By Michael Armijo

It was a warm yet windy day filled with strong sorrow. The air reflected a deep sense of respect as people gathered to say goodbye to a friend whose spirit had left the earth.

As everyone gathered, the vibrant, wooden casket lay atop the ground as the family huddled closely around. The youngest, a young boy, gazed at the casket while tears flowed from his swollen eyes. He walked up and laid his cheek on the rigid, shiny, wooden box, as his white-gloved hands gently caressed the top of the last home his father’s body would ever have. He laid gentle kisses on the top of the casket, as his unconditional love was reflected in front of all those who watched. A gentle whisper was heard a row back; “Did you see that? How sad.”

When I heard those words, “how sad,” I felt something deep inside that disagreed; something that didn’t see the message of sadness when the boy showed his emotions. Instead, I saw an act of love. A love so strong, it displayed the true meaning of unconditional love; something deep inside that didn’t care if the world looked on or what people felt. This was a feeling of purity, of joy, and of strength.

I believe old proverbs and words of wisdom, and I believe we all see life in certain light, and sometimes, in certain darkness. I also believe that when we express the darkness, which surrounds our lives, it spreads like a contagious and cancerous disease. It attaches by simple contact, clings like a dependent child, while deteriorating in a short amount of time.

I’ve learned that opinions are only perceptions of a person’s immediate thinking, and reflections of someone’s inner self. What we see is usually what we feel, what we feel deep inside. Without realizing it, we express past experiences, deep histories, insecurities about our future, and we reflect the perception of our own lives.

I also believe that when we see life in its darkest hour, we have the opportunity to see life through the brightest light. For some, it’s a short path traveled to a place inside that holds our mind hostage from our heart. For others, it’s a level of confidence that sits deep within that’s been damaged by a careless act from an irresponsible adult.

I also believe that the true meaning of life can only be understood through beauty and joy that sits deep in our hearts. The vision of what will come can only be seen through the eyes of a believer of life. I feel the truest form of emotion can only be felt when a person can feel the presence of a higher power, a stronger entity, something or someone greater than themselves.

I understand that life is not always what it is expected to be. It changes moods like a spoiled child. But I also understand that life can be what we want it to be; all we have to do is apply our hearts in front of our minds. Following what we truly feel, not what we think we see, is the only way to put aside our petty angry thoughts and our insignificant bitterness. Because just as the young boy who helped bury his only father, the tears that flow from our swollen eyes are tears of love that can only be understood when beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

By Sarah Sanchez

The Bible describes a perfect woman in Proverbs 31. It describes a beautiful woman who cares for her family and teaches them about God. It describes a woman that is faithful and serves God with all of her heart, mind and soul, in addition to serving His people. A Proverbs 31 woman is described as someone who works hard and is smart with her money. In addition, the passage describes a woman who is “clothed with strength and dignity” (Proverbs 31:25). These are just a few of the many traits described in this passage.

When reading Proverbs 31, many women will strive to be this “perfect” woman and many men will strive to marry someone with these qualities. But when I read this passage, I instantly think of my mom. Of course, my mom isn’t perfect, but she is pretty close and she is truly a great role model. I believe she is a Proverbs 31 woman.

My mom cares and loves others, and she has taught me to do the same. Growing up, we would drive by a person living on the street and she would go out of her way to find the nearest drive-through, purchase food, and go back to give it to that person.

My mom is also a loving mother that has always cared for our family. Growing up, she would make our lunches everyday and put a heart shaped note inside that would tell us how much she loved us. She would pack us healthy snacks to take to school too. She still brings me snacks and lunch at work and I’m already a married adult! But she just has the gift of nurturing and loving others.

Proverbs 31 talks about this perfect woman being a woman of God; and man do I owe my faith to my mom. She would be the one to drag us out of bed for church every Sunday. Even when my brother and I went through a rebellious stage, she still prayed for us and sent us scripture (whether our punky teenager-selves wanted to hear it or not). She never gave up on us. I think it paid off because we were all baptized and are currently striving to live Godly lives. If it wasn’t for my mother constantly sharing her faith with us and believing in us, I’m not sure where we would all be.

My mom is a woman I admire and hope to be one day: both as a wife and mother. She is a strong woman who never loses faith in our God, no matter what circumstance we are going through. Growing up, I always believed she had a special direct line to God because her prayers were always answered. But really, it was because she had an enormous amount of faith and she truly believed that God would answer her prayers.

My mom is amazing and I’m sure yours is too; or maybe you know someone who has been like a mother to you. Whoever it may be, as we celebrate Mother’s Day this weekend I ask that you honor your mothers. Whether she is with you today or not, take a moment to remember all the good things that she has done for you…even if the only good thing is that she gave birth to you. Whatever it is, tell her, show her, write to her, and honor her. Because Proverbs 31:31 says, “Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”

By Michael Armijo

One day, my friend told me a story about a freshman in high school named David that touched me so deeply. This is what I call, Redemption:

David saw a kid named Ron walking home from school.  It looked like Ron was carrying home all of his books, which was strange because classes aren’t all on the same day. He thought to himself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” But he shrugged his shoulders and went on.

As he was walking, David saw a bunch of kids running toward Ron, knocking his books out of his arms and tripping him. Ron’s glasses went flying and landed in the grass. When David handed the glasses to him, he looked up he saw this terrible sadness in Ron’s eyes. Somehow he felt his pain.

David said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.”

Ron looked at him and lowly said, “Thanks.”

There was a slight smile on Ron’s face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.  David helped him pick up his books, and as it turned out, Ron lived near David.  They talked all the way home and Ron turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

Over the next four years, Ron and David became best friends. When they were seniors, they began to think about college. Ron decided on Georgetown, and David was going to Duke. They knew that they’d always be friends, and that the miles would never be a problem.

Ron became valedictorian of their class, and had to prepare a speech for graduation. David was so glad that he didn’t have to get up there and speak.

On graduation day Ron looked great.  He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. All the girls loved him. David was just jealous. He could see that Ron was nervous about his speech, so David smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at David with one of those looks (that really grateful one) and smiled.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began.

“Graduation is a time to thank those who have helped you make it through those tough years; your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach…but mostly, your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I’m going to tell you a story.”

David looked at his friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day they met. Ron talked of the day he had cleaned out his locker. He talked of how he was distraught about his life. He talked about how lonely he was. So lonely, he had planned to kill himself that weekend. But he didn’t, because his new friend unknowingly stepped in. He showed kindness. He showed compassion. He showed, by his actions, that life is worth the struggle. Ron looked hard at David and gave him a little smile.

“Thankfully, I was saved,” David continued. “My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”

David heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told them about his weakest moment. He saw Ron’s mom and dad looking at him and smiling with that same grateful smile.  Not until that moment did David realize its depth.

It was then that David realized how important it is to never underestimate the power of one’s actions. With one small gesture you can change a person’s life – for the better, or for the worse.

The most compelling element about the story of Ron and David’s friendship is how it relates to so many lives. Personally, I’ve hoped that somewhere within my past that I’ve been a “David” to someone I’ve met. And what fills my spirit with even more emotion is that I know I’ve felt like a “Ron” many times.

What perplexes me is that I don’t know which role I’ve felt more often.

Someone once said, “Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.”

To so many, each day, this is true. I’ve always valued my friends with depth and sincerity. I’ve always believed in the importance of being friends, and the importance of having friends.

As the story continues, it emphasizes that there is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. But today is a gift. This reminds me that giving the ultimate gift of friendship is what I call the inner spirit of your heart, and that gives us the true feeling of redemption.

By Sarah Sanchez

One day about a year ago, I told my dad that I had struggled with self-esteem issues. He was extremely shocked at my statement and he asked why I would feel this way because as he stated, “everyone loves me”. He went on to say that all his friends always compliment how wonderful I am. 

I thought it was interesting how my dad associated my self-esteem with the acceptance of others. If everyone loved me, then I should love myself right? This is the way we are trained to think: that the way we feel about ourselves should be based on if we’re accepted by others. 

I lived with this mentality growing up because I constantly compared myself to others. For example, if I see a beautiful woman with a thin waist, I’ll instantly wish I had a thin waist so I can look at beautiful as her. I think many of us compare ourselves like this. 

I’ve also noticed that when I go out with my group of girl friends, I’ll get more dressed up than I would if I went out with my husband. Why? Because if you’re in a group of women who are all wearing dresses and heels to dinner, you will feel compelled to wear a similar outfit so you can look just as nice as them. 

It’s sad that this way of matching others is the way many women (and even men) think today. It’s all about comparing ourselves with others because we care too much about what others think.

I struggled with these self-esteem issues for a while but I recently learned that there are actually two separate ideas: self-esteem and self-worth. Self-esteem is what we think of ourselves but it’s usually based on what others say to us, such as praise, compliments, or disapproval. So the reality is that our self-esteem can constantly change because we base it off of what others say. 

But self-worth is not supposed to change because it’s how we value ourselves personally. It’s the high standard we are supposed to set ourselves at. However, we tend to combine self-esteem and self-worth together. We tend to rely on what others think of us in order to determine our own value. 

We are taught to determine our self-worth based off how much others like us, compliment us, and accept us. Then when they don’t like us or accept us, we no longer like ourselves. We are no longer valuable. We are no longer worth anything because they don’t think we are worth anything. 

But I think it’s time we go against the norm and separate our self-esteem and our self-worth. Our self-worth should never change. It’s how we value ourselves, not how others value us. So it’s time to ask ourselves… who defines your worth?

By Sarah Sanchez

From shirts that show midriffs to bikini bottoms that only cover half of your bum – has anyone noticed the change in fashion trends? It seems like what’s “in,” is to show more skin.

It’s hard to talk to teens and young adults about going against the trend, but local youth pastor, Chris Kirish, at IgniteVPC, gave it a shot with a modesty-themed sermon last year.

Pastor Kirish talked about how bikinis were invited by French designer, Louis Reard, in 1946. Bathing suits at that time were more modest, only showing a small section of the midriff.   In fact, when the bikini was introduced, it was so scandalous that Reard couldn’t find a model to wear it.  He resorted to having an Exotic dancer being the first woman to ever wear a bikini in public.

Kirish went on to educate the students about a study that was done to determine what men thought of when they saw a woman in a bikini. Men in the study were hooked up to a machine and given a variety of pictures. When they saw women in bikinis or sexually-related clothing, the region of the brain associated with tool use lit up. Therefore, the conclusion of the study indicated that when women wear bikinis or sexually-related clothing, men see them as objects, not a person they can socialize with.

As a woman, I personally thought this study was eye opening on how important it is to dress modestly. Our youth looks up to us, whether we want them to or not. So if we’re wearing a bathing suit that looks like it could be underwear (or smaller than underwear), then our youth will do the same, thinking that it’s okay.

Getting a bad tan line in a modest bathing suit is the rising issue when this topic is discussed with women. But really, what’s more important: getting a good tan line (that you probably will be the only one seeing), or setting a good example to the youth in your life? Considering there are so many cute bathing suits and clothing that cover up, I believe that we can set a good example and still look fabulous doing so.

Many believe this is a controversial issue, but personally, I believe that “Modest IS Hottest”. Does your wardrobe show where you stand?

By Michael Armijo

As I sit here and admire how beautiful life is, I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to better my life with sheer desire, hope, vision, and good will. It’s different when I travel to my childhood home and remember where I came from. The horrid demons of failure, fear, neglect, and abuse creep into the corner of my soul, reminding me of a life without confidence, communication, understanding, and forgiveness.
It saddens me when I remember the bouts of depression, the bouts of anger and frustration. I remember seeing visions of irresponsibility and disregard for life, which made me feel that being normal was a long way away. The vision of cheating the system, denying help to others, and creating false loyalty by betrayal, were all every day visions that haunted all of us who were exposed.
In reflection, I believe we have the opportunity to provide a loving arena for our children and a stable life for our loved ones. As someone who has survived a dysfunctional home, as someone who holds the battle scars deep inside the soul with the visions of a painful war far within the mind, I remind parents to live up to their responsibilities.
As children, we depend on you to provide a consistently loving environment where a child will feel cherished, where a child will develop a strong and confident feeling about himself and his identity. We rely on you to give us the necessary tools to be productive and insightful. We need you to stand before us, and when you cannot, explain how pressure can sometimes overcome a simple human being. We do not expect you to run from your problems or your anxieties by abusing alcohol, prescription or illegal drugs; this is how you teach us to not deal with life’s anxieties and pressures. We do not expect you to lose your temper and mistreat us. But if you do, we expect an explanation and an immediate apology. Otherwise we’ll carry those memories and emotions and they could haunt us for the rest of our lives.
It’s no fun treading through life as though you’re a thousand pounds too heavy, and a hundred points too stupid. It not fair to give us false identities because you’re too insensitive to seek help for your insecurities and your lack of parental guidance. We expect you to fix your problems before you bring us into the world. And if you do not, fix them while we are here. Fix them in front of us, explain, and be honest. Or we will one day find out the truth about our lives and the truth about who you really are.
You do have the opportunity to give us enlightening answers before we ask those confronting questions. And you have the ability to avoid those questions by being open and honest while making an effort to be a better person. Your attempts to fix yourself will allow you some vindication and will allow us to feel better about who you really are.
My philosophies reach out like child’s embrace, although I am physically an adult. But I, or WE, as there are many of us who are labeled “adult children,” still hold childlike emotions because of the lack of guidance we received in our adolescence. And for the lack of communication and vision that we experienced we stay victims. But as each day gets better, we try to correct ourselves into being a better people, continually fighting to reach a realm that I call “normal.” And as we become victorious from each battle we can’t seem to avoid, deep in our hearts we know it’s a war that we may never win.
Today I travel through life and look forward to the bright sunny rays of light that come from our vivid sun. Today I will keep repeating to myself the many wonders of our subtle and kind human compassion to life. And I will constantly remember our commitment to humanity to ensure our mental safety for ourselves and for our children. Because again and again I will try to reiterate the message that each and every one of us do make a difference in this glorious world we call Earth, and in this magnificent time that we call life.

By Michael Armijo

I thought it was a war movie, or maybe a history movie; the previews were very realistic. Children played ball while large planes flew overhead. The camera shot followed the bombs as they landed on the enormous ships. I could see the determined look in the crewman’s eyes as he fired the machine guns at the planes in the sky above. It seemed like a pretty cool action movie, but I was taken by a deep surprise as a love story unfolded while watching, “Pearl Harbor.”
Picture this: a young woman departs from a train, and you can’t help but notice the beautiful glow on her face. She smiles, convincingly, and carries herself as though her life was like a child’s dream. The gleam in her eye, the uncontrollable smile, the happy pitch in her voice – she is most definitely in love.
As she approaches a young man, he stands there, handsomely, in his striking uniform.  With flowers in hand and hat in place, his love beams like a proud 10-year-old who has hit the winning home run. He obviously desires to be near her. He’s in love; free from judgment, free from dysfunction. He stands there and confesses his love for her, and she believes him, because he means it. He means every syllable, every vowel, and every adjective that comes out of his mouth. He loves her as no other. He loves her unconditionally.
When I saw the reflection of his heart on her face, when I saw her overcome with the power of emotion, I saw how she felt, and it came to me- it was obvious that she felt the way she did because he loved her, completely. He stood there in his fairytale book stance, and he proved he was, undeniably, the man of her dreams.
The look in her eyes, the love in her smile, was just captivating. It was right then that I knew he was responsible for her love, and I understood that as men, we are responsible for our partner’s love. It’s our responsibility to provide a strong, loving arena for the one we love, so they have no choice but to feel that life is like a Hollywood movie with a storybook ending. I also realized that it’s been years since I’ve seen that movie-like emotion in a woman’s smile. And something surprising came to me:  I am no Prince Charming.
I wondered what it would be like to be someone who was capable of giving their heart to someone else, unconditionally, uncontrollably. I wondered what it would take to love someone and to feel free from fear, to give it all up, opening myself to possible pain.
I wanted to be like that actor. I wanted to be someone who was capable of all the emotion that comes with love. But more surprisingly, I wanted that stature in life, and not for me, but for my partner. I wanted to become something that I currently was not, so that I could someday stand there like that actor did, at the train station, while my love’s heart beamed with the desire to be with me. I wanted to be free from all of life’s historical pains, egos, anger, frustration, and unhappiness, so that I could be responsible for her undying love. I wanted her to have this life because deep in my heart I know she deserves it. She deserves to feel the way that young woman did at the train station. She deserves every minute of that joy.
Yes, it was just a movie, but to me, today, it’s real life. Because of a simple, believable moment manufactured by Hollywood, I will do all I can for the woman I love, the love that she deserves. I’m trying my best by forgiving past pain and experiences. I’m letting go of agony that bad love once provided. I’m leaving all the insecurities and the egos in the past. I will be giving her my heart. I’ll hold her hand. I’ll open her doors. And I’ll be patient. I’ll learn how to apologize more often. I’ll be her friend, and I’ll let her be my friend. I’ll call her, sometimes just to tell her “hi,” or “I love you,” and I’ll have no ulterior motive. I’ll work so hard to earn her trust, to prove to her that I’m capable of loving. I’m learning how to love again.
And I know that a day will come when she’ll smile brightly. She’ll stand there, and her eyes will glisten with happiness. Her hand will clasp my own. Her hug will be trusting and convincing. She’ll whisper in my ear that she loves me. And she will smile uncontrollably. Then I will know in my heart that that I’ve finally provided her with her fairytale, her movie-like love. And when that day comes I will be able to feel her heart from a million miles away, and I’ll know that I’ll finally, become what she deserves. Her Prince Charming

By Michael Armijo

It’s 5:52 in the morning and I find myself leaving my home on the way to a Bible study that’s almost an hour away. Why would I travel so far to read the Bible with like-minded, quality men?
Over the past few years I’ve lost several people, two of whom were good friends that I spoke to on a daily basis. So now I find myself, heartbroken and lonely. Always seeking to replace at least one of those friendships with someone else with whom I can be honest, open, forth-right; someone who will listen to me when I’m right and when I’m wrong. Especially when I’m wrong. I’ve had my share of friendships, only to find myself feeling abandoned and told that I was just too wrong, especially during a crisis. Lord knows I am not right so many times, but Lord also knows true friends would stick by me like my other friends have in the past.

What I’m learning is that I continue to try to be myself and not everyone can accept who I am. It takes years of understanding and the development of loyalty, and compassion.  These friendships don’t develop overnight. So as I find myself alone, I realize I keep trying to push relationships, most likely to replace whatever I lack. I’ve been told I have a huge hole inside of me and I keep trying to fill it, but I have to come to the realization that this hole may never be filled again.  I just may have to walk this earth like a wounded soldier, like I’ve lost a leg or an arm. As a challenged individual that may never be whole again. So I have to learn to deal with my injury to deal with my loss.  To understand that legs will never grow back again. I am coming to the realization that I may never have friends as loyal and loving as those I had. Those friends are gone. But I am fortunate I do have a few good friends left, although they are busy and cannot give me the time my others had. It’s comforting to know that they do exist, and that they care for me. I can still trust these people.

So as I sit here with a heavy heart, driving in the dark of early morning, searching for a hug or a warm handshake, I’ll have to continue to stop mourning my losses and try to continue to remember how valuable my life has been. And now I must learn to glow again like I did when my heart felt safe. So, at this Bible study I am going to, I will seek friendships, and that may just be God’s way of telling me to just be thankful for what I’ve had and stop trying to seek out replacements. Instead, I should try to be a friend to someone who’s never had beautiful times with special people that I have had. I should try not to seek friendships, but instead, be a good friend to someone else who’s never had the love and care I’ve been so lucky to have received.

By Michael Armijo 

Last night, during the day, I was driving to the airport to pick up my buddy Mike Mendez. I was driving my current car, and was concerned about how his luggage would fit into the tiny back seat. As I gazed upon the back seat I was convinced it would fit.

When I got to the airport, I was in New York and suddenly I was part of a group of young, excited students who had English accents and were amazed at being in such a place. Where we came from, there wasn’t a place like this. So we frolicked through the airport like kids in a candy store. We were amazed, surprised, and excited to be with such a hodgepodge of people.

One of the other students made gifts and placed phone numbers in a box. He skipped his way through and handed out the gifts: mostly chocolate bars and CDs of classic rock. He gave me a phone number and said “You’ll want this number, it’s hers,” and he pointed to one of the other students. I looked at her and she was only about 19 years old, and I thought: “That’s disgusting; she’s too young for me.” Then I gazed into a nearby mirror and saw something shocking: I wasn’t a middle aged man, nor did I look the same. I was a young 20 year old, my ethnicity was now different, but I had the wisdom and memories of my current self.

I was completely confused on what was transpiring.

I went to a turnstile and saw a young man who resembled, exactly, my childhood friend Todd Mestas. I was right next to him and stared in amazement. He was smiling and looked so happy.

What’s interesting was that when I woke from this vivid and realistic dream, I didn’t know where I was, nor did I know what to do with the memory of that dream. I can visualize, hear, and smell the airport and I could still taste the chocolate bars. It was so realistic I believed I was really there.

The stranger part was the friend, Mike, who I was supposed to pick up from the airport, had passed away a few years back. So had Todd. He died the following year. They are both gone. So what does that mean? Or what does that mean to me?  I drew some conclusions:

1. When I pass, am I coming back as a new person, reincarnated into someone different who deep inside I’ve been yearning to be?
2. Should I leave California, as I’ve been wanting to do these past 2 years, and begin a new life?
3.  2 Corinthians 5:17 says: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Was God telling me that I am now a new man?

I’ve had many dreams, but don’t remember most of them. This one stuck in my head and I can remember so many details. I thought about my life and realized I eat fairly healthy, I don’t take any drugs, I don’t drink, I just had a CT scan and I have no tumors, nor is my heart in danger. So why has this message that came to me, while asleep, embedded itself into my mind, and now into my spirit?

I’m not sure why this dream disrupted my life, felt so real, and won’t leave my mind. But what I do know is that the way I felt during this episode in my life made me feel better than I’ve felt in a very long time. Made me feel different. Gave me some type of hope. I guess God knew that a trip to a New York airport when I was living in England would give me what I needed, which it did…last night.

By Sarah Sanchez

A common issue that comes up in relationships is changing your habits or personality for your significant other. This situation came up for me when my husband and I were dating.

Back when my husband was my boyfriend, I claimed to be a woman of God and I constantly nagged my husband for not going to church with me.

But one day, my husband said something that changed my life forever. He said that I had no right to tell him what to do because I was being a hypocrite, pretending to be a Christian on Sundays when I was really partying on the weekends. He also called me out on my relationship immaturity because I would consistently flirt or talk with people I previously dated.

It was at that moment that I decided to change my life for one sole reason: to prove him wrong! I was very stubborn and prideful back then and I was not going to take this guy calling me a hypocrite. So I changed my life for him.

I stopped flirting with other guys, going out to party, nagging him about church, and I pretty much fought every instinct I originally had. Life was great for a while, but then I eventually became very angry at him because I was sacrificing so much of my life for him, and I wasn’t receiving any praise for my sacrifices.

Later, I realized I handled this whole situation all wrong. First, my husband never told me to change for him, he was simply calling me out for not practicing what I was preaching. I was preaching to him that I was a Christian woman and that I was faithful to our relationship. However, my actions were not saying the same thing.

Deep down I knew that I didn’t want to be that hypocritical girl that I was. I wanted to actually live a Christian life and I wanted to be faithful in an adult relationship. I wanted to practice what I was preaching. My husband was just the first person to actually call me out and hold me accountable for my actions. So I decided that the only way I could change my life for who I wanted to be and for who God intended me to be… was that I had to want to change for myself.

It was a lot easier when I changed my mindset to that idea. Think of it as being told you have to eat healthy versus actually wanting to eat healthy. It’s easier to do it when you want to.

After I changed my mindset, I made a list of the traits and qualities I wanted to have. Then, I made decisions in my life based on that list and those goals. For example, if I wanted to live a life of honesty, I would think twice when I had an opportunity to lie. It took me a while to consistently think this way but I am a living example that it is possible to completely change your habits.

I found that this new way of living was ultimately better for my relationship, for my spiritual life, and for my well-being; all because I wanted to change.

By Sarah Sanchez

We live in a world
where we can’t spend time with family
without looking at our phone
We live in a world
where we have thousands of “friends”
yet, we constantly feel alone

We live in a world
where we don’t know the time or directions
without relying on technology
We live in a world
where we’ll say and do everything
BUT actually admit we owe an apology

We live in a world
where we teach kids to speak their minds
but only behind computer screens
We live in a world
where they tell us our sexuality
is determined by our genes

We live in a world
where our kids can be kidnapped
outside the house within our community
We live in a world
where children are starving around us
while we’re calculating server gratuity

We live in a world
where we throw out food and water because we feel full
We live in a world
where we take 30 minute showers
while others bathe in a lake or a pool  We live in a world
where people are greedy and selfish
because it is normality
Are you living IN the world
or OF the world?
What’s your reality?  

Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

There is a saying that talks about forgiveness being a gift that you give yourself. The idea is that once you forgive those who have wronged you, you take that load off your own shoulders and release that poison from yourself.

This is true in so many ways, but never is that load so heavy as when it is your own forgiveness. It’s so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive yourself. Often we judge ourselves so much more harshly than we judge others, and we make ourselves miserable trying to live up to some insane version of how we think we should be.  The truth is, we’re not perfect and we never will be.

Stop trying to be perfect and instead focus on who you are and the progress that you have made. Try to give yourself the same grace and charity that you give to others, and take a step back.

I do this all the time – I judge myself so much more rigidly than others and expect myself to always know better, do better and be better. But, I’m human. I mess up. I say the wrong things, do the wrong things, etc.  These things don’t make me bad and they don’t define who I am.  They are just mistakes.

Last year, I made some major life changes and decided to get real with myself. I was tired of making excuses and feeling guilty about poor choices I’ve made, and instead I took action. I forgave all those who wronged me, even if they never apologized. I set myself free from the burden of trying to make everyone else happy, and instead focused on just being a better person for myself and my kids.

The struggle to forgive myself has always been within me, and setting achievable goals has been a hard step to take. But, it’s working. I know in God’s eyes I’m amazing, and that He sees me for what I really am even when I am unable to. He sees the struggles, the heartache and all the good intentions. Most importantly, He has forgiven me.  If He can, who I am to say I am greater than He and not do the same?

That’s the thing about mistakes and bad choices, they are so easy to do; but it’s also easy to convince yourself that you are somehow not worthy of forgiveness.

So finally, after years of hurting and setting unreasonable expectations for myself, I finally have made peace within. I gave myself the same grace that I give others, and I let it all go.

Forgiveness is truly the best gift that I have ever given or received, and it turns out I had the power inside me all along.

By Sarah Sanchez

I’m a small group leader for our church’s high school ministry, and the most common prayer request is for my students’ parents. The students I have are very aware of their parents’ problems (whether the parents know it or not), because the requests range from “my parents are fighting,” or “my parents are struggling with money,” to “my parents might be getting a divorce soon.”

One girl in particular asked us to pray for her relationship with her dad.  She said she wanted to build a relationship with him, but his actions made it seem like he had no interest in doing so. She went on to say that every time she and her brothers hung out with him, she would notice her dad daze off as they talked, glance over at his phone, or start talking about what’s going on in his own life, with no interest in them. In addition, she said that the previous weekend when he was supposed to take them out, he came up with an excuse to get out of it. Then she said, “He thinks we don’t notice.”

This particular statement stuck with me, basically because it’s true. Parents often live by the “do as I say not as I do” principle. Yet no matter what age they are, children look up to their parents as role models and will mimic their actions. Whether we are children or adults with our own children, we’ll always look to what we’re familiar with: what our parents used to do. However, the main problem children are facing is that parents aren’t LIVING the way children should mimic. So the question is: what are you parents going to do about it?

Speaking on behalf of your children, we understand you’re not perfect. We don’t expect you to be. But what we’re looking for are the values and morals you LIVE by, and the way you treat yourself and others. We just look for the basics, because in our eyes, you’ll always be our heroes. We’ll always admire you and look up to you no matter what.  But please do us a favor, and have your actions speak louder than your words.

This young girl’s dad told her and her brothers that he wanted to build a relationship with them, but his actions said otherwise. Those little things can change a child’s whole perspective. Those eye rolls, dazes when we talk, whispering gossip in the next room, mocking the in-laws, loud yelling and disrespecting during fights, cursing another driver, drinking after a fight or a long day; these are all actions you’re teaching us to mimic.

And you think we don’t notice…but we always do.

By Sarah Sanchez

I married my best friend almost two years ago, and I believe I’ve settled into the routine of my new married life.  I can look back over the last few years and honestly say that no one prepared my husband and I for marriage. Even though we took a pre-marital course and were given advice from family and friends, there are still things that no one told us about.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I love our marriage. This is not a complaining session, but an informative piece. If I had been given this list before the wedding, I don’t think I would have been so shocked with the changes. So pass this along to any engaged or newly married couples you may know, and you’ll save them a few surprises.

#7 – Communication And Compromise Are Key:  Marriage is about becoming one unit, and this “all for one, one for all” mentality can be a little tough to get used to. You will be making sacrifices throughout your marriage, mainly because it’s not just about you anymore; it’s all about the “we”. You are a team now and you need to constantly be on the same page. But if you communicate and compromise with one another, then both of you can be happy with the decisions that are made.

#6 – You Will Become One; But So Does Your Bank Account:  If you and your spouse put all your money into a joint bank account, all of it now belongs to both of you and you have to learn to budget EVERYTHING. This can be tough because budgeting your money makes you realize how much you need to cut down on going out to eat, and how much groceries really cost.  My suggestion is to download a budget sheet online, fill it out every month, and – oddly enough – actually follow it by writing down every expense you make every day. Dave Ramsey has an awesome book and class you can take that will benefit you as well.               

#5 – Men And Women Are Wired Differently:  This particular point actually became quite clear to us after reading a daily devotional called, “The Love and Respect Experience,” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. We learned that men and women are very different in almost every aspect: emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. As expressed in the book, a way to look at it is that women wear pink glasses and hearing aids, and men wear blue glasses and hearing aids. In order to understand how the other is feeling while you are in a disagreement, men occasionally need to put on the woman’s pink glasses and hearing aids, and women occasionally have to put on the men’s blue glasses and hearing aids.  Sometimes it’s just about perspective.

#4 — When You Say ‘I Do’, You Marry The Family Too: When you get married, it’s a package deal, meaning the in-laws come along with the spouse. Therefore, it’s better to put your differences aside and try to be civil with one another.  A trick my husband and I use is that we confront our own families, and not our in-laws. For example, if there is a problem with a member on my side of the family, then I will be the one to confront the family member. But if the problem is on my husband’s side of the family, then he will be the one to confront the family member. That way, the relationships with our in-laws aren’t jeopardized with the confrontation. The bottom line is to try to find a way to keep the peace and don’t let the little things bother you. Also, remember that every family is different, so the way your in-laws act may be very different than the way you grew up. It’s not wrong, just different; keep that in mind.

#3 – Pick Your Battles:  There is a difference between a disagreement and a fight. From my experience, disagreements are more about bickering, while fights are the escalated form of a disagreement that usually includes some form of yelling at each other; perhaps a slammed door or two. My advice is to pick your battles, otherwise you’ll fight about the most ridiculous things. Our first fight as a married couple was about boxes.  No underlying issues.  Just boxes.  Everybody is entitled to their opinion, and there will be conflicts in your marriage; so aim for disagreements, not fights.

#2 – Learn to Embrace Your Spouse’s Differences:  You have to remember that you are two very different people who grew up in very different homes. There are certain habits, flaws, and pet peeves your spouse will have that may be very different from what you are used to.  As long as their habits aren’t hurting anyone, life will be much easier for you if you learn to accept your spouse’s differences instead of trying to change them.  You know how hard it is to change your own behavior, even when you want to.  So the pressure increases significantly when someone else wants you to change a behavior that you’d rather not.  Refer to #3.

#1 – Your Spouse Is Not – And Will Never Be – The Same Person You Married:  This is the number one thing that they don’t tell you about marriage. It sounds bad, but it doesn’t have to be.  One of the most common reasons people get divorced is because their spouse is “not the same person they married”. But every relationship has phases.  For example, you start with the person you date (on best behavior); then comes the person you’re engaged to (you still know the person, but the façade starts to crack a bit); and finally, you end up with the person you marry (where, oh where, is my fiancé?).  So if you go into the marriage knowing there will be changes, your expectations will be better balanced.   I’ve only been married to my husband for a few years, and I can honestly say we both have already changed since the day we got married. I learn new things about him every day, even with dating him for four years prior. He has new dreams, new goals, and new personality traits I’ve never seen before. He’s noticed the same in me, too, and that’s okay, because we married each other for who we were to become, not the people we were at that moment.  You can be very different, and still grow together, which is the goal anyway.

Marriage is an amazing experience and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yes, by the list above, it is tough and there is a lot of learning you have to do. But once you get it down, it’s so wonderful to have someone who cares for you, who loves you, who supports you, and is there by your side through all of life’s adventures.  For better or worse…”The best is yet to be, come marry me.”

By Michael Armijo

I remember the Disney movie “The Little Mermaid.” Ariel, the star of the show, swam in the ocean and gazed upward towards the surface. She could only see the sky filtered through the hazy water, and could never feel the warmth of the sun. She could not survive in our time, she couldn’t breathe our air. She was, simply, part of another world.

Ariel would yearn to be part of a place she felt she didn’t belong. A world she felt would never accept her. An area she believed would never understand where she came from or who she really was. So that kept her longing for the surface. For the humans.

I understand how Ariel felt, coming from a place that I understood was not the norm. Coming from an environment that reflected behavior without rhyme or reason. A place that made me feel that I was never truly accepted nor understood. I felt just like that little mermaid, an outcast. A mutant. Unequal. Inadequate. Different.

I found myself, when listening to that song, drowning within my own life looking outward to another place. To a world I felt I could not survive. An air I couldn’t breathe. A place I felt would never understand who I was, where I came from. All I wanted was to be like the “humans.”

I wanted to be like the people on “the surface.” I wanted what I felt was a normal life. Parents who loved and respected me. A family who cared about me and taught me about love, harmony, and respect. I wanted lifelong friends. That day I couldn’t help but feel inadequate.

And because I didn’t have the proper environment like so many others did, I understand that this is my fate. To walk amongst the “humans” and listen to their stories. To watch their moms, dads, and siblings live in harmony and respect. To hear the functional part of structure and logic, and the fearlessness of life. To see them RESPOND to life’s mishaps instead of dysfunctionally REACTING to them. To listen to their outlook on their future without pain and uncertainty. To feel a genuine love and respect for one another.

While there are times I feel like an underdog, I sometimes pretend as though I DO belong. I pretend that I feel equal and belong on this Earth. I roam amongst the humans but I actually feel like I’m deep inside the ocean waters and all I can see is a murky version of the sun. I cannot feel its warmth. I cannot enjoy its rays of light. I walk with a heavy heart. I walk with an empty soul. And it’s at that time my spirit silently whispers to my soul, that I someday hope to be…part of your world.