Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I work with so many parents of children and teens that are on probation. I see how frightened they are and how helpless they feel. One of the hardest times to get through, is when your child makes a mistake and becomes part of the system.

I see the parents having such mixed emotions of anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, embarrassment and many other emotions as well. I don’t think anybody likes to admit their child has made a mistake and has disappointed them. I think it must be very hard to have to go to parenting classes because the court makes that part of your child’s probation. Also, if your child can’t drive you must take them to counseling, community service, probation appointments, and drug and alcohol classes and so on.  I think for many parents, it must feel as if they are on probation as well.

The truth is I have done a lot of work with the department of juvenile probation and the juvenile court system.  I see the probation officials and the juvenile court officials working very hard to give the children and teens a second chance.  These officials want them to learn from their mistakes but seem to work really hard to not lock people up, that can be rehabilitated.  I have great respect for these officials and for the families that get through this life changing experience. I also believe that a child or a teen can really grow, change and become a better person from this very difficult experience.

My heart goes out to you if you are experiencing the helpless feeling I am writing about.  Take advantage of the positive changes that can occur from this hard experience.  Use probation, as a tool to help make yours’ a closer and more loving family!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Halloween is still my favorite holiday. As a child, I always thought it was so great to create a costume. In our house it was a major event. Very rarely did we buy costumes because it was much more fun to throw them together and create a new look.

You may be asking yourself why a therapist would be writing a column about Halloween.  I think our youth is really lacking in imagination and I think Halloween is a great time to help mold that in your child. Halloween is great time to help your child think about who they might want to be someday as well.

I know there are many safety concerns regarding Halloween and as a parent I understand that.  I also understand that our community provides lots of safe ways to celebrate the holiday.

The main thing is to help provide your child with a creative and safe Halloween.  My son is older now but we still both love Halloween so very much.  We have so many great memories around all the costumes, themes for decorating, pumpkin carving, parties, and all that makes this holiday so special. Our Halloween’s together are some of our best memories.

So spend some time with your child this year helping them develop the perfect costume.  Go out together, find the right pumpkin and carve it up together. Spend some time creating special Halloween traditions for you and your family.

Most of all let them use their imaginations and turn into somebody or something else for a day. Learn to have fun with your children during this wonderful holiday.

I think Halloween can create some great bonding time between you and your children.  It’s also a great time to let your hair down and just have some fun.

Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Nancy has a private practice in Diamond Bar. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and teen groups.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727 or email, nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s   books, “Live, Heal and Grow,” and “Midnight the Therapy Dog” at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I bet you don’t think you matter or make a difference.  I am here to say you are wrong.  Every interaction we have with each other matters.  Every time we smile or share a greeting, we make a difference. Those very interactions can literally change the way another feels about their day.  We still have the power to make the world a better place and to make somebody feel good.  I’m always given hope during those brief but powerful interactions with others.  An exchange of a smile can literally fill me with warmth and a wonderful glow inside.  Just for that brief second there was a very nice exchange of good energy between two humans.

Take a minute or two out of your day, to say hi, smile, to hold a door open, to help somebody cross a street or perform any act of human kindness.  These acts really go a long way and can help you understand you matter.  I value these acts and the people that have the social graces to perform them.  Please understand how much power you have each day to help make this world a better place. I hear heartwarming stories about people doing good deeds and I think about how much I value these people and their presence in our world.

Every time somebody thanks me for my work, their kind words seem to wrap around me, hug me and fill me up with such appreciation for my life and my work.  I so value the presence of the people in my practice and in my groups.  My group members are so supportive of each other and make a huge difference for each other.  I walk through my neighborhood with my dog Midnight and I have many very brief but meaningful interactions and I am reminded of how valuable humans can be if they want!

Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Nancy has a private practice in Diamond Bar. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and teen groups.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727 or email, nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s   books, “Live, Heal and Grow,” and “Midnight the Therapy Dog” at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I know from lots of personal experience the loss of a loved one is devastating.  I know it can dump a person into a very severe depression.  It can make us feel like we just can’t go on and that life isn’t worth living without that loved one.  I have literally helped thousands of people heal from the death of a loved one.  I know it’s important to understand that we all must leave this world when it is our time.  Death has no logic or fairness it just is and is the hardest part of living.  I also know that we heal when we find a way to live that honors ourselves and our loved ones still here and our loved ones that have passed away.

The worst thing we can do is feel guilty that we are still alive but a very special loved one has passed away.  No matter what we do, say or feel, nothing can bring that loved one back to us.  All we can do is live our lives fully, live our lives for ourselves and for all of our loved ones that have passed away.  The truth is that our loved ones don’t want to die and make us feel such unbearable pain because they are no longer here.  So it’s very important to fully appreciate the life of a loved one when they are alive and with us.  One of the tricks of a very successful life is to take nothing for granted especially those closest to us.

So when you lose a loved one grieve but don’t give up on your life.  Remember we are all only here for such a short time so live well and love well and I promise then you will have no regrets.  Don’t waste your life because we only get one time to do it all.  Tell people you love them, be affectionate and when they pass away carry them in your heart forever!

Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Nancy has a private practice in Diamond Bar. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and teen groups.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727 or email, nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s   books, “Live, Heal and Grow,” and “Midnight the Therapy Dog” at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Can you believe fall is here and we are getting ready for Halloween?

One of my favorite things about this time of year is the Walnut Family Festival.  This year, I will not only have a booth, but Midnight the Therapy Dog and I will be in the parade.

The date of the parade and festival is Sat., Oct. 10.  The festival is located at Suzanne Park, and there are all kinds of wonderful things to do, buy, and eat – and it’s a great opportunity to just see some old friends.

The parade runs from 10 a.m. until noon, and the festival continues on until 6 p.m.

I will have flyers there regarding my free support groups and copies of my self-help book entitled, “Live, Heal and Grow – A common sense guide to life,” and my latest book, “Midnight the Therapy Dog” for sale.  I will be happy to sign each book purchased.

I always run into people that I haven’t seen for years.  It’s a great opportunity to come on by and just chat about what’s going on in your life and get some support.  If you prefer the support of a furry friend, Midnight, the certified therapy dog, will be at the booth part of the day as well.

The festival is lots of fun and has tons of free information for you and your family.  Over the years, many of you have e-mailed me or called and left me messages about my column.  I hope you’ll stop by my booth and introduce yourselves.  I’m always amazed about how many nice people I meet at this event.  It makes me feel proud to be part of such a wonderful community.  I love seeing all the families and all the dogs that come out to this event.  I hope you’ll come out and join the celebration!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I have travelled all over the world to six continents now.  The only one I haven’t been to is Antarctica.

Recently I went to Australia, and I must say it was my best trip yet.  I was in the Northern Territory, which is very far into the outback.

I started in Darwin and went to a very spiritual place called Ayers Rock.  I watched a sunrise and sunset and saw the colors on this wonderful rock seem to change right in front of me.  I spent time in Kakadu and Litchfield National Park that has very tall rock formations with waterfalls and plunge pools. I was in the Mary Wetlands where I spotted crocodiles.

After my time in the Northern Territory, I went to Queensland where I snorkeled in the Great Barrier Reef and went into the Daintree Rainforest.  I hugged a koala and handfed kangaroos.  It was truly amazing.

The people of this fabulous place are so very helpful and warm.  They really made me feel at home.  Australia has some of the most stunning places I have ever been to in nature, and they work very hard to preserve it.

I must say I really had the best vacation of my life – and trust me when I tell you I have had many great experiences in so many places.  If I was to live anywhere else but the States, Australia would be it.

I was very impressed by the people, the nature and the overall views of what seems to be important.  I felt very safe as a woman travelling by herself.  They put their hands out to me when I was rock hiking to help me, and when I was struggling to find my hotel room a lovely woman walked with me to help me find my way.

I felt very cared for and free in their country. It was truly the trip of a lifetime, and boy, did I enjoy my time in Australia!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Since I was 17 years of age, I have been meditating.  I think it is the healthiest and most effective way to clear one’s mind.  Meditation can be done anywhere and anytime and does not require anything but discipline and a willingness to be patient, because to achieve total meditation takes years.  I love meditation because I don’t need to use pills or alcohol to relax and quiet my mind.

Some time ago, a school district did a study with their students and the effects of daily meditation.  They found that their students were able to focus and concentrate better and in turn their grades and their test scores improved drastically.  They found their students to be less angry and the number of school infractions went down as well.  They noticed their students having a much improved mindset, being happier and more balanced. This idea could have a profound effect on students with Attention Deficient Disorder.

So take five minutes from your day and find a quiet place.  Pick one word to focus on, and just think about that word.  When other thoughts come rushing back in, go back to your word to push away the thoughts.  Start with small increments of time and then extend the time you are meditating based on your newly acquired skills.  I like the word, “peace,” as it seems to work very well for me.

I know that I’m a much more efficient human being because I have a pretty quiet mind, and I attribute that to all the years of daily meditation.  The goal of meditation is to clear your mind of all thought, acquiring total inner peace.  You will sleep better and feel much happier and more balanced.

So, do yourself a favor and start the daily practice of meditation today.  I promise if you practice consistently you will literally transform yourself and your life.  I wish you peace.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I know many of you helped your child get ready to start school again, or maybe even for the first time.

As parents, we bought them new clothing, backpacks, notebooks, organizers and all of the other necessities that they needed for school.  We believed that in buying these things for them, we were helping start the year the right way – and that is a correct belief.

We started planning lunches (whether they were buying or bringing), and we made transportation plans for getting them to and from school.  Finally, we helped them ease into a bedtime that is appropriate for school, because summer is over.

Even though we believe we have done all of the right things, we may be wondering why our children don’t do well in school.

I think it’s important to help your child adjust their mindset about school and about how they will do.  What I’m suggesting is that we help our children prepare in so many ways for school, but we forget the emotional component in getting them ready.

It’s very important that as we are helping them physically prepare for school, we must remind them of how very capable we believe they are.  We must remind them and also give them the tools they may need to get through their long school days.  We must teach them how to deal with bullies and help them find the inner confidence to be successful and happy students.

I think it can start with a conversation regarding what was good and what was bad about the last school year.  Or perhaps what was easy and what was hard about the previous year.

Help remind your child of the tools they already have and take time to help them clean and sharpen them. Talk to them about what they are nervous about and calm them down by reminding them of all of their previous successes – and how proud you already are of them!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

School has just begun and you already feel worried.  You worry about your child repeating last year’s mistakes and you wonder just how to prevent this.  You tell yourself you did all you could to get them off to a good start and now you know most of it is truly up to them.

Maybe this year you need to get them some tutoring or maybe even some counseling.  It’s important for a student to feel good about him or herself.  It’s important for a student to believe that they can be successful if they truly try their best.  I know it’s hard sometimes to figure out the missing component, but this year, don’t wait until they are at the point of no return.

If your child is being bullied or having emotional problems, I guarantee it will get in the way of their academic performance.  Think about how it feels to go to work when you’re emotionally struggling.  It’s just as bad – if not worse – for your child.  Don’t be afraid to talk with your child or to ask for some help. You may have to learn to ask very specific questions to get them to give you more than a yes, no or okay answer.

There are so many pressures on our children and teens today.  So many of them I’ve had the honor of working with just feel so very alone and different.  These feelings can really get in the way of their academic performance and in the way of them being successful adults. Many of our students get into drugs and other bad things because they think that’s the only way they can make it through their days.

Make this the year you don’t ignore the red flags.  I know you are very busy, but you only have the here and now to help your child grow into a responsible and proud individual.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Do you ever feel like you just need to make a huge change?  Are you afraid, and so you stay stuck because this is what you have always done?

Maybe it’s time to have a personal revolution and really shake things up.  I think it starts by making a list of what you need to keep about you, and what you really need to finally let go of.  It’s time to revolt and personally attack those demons and the lies that hold you back from being a great and powerful you.

I know it sounds crazy to stage a revolution against yourself or against the pieces you are sick and tired of.  I don’t know any other way to move forward if you are really stuck.  Fight hard and fight smart and do your interpersonal work.

What better day than today to claim the rights to you.  Stop letting others hold you hostage to being a lesser version of you.  Today is the day you take control of yourself and of your mind.  If somebody has made your doubt yourself, today is the day to fix that.  Today is the day you decide that you are proud of yourself and that you will fight to become the best you can be.   I know you can win that internal battle, and you can revolt against all the lies.

You owe yourself this revolution and I know you can win.  The past is over, the future is uncertain, but the present is a gift that can help us unwrap our true inner being.  This is an inner being we can be proud of, and we can feel confident like never before.  This newly found confidence can help us see that anything is possible, and there are no limits for us!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I have been a psychotherapist for 15 years, and have worked with people of all ages with various issues.

I’m constantly amazed when I have a child or teen brought to me for anxiety issues. We seem to have created a generation that feels very inadequate and struggles with growing up and being successful.  The issues this generation worries about are things my generation didn’t have to deal with.

Our colleges are impacted and hard to get into.  Now kindergarteners have homework and are expected to read and know many more things.  Video games and television are replacing playing outdoors in the fresh air and getting much needed exercise – this outdoor playing is such a great way to reduce or eliminate stress.  Social media, unfortunately, has made this generation very lazy and childhood obesity and diabetes are on the rise.

As parents and community leaders, we have a social responsibility to help this generation find a healthy balance in their lives in every area.  We need to support and encourage our youth.  We need to provide them with the necessary tools to help them strive to become their best.  We need to have faith in our youth, as so many of them are diamonds in the rough.  We need to give them the guidance to help them shine and reach their full potential.

We need to teach our teens that problems can be worked through, and that drinking and drugs are not a solution.  We need to teach them how to meditate, not medicate, to quiet their busy minds.  We need to teach them how to relax by finding balance, getting organized, prioritizing and effectively managing their time and communicating what’s working and not working in their lives.

Please don’t assume that our youth are all pot-smoking, video-game-playing, lazy, worthless human beings.  They are just scared and need some help finding their way!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

School starts very soon and you need to help your children prepare.  This is a good time to start having them go to bed a little earlier and to help them get organized.  Make sure to buy them a good notebook with subject dividers and folders in those subject dividers to organize their work.

Take some time to talk with your child about what worked in the last school year for them, and what they can improve upon this year.  Help them set some goals for this year to make them be better students.

Every year, many parents bring their children to me to help them be better in school.  I teach them time management skills and we work on not procrastinating.  You can help your child with this as well.  You can set up a reward system when you see them making positive changes.

Time management and organizational skills are essential in helping your child succeed in school, and in life in general.  Also, if your child is starting at a new school, take them to the campus beforehand to help them feel more comfortable.

Getting your child to eat a good breakfast and a healthy at lunch is crucial for getting them through the day with the necessary energy to do what they need to do successfully.  Besides enough sleep and good nutrition, I feel a multivitamin is very important as well.

Many of these ideas are taught at my Monday evening free counseling groups.  We meet at the Walnut Teen Center every Monday from 6 to 8 p.m.  No invitation is needed and everybody is welcome to attend. The address is 21003 La Puente Road in Walnut.  Feel free to contact me at (909) 229-0727 if you have any questions. Midnight the therapy dog is also there to help!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I think we underestimate our instincts. We seem to go to others more than trusting ourselves to make decisions.
I’ve always thought of our instincts as our own personal guide or life coach. Our instincts need to be trusted because they are a gift from God that helps us know what is right or wrong for us. We all have felt our stomachs change when we go against our instincts.
In reality, our instincts guide us. I’ve never understood why people would trust anybody else more than they would trust themselves. I think when people are generally insecure, they struggle trusting themselves and their instincts.
My instincts never fail me. When I was younger, I didn’t always follow them and would end up in trouble. Now that I’m older, and hopefully wiser, I know I can always trust my instincts.
Learn to pay attention to the red flags or warning signs, because they are there to protect us from potential harm. I have found that they generally are trying to tell me something that I need to know. Learn to have faith and start to believe in yourself. Start making decisions that are good for you and learn to trust your gut. The more you follow your instincts and see that they guide you well, the more trust you will develop in yourself.
You wouldn’t throw away a map that would take you to a very sacred destination. By not following your instincts, I think you are throwing away one of the most valuable tools you have for self exploration and finally finding confidence in yourself.
Learning to trust your instincts can also make you a good judge of character when it comes to deciding whether or not to let people into your lives. Once you find that confidence, you will be free to depend on yourself to decide what is right for your life. This confidence is a very empowering tool that can change a life.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I believe apathy is the root cause for many of the problems in our world today.  What has happened to us and when did so many of us stop caring?  I know our world is hard and sometimes can feel like a very lonely place.  I also know that I come across many people that still believe in themselves, others and in our world.

I hate when I hear people just give up.  I hate when people just stop caring and seem to exist in a full-time pity party.  Life throws us many things that get in our way, but if we give up then we have wasted our lives.

I think we use apathy as a defense mechanism to stop feeling our pain.  I guess it’s easier to not care, than to feel pain.  I guess it makes it easier to hide from ourselves by acting like we just don’t care.  Eventually, if we are apathetic enough and for a long period of time, the people trying to help us might even start to leave us alone.  We may think this is what we really want, but I don’t think anybody truly wants that.

I look at apathy as being emotionally shut off, or wanting to show the world that you are.   We are here to live our lives to the fullest.  We are supposed to care and, yes, sometimes we can get hurt – but turning off emotionally helps nobody.

I hear a lot of people tell me they don’t care because there’s nothing they can do to make our world better.  I disagree, because as long as we still care then we will work hard to be the best we can be and to keep improving our families, communities and eventually our world!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

In just a few weeks, our carefree summers will end and school will begin. The lazy late nights will be replaced by endless hours of homework and studying. Very soon sleeping late during the week will come to an end, and rising early and on time will be the goal.

Don’t wait until the evening before school starts to change behavioral patterns.  Start right now on adjusting sleeping schedules and give your child or teen an advantage.  It’s really hard to make that sleeping change all at once and in one evening.

Getting organized correctly can be such a help for creating an organized student.  A good notebook with tabbed dividers and a separate folder for each subject within the dividers can be very helpful.  A pouch with the necessary writing implements and a hole-punch, stapler and whatever else will help, is also very necessary.  I think some type of planner or organizer to write down assignments can really help as well.

Help your child or teen figure out why they didn’t meet the academic goals they had for last year.  Teach them to set daily, weekly, semester and annual goals that are realistic and obtainable.  It’s important to understand that many times just doing class and homework isn’t enough, and that studying is an important part of academic success.

I work with many young people in my practice, and they seem to have a hard time asking their teachers for help because they don’t want to appear stupid in front of their peers.  Help your student find ways to get the help they need and in a way that they are okay with.  Remind them to tell you right away before they are failing and can’t raise that grade.

I wish you success this year!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Over my lifetime, I have gotten hurt from time to time.  Many times, I will think one way and somebody else will see things differently.

I know I hurt myself when I hang on to the hurt when somebody disappoints me, or I disappoint them.  I have come to understand that we are all human and we all make mistakes.

This last year, when I had my near death experience, I changed.  I have always appreciated my life, but now more than ever.  I don’t want to waste time being hurt or angry.  I want to learn to deal with things as they hurt me, and learn to let go of them.  I want to be free of anything that isn’t productive for me.  I guess coming so very close to death has really changed my perspective, and has made me a healthier being.

I find I keep my relationships cleaned up because I have learned how very fragile we are, and that we just don’t know when our time here will be over.  I have learned that it doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong, as long as we are lucky enough to surround ourselves with those that love us and those that we love.

People seem to believe there is disgrace in admitting you are wrong and just apologizing to someone.  I am learning it can be a very humbling experience.  I don’t want to live my life with any bad feelings between myself and another human being.  I know I am going to make more mistakes and I will be doing more apologizing.  I know I will need to be forgiving, and hope others can be forgiving with me as well.

I hope this article will inspire you to forgive or ask for some forgiveness.  I hope reading this will help you understand how precious our time here is.  I want to spend my time here being happy and peaceful, not hurt or angry.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

I have always believed there is a blueprint for our lives.  I know that we are meant to live in a way that shows the best version of ourselves.  I believe with my heart and soul that our creator doesn’t want us to settle and only be part of who we really could be.

I think sometimes we settle out of fear and self–doubt, but then we only sort of live the life we are intended to.  To me, there is nothing sadder than this because there is so much more to most people – and so much more potential for a great life!

I mean, what do you really have to lose by digging deeper and going after the life that you were intended to live?  You might actually be happy and fulfilled and live the life that you have always dreamed about.

I also think that many people feel that they aren’t deserving of a better life.  I am here to tell you that you are wrong, and to stop throwing away the gift of life.  Make today the day you stop making excuses and finally make a decision to get out of your own way.

I know how hard change is, but I also think it’s harder to come to the end of your life and be filled with regret.

So right now, write down the life you want vs. the life you have, look at the gaps, and think about what you need to do to change the way you live.  Start by setting some realistic goals that you can meet.

Learn to be patient with yourself, because the kind of changes I’m asking you to make will not occur over night.  These changes will occur, however, if you are tenacious and have faith in yourself and focus on growing into the best version of you!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Why do you let everybody run your life?  Why do you feel you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better?  What is it that seems to keep you stuck?  How many times have you asked yourself these questions?  Let’s see if we can’t answer some of them.

I think we let others run our lives because we feel we don’t know how to, and out of fear we allow others to run things for us.  In terms of feeling we have no choices, I think it’s just a bad habit of limiting our expectations and not having faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable even if we are miserable.  It also takes a lot of energy to change and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy.  The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck.

We ask ourselves the same questions over and over and at the time, we tell ourselves this time we will finally change.  I believe people mean it at the time they say it, but then they get lazy when it comes to actually doing the work involved to get to where they want to be.

Please stop assigning blame to everyone and everything else for why you don’t have the life you want.  We all have things that get in the way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome that adversity that literally stops us dead in our tracks.

I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can if they try harder and fight for the life they want.  People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be.

The truth is that all they are really putting off is life!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

I am a very big believer in rest and relaxation and feel summer is a great time to do that.  I take a lot of time off in the summer to do exactly that, but I must feel my summer is productive as well.  I force myself to move at a much slower pace and I do play a lot more, but I try to remember the concept of balance as well.

Summer also allows for some unique activities.  I see summer as a time to work on special talents and projects.  Having a project can be very grounding and give you something to be working toward, which I believe is a very important concept.  This doesn’t in anyway, take away from a very well deserved break.

The other really great piece about all of this is your child won’t lose all of their skills over the summer if you keep them engaged, and returning to school will be easier.

Common sense tells us if we don’t use something for three months, our skills can become rusty    By allowing our children to do absolutely nothing over the summer we are not doing them a favor, we are doing them a grave injustice.  Encourage your children to read a book, write a story about something fun, walk the dog to keep their muscles strong, help you add and subtract how many miles you’ll be traveling this vacation, understand why when you throw the ball up, it always comes back down – and just keep learning the whole summer through.

Teaching children the way to find that balance that will enhance their relaxation, make them feel good about their productivity, and allow them to have more fun than they ever have!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.