Tag Archives: Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

All In Good Time

Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

 

“Time is what prevents everything from happening at once,” -John Archibald Wheeler.

Ever wondered why the good things that finally happen to you couldn’t have happened much earlier? If only you had met that person earlier, taken that job earlier or even played those lottery numbers, everything would be so much different!

The truth is, it probably would have been different, but would that “different” actually be an improvement?

I feel like all the happenings of my life have prepared me for the life I live today and the life I will live later.

When I was 22, I had a 3-year old at home and a very, very sick baby fighting for his life in the NICU. I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen, and then I had Nicholas.

The patience and faith I gained watching Andrew fight for his life, prepared me for the life-long struggle and journey that Nicholas would take me on.

When I was 30, I lost my mother – who was my very best friend – to cancer, but again the patience and faith that I had gained through the previous struggles helped me to cope through the deep hole her loss left.

Here I sit at almost 36; almost a year into a completely new life where I am single with three kids, but happier then I have ever been. Is it ideal?  No.  Is it what I hoped for or would wish for anyone? No, of course not.  But, this is my reality and where I am in this life and I’m making the most of it.

I have learned that every struggle is for a reason and truly does have a purpose – even when it is not obvious at the time. The new relationships I have formed and the new path I’m on now have been paved by the experiences of yesterday, and because of that I am able to appreciate the walk I’m on now.

I’m not perfect.  I still fail and struggle daily, but I’d like to think the life I was so graciously given has humbled me a bit. Less is more, and I am content with what I have at this time and extremely excited and a little nervous about what the future holds. However, I know that whatever it does hold, my life up to this day has given me the tools to figure it out and find my way…and that it all will be okay, all in good time.

Forgiving Yourself

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

jennifer-Jester-MadrigalThere is a saying that says something about forgiveness being a gift you give yourself. The idea is that once you forgive those who have wronged you, you take that load off your own shoulders and release that poison from yourself.

This is true in so many ways, but never is that load so heavy as when it is your own forgiveness. It’s so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Often we judge ourselves so much harsher than others, and we make ourselves miserable trying to live up to some insane version of how we think we should be.  The truth is, we’re not perfect and we never will be.

Stop trying to be perfect and instead focus on who you are and the progress that you have made. Try and give yourself the same grace and charity that you give to others, and take a step back.

I do this all the time – I judge myself so much more rigidly than others and expect myself to always know better, do better and be better. But, I’m human, I mess up, I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, etc.  These things don’t make me bad and they don’t define who I am.  They are just mistakes.

Last year, I made some major life changes and decided to get real with myself. I was tired of making excuses and feeling guilty about poor choices I’ve made, and instead I took action. I forgave all those who wronged me, even if they never apologized. I set myself free from the burden of trying to make everyone else happy, and instead focused on just being a better person for myself and my kids.

The struggle to forgive myself has always been within me, and setting achievable goals has been a hard step to take. But, it’s working. I know in God’s eyes I’m amazing, and that He sees me for what I really am even when I am unable to. He sees the struggles, the heartache and all the good intentions. Most importantly, He has forgiven me.  If He can, who I am to say I am greater than He is and not do the same?

That’s the thing about mistakes and bad choices, they are so easy to do; but it’s also easy to convince yourself that you are somehow not worthy of forgiveness.

So finally, after years of hurting and setting unreasonable expectations for myself, I finally have made peace within. I gave myself the same grace that I give others, and I let it all go.

Forgiveness is truly the best gift that I have ever given or received, and it turns out I had the power inside me all along.

 

Gotta Get That Root

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

jennifer-Jester-MadrigalOne of the chores I hated the most when I was a kid was pulling weeds.

We had a large slope behind the pool and my mom would have us help her pull weeds when they got out of hand. Of course, I’d be in a hurry and try to just rip the tops off so I could finish as fast as possible and move on, and my mom, of course, would tell me to slow down and make sure I “got the root”. She’d always point out that if you didn’t get it at the root then it would just grow back right away.

Most individuals who suffer from addiction, depression, anxiety, etc., will eventually get to the point where they will have to look the cause of their issues in the face and see what it is that brought them down the path. It could have been a failed relationship with a parent, abuse, or maybe even a traumatic event that was never dealt with.

Whatever the “root” is, it eventually must be dealt with because these things have a way of continuing to come to the surface until they are finally handled.

Years later – and probably because I am a writer and somehow always manage to find the “deep meaning” of simple sayings – this phrase has a deeper significance to me. I now apply this to my own life and try to remember when times get tough, that in order to make progress, I have to make sure that I attack the issue at the root.

I’ve learned that if you don’t take the time to really find the root cause of the issue, then all your surface work will do very little to actually solve the problem.

Face your issues, your demons, and your insecurities head-on, and do something about them. Talk to someone, get help, get out, make a plan, or whatever it takes to finally attack that root and move toward fixing whatever is keeping you from being the best version of yourself.

Eastvale: Rocks and Rubies

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

 

eastvale-rocks-and-rubies

Children from Rosarito, Mexico express their gratitude to Eastvale sponsors. (Photo Courtesy: Mikie Gettel De Vergara)

The following incidents are shared by members of our community, and are anonymous acknowledgments to the great (and not so great) things that happen around town.

RUBIES to the more than 20 Eastvalians who sponsored children from Rosarito, Mexico; your gifts and love were delivered!

RUBIES to our wonderful Mayor and his Santa Clause connection for making my boys feel so comfortable and happy during such a rough time!

RUBIES to the nice lady who paid for our entire Jack-in-the-Box order; it helped me more than you will ever know.

RUBIES to all the teachers that go the extra mile every day for our kids who need a little extra attention; we notice!

ROCKS to the people that still continue to speed and almost took me and my daughter out on the corner of Harrison and Citrus!

ROCKS to the thieves that steal Christmas decorations.  Really? That’s not the spirit!

ROCKS to the man who posted that the creep exposing himself on the Riverwalk Trail was just engaging in a crime against “prudish nature”!  Get a clue, man!!!

 

 

Get Outta Your Bubble In 2015

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

jennifer-Jester-MadrigalHey, you! You over there with the phone in your hand, getting ready to take your hundredth selfie with your kids playing at the park…it’s time to put the phone down and really look around.

You see that old man over there walking his dog, bent over from years of arthritis but still smiling? He’s looking around, hoping that someone takes the time to stop and say hello to him and maybe engage in a little conversation. Bet you didn’t know that he served in two wars, or that he married the love of his life when he was 22, and is the father to six children and 13 grandchildren. Or did you know that his beloved wife, Rose, died last year and that he has been lost every since.

How could you know? You were too busy trying to get that next selfie, busily rearranging your kids’ hair and clothing, and sucking in your gut so that the picture looked as good as it possibly could. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with selfies (if you know me, you know that I enjoy annoying people by forcing them to selfie with me), but there is something wrong, when as a culture we no longer see what is around us.

We are the “Gotta Have It All NOW!” generation and not only do we have to have it now, we want the best of it, and we think we deserve the best. We seek out the best and the most current technology and then take photos of ourselves enjoying it as a way of showing the social media world that we matter.

Our worth is, in essence, tied to our value on social media. Do you ‘Like’ me? Facebook and Instagram have become the “highlight reels” of our lives and others compare their lives to our “best of” moments.

What they don’t see are the tear stained pillows, the loud fights, the struggling addicts, or the sense of loss that so many people hide. Often, we hide ourselves behind the filtered lens of the camera, choosing how we can filter our lives to hide our flaws. Is it a Sepia day, a Valencia day, or maybe even a Sierra filter kind of day?

Perhaps in 2015, we will put the phone away for a day, stop capturing every moment, and instead take the time to walk our chubby little toddler over to the old man sitting by himself and say hello.

I challenged myself to this a few weeks ago and walked over to an older man walking his dog by himself. I was walking with my clapping, flapping, autistic, deaf son, Nicholas, desperately trying to tire him out so he’d sleep through the night. Walter was trying to do the same with his spunky puppy. So we walked together, his arthritic gait matched Nicholas’ developmentally delayed gait. He held on to his puppy’s leash to keep her safe just as I held on to Nicholas to keep him safe. We walked and we talked and he told me stories and we shared our sadness over losing those we loved so much.

Walter may be about 50 years older than me, but we have a lot in common and I never would have known that if I didn’t get out of my bubble. For Christmas, I brought him cookies and Oreo balls, and he proposed to me in return. I had to let him down gently, as he’s much too handsome and wild for me, but I gained a great friend.

I got out of my bubble, put my phone down and walked a little walk with a new buddy, and I’m all the better for it.