By Michael Armijo

I remember a story I once read: A frog was sitting by a pond one day and a woman walked up and asked: “What’s wrong Mr. Frog, why are you so glum?” The frog went on to explain: “I was once a handsome prince, but an evil witch put a spell on me. Now I’m a frog until a beautiful woman kisses me and breaks the spell.”

The young woman, feeling compelled to help, leaned over and kissed the frog on the head. She waited for a few minutes and then said: “What happened? You’re still a frog.” The frog turned to her and said: “I’m only going to explain this to you one more time….”

The moral of the story is: If you believe you are beautiful, that’s all that counts. You may not have the ability to change frogs into princes, but if you believe you can, that’s all that matters. Although others may not see your beauty, as long as you see it, that is what counts. What matters is that YOU believe in your own beauty.

A physically beautiful woman can sometimes be uglier than any other, and can be morally and ethically ugly inside. But a wholesome woman with great morals and a loving heart will forever change your spirit, because beauty depends on what you’re seeking. And beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

By Sarah Sanchez

I’ve experienced a lot of deaths of friends and family members in the last few years, but the hardest death I’ve had to deal with was when my grandma passed away recently. I was very close with my grandma and saw her every week for the last few years. She was admitted to the hospital right before she passed. It seemed as though she had signs of dementia, and she would scream, yell, and not recognize me when I visited her. It was hard to see her that way.

We were told that she was getting better and that she should be okay, but a few days later she passed away. After her passing, my aunt told me that on the second-to-last day of my grandma’s life, my grandma kept calling out my name. Not only did she remember me, but she was asking where I was. I wasn’t at the hospital on the day she was asking for me because I was “too busy” to visit her that day. Now that she’s gone, there is nothing that could’ve been more important than to be with her that day. There is nothing that could’ve been more important than to say “I’m here grandma.”

How many times have we used the words “too busy” when someone asked us to do something? Maybe you were too busy to hang out with your kids. Maybe you were too busy to listen to your spouse’s story. Maybe you were too busy to visit your parents. Or maybe you were too busy to just spend time with your family, phone free.

My grandma’s passing changed my perspective about being “too busy”. When my family decided to hold a last minute brunch to celebrate my grandpa’s 80^th birthday and my other grandma’s 70^th birthday, there were plenty of excuses to keep me from going. For example, I had to go to work, I had errands to do that day, I didn’t have a gift, I was an hour away, and I still needed to get gas. It seemed like I was just “too busy”. But still, I decided that I needed to be there. So I rearranged my schedule, picked up a card, got gas, drove the hour to Long Beach in the middle of the day, and spent time with my family. Lo and behold, it ended up being the best decision I made all day.

There are 24 hours in a day and 7 days in a week, but we can’t make time for our families? Work will always be there, errands can wait a day, but our loved ones will not be alive forever. So next time you have an opportunity to be with your family, rearrange your schedule, do everything you can to be there, and then cherish that time you have with them… because we should never say we are “too busy” for our families.

By Sarah Sanchez

There’s always a few days in your life that you’ll never forget. For me, it was when I was visiting my doctor, just before Thanksgiving, and she walked in and told me that my bad cholesterol was twice as high as it should be. The doctor said if I didn’t get my cholesterol down as soon as possible, I was at risk for a heart attack, diabetes, and infertility. That last one hit me hard, considering I just got married and having children is all we ever talk about. I remember staring at her, trying to process the information I was just given; trying to hold back the tears that suddenly filled my eyes. I couldn’t believe it. There was a possibility I couldn’t have kids, and I had high cholesterol at 23.

The doctor told me to change my eating habits, and to stay away from carbohydrates, sugar, and alcohol.  She prescribed medication, and sent me on my way. I walked out of the doctor’s office shocked and confused, with no idea what to do next. I cried a lot that week. I went into a bit of depression after imagining that I might not be able to give my husband a child because of my eating habits. I replayed the conversation in my head, confused on how this happened. My husband and I barely ate out because of finances. I cooked chicken or turkey meat almost every day, I don’t drink soda or coffee, and I rarely drank alcohol. I just didn’t get it.

That following Sunday, my husband and I went to our couple’s small group and I completely broke down. Surrounded by people I had just barely met, I held my husband’s hand, told them everything, and I cried. I let it out. And I’ll be honest, I felt better. They were so supportive, offering recipes, a group diet, and prayer. I couldn’t believe the love I got from them, strangers that suddenly became my support group in a time of need.

After my breakdown, I just snapped out of my depression. I was motivated. There was no way my eating habits were going to be the reason I couldn’t have kids. My mind was set: something had to change.

With love and support from my husband, I spent the next three months changing my lifestyle. I monitored everything I ate and developed an exercise routine. I went on a protein shake diet for the first two weeks, and then maintained my weight by eating smaller portions of strictly healthy food. I also downloaded the “My Fitness Pal” app, which helped me realize what’s actually in the food I was eating.

It was tough to change everything at first. I felt ridiculous reading labels at Trader Joe’s and then looking up to see an 80-year-old man doing the same thing right next to me. But I stuck it out, and I’m happy to say that four months later, I’m down 12 pounds, I’m off medication, and my cholesterol is normal.

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. This experience helped me to learn how to use low-fat alternatives, realize what foods are actually bad for me, and it also helped me build a closer relationship with my husband, family, and friends. My family was inspired to go to the doctor for routine checkups, too.

I think the most important outcome out of this experience was that I was able to feel better about myself. I’ve had low self-esteem since I was very young, and on every birthday since I was about 13-years old, I wished I was “skinny” when I blew out the candles. But every year, I never did anything about it. Having high cholesterol forced me to lose weight, and now that I have, I feel better where I am. This past year was the first birthday that I didn’t wish to be “skinny” because for once in my life, I felt comfortable with the weight I was at.

In the end, I realized having high cholesterol went from being devastating news to being the best thing that ever happened to me. God always has a bigger plan for us and sometimes we need to stop looking at the problem that’s happening in the moment, and look toward the positive outcome that it can have in the future. So even though I’d never thought I’d say this, I’m thankful to have had high cholesterol at 23.

By Jennifer Jester-Madrigal

Show me what you think you are, and I’ll show you what you actually are, and then you can decide which version of yourself is the one you wish to portray to the world.

How many of us have had this conversation with ourselves time and time again only to come to the same conclusion each time? I don’t deserve “this” or I don’t deserve “that” because of something I have done, or simply because I am not enough. It’s amazing the power your thoughts can have over your entire life, often drastically altering your own path.

I was lucky in that I grew up in a loving home, with loving parents and great examples of what family, love and friendship look like. My father loved my mother and she loved him, and we were kissed and hugged and smothered with attention as well. We had the suburban upbringing:  two kids and a dog – sans the picket fence (ours was a block wall) – and a neighborhood full of friends to play with until the street lights came on and we rushed our dirty hands and tousled hair back to our happy homes.

But somewhere along the transition from jubilant child to responsible adult, I stopped seeing myself as “deserving” of the love I had witnessed growing up. I let my own guilt and apathy for others override my own right to be loved as deeply and sincerely as I once was.

As a woman and a mother I began to believe that everyone else came first, and while I still think this is a great philosophy to live by, it’s not exactly correct. If you put the needs of others in front of your own, you can avoid becoming a selfish person, but there has to be a line drawn at some point. You are in charge of that line, and the power that comes with that is profound.

Loving another does not mean that you do it at the expense of your own soul. If you are a follower of Christ, then any love that takes you away from His path is at the expense of your own soul. Loving another shouldn’t hurt. While there is often emotional pain involved in loving another person, that love should not cause your heart to constantly ache. True love builds you up and makes you a greater version of yourself; it does not tear you down with ugly words and forgotten promises. Loving another means you let them be “themselves” even if that “self” isn’t what you completely understand. The greatest gift you can give another is to allow them to be who they are, and accept them with all their craziness, all their insecurities, and all their unique imperfections.

The strange thing is that when you turn these gifts around and apply them to yourself, you realize that until you can love yourself in this same way, you really can’t truly love another. What we think we deserve – consciously or unconsciously – we accept. It is only when we change our own perceptions and really start loving ourselves in that same selfless way that we can demand the love we know we deserve. Life is too short to settle; so don’t.

Courtesy of State Point

Sixty-four percent of American adults have a smartphone, according to Pew Research Center, and that number is growing. Savvy smartphone users are doing a lot more with their devices than taking selfies. At the forefront of a smartphone’s benefits is on-the-go money management, which personal finance experts say can be a key tool to helping you achieve your New Year resolutions.

“Technology advances are giving banks an opportunity to further enhance their customers’ ability to manage their money,” says Brett Pitts, Head of Digital for Wells Fargo Virtual Channels.

Want to get a better handle on your money in 2016? Pitts offers some tips for making your smartphone your own personal banker:

• Go mobile: You may have used your phone to log into your account via your bank’s website. Check your bank’s mobile application offerings and download its mobile app instead. Using an app designed for device readability will make transactions easier and more efficient. When downloading an app to your smartphone, make sure you’re using a trusted source. Make sure you download directly from your phone’s app store or your bank’s website.
• Review functionality: Mobile applications are always evolving and improving. Review your bank’s app functionality periodically to ensure you’re up-to-date. For example, Wells Fargo just added several new features to its already robust mobile banking suite. Once enabled, customers can view balance information with its FastLook swipe feature, as well as be notified of transactions via opt-in push notifications (without having to log in with a username and password).
• Manage your money on-the-go: Use your bank’s free money management services like online bill pay, mobile check deposit and mobile funds transfer. Get peace of mind before heading out for holiday shopping. Before purchases, use your phone to check account balances and make transfers as needed in order to avoid overdraft fees.
• Add automatic account alerts: Preset limits for transactions and purchases, so you can be immediately notified when those limits have been exceeded. This will help you track your spending and prevent you from breaking your budget. You may also wish to sign up for other notifications, such as when your card is declined, your balance drops below a certain threshold or a direct deposit posts to your account.
• Get reminded: Make late fees a thing of the past. Set up calendar reminders for credit card payments, mortgages and other bill due dates. Your bank’s app may also have a built-in reminder feature to help you streamline payments.
• Keep contact details up-to-date: Make sure your bank knows how to reach you. For example, some banks notify customers of possible suspicious card transactions through text messages — which allow customers to reply quickly to confirm whether the transaction is legitimate or not.

More banking tech tips and resources can be found at wellsfargo.com/mobile.

Thanks to new user-friendly technologies, being responsible with your money is easier than ever. Be smart with your smartphone and use it to help meet your 2016 financial goals.

By Sarah Sanchez

I went on a mission trip to Haiti with a team last year, and lately we’ve been talking about going back. The team and I always talk about how much we miss Haiti, but I think it’s strange that we’re talking about how much we miss a Third World country, where people live in poverty and barely have enough food to eat. The other day, I really thought about what it was that I missed about Haiti and the first thing that popped into my head was the people.

The Haitian people who lived in the villages were always so friendly to us. They would wave at us as we walked by, have us hold their children, or ask us to pray with them. They were welcoming everywhere we went. They treated us as if we were family, even though we were strangers who didn’t even speak their language.

The Haitian children were a whole new level of friendly. Whenever we had an opportunity to play with the children, my arm would end up being tired from holding so many of them and my legs would be tired from running around with them the entire day. At one point, I had a little over ten children surrounding me, each fighting to hold my hand, trying to play with my hair, trying on my sunglasses, asking me questions in Creole or doing anything to get my attention. The funny part was that as soon as I turned around to look at them, they would give me the biggest smile. The love they showed us was truly remarkable.

It wasn’t until we were back in a United States airport that I realized how different Haiti was. The moment I realized we weren’t in Haiti anymore was the moment I turned to say “Bonswa” (meaning hello in Creole) to someone, and I didn’t see a smiling face like I was used to in Haiti.

It’s amazing to think that I miss a country where we didn’t have any electricity, where we didn’t have clean water, where we barely had enough food, and where  I’ve sweated more than I’ve sweated my entire life. But still, I have the urge to go back just so I can see those friendly faces and feel that special love all around me.

The question I found myself asking is, why do I have to go back to Haiti to feel this way? Why can’t I have that same feeling when I’m in my own hometown? Why can’t we be friendly to one another here? So I ask you to please help me spread love around the community. Say hi to one another, smile at each other, open doors, help with grocery bags, or carry out a simple act of kindness to show a stranger this love. As the years progress, I find the world becoming less civil. But who says we can’t change it? Let’s work together to make this world we live in a better place.

By Sarah Sanchez

It’s tough when a loved one passes away. I’ve been to four funerals in the last few years, and it seems like it gets harder each funeral.
When one of my dad’s best friends passed away suddenly two years ago, it was one of the hardest times for my family. Now with another one of my dad’s best friends passing away suddenly this week, it hurts my heart to see the pain all over again. Both were great men that we didn’t expect to leave so quickly.
Death is a hard thing to deal with, but almost every person has experienced a loved one pass, so we all know how tough it is. The only message I wanted to leave you with is make sure you appreciate the time you have with your loved ones. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be angry, just let the past go. Kiss your loved ones goodbye every time you leave, tell them you love them constantly, and make time to see them regularly.
Someone once told me that it’s not that we don’t have enough time in the day, it’s that we don’t make time…So what are you doing with your time? We need to use that precious time to make great memories with our loved ones. When someone leaves this earth, we shouldn’t feel regret, and we don’t have to.
Make the most of today… because life may be different tomorrow.

By Michael Armijo

I was at home one day recovering from a recent illness and I had not gotten cable yet so I was forced to watch antenna TV.  What was on was “Gilligan’s Island”, “Father Knows Best”, and “I Dream of Jeannie”. Watching these shows brought me back to when I was a kid and a teenager in the 70s and 80s. What also brought me back was remembering how simple life was back then.

You see, back then there weren’t many complications; there was just Gilligan getting hit by coconuts, the father from “Father Knows Best” staying with his family and spending time solving family problems, and “I Dream of Jeannie” misinterpreting what her Master said. I started to think about what happened to those days, and why was my life so complicated now? Why couldn’t I commit to a relationship or stay focused on the quest of being more successful? Why was I so distracted? Why did I want to run when tragedy struck my life?

I realized that I am to blame for not enjoying all the fruits of my hard work, and all of the benefits of what I’ve truly earned. Of the love I’ve earned and the security I deserved. It was my fault and no one else’s. I’ve learned that I kept distracting myself. I kept cluttering my life with everyone else’s life instead of fixing my own.

I have a beautiful family, I have my dream car, I live on the beach for God’s sake. Why am I chasing empty promises, other people’s broken dreams, and lost love?

Two hours in front of a computer, or two hours walking along the beach under the palm trees holding hands with someone who loves me.

So I turned to God and I’ve asked Him to help me find peace. And He did.

Those who know me know I am not, and probably never will be, a “holy roller”. But I’ve learned to pray each day. I’ve learned to be accountable for my actions. I’ve learned not to be so selfish. I’ve learned to be more patient and kind. I’ve learned to attend church regularly. What have I received? Peace.

Social media is a great thing and a nice tool for many. But for me it’s just a distraction from who I truly am. So today I will enjoy the rays of light that come from our joyous sun. I will love, enjoy, and help my family. I will work hard to provide but I won’t overdo it. I’ll continue to smile at strangers. I will continue to give to those who are in need. And I will no longer complicate and distract myself from who I need to be; to be a better man. I will just enjoy the simplicity of life.

By Michael Armijo

The holiday season brings many positive memories, but it can also remind me of the painful ones, too. The season is filled with family and friends, but when they are gone the pain of their absence has a tendency to sink in.

Friends have reminded me that you cannot live in the past, but I remind them, “The absence of those close to us who have passed away isn’t in the past, it’s in the present.”  Since they were always around to share their love, their absence leaves our hearts aching for their presence on a daily basis.

There are mile markers:  the first summer they weren’t here to share with us; the first Halloween they weren’t here to dress up in a costume I could make fun of; the first time I didn’t receive the usual Thanksgiving invite; and the first Christmas I didn’t have to go in search of the perfect gift.

Now, on this New Years Eve, I will struggle without the “I love you, man” drunken phone call exactly at 12:01 am.

Every year for the last 17, I was privileged enough to have someone in my life who shared those things with me:  their life, love, passion, experiences, hope, and feelings.

I know today is a new day, and I believe that I am not alone. But when those who share their life with you and give you the feeling that they will love you regardless of your many faults, failures, and shortcomings leave this earth, you cannot help but feel their absence. A piece of you that had confidence and support is now gone.  An entity of your life’s confusing and rollercoaster-like existence is gone.

It feels like your dysfunctional life is like a puzzle, with some critical pieces missing.  So you try to find those pieces through other relationships, through new loves and old friends; through random acts of kindness and honesty.

But sometimes it feels like those pieces – which you’ve worked so hard to replace – have somehow deteriorated; vanished; dissolved in your hands.  You’ve tried to stop it, but it became physically impossible. You’ve tried to “will it” differently; “wish it” to reverse. You’ve tried to close your eyes and wake up from a bad nightmare. But each day that bad dream again becomes a harsh reality.

So I call each day, with or without friends, a day at home. Those that were loved and lost had earned a place in my heart; a room in my self-fabricated, non-dysfunctional home.  But now that they’re gone, I feel a bit lonely, and a bit to myself.  And I just can’t stop that feeling that I was left completely by surprise, and left to feel Home Alone.

By Sarah Sanchez 

I am a nobody

I will never think

I am worth something,

I have no talents

I can’t believe that

I have a purpose,

In this life

I am ugly

I will never say

I am beautiful,

I am alone

I will never feel that

I belong,

God made a mistake

I will never believe

I am good enough to live,

The way I feel about myself:

I need to change

(Read each line from bottom to top to read the truth)

Attorney With Rare Genetic Disorder Hopes To Inspire Others

By Toni Tantlinger
Cary M. Berman arrived in the world 52 years ago already saddled with a rare neurological disease.

He was well into adulthood before it was confirmed that he suffered from Late-Onset Tay-Sachs (LOTS), a genetic disorder that leads to damaged cells and a steady deterioration of muscle control. He was one of 250 in the world when diagnosed with LOTS, and it explained lots of medical challenges that he encountered in his life.

Usually, symptoms start with clumsiness and weakened leg muscles. Over time, there is more loss of mobility, which can lead to the need for a cane or wheelchair. Speaking and swallowing difficulties also can emerge. There are also psychiatric consequences in 50 percent of the patients with LOTS.

“Basically, my medical challenge has brought imbalance and chaos to every aspect of my life,” says Berman, who tells his story in “Genesis: Born with Tay-Sachs” (www.livingwithtaysachs.com). “My challenge has been to bring balance back into my life.”

Like many who suffer from Tay-Sachs, Berman concentrates on strategies for managing life with the disease because a cure does not exist, though research is ongoing.

Tay-Sachs is caused by a missing enzyme, hexosamindase A. Three forms of the disease exist, according to the National Tay-Sachs and Allied Diseases Association. They are classic infantile, a fatal version where babies show symptoms at about six months; juvenile, which most often appears between ages 2 and 5; and late-onset, the version Berman has, where the symptoms usually appear in late adolescence or early adulthood, though can appear later.

French Canadians, Louisiana Cajuns and people of East European Jewish descent are considered high risk. Berman is Jewish.

Berman says he has been able to do battle with his medical condition with the help of his family, friends and faith. His stubbornness also doesn’t hurt.

“When someone tells me I can’t do something, I want to do it,” says Berman, who worked as an assistant public defender in Illinois for 27 years before his disease sidelined him.

He hopes that by sharing his experience, he can inspire others who face difficulties.

“Everyone in life has at least one challenge to address,” Berman says. “It might have to do with health, finances, family or something else. But I think there are some common approaches that apply for overcoming adversity of any type.”

He offers these suggestions:

• Take control. This is no time to accept defeat. “I believe in taking active control of your life rather than approaching challenges in a passive fashion,” Berman says. “Don’t just sit back and let things happen to you. Yes, the challenge you face may be extremely difficult, but you need to be a catalyst in your own life, making the bad situation better.”
• Maintain a good mental attitude. Perhaps nothing is more important in dealing with challenges than mental attitude, Berman says. To nourish a positive attitude, he often pushes himself to attempt things outside his comfort zone, such as when he learned to rock climb in Thailand.
• Embrace friends and family.  Having a support network makes all the difference, because everyone needs others to lean on in times of trouble, Berman says. “Without a doubt, the most powerful and important relationship I have is with my wife, Carmen,” he says. “She is my best friend and most trusted confidant.” But friends can come in all sizes, races, genders and backgrounds, and his certainly do, he says.

Berman believes that “The most successful person is the one who can deal with adversity effectively.”

By Michael Armijo

I stood there in the courtyard, and waited.  Her little eyes, her bright smile, her warm hugs…I was waiting for them all.  It would be just a few minutes before that bell would ring, it would be just a few minutes before my little love of life would run out smiling, wrapping her arms around me proclaiming, “Daddy, I love you.”

The bell rang and I stood there.  I watched; I waited.  I sought her out, but she didn’t show.  Hundreds of kids ran by and I made eye contact with each and every one of them.  There wasn’t a chance that she would’ve gotten by me.  My mind knew what she looked like, what she resembled, and all her characteristics.  I was like a machine, scanning the crowd, like a robot with a mission.  I was waiting for someone who made my life complete, who I had given my heart to, who I trusted with my feelings, my spirit, my life.

After most of the children passed me by, I felt a sensation of panic.  I felt a sense of fear.  I was afraid that I had lost one of the only people in life that I knew loved me, unconditionally, and now, who would be there in the end?

When I felt that panic, when I felt the fear of losing someone I really loved, I wondered why. Why did I feel so fearful?  Why was I so afraid?  Why did I feel such a sense of panic?  And then I remembered what had happened.

I remembered my mother, my father, my family.  I remembered how much they loved me, how they took care of me.  I remembered giving my 8-year old heart to those who I thought I could trust.  And then I remembered how one day my life changed.  I still don’t recall how, and I still can’t understand why, but for some strange reason, when I was growing up my life was filled with love and joy, and then one day it was all taken away.  All that I knew as a child, all that I trusted, was ripped from my heart, and then ripped from my soul.  And no one explained why.

After the inconsistency of that environment, I found new love from girlfriends in high school.  And then they too, like my family, left me, and took parts of my heart with them.  I remember, at 16 years of age, standing in the aisle of Sav-on, stocking shelves, while tears poured from my eyes.  I was hurt, I was devastated, and I was alone. Again, someone whom I had given my heart to had taken away a piece of my inner self.  And again, they left without a word.

It took so long for me to love again, to fully trust people, but somehow I did. I began to give my heart, or what was left of it, to others whom I felt I could trust.  I slowly began to rebuild my life, or so I thought.

The way I felt that day so many years ago when I couldn’t find my daughter, when that sleeping giant of fear woke up and looked around – I remembered the pain, and the sorrow and I remembered how much love hurt.  I guess that when I waited for her, those feelings of abandonment returned, and I was afraid of losing yet another love in my life.  I didn’t have much heart left to lose; I couldn’t stand to go through what I had experienced so many times, and so many years ago.  But I faced those demons of fear and abandonment and grew from my pain.  I simply refused to let my past interfere with my future.  I had worked too hard to let irresponsible acts of yesterday interfere with what I had built for today. That day, I found my daughter, and I faced my fears.

As each day passes, I thank God for the opportunity to feel feelings and emotions that some people will never feel.  I thank God for being able to enjoy my life with a smile and a hug.  More importantly, I thank God for allowing me to understand that someday I may lose the ones I love, but not to fear, because today is the day I will enjoy their presence, their love, and their joy.  And when they’re gone, I will still make wonderful memories, so that I can remember that God has given me a beautiful place in my soul – free from past pain, free from fear and abandonment, and free from lost love.

By Toni Tantlinger

Some people start each day with an early morning jog. Others begin with a cup of coffee and a donut.
“Everyone knows that people are creatures of habit,” says wellness expert Scott Morofsky, author of the books “The Daily Breath: Transform Your Life One Breath at a Time” and “Wellativity: In-Powering Wellness Through Communication” (www.Wellativity.com).
“But too often, the habits we nurture are laziness, procrastination, self-serving biases, justification and rationalization.”
Such behaviors put people on a path to destruction, all the while making them look forward to the trip, he says. In the process, they are robbed of essential happiness and joy.
The trick to improving isn’t just by ridding yourself of habits, he says, but by replacing the bad ones with good ones.
“I really believe people can use practical methods to reprogram themselves for life-enriching habits and overcome any affliction they suffer from,” Morofsky says. “After all, we all know the things that hurt us and we know that we shouldn’t be doing those things. So why don’t we stop? Because we don’t know how to go about making these changes happen.”
For Morofsky, the key is for people to become conscious of something they take for granted – breathing. By conditioning yourself to improve the quality of your breathing, you do a better job of taking in oxygen. A lack of sufficient oxygen in our cells is known to contribute to many health issues, he says.
“The important thing to remember is you don’t need pills, potions, gadgets or gizmos to make a change for the better happen,” Morofsky says. “Your desire for a better life and a system that helps you achieve it are all you need – if you’re willing. It’s a matter of getting your mind, body and spirit working together in a practical way.”
He offers these tips to get started going into the New Year:
• Conscious breathing. Morofsky made conscious breathing the centerpiece of Wellativity, which is what he calls his personal method for helping people overcome afflictions such as obesity, smoking, lethargy, eating disorders and any other behavior that inhibits wellness. This is much like the advice people hear their entire lives to “take a deep breath” when they face stressful moments. “The core focus is conditioning ourselves to stay as connected to conscious breathing as possible and to clear away anything negative or detrimental,” Morofsky says. Breathing awareness in itself helps reduce bodily tension, improve rational thinking and increase oxygen to the entire body.
• All in good time. One of the most common pitfalls people face when they want to improve their lives is trying to do too much too soon, Morofsky says. That’s especially true with exercise or physical fitness programs, but it applies to other areas of life as well. It’s fine to be ambitious about trading bad habits for good, but don’t set yourself up for failure by creating unrealistic goals.
• Healthy boundaries. When you are establishing a healthier lifestyle, it’s important that you have healthy boundaries. “An alcoholic in recovery shouldn’t join the crowd at the bar while waiting for a dinner table,” Morofsky says. “A person with a gambling problem shouldn’t vacation in Las Vegas. As much as possible, when you are trying to trade bad habits for good, put yourself in the best position to be successful.”

By Michael Armijo

The holiday season brings many positive memories, but it can also remind me of the painful ones, too. The season is filled with family and friends, but when they are gone the pain of their absence has a tendency to sink in.

Friends have reminded me that you cannot live in the past, but I remind them, “The absence of those close to us who have passed away isn’t in the past, it’s in the present.”  Since they were always around to share their love, their absence leaves our hearts aching for their presence on a daily basis.

There are mile markers:  the first summer they weren’t here to share with us; the first Halloween they weren’t here to dress up in a costume I could make fun of; the first time I didn’t receive the usual Thanksgiving invite; and the first Christmas I didn’t have to go in search of the perfect gift.

Now, on this New Years Eve, I will struggle without the “I love you, man” drunken phone call exactly at 12:01 am.

Every year for the last 17, I was privileged enough to have someone in my life who shared those things with me:  their life, love, passion, experiences, hope, and feelings.

I know today is a new day, and I believe that I am not alone. But when those who share their life with you and give you the feeling that they will love you regardless of your many faults, failures, and shortcomings leave this earth, you cannot help but feel their absence. A piece of you that had confidence and support is now gone.  An entity of your life’s confusing and rollercoaster-like existence is gone.

It feels like your dysfunctional life is like a puzzle, with some critical pieces missing.  So you try to find those pieces through other relationships, through new loves and old friends; through random acts of kindness and honesty.

But sometimes it feels like those pieces – which you’ve worked so hard to replace – have somehow deteriorated; vanished; dissolved in your hands.  You’ve tried to stop it, but it became physically impossible. You’ve tried to “will it” differently; “wish it” to reverse. You’ve tried to close your eyes and wake up from a bad nightmare. But each day that bad dream again becomes a harsh reality.

So I call each day, with or without friends, a day at home. Those that were loved and lost had earned a place in my heart; a room in my self-fabricated, non-dysfunctional home.  But now that they’re gone, I feel a bit lonely, and a bit to myself.  And I just can’t stop that feeling that I was left completely by surprise, and left to feel Home Alone.

By Brittany Thomas

The calendar doesn’t lie and already you may feel the stress starting to build.
The holidays are approaching, bringing with them a flurry of must-accomplish tasks such as baking, shopping, entertaining, traveling and dealing with eccentric family members who arrive ready to renew decades-old arguments.
So how can you endure without all those stress-inducing moments ruining your health and sapping your holiday spirit?
First off, don’t stress about the fact you feel stressed, says Dr. Donna L. Hamilton, author of “Wellness Your Way: The Short and Sweet Guide to Creating Your Custom Plan for a Happier, Healthier Life” (www.wellnessyourwaybook.com).
“Stress is pervasive,” Dr. Hamilton says. “Stress is a fact of life. And stress isn’t even always bad. Some people need a certain amount of stress to function optimally.”
At its core, holiday stress is just like any stress, only with burnt sugar cookies and interminable waits at the retail-checkout line involved.
Dr. Hamilton offers these five tips to help you feel less stressed as you navigate your way through holiday hassles.
• Connect with the spirit of gratitude that marks the season. Research shows that expressing gratitude can help improve mood, increase energy levels, relieve stress and increase motivation, Dr. Hamilton says. So look for reasons to be grateful during the holidays, whether it’s being thankful for good health, a rewarding career, a loving family or some other positive in your life.
• Pause for a moment. Remember to take a few deep, relaxing breaths throughout the day no matter how you are feeling. Even positive emotions like excitement and enthusiasm can create stress in the body, just like typical stress emotions such as anger and frustration do, Dr. Hamilton says. That’s why it’s important to periodically do something that promotes relaxation during active times.
• Make sure you get enough sleep. Your body needs its rest and a lack of sleep makes it more difficult to deal with the stressful situations you might face through the holidays. With parties to attend, travel schedules to plan and gifts to wrap, it’s easy to trim back the amount of time you normally spend sleeping. Be careful not to let that happen, Dr. Hamilton says.
• Take a walk after you eat. This works two ways for you. It helps relax you and is good exercise. “A nice walk is a good way to separate yourself from the pressures you might be feeling,” Dr. Hamilton says.
• Dance and laugh often. They both burn calories and help lift your mood. “We probably can’t do enough of either of these,” Dr. Hamilton says.
Many people feel the need to do something for others during the holiday season, but Dr. Hamilton says it’s important to remember as you bake pies, wrap gifts or hang decorations that you also must pay attention to your own physical and mental needs.
“You can’t give from an empty cup,” Dr. Hamilton says. “Self-care is a necessity, not a luxury.”

Courtesy of StatePoint

Sometimes it can seem impossible to surmount life’s obstacles, particularly if you have been dealt more than your fair share. But you can often draw on the strength of others for inspiration and helpful advice, especially those who have gracefully overcome difficult trials of their own.

Author and musician Vanessa Leigh Hoffman first learned of the power of her own strength as a teenager when she was undergoing chemotherapy while attending school and writing and recording music.

“One can conquer anything he or she puts a focus on,” says Hoffman, who over the course of her life, endured both stage three Hodgkin’s disease and a car accident that left her in a coma for close to two weeks. “After my accident, I had to relearn to walk, talk, write, sing and do even the most menial tasks.”

While not everyone will have to deal firsthand with that much tragedy, we are all subjected to unexpected challenges in our daily lives. To help, Hoffman is offering some practical insights for coping with everything, big or small.

• Be inspired: Allow your negative experiences to be your inspiration. For example, Hoffman has reprised some of the great themes of her life in her art. Her new novel, “Treasure,” a fast-paced trilogy, tells the story of two twin boys orphaned and separated at birth, challenging readers to ask critical questions about how our lives are shaped. “Treasure,” the winner of the Hollywood and Southern California book festivals, was inspired by Hoffman’s real life encounter with President Kennedy’s former chef, a mysterious figure in her life.

• Don’t be disheartened: Whether it’s discouraging feedback from a teacher or a bleak prognosis from a doctor, don’t let the words of experts, however well-intentioned, define the scope of your potential. After Hoffman’s accident, the medical team caring for her predicted that she would never talk, walk, read or write again. Instead of resigning herself to their expectations, she became a veritable renaissance woman, as a singer-songwriter, businesswoman and author fluent in four languages, amongst other varied pursuits.

• Have goals: It’s easy to let your goals fall by the wayside, particularly when life’s challenges prove time consuming, distracting and demoralizing. By embracing your passions and pursuing those things that you hold most dear, it will be easier to stay motivated to follow through.

More information about the “Treasure: A Trilogy” and Hoffman, who is donating a portion of the proceeds from her book to St. Jude’s Children Research Institute and Hospital, can be found at http://www.VanessaLeighHoffman.com.

When life gets tough, don’t focus on despair. By allowing endurance and perseverance to rule the day, you can achieve more of what you set out to do.

*****

By Michael Armijo

You know, I never really called him daddy. My sister did, and I always envied how he brought that up so many times. But now I can say, “I miss my daddy.”  When he died something inside me died. I think it was the first time I realized that I was really on my own. I always felt that dad would “take me in” had I ever made a major mistake in life, had I lost everything and had no place to go. But that feeling is gone, I no longer have a ‘safety net’ in my life.  He’s not there to “take me in” anymore. At that time I realized that there was no turning back.

I do miss him, despite the anger he carried and conveyed to me. But what I miss is his strength; and later, his encouragement. He always told me how he admired the way I took on the world if I had a dream. He always said I was so strong to make hard decisions and take action. He loved to watch me work. And he loved working with me. The funny thing is, now that he’s gone I don’t make hard decisions anymore. I don’t take action like I used to. Maybe I was showing off to daddy, trying to be the star above the other kids in our family. But my dad meant so much to all of us, we all tried so hard to be number one in our daddy’s eyes. And fortunately, we all got our turn to be number one. But I almost didn’t get my turn, being the youngest. I got my turn at the end of his life. Had I not confronted him five years before he died, had I not tried to get my turn at being the number one child, I never would’ve received my fifteen minutes of ‘family fame.’

In retrospect, our family never really communicated. I think this is why it took me so long to really get to know my father. It’s kind of strange, we really didn’t know what was deep inside daddy, but we needed to be recognized by him. It meant so much to us to be recognized by someone we often felt was a stranger. And I know that I kept many things to myself, holding many memories prisoner in my mind, and some in my heart, that I never shared with him. He did teach us that we had the ability to do whatever we wanted, but he never really taught us how to communicate. I believe we need clarity; this assures us of where we stand within our lives. We would then teach our children to understand the importance of expression, the importance of how to express our feelings.

When I expressed how I felt to my father, I found out why he treated us the way he did. When we discussed his life and what happened to him when he was a child, the abuse and the neglect he endured (and we ultimately inherited), we understood, together, what happened to him. And what happened to us. But we forgave and we healed. I became more of a complete person; I closed those rough chapters in my life. This is why I believe in the importance of the ‘healing power of expression.’

Although my dad and I became close friends and I got to know him on a personal level, there is something that I always wished he would’ve said to me, something I waited all my life to hear but never did. Something I know he died with, in his heart, but he never verbally gave to me. The five simple words, “I’m so proud of you.”  That’s all I ever wanted to hear from my daddy, that’s the one thing that will always be a void at the corner of my soul.

I also realized something that I never thought of:  I never told my dad that I was proud of him, either. I am left to wonder if he carried the same disappointment in his life, as I did with mine. But today, what keeps me going is the hope that he’s looking down upon me each day, watching what I do and how my time is being spent. And I believe that he can’t hear what I say, but instead, he can see what’s truly deep within my heart. And as the sun shines warm rays upon me and as the wind whispers through the trees, I can lift my head high and close my eyes and feel his joyous heart whisper that he is so very proud of me; and my heart silently whispers back, that I, too, am very proud of him.

During The Gift-Giving Season
By Brittany Thomas
Online shopping has made life easier for consumers – and is especially handy during the holidays. But it’s also created more opportunities for “porch pirates,” the thieves who prey on those parcels left on our doorsteps.
Many porch pirates are low tech, simply cruising neighborhoods where they know deliveries are taking place and grabbing the unattended packages.
But porch pirates who also happen to be cyber criminals can use your own technology against you, says Gary Miliefsky, CEO of SnoopWall (www.snoopwall.com), a company that specializes in cyber security.
“A more sophisticated porch pirate might send you an SMS message or email with malware,” Miliefsky says.
“That would let them gain access to your computer or smartphone, and they could install a RAT (Remote Access Trojan). Then they can eavesdrop on your orders and deliveries.”
They also might be able to locate you through the geolocating feature on your phone, he says. That would tell them when you are away from home, the final link in their well-laid plan.
“If they know you aren’t home and that a package is scheduled for delivery, it’s going to be easy for them to steal it,” Miliefsky says.
Miliefsky offers these tips for outwitting porch pirates and keeping those packages safe:
• Get permission to ship all your packages to work. That way they aren’t left unguarded at your doorstep for hours where anyone walking by could snatch them. If this arrangement works out, be sure to tell all your friends and family also to ship packages to your work address.
• Ask a friend or neighbor to receive your packages for you. You might not be home on work days, but plenty of people are. Trusted friends who are retired or who work at home might be happy to let you have packages delivered to them for safe keeping.
• If a neighbor can’t receive your packages and you can’t get them at work, another option is available. Miliefsky suggests trying Doorman, a service that lets you arrange for a package to be held at a warehouse until you arrive home. Then you can arrange delivery for evening hours that better suit you. More on Doorman is available at www.doorman.com.
• Disable geolocation on your smartphone so that porch pirates – or other hackers for that matter – can’t track your location. No need to make it easier on them.
• Set up a live recording video camera aimed at your porch. That could allow you to spot a theft as it happens and alert law enforcement, or at least provide you with video later that might help identify the porch pirates.
“Porch pirates count on you being lax with your defenses,” Miliefsky says. “But with a little preparation, you can thwart their plans and leave them empty handed.”