Big Boy Pants

By Anthony Saude

When I got married I knew absolutely nothing about what that would mean to me as a man nor did I want to. I would just be me and do what I do and she can deal with that. She married me, right? Men aren’t like women; we don’t think and plan our wedding or our marriage. I was once told that is like going to the Olympics and starting your training after the opening ceremony.

A lack of training is exactly what started with and I wasn’t going to change or do anything different and that was final. She was the root of all our problems, she was rigid and she needed to change not me. Funny how we want others to do exactly what we ourselves refuse to do.

One day, don’t ask me when, but I can tell you that Jesus was the why, I realized that I needed a lot of work myself. Does that mean that my beautiful wife was perfect, absolutely not? I was off the rails and in the process of leaving massive amounts of wreckage in my wake. I had no idea how to process that information and for a long time I didn’t. I decided to work on being a better father, surely that would cover the inadequacies I had as a husband. Then maybe she would work on herself and I could be right again.

One day I realized it was time to put on my “big boy pants” and start acting like a man and not a boy. I had to take responsibility for my own behavior and stop blaming her for our troubles. Wow, I sure have a lot of faults, we all do, but I only saw hers. When I looked at me I saw mine and began to see the beauty in hers. I remembered why I fell in love with her, I saw her again because I began to see me. I don’t know if she can see my “big boy pants” but I can and that is all that counts.

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