I just found out that my wife hates camping! –A letter from S.P.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Q: I knew it wasn’t her favorite thing to do, but the kids and I love it so I bought a toy hauler that can sleep 6 people. It has a full kitchen with a sink, range and microwave so she would be more comfortable than she was in a tent with regular camping and cooking gear.  I bought it to surprise her so we could go camping more often.  This is a good way for the kids to see different places without paying high prices for a hotel.  I thought she’d be happy and surprised, but she was mad and hasn’t been very nice to me in many days. I’m at a loss.  Since when do women hate surprise gifts?

A: Sorry, but you’ll have to sell your story to someone who hasn’t been working with married couples for over 20 years.  Let’s take inventory here.  First of all, I doubt you bought this toy hauler with a full kitchen and lodging to please your wife.  It sounds more like it’s something you really wanted.  The “surprise gift for your wife” idea is just the story you tell yourself so you don’t have to feel guilty or selfish for buying something to mainly just please yourself.  Sounds like you’ve got her signed up to be pretty busy doing chores like cooking on these fabulous getaways that you have in mind. Pitching it as a surprise for her probably feels insulting to her intelligence and caused her to react negatively toward you. Not all people feel camping is a fun experience or a relaxing way to spend their time off from work.  My question to you is this…  If you were considering such a large purchase that was supposedly for the happiness and enjoyment for the whole family, why in the world would you not discuss this with your wife beforehand?  Sounds like a passive aggressive, inconsiderate move in my book.  I’ll bet she’s feeling insignificant and has no interest in being your favorite gal pal at the moment.  An honest sincere apology is in order.  You did not treat her as your partner in this decision.  This is a mistake.  Here’s a helpful hint…  When you want to surprise a woman with a gift, give her something that you know for an absolute fact that she will love.  In other words, please listen to her when she talks.  I totally understand why she’s unhappy with you.  If you have no clue how to deliver a proper apology that will restore harmony, (and I believe that might be a huge possibility) feel free to contact me again.  There are very distinct steps in making a sincere apology. I will be happy to teach you.  Good Luck.