By Sarah Sanchez

We live in a world
where we can’t spend time with family
without looking at our phone
We live in a world
where we have thousands of “friends”
yet, we constantly feel alone

We live in a world
where we don’t know the time or directions
without relying on technology
We live in a world
where we’ll say and do everything
BUT actually admit we owe an apology

We live in a world
where we teach kids to speak their minds
but only behind computer screens
We live in a world
where they tell us our sexuality
is determined by our genes

We live in a world
where our kids can be kidnapped
outside the house within our community
We live in a world
where children are starving around us
while we’re calculating server gratuity

We live in a world
where we throw out food and water
because we feel full
We live in a world
where we take 30 minute showers
while others bathe in a lake or a pool

We live in a world
where people are greedy and selfish
because it is normality
But are you living IN the world
or OF the world?
What’s your reality?

How to lead a successful and satisfying life

By Linda Mornell

Teenagers spend a good chunk of their learning time immersed in such subjects as algebra, history, biology and geography.  But the march toward a successful and satisfying adulthood involves more than the ability to add numbers or read and analyze complex material.

Equally vital are skills that help young people develop character and give them the courage and fortitude to deal with the many challenges life will throw at them. During the physical, emotional and intellectual explosions of the adolescent years, it’s critical that teenagers develop a belief in their own ability to succeed.  People who truly believe they can perform well are more likely to view difficult tasks as something to be mastered rather than something to be avoided.

Skills and values that help lead adolescents to a more satisfying life can range from respecting their parents to understanding that making mistakes is part of life. Here are just five of the many skills that can make a difference:

• Learn to listen. The willingness to listen is a direct reflection of how much we value each other. Nothing teaches young people more about how to become good listeners than having a mentor or other adult who consistently and intently listens to them.  The ability to listen with intention and compassion creates and enhances qualities like curiosity, empathy and altruism.
• Understand and manage stress. Recent research indicates that the adolescent brain is highly sensitive to stress.  It is essential that young people understand the role stress plays in their lives and the difference between healthy and unhealthy outlets for handling that stress. Healthy outlets for stress include exercise, talking, crying, creative pursuits and venting anger through words and exercise in safe environments. Unhealthy outlets include withdrawing and bottling up feelings, overeating or restricting food, inappropriate aggressive behavior, relying on passive activities like TV and video games, alcohol and drug use, premature sexual activity, and blaming others.
• Embrace anger. Young people (and perhaps adults as well) who want to achieve success often try to keep a lid on negative emotions. Despondent individuals can find relief when they are given permission to appropriately vent their anger and frustration.
• Reject the victim mentality. Many young people struggle at times with feeling like victims. That especially can be the case for those growing up in poverty. In truth, they often are victimized.  They may live in a dangerous neighborhood with highly stressed and single-parent families, and every day they are confronted with the harsh realities of poverty.  The challenge is for young people to separate their experience of literally being a victim from the tendency to develop a victim mentality. They can’t control the former, but they can control the latter.
• Value humor. Adolescents are turned off by sarcasm from adults, but they have a great appreciation for humor. Learning to laugh at one’s self is an important skill for us all.

Linda Mornell is the founder of Summer Search (www.summersearch.org), a nonprofit organization that provides disadvantaged young people with challenging summer opportunities and life-changing mentoring.

By Sarah Sanchez

In today’s society, doing things “faster” is always promoted. The latest phone is faster; MapQuest gives us the fastest route; the latest hard-drive is faster than the one before; “get cash fast” emails are constantly sent; we want the weekend to come by faster; we want to know the quickest way to get promoted; we want work/school to end sooner, and on and on.  Basically, we are programmed to think that faster is better.

We are so used to this lifestyle, that we don’t even realize how fast time is really going by. After my niece was born and I was an aunt for the first time in my life, I said, “I can’t wait until she gets older so I can play with her and watch her personality develop.” But now that she’s about seven months old and crawling, giggling when you smile at her, trying to walk, and showing a clear personality, I wish time would slow down. I can’t believe how fast she’s growing, and now I just want her to stop so I can enjoy her at this age. But I remember my first wish was that I wanted her to grow. Do you see the contradictions that we all come across in day to day life?

Society will always tell us to go faster, but I think we just need to take some time away from what society says – away from the busy routines – and just slow down to enjoy what’s happening in front of us.

My husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary and we went on a cruise to Ensenada, where we didn’t have cell phone reception or WIFI. We spent the weekend without phones and without social media. We spent this time talking with each other and enjoying each other’s company. When we came back, we had a new spark in our relationship, which we didn’t even know we needed.

My husband said that before we left, we were too caught up in our routine: work, dinner, sleep, and repeat. We were too caught up and focused on the future: house, future family, careers, etc. We needed time away from the world in order to gain a new perspective. We needed to slow down and appreciate the time we had with each other in the moment.

You may not have an opportunity to take a vacation, but you always have the opportunity to change your perspective. Instead of looking forward to tomorrow, take a moment to appreciate today. Stop, put the phone down, take a look around at your life and your loved ones, and enjoy the time right now. Then, cherish that moment, for these are the moments that make life worth living.

By Brian Mohr

The corporate world is susceptible to fads.  Work-life balance, a push to properly prioritize work in relation to lifestyle, features the kind of faddish thinking that can lead gifted people down the wrong path.

Think of those who love their job; for them, it’s not exactly “work” as they exercise their capabilities fully toward a goal that they believe in.

Finding the right fit – whether an organization is searching for leadership or an individual is seeking the right job – is more important than people realize. The problem of work-life balance starts farther upstream. When the appropriate person is aligned with the appropriate goal, balance is natural.

A concept like work-life balance is a claim on how we should prioritize our lives, which, if believed, can be confusing.

• Don’t buy into the notion of the “work you” as being separate from the “real you.” We spend 8.8 hours of each day working, according to the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics – the largest amount of time spent in any single activity (sleeping is second at 7.6 hours). Work-life balance enforces a strange notion that you are essentially different on the clock than off the clock, which hurts both employers and employees. Who wants this divided personality? Why not be yourself while doing what’s important – providing for your well-being and that of your family? Costumes are for Halloween.  In my line of work, I want to offer a leader who is authentic and not some impostor version of who they really are.
• Not everyone is working for the weekend. Rather than work-life balance, it’s more helpful to think of your role in a company or nonprofit as work-life symbiosis. Just do the math. Working nearly nine hours in a role that you do not like doesn’t stack up well with two days that quickly pass by (assuming you hate your job). How many years of your life do you want to waste not doing what would make you happier?
• Most important of all is aligning the right people with the right role. That means aligning the purpose and values of an organization to the purpose and values of the right people. Everyone owes it to themselves to find the right organization.
• Take a cue from your technology. In today’s world, we simply cannot compartmentalize different areas of our lives like people used to. You can communicate with your spouse at any time and know people better through social media than through real-life interaction. And, for work, most of us carry our work around in our smart phones. If not text messages, then we get emails sent to our phones.
• Whether through our technology or the software running in our brains, we don’t simply turn off work when we leave the office. We should drop the idea that “work” and “life” are somehow separate. They’re not.

Brian Mohr is co-founder and managing partner for Y Scouts (yscouts.com), a purpose-based leadership search firm that connects organizations with exceptional leaders. Y Scouts operates under the belief that people are the only real competitive advantage in business and the best employer/employee connections start by connecting through a shared sense of purpose and values.

By Michael Armijo

When I was growing up, I had a great friend named Todd Mestas. When I would go to his house, sometimes we would sit down to have lunch and eat a sandwich along with a few chips, a glass of milk, and two Oreo cookies.  If I asked for more cookies, Todd’s mother would simply say, “Two is enough.”  There was no need for overindulgence.  We would all eat together and function as a family.  My time with Todd taught me about limits and structure.

I also had a friend named Craig Swanson. Craig taught me about business, computers, repair and marketing. My time with Craig taught me about work skills.

Another friend of mine was Stephan Morrow. He reminded me of Tony Soprano, and would always say “come to papa” when I was sad or struggling. My time with Stephan taught me you can be tough and tender.

Mike Mendez was another friend of mine. Mike taught me about family, and how to be involved.  My time with Mike encouraged me to be a good husband.

My very best friend was Jeffrey Lowe. Jeff was a reserve Sheriff.  When I first started my company 17 years ago, Jeff encouraged me and helped me represent what I was trying to do.  At that time I was nervous and insecure.  My time with Jeff taught me about confidence and generosity of time.

My mother’s name is Marie Armijo. She used to tell me on a weekly basis that she wouldn’t know what she would do without me. She said that she will, and has, always loved me. My time with my mother taught me that I was always loved.

I grew up in a world of abuse and neglect, but all of the things that I learned from people that I cared about – and who I knew cared about me – helped me to get through my fears and insecurities.  Every time I would visit them, it would reinforce these life lessons.

Now, each of these individuals – so dear to me – has passed away within the last two years.  In this, I realized that a little piece of me died with each one of them.  I found myself empty and no longer knowing who I was.

It is interesting how we subconsciously react to certain tragedies.  Sometimes we don’t realize the depths to which death can affect us; personal loss can change us and give us a feeling that we have lost control.

Fortunately, I have discovered what these losses have done to me.  I now understand that I have not lost the value of my time spent with these loved ones.  Instead, I have the precious gifts that they unselfishly gave me.  Those gifts can never be taken from me.

As I reflect on the wonderful memories that I have surrounding these people, I will accept the grieving process and be thankful.  I will honor these individuals by being grateful for all the gifts that they have given me – for these are all gifts that make me who I am.

I remember a story I once read: A frog was sitting by a pond one day and a woman walked up and asked: “What’s wrong Mr. Frog, why are you so glum?” The frog went on to explain: “I was once a handsome prince, but an evil witch put a spell on me. Now I’m a frog until a beautiful woman kisses me and breaks the spell.”

The young woman, feeling compelled to help, leaned over and kissed the frog on the head. She waited for a few minutes and then said: “What happened? You’re still a frog.” The frog turned to her and said: “I’m only going to explain this to you one more time….”

The moral of the story is: If you believe you are beautiful, that’s all that counts. You may not have the ability to change frogs into princes, but if you believe you can, that’s all that matters. Although others may not see your beauty, as long as you see it, that is what counts. What matters is that YOU believe in your own beauty.

A physically beautiful woman can sometimes be uglier than any other, and can be morally and ethically ugly inside. But a wholesome woman with great morals and a loving heart will forever change your spirit, because beauty depends on what you’re seeking. And beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

By Sarah Sanchez

I work with the youth ministry at our local church, so I’m around teenagers about twice a week, in addition to talking to them almost daily. As I’ve worked with the local youth, I’ve begun to understand that they have a lot more to deal with than when I was in school.

It’s a lot easier for a teenager to feel overwhelmed with the pressures of today’s society. To us adults, their problems don’t seem like a big deal because we know there is so much more to life with so many more responsibilities that our teens haven’t even dealt with yet. But a teenager doesn’t understand that.  When something significant happens, their whole world can feel like its falling apart – which can lead to serious depression or even suicide.

I like to think of a teenager’s life like a table with four legs. If you knock out one leg of the table, it will begin to fall.  In comparison, one leg represents one part of a teenager’s life. When you take a part of it away, their world starts to feel as if it’s falling apart, just like the table. If you knock down all the legs, they can feel as if there is nothing worth living for, which is what triggers the depression and suicidal thoughts. So understanding your teenager’s table legs is crucial to being able to help them.

Based on my experience, a teenager’s world consists of the following four table legs (typically in this order of importance):

Leg #1: Friends/Dating Relationships. I put these two in the same category because it’s usually one or the other. If a teenager is in a relationship, it means they are spending all their time with their boyfriend/girlfriend and aren’t spending much time with their friends. But if they aren’t in a relationship, all their free time goes to their friends. Of course, there are a few exceptions.

If your teenager just got dumped or is being excluded from his/her group of friends, it’s a big deal to them because this is their number one priority in life. They can’t just go off and sit with new friends. Have you seen the movie, “Mean Girls?” (“You can’t sit with us!”).  I remember sitting in the bathroom and eating my lunch by myself when my high school friends were mad at me, because that seemed better than walking up to a group of strangers to eat with. It doesn’t make sense, but a teenager’s brain doesn’t always make sense.

Leg #2: School. This is where your teenager spends most of his/her day, so it’s actually pretty important. If your teenager is a junior or senior, they have a lot of pressure with SATs (these are insanely hard now!), graduation, and college applications.

If that’s not enough, what also falls under the school category is social status, which is everything to a teenager. A lot of my students struggle with self-esteem issues because they care so much about what their peers think of them. And with teenagers on five different social networks at a time (yes, there are now five of them), it’s a lot easier for their life to be made public. If something in their life is posted on social media by a peer, it can not only jeopardize their social status and cause them to be isolated from their peers, but a mistake can even haunt them for the rest of their life (said in the dramatic voice of a teenager).

An example might be if your teenager decides to go drinking with their friends (oh, don’t act surprised; you were a teenager, too), and someone videos them drunk – that video can end up on any or all social media avenues. One click of the “Post” button can share the unfortunate incident with friends, who can share it with their friends, and so on – perhaps even going viral worldwide.  One post can change your teen’s life. Maybe they are even the ones posting the fate of someone else.  The guilt associated with either action can really affect a teenager.

Leg #3: Extra Activities. This category is for anything outside of school and friends, whether its sports, theater, work, or volunteering. These activities are very important to a teenager because they’re spending their free time doing them. So whether they are doing it for fun, money, or for their college applications, they are getting something out of it. But with the perks, comes the stress of succeeding in whatever they are pursuing. The competitiveness of today’s age can also cause a lot of stress too.

Leg #4: Family. Yes, sadly, family is usually last on the priority list (it’s nothing personal). With school, activities, and friends taking up most the day, there’s not much time left for family. However, even if you hardly see your teen, they are very aware of what’s going on at home. It’s probably my most popular prayer request: parents fighting, financial struggles, family feuds; the list goes on and on – I’ve heard some crazy stories. So imagine your teenager struggling with friends and the pressure of school or extracurricular activities, and then you top it off with them hearing about your marital or family problems. All this can push them over the edge with stress that they don’t need. If they are around this turmoil enough, it could affect them more than any of the other categories.

It’s important to understand how any of these falling legs can affect your teenager’s life. I suggest that you talk openly with your teens, even share your own experiences with them; and don’t take their depression lightly.

In my group of about 15 girls, almost all of them have admitted to being bullied, eight have suffered from major depression (53.3%), and four have admitted that they have either attempted or thought about suicide (26.6%). These are just freshman girls. They just entered high school and have already struggled with serious issues. Luckily, they are getting professional help now.

Is your teenager suffering from depression or suicidal thoughts, too? Are they receiving the love and help they need? Have you taken a step back from your busy life to notice if they’re handling theirs?

Growing up, my dad used to tell me that no matter what I did, he and my mom would never stop loving me. He said that even if I falsely accused him of something and he ended up in jail for it, he would still love me. He told me this to make sure I knew that there was nothing in this world that was worth committing suicide for because I always had two people who would love me no matter what mistakes I made. That statement meant everything to me. Yes, I still struggled with depression and even suicidal thoughts growing up, but when it came down to it, I knew it wasn’t worth it because my parents would love me no matter what I did.

So, please, try to understand your teenagers (and their table legs) and show them unconditional love.  You never know if one day it might be too late.

By Michael Armijo

Recently, I visited the office above the tavern where my counseling sessions are held.  And once again, I have found useful knowledge.

Like-kind, quality people love the familiarity of others who match their emotional state. Subconsciously they seek out others who are feeling the same and have the same issues. In essence, they look for themselves.

I realize that lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions that have come my way in many different forms.  From the standpoint of companionship, health, family – and recently the death of my mother – my emotions have been on a wild ride similar to an out of control rollercoaster. So I’ve found others who are also on this same ride and we hang on together, consoling one another, and giving each other free, bad advice.

This is why I believe we need to seek out our emotions, discuss them, filter out what’s unnecessary, and deal with what’s relevant.  In a way, it’s our duty to force ourselves out of the darkness and into a brighter life.  It’s certainly a better option.

Just as the sun tries to burn its way through a cloudy day, so must we. We need to continue to try and be a source of energy to one another as we work through our own emotional instability.