Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

I know from personal experience that the loss of a loved one is devastating.  I know it can dump a person into a very severe depression.  It can make us feel like we just can’t go on and that life isn’t worth living without that loved one.  I have literally helped thousands of people heal from the death of their loved ones.  I know it’s important to understand that we must all leave this world when it is our time.  Death has not logic or fairness; it just is and it’s the hardest part of living.  I also know that we heal when we find a way to live that honors ourselves and our loved ones still here and our loved ones that have passed away.

The worst thing we can do is feel guilty because we are still alive but a very special loved one has passed away.  No matter what we do, say or feel, nothing can bring that loved one back to us.  All we can do is live our lives fully, live our lives for ourselves and for all of our loved ones that have passed away.  The truth is that our loved ones didn’t want to die and make us feel such unbearable pain because they are no longer here.  It’s very important to fully appreciate the life of a loved one when they are alive and with us.  One of the tricks of a successful life is to take nothing for granted, especially those closest to us.

So when you lose a loved one, grieve but don’t give up your life.  Remember we are all only here for a short time, so live well and love well and I promise you’ll have no regrets.  Don’t waste your life because we only get one time to do it all.  Tell people you love them, be affectionate and when they pass away, carry them in your heart forever!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

I believe we are all born with incredible potential to be our best.  I think that there is a plan for us and our lives when we are born.  Within that plan for us is an interpretation of how we will be at our absolute personal best.  My goal for myself has always been to keep growing and functioning at my optimum level every day.  I believe that if I do this, I will grow into the person I’m intended to be.  This is my way of honoring my life and my Creator.

Life isn’t always an easy thing and will throw many curve balls our way.  Having lost one brother to suicide, another to murder and a father to pancreatic cancer has taught me how vulnerable we all are.  It has also made me feel so very blessed to still be alive and well.  I don’t just want to go through my life living to die; instead I have always died to live.  I want to be my best so that I can experience my life fully.  I live my life very passionately and want to feel all of it.

Examining the pieces of yourself that get in the way of being who you are intended to be is very hard work.   It’s even harder work to have the courage to let go of these dysfunctional parts of ourselves.  Most of these dysfunctional pieces have been part of us for years and serve some dysfunctional purpose that we have grown to rely on.  It’s learning to let go of these dysfunctional pieces that will allow us to become who we are intended to be.  This gut-wrenching but very worthwhile personal work can lead us into total inner peace and contentment!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog are for sale at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

Sometimes I ask people if they are dying to live or living to die.  They are two very different ways to live life.  These two ways of living involve having two very different attitudes.  If you are living to die, you are probably a negative person and always see the glass as half-empty.  I also think these people are fearful and always looking for what is wrong.  I never want to be part of this group.  On the other hand, if you are dying to live, you are probably a positive person and look at the glass as being half-full.  I know, because I am part of this group. We love life and want to experience all of it.  Instead of being fearful, we are adventurous and excited about the possibilities that each day brings.

So, take a moment and think about how you live and which one of these two groups you belong to.  Now that you have your answer, are you happy or do you wish you could change?  The truth is that we are really the only ones that can change how we live and how we think about out life.  I know from experience that life can be hard and it can throw us many curveballs.  We have power in how we choose to deal with those curveballs.  It’s sort of like the idea of making lemonade out of lemons.  We have power in choosing how we will react.  I’ve heard time and time again, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.  Boy, is this the truth!

You can start changing your life by looking at what is right with your life each and every day.  Work on being grateful for all that you are blessed with.  Decide today to be happy!

 This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-072.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  You may ask Purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

For the past eighteen years, I have had the honor of facilitating a free counseling group every Monday evening.  Our group meets at the Walnut Teen Center and Gymnasium, located at 21003 La Puente Road, in the city of Walnut.  We meet year-round from 6-8 p.m. every Monday, unless it is a holiday.  The Teen Center’s phone number is (909) 444-0089 and my contact number is (909) 229-0727, should you have any questions.  You do not need to have an appointment to attend this group- you are free to drop by anytime.  This group satisfies many court-mandated needs.

Even though this group meets at a teen center, I invite people of all ages with all types of issues to come.  This group helps parents, students, and many other people who are struggling in their lives.  My goal is to make our community be healthier, make its population be effective in their lives, and create successful human beings.  We work on an array of issues that many people in this day and age are dealing with. There is no reason for anybody to be stuck in an unhealthy place.

If you are tired of the fight between you and your child regarding homework, or need more effective ways to communicate, this is the group for you.  Maybe depression or anxiety seems to be holding you or a loved one back- finding solutions could be life changing.  If you or somebody you know is struggling with drugs or drinking, this group is a great place to get some coping skills to get clean.  We talk about ways to deal with bullies and how damaging bullying can be for a person’s self-esteem.  Bring in an issue and I promise you will feel hopeful and have new tools to help you confront the issue head-on when you leave.  Don’t let embarrassment stop you or a loved one from getting the help you need to reclaim the wonderful life you are so deserving of.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjsttops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.,M.F.T.

We started out as a family of five.  I had a mother, a father and two brothers.  I was the baby and the only girl.  At the age of seventeen, it all changed forever when my brother Rory committed suicide.  In my forties, my brother Jeff was murdered and then I watched my father die from pancreatic cancer.  I thought that it was finally over and that now I would be able to breathe, but it’s not over yet.

My mother and I have always been very different women, but now that she is ninety-one it has gotten almost unbearable.  She is very stubborn and can say and do very hurtful things.  I don’t know if it’s on purpose or because maybe there is some dementia.  Sometimes I look up at the sky and ask God, “Why me?”  On a good day, I want to take the fact that God and my family believe I am very strong and can handle all of this as a compliment.  On a bad day, I can throw myself a pity party and to my amazement nobody ever attends these parties but me.

I don’t have the luxury of giving up because I have a son, a husband, a dog, grandchildren, friends, clients and a community that counts on me to be strong and to be there when they need me.  So I ask myself from time to time how I find the strength, and I’m reminded of what I have already worked though and that I do have people that care about me and love me.  I must live in a way that honors the idea that God only gives us what we can handle.  I must dig deep within to keep finding more inner strength.  As I sit writing this article, I am reminded of who I am and what I have already gotten though.  So my message is, if I can do it so can you!  Look deep within and find the strongest you, and have faith that you can overcome whatever you may be going through!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.   Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727. 

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

I have been a psychotherapist for fifteen years, and I have worked with people of all ages and with various issues.  I’m constantly amazed when I have a child or teen brought to me for anxiety issues. We seem to have created a generation that feels very inadequate and struggles with growing up and being successful.  The issues this generation worries about are things my generation didn’t have to deal with.

Our colleges are impacted and hard to get into.  Now kindergarteners have homework and are expected to read and know many more things than we needed to.  Video games and television are replacing playing outdoors in the fresh air and getting much needed exercise.  Outdoor playing is such a great way to reduce or eliminate stress.  Social media unfortunately has made this generation very lazy and childhood obesity and diabetes are on the rise.

As parents and community leaders, we have a social responsibility to help this generation find a healthy balance in their lives in every area.  We need to support and encourage our youth.  We need to provide the necessary tools to help them strive to become their best.  We need to have faith in our youth, as many of them are diamonds in the rough.  We need to give them guidance and the tools to help them shine and reach their full potential.

We need to teach teenagers that problems can be worked through and that drinking and drugs are not a solution.  We need to teach them how to meditate, not medicate, to quiet their busy minds.  We need to teach them how to relax by finding balance, getting organized, prioritizing activities, utilizing time management, and how to communicate what’s working and not working in their lives.  Please don’t assume they are all pot smoking, video game playing, lazy worthless human beings.  They are just scared and need some help finding their way!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. 

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A.M.F.T.

Do you ever feel like you just need to make a huge change?  Are you afraid and stay with your same old ways, because it’s what you have always done and how you’ve always been?  Maybe it’s time to have a personal revolution and really shake things up.  I think you can start your own personal revolution by making a list of what you need to keep about you and what you really need to finally let go of.  It’s time to revolt and personally attack those demons and the lies that hold you back from being a great and powerful you.

I know it sounds crazy to stage a revolution against yourself or against the pieces of yourself you are sick and tired of, but I don’t know of any other way to move forward if you are really stuck.  Fight hard and fight smart and do your interpersonal work.  What better day than today to claim the rights to you?  Stop letting others hold you hostage to being a lesser version of you.  Today is the day you take control of yourself and of your mind.  Has somebody made you doubt yourself?  Today is the day to fix that.  Today is the day you decide that you are proud of yourself and that you will fight to become the best you can be.   I know you can win that internal battle and you can revolt against all the lies.

You owe yourself this revolution and I know you can win.  The past is over, the future is uncertain, but the present is a gift that can help us unwrap our true inner being.  This is an inner being we can be proud of and can make us feel confident like never before.  This newly found confidence can help us see anything is possible and there will be no limits for us!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.