” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. We learned that men and women are very different in almost every aspect: emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. As expressed in the book, a way to look at it is that women wear pink glasses and hearing aids, and men wear blue glasses and hearing aids. In order to understand how the other is feeling while you are in a disagreement, men occasionally need to put on the woman’s pink glasses and hearing aids, and women occasionally have to put on the men’s blue glasses and hearing aids.  Sometimes it’s just about perspective.

#4 — When You Say ‘I Do’, You Marry The Family Too: When you get married, it’s a package deal, meaning the in-laws come along with the spouse. Therefore, it’s better to put your differences aside and try to be civil with one another.  A trick my husband and I use is that we confront our own families, and not our in-laws. For example, if there is a problem with a member on my side of the family, then I will be the one to confront the family member. But if the problem is on my husband’s side of the family, then he will be the one to confront the family member. That way, the relationships with our in-laws aren’t jeopardized with the confrontation. The bottom line is to try to find a way to keep the peace and don’t let the little things bother you. Also, remember that every family is different, so the way your in-laws act may be very different than the way you grew up. It’s not wrong, just different; keep that in mind.

#3 – Pick Your Battles:  There is a difference between a disagreement and a fight. From my experience, disagreements are more about bickering, while fights are the escalated form of a disagreement that usually includes some form of yelling at each other; perhaps a slammed door or two. My advice is to pick your battles, otherwise you’ll fight about the most ridiculous things. Our first fight as a married couple was about boxes.  No underlying issues.  Just boxes.  Everybody is entitled to their opinion, and there will be conflicts in your marriage; so aim for disagreements, not fights.

#2 – Learn to Embrace Your Spouse’s Differences:  You have to remember that you are two very different people who grew up in very different homes. There are certain habits, flaws, and pet peeves your spouse will have that may be very different from what you are used to.  As long as their habits aren’t hurting anyone, life will be much easier for you if you learn to accept your spouse’s differences instead of trying to change them.  You know how hard it is to change your own behavior, even when you want to.  So the pressure increases significantly when someone else wants you to change a behavior that you’d rather not.  Refer to #3.

#1 – Your Spouse Is Not – And Will Never Be – The Same Person You Married:  This is the number one thing that they don’t tell you about marriage. It sounds bad, but it doesn’t have to be.  One of the most common reasons people get divorced is because their spouse is “not the same person they married”. But every relationship has phases.  For example, you start with the person you date (on best behavior); then comes the person you’re engaged to (you still know the person, but the façade starts to crack a bit); and finally, you end up with the person you marry (where, oh where, is my fiancé?).  So if you go into the marriage knowing there will be changes, your expectations will be better balanced.   I’ve only been married to my husband for a few years, and I can honestly say we both have already changed since the day we got married. I learn new things about him every day, even with dating him for four years prior. He has new dreams, new goals, and new personality traits I’ve never seen before. He’s noticed the same in me, too, and that’s okay, because we married each other for who we were to become, not the people we were at that moment.  You can be very different, and still grow together, which is the goal anyway.

Marriage is an amazing experience and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yes, by the list above, it is tough and there is a lot of learning you have to do. But once you get it down, it’s so wonderful to have someone who cares for you, who loves you, who supports you, and is there by your side through all of life’s adventures.  For better or worse…”The best is yet to be, come marry me.”

By Michael Armijo

I remember the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid.” Ariel, the star of the show, swam in the ocean and gazed upward towards the surface. She could only see the sky filtered through the hazy water, and could never feel the warmth of the sun. She could not survive in our time, she couldn’t breathe our air. She was, simply, part of another world.

Ariel would yearn to be part of a place she felt she didn’t belong. A world she felt would never accept her. An area she believed would never understand where she came from or who she really was. So that kept her longing for the surface. For the humans.

I understand how Ariel felt, coming from a place that I understood was not the norm. Coming from an environment that reflected behavior without rhyme or reason. A place that made me feel that I was never truly accepted nor understood. I felt just like that little mermaid, an outcast. A mutant. Unequal. Inadequate. Different.

I found myself, when listening to that song, drowning within my own life looking outward to another place. To a world I felt I could not survive. An air I couldn’t breathe. A place I felt would never understand who I was, where I came from. All I wanted was to be like the “humans.”

I wanted to be like the people on “the surface.” I wanted what I felt was a normal life. Parents who loved and respected me. A family who cared about me and taught me about love, harmony, and respect. I wanted lifelong friends. That day I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.

And because I didn’t have the proper environment like so many others did, I understand that this is my fate. To walk amongst the “humans” and listen to their stories. To watch their moms, dads, and siblings live in harmony and respect. To hear the functional part of structure and logic, and the fearlessness of life. To see them RESPOND to life’s mishaps instead of dysfunctionally REACTING to them. To listen to their outlook on their future without pain and uncertainty. To feel a genuine love and respect for one another.

While there are times I feel like an underdog, I sometimes pretend as though I DO belong. I pretend that I feel equal and belong on this Earth. I roam amongst the humans but I actually feel like I’m deep inside the ocean waters and all I can see is a murky version of the sun. I cannot feel its warmth. I cannot enjoy its rays of light. I walk with a heavy heart. I walk with an empty soul. And it’s at that time my spirit silently whispers to my soul, that I someday hope to be…part of your world.

By Michael Armijo

I remember a story I once read: A frog was sitting by a pond one day and a woman walked up and asked: “What’s wrong Mr. Frog, why are you so glum?” The frog went on to explain: “I was once a handsome prince, but an evil witch put a spell on me. Now I’m a frog until a beautiful woman kisses me and breaks the spell.”

The young woman, feeling compelled to help, leaned over and kissed the frog on the head. She waited for a few minutes and then said: “What happened? You’re still a frog.” The frog turned to her and said: “I’m only going to explain this to you one more time….”

The moral of the story is: If you believe you are beautiful, that’s all that counts. You may not have the ability to change frogs into princes, but if you believe you can, that’s all that matters. Although others may not see your beauty, as long as you see it, that is what counts. What matters is that YOU believe in your own beauty.

A physically beautiful woman can sometimes be uglier than any other, and can be morally and ethically ugly inside. But a wholesome woman with great morals and a loving heart will forever change your spirit, because beauty depends on what you’re seeking. And beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

By Sarah Sanchez

I’ve experienced a lot of deaths of friends and family members in the last few years, but the hardest death I’ve had to deal with was when my grandma passed away recently. I was very close with my grandma and saw her every week for the last few years. She was admitted to the hospital right before she passed. It seemed as though she had signs of dementia, and she would scream, yell, and not recognize me when I visited her. It was hard to see her that way.

We were told that she was getting better and that she should be okay, but a few days later she passed away. After her passing, my aunt told me that on the second-to-last day of my grandma’s life, my grandma kept calling out my name. Not only did she remember me, but she was asking where I was. I wasn’t at the hospital on the day she was asking for me because I was “too busy” to visit her that day. Now that she’s gone, there is nothing that could’ve been more important than to be with her that day. There is nothing that could’ve been more important than to say “I’m here grandma.”

How many times have we used the words “too busy” when someone asked us to do something? Maybe you were too busy to hang out with your kids. Maybe you were too busy to listen to your spouse’s story. Maybe you were too busy to visit your parents. Or maybe you were too busy to just spend time with your family, phone free.

My grandma’s passing changed my perspective about being “too busy”. When my family decided to hold a last minute brunch to celebrate my grandpa’s 80^th birthday and my other grandma’s 70^th birthday, there were plenty of excuses to keep me from going. For example, I had to go to work, I had errands to do that day, I didn’t have a gift, I was an hour away, and I still needed to get gas. It seemed like I was just “too busy”. But still, I decided that I needed to be there. So I rearranged my schedule, picked up a card, got gas, drove the hour to Long Beach in the middle of the day, and spent time with my family. Lo and behold, it ended up being the best decision I made all day.

There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week, but we can’t make time for our families? Work will always be there, errands can wait a day, but our loved ones will not be alive forever. So next time you have an opportunity to be with your family, rearrange your schedule, do everything you can to be there, and then cherish that time you have with them… because we should never say we are “too busy” for our families.

By Sarah Sanchez

There’s always a few days in your life that you’ll never forget. For me, it was when I was visiting my doctor, just before Thanksgiving, and she walked in and told me that my bad cholesterol was twice as high as it should be. The doctor said if I didn’t get my cholesterol down as soon as possible, I was at risk for a heart attack, diabetes, and infertility. That last one hit me hard, considering I just got married and having children is all we ever talk about. I remember staring at her, trying to process the information I was just given; trying to hold back the tears that suddenly filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe it. There was a possibility I couldn’t have kids, and I had high cholesterol at 23.

The doctor told me to change my eating habits, and to stay away from carbohydrates, sugar, and alcohol.  She prescribed medication, and sent me on my way. I walked out of the doctor’s office shocked and confused, with no idea what to do next. I cried a lot that week. I went into a bit of depression after imagining that I might not be able to give my husband a child because of my eating habits. I replayed the conversation in my head, confused on how this happened. My husband and I barely ate out because of finances. I cooked chicken or turkey meat almost every day, I don’t drink soda or coffee, and I rarely drank alcohol. I just didn’t get it.

That following Sunday, my husband and I went to our couple’s small group and I completely broke down. Surrounded by people I had just barely met, I held my husband’s hand, told them everything, and I cried. I let it out. And I’ll be honest, I felt better. They were so supportive, offering recipes, a group diet, and prayer. I couldn’t believe the love I got from them, strangers that suddenly became my support group in a time of need.

After my breakdown, I just snapped out of my depression. I was motivated. There was no way my eating habits were going to be the reason I couldn’t have kids. My mind was set: something had to change.

With love and support from my husband, I spent the next three months changing my lifestyle. I monitored everything I ate and developed an exercise routine. I went on a protein shake diet for the first two weeks, and then maintained my weight by eating smaller portions of strictly healthy food. I also downloaded the “My Fitness Pal” app, which helped me realize what’s actually in the food I was eating.

It was tough to change everything at first. I felt ridiculous reading labels at Trader Joe’s and then looking up to see an 80-year-old man doing the same thing right next to me. But I stuck it out, and I’m happy to say that four months later, I’m down 12 pounds, I’m off medication, and my cholesterol is normal.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This experience helped me to learn how to use low-fat alternatives, realize what foods are actually bad for me, and it also helped me build a closer relationship with my husband, family, and friends. My family was inspired to go to the doctor for routine checkups, too.

I think the most important outcome out of this experience was that I was able to feel better about myself. I’ve had low self-esteem since I was very young, and on every birthday since I was about 13-years old, I wished I was “skinny” when I blew out the candles. But every year, I never did anything about it. Having high cholesterol forced me to lose weight, and now that I have, I feel better where I am. This past year was the first birthday that I didn’t wish to be “skinny” because for once in my life, I felt comfortable with the weight I was at.

In the end, I realized having high cholesterol went from being devastating news to being the best thing that ever happened to me. God always has a bigger plan for us and sometimes we need to stop looking at the problem that’s happening in the moment, and look toward the positive outcome that it can have in the future. So even though I’d never thought I’d say this, I’m thankful to have had high cholesterol at 23.

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

Show me what you think you are, and I’ll show you what you actually are, and then you can decide which version of yourself is the one you wish to portray to the world.

How many of us have had this conversation with ourselves time and time again only to come to the same conclusion each time? I don’t deserve “this” or I don’t deserve “that” because of something I have done, or simply because I am not enough. It’s amazing the power your thoughts can have over your entire life, often drastically altering your own path.

I was lucky in that I grew up in a loving home, with loving parents and great examples of what family, love and friendship look like. My father loved my mother and she loved him, and we were kissed and hugged and smothered with attention as well. We had the suburban upbringing:  two kids and a dog – sans the picket fence (ours was a block wall) – and a neighborhood full of friends to play with until the street lights came on and we rushed our dirty hands and tousled hair back to our happy homes.

But somewhere along the transition from jubilant child to responsible adult, I stopped seeing myself as “deserving” of the love I had witnessed growing up. I let my own guilt and apathy for others override my own right to be loved as deeply and sincerely as I once was.

As a woman and a mother I began to believe that everyone else came first, and while I still think this is a great philosophy to live by, it’s not exactly correct. If you put the needs of others in front of your own, you can avoid becoming a selfish person, but there has to be a line drawn at some point. You are in charge of that line, and the power that comes with that is profound.

Loving another does not mean that you do it at the expense of your own soul. If you are a follower of Christ, then any love that takes you away from His path is at the expense of your own soul. Loving another shouldn’t hurt. While there is often emotional pain involved in loving another person, that love should not cause your heart to constantly ache. True love builds you up and makes you a greater version of yourself; it does not tear you down with ugly words and forgotten promises. Loving another means you let them be “themselves” even if that “self” isn’t what you completely understand. The greatest gift you can give another is to allow them to be who they are, and accept them with all their craziness, all their insecurities, and all their unique imperfections.

The strange thing is that when you turn these gifts around and apply them to yourself, you realize that until you can love yourself in this same way, you really can’t truly love another. What we think we deserve – consciously or unconsciously – we accept. It is only when we change our own perceptions and really start loving ourselves in that same selfless way that we can demand the love we know we deserve. Life is too short to settle; so don’t.

Courtesy of State Point

Sixty-four percent of American adults have a smartphone, according to Pew Research Center, and that number is growing. Savvy smartphone users are doing a lot more with their devices than taking selfies. At the forefront of a smartphone’s benefits is on-the-go money management, which personal finance experts say can be a key tool to helping you achieve your New Year resolutions.

“Technology advances are giving banks an opportunity to further enhance their customers’ ability to manage their money,” says Brett Pitts, Head of Digital for Wells Fargo Virtual Channels.

Want to get a better handle on your money in 2016? Pitts offers some tips for making your smartphone your own personal banker:

• Go mobile: You may have used your phone to log into your account via your bank’s website. Check your bank’s mobile application offerings and download its mobile app instead. Using an app designed for device readability will make transactions easier and more efficient. When downloading an app to your smartphone, make sure you’re using a trusted source. Make sure you download directly from your phone’s app store or your bank’s website.
• Review functionality: Mobile applications are always evolving and improving. Review your bank’s app functionality periodically to ensure you’re up-to-date. For example, Wells Fargo just added several new features to its already robust mobile banking suite. Once enabled, customers can view balance information with its FastLook swipe feature, as well as be notified of transactions via opt-in push notifications (without having to log in with a username and password).
• Manage your money on-the-go: Use your bank’s free money management services like online bill pay, mobile check deposit and mobile funds transfer. Get peace of mind before heading out for holiday shopping. Before purchases, use your phone to check account balances and make transfers as needed in order to avoid overdraft fees.
• Add automatic account alerts: Preset limits for transactions and purchases, so you can be immediately notified when those limits have been exceeded. This will help you track your spending and prevent you from breaking your budget. You may also wish to sign up for other notifications, such as when your card is declined, your balance drops below a certain threshold or a direct deposit posts to your account.
• Get reminded: Make late fees a thing of the past. Set up calendar reminders for credit card payments, mortgages and other bill due dates. Your bank’s app may also have a built-in reminder feature to help you streamline payments.
• Keep contact details up-to-date: Make sure your bank knows how to reach you. For example, some banks notify customers of possible suspicious card transactions through text messages — which allow customers to reply quickly to confirm whether the transaction is legitimate or not.

More banking tech tips and resources can be found at wellsfargo.com/mobile.

Thanks to new user-friendly technologies, being responsible with your money is easier than ever. Be smart with your smartphone and use it to help meet your 2016 financial goals.

By Sarah Sanchez

I went on a mission trip to Haiti with a team last year, and lately we’ve been talking about going back. The team and I always talk about how much we miss Haiti, but I think it’s strange that we’re talking about how much we miss a Third World country, where people live in poverty and barely have enough food to eat. The other day, I really thought about what it was that I missed about Haiti and the first thing that popped into my head was the people.

The Haitian people who lived in the villages were always so friendly to us. They would wave at us as we walked by, have us hold their children, or ask us to pray with them. They were welcoming everywhere we went. They treated us as if we were family, even though we were strangers who didn’t even speak their language.

The Haitian children were a whole new level of friendly. Whenever we had an opportunity to play with the children, my arm would end up being tired from holding so many of them and my legs would be tired from running around with them the entire day. At one point, I had a little over ten children surrounding me, each fighting to hold my hand, trying to play with my hair, trying on my sunglasses, asking me questions in Creole or doing anything to get my attention. The funny part was that as soon as I turned around to look at them, they would give me the biggest smile. The love they showed us was truly remarkable.

It wasn’t until we were back in a United States airport that I realized how different Haiti was. The moment I realized we weren’t in Haiti anymore was the moment I turned to say “Bonswa” (meaning hello in Creole) to someone, and I didn’t see a smiling face like I was used to in Haiti.

It’s amazing to think that I miss a country where we didn’t have any electricity, where we didn’t have clean water, where we barely had enough food, and where  I’ve sweated more than I’ve sweated my entire life. But still, I have the urge to go back just so I can see those friendly faces and feel that special love all around me.

The question I found myself asking is, why do I have to go back to Haiti to feel this way? Why can’t I have that same feeling when I’m in my own hometown? Why can’t we be friendly to one another here? So I ask you to please help me spread love around the community. Say hi to one another, smile at each other, open doors, help with grocery bags, or carry out a simple act of kindness to show a stranger this love. As the years progress, I find the world becoming less civil. But who says we can’t change it? Let’s work together to make this world we live in a better place.

By Sarah Sanchez

It’s tough when a loved one passes away. I’ve been to four funerals in the last few years, and it seems like it gets harder each funeral.
When one of my dad’s best friends passed away suddenly two years ago, it was one of the hardest times for my family. Now with another one of my dad’s best friends passing away suddenly this week, it hurts my heart to see the pain all over again. Both were great men that we didn’t expect to leave so quickly.
Death is a hard thing to deal with, but almost every person has experienced a loved one pass, so we all know how tough it is. The only message I wanted to leave you with is make sure you appreciate the time you have with your loved ones. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be angry, just let the past go. Kiss your loved ones goodbye every time you leave, tell them you love them constantly, and make time to see them regularly.
Someone once told me that it’s not that we don’t have enough time in the day, it’s that we don’t make time…So what are you doing with your time? We need to use that precious time to make great memories with our loved ones. When someone leaves this earth, we shouldn’t feel regret, and we don’t have to.
Make the most of today… because life may be different tomorrow.

By Michael Armijo

I was at home one day recovering from a recent illness and I had not gotten cable yet so I was forced to watch antenna TV.  What was on was “Gilligan’s Island”, “Father Knows Best”, and “I Dream of Jeannie”. Watching these shows brought me back to when I was a kid and a teenager in the 70s and 80s. What also brought me back was remembering how simple life was back then.

You see, back then there weren’t many complications; there was just Gilligan getting hit by coconuts, the father from “Father Knows Best” staying with his family and spending time solving family problems, and “I Dream of Jeannie” misinterpreting what her Master said. I started to think about what happened to those days, and why was my life so complicated now? Why couldn’t I commit to a relationship or stay focused on the quest of being more successful? Why was I so distracted? Why did I want to run when tragedy struck my life?

I realized that I am to blame for not enjoying all the fruits of my hard work, and all of the benefits of what I’ve truly earned. Of the love I’ve earned and the security I deserved. It was my fault and no one else’s. I’ve learned that I kept distracting myself. I kept cluttering my life with everyone else’s life instead of fixing my own.

I have a beautiful family, I have my dream car, I live on the beach for God’s sake. Why am I chasing empty promises, other people’s broken dreams, and lost love?

Two hours in front of a computer, or two hours walking along the beach under the palm trees holding hands with someone who loves me.

So I turned to God and I’ve asked Him to help me find peace. And He did.

Those who know me know I am not, and probably never will be, a “holy roller”. But I’ve learned to pray each day. I’ve learned to be accountable for my actions. I’ve learned not to be so selfish. I’ve learned to be more patient and kind. I’ve learned to attend church regularly. What have I received? Peace.

Social media is a great thing and a nice tool for many. But for me it’s just a distraction from who I truly am. So today I will enjoy the rays of light that come from our joyous sun. I will love, enjoy, and help my family. I will work hard to provide but I won’t overdo it. I’ll continue to smile at strangers. I will continue to give to those who are in need. And I will no longer complicate and distract myself from who I need to be; to be a better man. I will just enjoy the simplicity of life.

By Michael Armijo

The holiday season brings many positive memories, but it can also remind me of the painful ones, too. The season is filled with family and friends, but when they are gone the pain of their absence has a tendency to sink in.

Friends have reminded me that you cannot live in the past, but I remind them, “The absence of those close to us who have passed away isn’t in the past, it’s in the present.”  Since they were always around to share their love, their absence leaves our hearts aching for their presence on a daily basis.

There are mile markers:  the first summer they weren’t here to share with us; the first Halloween they weren’t here to dress up in a costume I could make fun of; the first time I didn’t receive the usual Thanksgiving invite; and the first Christmas I didn’t have to go in search of the perfect gift.

Now, on this New Years Eve, I will struggle without the “I love you, man” drunken phone call exactly at 12:01 am.

Every year for the last 17, I was privileged enough to have someone in my life who shared those things with me:  their life, love, passion, experiences, hope, and feelings.

I know today is a new day, and I believe that I am not alone. But when those who share their life with you and give you the feeling that they will love you regardless of your many faults, failures, and shortcomings leave this earth, you cannot help but feel their absence. A piece of you that had confidence and support is now gone.  An entity of your life’s confusing and rollercoaster-like existence is gone.

It feels like your dysfunctional life is like a puzzle, with some critical pieces missing.  So you try to find those pieces through other relationships, through new loves and old friends; through random acts of kindness and honesty.

But sometimes it feels like those pieces – which you’ve worked so hard to replace – have somehow deteriorated; vanished; dissolved in your hands.  You’ve tried to stop it, but it became physically impossible. You’ve tried to “will it” differently; “wish it” to reverse. You’ve tried to close your eyes and wake up from a bad nightmare. But each day that bad dream again becomes a harsh reality.

So I call each day, with or without friends, a day at home. Those that were loved and lost had earned a place in my heart; a room in my self-fabricated, non-dysfunctional home.  But now that they’re gone, I feel a bit lonely, and a bit to myself.  And I just can’t stop that feeling that I was left completely by surprise, and left to feel Home Alone.