Again And Again

By Michael Armijo

As I sit here and admire how beautiful life is, I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to better my life with sheer desire, hope, vision, and good will. But traveling to my childhood home and remembering where I came from, the horrid demons of failure, fear, neglect, and abuse creep into the corner of my soul, reminding me of a life without confidence, communication, understanding, and forgiveness.

It saddens me when I remember the bouts of depression, the bouts of anger and frustration. I remember seeing visions of irresponsibility and disregard for life, which made me feel that being normal was a distant revelation away. The vision of cheating the system, denying help to others, and creating false loyalty by betrayal, were all everyday visions that haunted all of us who were exposed.

In reflection, I believe we have the opportunity to provide a loving arena for our children and a stable life for our loved ones. As someone who has survived a dysfunctional home, as someone who holds the battle scars deep inside the soul with the visions of a painful war far within the mind, I remind parents to live up to their responsibilities.

As children, we depend on you to provide a consistently loving and cherished household, a strong and confident feeling about yourself and your identity. We rely on you to give us the necessary tools to be productive and insightful. We need you to stand before us, and when you cannot, explain why pressure can sometimes overcome a simple human being. We do not expect you to run from your problems or your anxieties by abusing alcohol, prescription or illegal drugs; this is how you teach us to not deal with life’s anxieties and pressures. We do not expect you to lose your temper and mistreat us. But if you do, we expect an explanation and an immediate apology. Otherwise we’ll carry those memories and emotions and they could haunt us for the rest of our lives.

It’s no fun treading through life as though you’re a thousand pounds too heavy, and a hundred points too stupid. It not fair to give us false identities because you’re too insensitive to seek help for your insecurities and your lack of parental guidance. We expect you to fix your problems before you bring us into the world. And if you do not, fix them while we are here. Fix them in front of us, explain, and be honest. Or we will one day find out the truth about our lives and the truth about who you really are.

You do have the opportunity to give us enlightening answers before we ask those confronting questions. And you have the ability to avoid those questions by being open and honest while giving an effort to be a better person. Your attempts to fix yourself will allow you some vindication and will allow us to feel better about who you really are.

My philosophies reach out like child’s embrace, although I am physically an adult. But I, or WE, as there are many of us who are labeled “adult children” still hold childlike emotions for the lack of guidance we received in our adolescence. And for the lack of

communication and vision that we experienced we stay victims. But as each day gets better, we try to correct ourselves into being a better people, continually fighting to reach a realm that I call “normal.” And as we become victorious from each battle we can’t seem to avoid, deep in our hearts we know it’s a war that we may never win.

But today I travel through life and look forward to the bright sunny rays of light that come from our vivid sun. Today I will keep repeating to myself the many wonders of our subtle and kind human compassion to life. And I will constantly remember our commitment to humanity to ensure our mental safety for ourselves and for our children. Because again and again I will try to reiterate the message that each and every one of us do make a difference in this glorious world we call Earth, and in this magnificent time that we call life.