Buying a puppy without my permission – a Letter from Barb

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Q: I was out of town for a week when my mother was sick.  I came home to find a new puppy in the house.  My husband gave in to the kids when they visited his friend who had a batch of puppies to get rid of.  I am mad at my husband.  I have always said no to the kids when they ask for a dog because I don’t want the extra work.  He knows how I feel.  Every hamster, fish, or bird they bring home falls on me to take care of.  And a dog is ten times more work with walking and grooming needs.    I promised myself that I am not taking care of this dog or any other new animals.  I am already really busy. Eventually, I believe my husband and the kids will lose interest and the poor animal will suffer.  I am hardly talking to my husband.  Please respond right away, I don’t know what to do.

A: Feeling disrespected is a terrible thing and will greatly diminish your relationship with your husband if you don’t get things cleared up right away.  You need to have a serious conversation with your husband that determines the items that are non-negotiable in your marriage.  Adopting pets without your agreement should definitely be on the list. Your husband was 100% wrong to bring a pet into your household without you being on board to participate.  Sit down with him and present him with a list of what it takes to tend to a puppy/dog properly.  If he is willing to be 100% responsible for the dog’s daily care then you should find a way to agree and carry on with your life.  If he breaks his agreement about the care and it falls to you more than three times, get him to agree that he has thirty days to find a new and appropriate home for the dog.  If he won’t agree to being responsible for the care at all, then the same thirty days to find the puppy a new home applies.  When the kids start crying, direct them to their dad.  This situation is his creation and he should be the one to solve it.  Putting you in the position of having to be “the bad guy” in the eyes of your children is also quite inconsiderate.  Deal with that issue as well.