An Anonymous Letter

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I have been depressed for a long time.  I used to have really good friends, but now when I need them the most, they are never there for me anymore.  My daughter is even too busy for me.  My husband says people are busy with their own lives, but I feel neglected.  I have tried medication and a psychologist, but that didn’t help me any more than my friends did.  I gained weight from the medication, and I felt even worse about myself.  I will never do that again.  Do you have any advice to help me get my friends back into my life?

A:  If your friends are “really good” as you mentioned, I’m sure they have done everything they could think of to assist you in feeling better.  When there is no improvement, people often feel defeated and move on.  Let’s face it, being around a depressed person all the time is difficult and painful.  It is hardest when you really love the person.  Please try to understand the limitations of a person who is doing their best to support you. This is not easy for most people, especially, when they are not skilled in the area of your needs.  The fact that you say you feel neglected, makes me wonder if you have a sense of entitlement about what is owed to you by your loved ones.  Your friends and family do not owe you their personal time on an ongoing basis.  You also make it clear that their efforts were not really helping you anyway.  Please realize you need a skilled professional when you’re dealing with something as serious as depression.  If medication and psychotherapy have not helped you, then it’s time to have a really long talk with yourself.  Are you willing to take personal responsibility for your own emotional and mental health?  If the answer is yes, then you are about to turn the corner and improve your sense of well being.  If you truly don’t require medication or psychotherapy, and are completely resistant to trying again, then I suggest personal coaching.  A personal coach can often help you guide your life in a positive direction. For now, it would be a very good idea to forgive your family and friends for their absence in your life.  They are not responsible for your mental health and emotional happiness.  You are.  Personal responsibility on your part may help your friends and family feel better about sharing their time with you again.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.