Category Archives: Weekly News Columns

Being Present

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

It’s a very exciting time to be alive.  I love the fact that so very many of us are going back to yoga and meditation, and looking within for our own answers.

There seems to be this search for peacefulness and contentment.  There are whole new sections in the bookstores devoted to self-help.  Many of these books teach meditation and act as guides for teaching the whole concept of being mindful or present.

Let me start by explaining the whole concept.  If we think about somebody truly being present, they are what we refer to as, “being in the moment.”

There is nothing else going on in your mind and you are totally focused on what you are doing and saying.  You’re not thinking about what you need to do next or where you need to be; you just exist in that moment.  Think about the last time you were able to do this, or if you really ever have.

Meditation helps us totally clear our minds, and helps us be mindful.  If we can learn to keep our minds uncluttered, we will become much more effective human beings.  We will feel every aspect of our lives and begin to appreciate even the simplest things.

I recently attended a conference on mindfulness, and was told how much research is being done around the subject of meditation. It is being used to help people deal with pain, lower blood pressure, help with prevention for heart attacks and many other stress-related illnesses, give hope and strength to the terminally ill, and many other ways as well.

If you could find something that would improve the quality of your life and didn’t cost you a dime, wouldn’t it be foolish not to at least try it?

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Just In Case

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

Once a year I try to sit down and type a letter that provides my wife and children with information and instructions about our family’s finances and other important matters.

I call it the “Just in Case” letter, because it is written just in case I don’t make it home from a business trip or a day at the office.

None of us like to think about the possibility that we might die suddenly in a car accident or due to a heart attack.  All of us think that we will return home safely and live another day.

I just want to make sure that my wife and family know where to find important records and documents in case I’m not there to help them.

Recently I found one of my “Just in Case” letters in the back of a drawer in my office desk.  It was written in 1997.  It was interesting to read some of the things that I included in the letter that was almost 20 years old.  Some of the information on our family’s finances was interesting, like how much we had in savings and how much we owed on our house at that time.

It was interesting to read the instructions I gave them about finishing school and caring for one another.  Now, they are all out of school and gainfully employed.  None of our kids were married in 1997.  Today three of them are married and several have kids of their own.

Many other things in the letter were outdated.  Our bank accounts had changed and my life insurance, too.  Thankfully, I had updated most of the information in “Just in Case” letters that I have written more recently.

There is a story in the Bible, in 1 Kings 20, where the prophet Isaiah tells King Hezekiah that the he is about to die.  Isaiah tells the King to “set your house in order.”

Do you have your “house in order?”  Do you have a will or living trust?  Do you have instructions written down to help your family in case you die suddenly? Let me encourage you to stop and write a letter to your family and loved ones, “Just In Case.”

Easter Sunday Services: 8, 9:30 and 11 a.m.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Both of my parents passed away two years ago.  My sister was very dependent on both of them.  Now that they’re gone, she looks to me to entertain her at every holiday and birthday, as if she were still a child, and bail her out financially when she makes stupid mistakes.  She never pitches in for anything that doesn’t directly affect her.  She makes comments like “mom and dad would want you to take care of me.  I’m the baby of the family and you make more money than me,” (she is 47).  Neither of us is married, but I don’t want her to think that she can lean on me for the rest of her life.

-Fed Up in Walnut

Dear Fed Up:

Your sister has a sense of entitlement.  Make it clear that you have no interest in acting out the role of her parent or spouse.  I’m guessing that your parents did her a major disservice by allowing her to arrive into middle age with this degree of emotional immaturity.  Make it clear that your role is that of a sibling and not a caretaker.   Be honest about the fact that you no longer even see her as enjoyable company because of the way she takes you for granted.  If you have feelings of guilt, or have trouble standing up to her manipulation tactics, I would be happy to assist you.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Dreams Become Reality When You Believe In Yourself

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

We all have dreams for our life.  Why is it that some of us turn our dreams into reality and some of us just keep dreaming?  Why do some of us find the motivation to make our dreams come true and others just give up?

I believe we are all capable of getting what we want from our lives.  I also think we all have the potential to grow into somebody that we are proud of being.  I think what sets a person apart is they believe they can, or they believe they can’t.

I find it very sad when I see somebody with a vision of what their life could be, yet they think they can’t ever obtain the life they are supposed to have.  This person somehow has never been taught to believe in themselves, and gets cheated out of the life they should have had.  This is where really effective parenting is so essential.  We also need to help those not so effectively parented to reach for the sky as well.  We need to not give up on our dreams, ourselves and each other.

Dreams can become our wonderful reality if we create a plan with the correct steps.  Think about every other goal that you have met and the plan that was made up of baby steps.  I promise you that if you have a dream and want it to become your reality, all you have to do is trust yourself and take the steps that turn dreams into reality.

The first step is having the faith and trust inside yourself to believe that you can do it.  Never lose sight of the already wonderful you, and think of your plan as just adding to that wonderful person!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

March Madness

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

The highlight of the college basketball season is “March Madness.”  This is when 64 college teams are selected to participate in the annual NCAA basketball tournament.

During the month of March, these 64 teams will be reduced to the Final Four and only one will be crowned the champion.  It is an exciting month.

I have told you that when I was in high school, I played baseball and ran cross country; but, my favorite sport in school was playing basketball.

I am not very tall and I wasn’t very fast, but I loved to play basketball.  Unlike baseball and cross country, there were usually a lot of people at a high school basketball game.

There were cheerleaders, lots of fans, and usually a small “pep band” that filled our school gym with noise and energy.  It was loud and crazy and lots of fun.

I played point guard on the team.  My job was to set up plays and pass the ball to my teammates near the basket.  I was also expected to play defense and prevent the other team from getting a fast break and easy bucket at our end of the court.

Basketball is fluid; it keeps moving.  Plays and opportunities develop quickly and it was fun to work with other members of our team to score a basket.

Baseball is different.  It is a slow paced game where you wait for the pitcher to pitch and the hitter to hit.  A baseball game can last for hours.  A basket ball game is a lot faster and a lot shorter.

One of my favorite movies is, “Hoosiers.”  It is about a basketball team from a small town in Indiana that makes it to the state finals.  In one scene, the coach tells a player, “Don’t shoot the ball unless you are right under our basket and no one else is around!”

I think that is what my high school coach said to me.  I think he preferred that I pass the ball and shoot as little as possible.  I think I usually scored about 4 points a game.  I do remember scoring 13 points one time, but most of them were on free throws!

March Madness is almost here.  College teams from around the country will be competing for the national title.  For a few short weeks, basketball will capture the attention of the sports world and fill our TV screens with many memorable moments.

I hope you can enjoy it.  I know I will.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I have a friend who is very controlling. Every time we get together, we have to eat where she wants to eat, and see the movie that she wants to see. If I say we did it her way the last few times and make a suggestion, she gives me the silent treatment. Every time this happens, I tell myself to never go out with her again, but when she calls I cave in and do what she wants. I really do like her company most of the time. I’m weak, I know. I need help! Thanks in advance.

-Lynn

 

Dear Lynn:

You are obviously easy going, and that’s a good trait, but in this case it’s causing you to feel taken for granted. It would be a good idea to set up a fair system with your friend. Continuous feelings of being taken for granted will eventually diminish your self esteem. I think expanding your friendship base would also be a good idea.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Don’t Ever Stop Believing

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

We are going through some hard times right now.  There are many people losing their jobs, their homes; and budget cuts to very important programs are taking place.

I still believe things can be turned around.  I still believe that people are basically good.  I still believe anything is possible with hard work and tenacity.  I refuse to give up in believing that all great things are possible.

They say people or things have to hit rock bottom before they will get better.

Take a look around in all that is still right with our world.  Take a look around at all the good that still goes on in our our community.

Please don’t use the state of the world as a reason to stop believing.  They say all things happen for a reason.  I don’t know why people have to suffer.  I don’t know why bad things happen to good people.  I just know that I believe in the good this world still has to offer.

I also believe our efforts to be our best do get rewarded.  It may take some time to see the results of one’s hard work.  Please don’t become a victim of apathy or anger because you feel every road you take becomes a dead end.  Remind yourself that there are unlimited roads to travel down and that eventually you will discover the right one.

We must learn to be happy with the baby steps that occur when we want change to happen yesterday.  Just for a moment, think back to a time that you thought would never change or get better; yet it did get better and so did you.

I have to believe things will get better.  We need to remember why we are here and how powerful we are.  We need to remember having faith in our world and each other is very healing and can lead us to finding that the right road.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Spring Training

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

Baseball was a big deal when I was growing up in Arizona.  Since we did not have a major league baseball team in Phoenix at that time, it was exciting when several major league teams came to town in March for Spring Training.

I enjoyed playing baseball.  When I was very young, we actually played “sand lot” games in a vacant lot near our home.  I also played on organized Little League teams as I grew up, and I made the All-Star team a couple of times.

When I got into high school I enjoyed playing baseball, too.  My position was short stop.  That was where all the action was.  It was my job to stop those hard hit ground balls and throw runners out at first base.  As short stop, I also assisted with double plays and tagging runners out as they tried to steal second base.  I also helped relay throws from the outfield and tried to stop base runners at home plate.

The other part of playing baseball was hitting.  I don’t remember what my batting average was, but I know I didn’t set any records.

Years later, I had the opportunity to coach some Little League teams that my son played on.  Coaching is an important part of every team sport.

I do know that I enjoyed playing baseball.  It is a team sport where everyone has an important role to play.  You learn to work together and value each person’s contribution to the team.

Each team has a coach who helps players to develop their skills both on the field and in the batter’s box.

I have heard that some parents get a little crazy watching their kids participate in team sports.  I hope you will exercise restraint and encourage your kids to participate in a team sport.  They will enjoy it, and you will too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Finding Balance in Your Life

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Some of us work really hard.  Some of us play really hard.  I believe it’s finding the balance between the two that gives us a good life.  Finding the balance is what makes us happy and helps us discover how wonderful life can be.

Many people are very good at working hard so they can have a good life, but what if we never take the time to enjoy it all?  I think people are sometimes afraid that if they slow down to enjoy it all, maybe they will lose what they have built for themselves.

I think if we don’t slow down and play and enjoy it all, we will burn out and then maybe lose it all.  I think the secret is finding that balance between work and play.

I think it’s very hard as an adult to find and maintain that balance, when our society tells us we must always keep working harder if we want the good life.  If we lived in Europe, we would get a different message about how important it is to enjoy our lives and to balance work and play.  I think we could learn a lot from the way the Europeans live their lives.

All I know is that many of us seem to always be stressed out because all we do is work, and I think it’s so very important to take some time out to enjoy all that we work for.  If we don’t take time, then what are we really working for?  I know things are expensive and our world is hard, but we deserve to enjoy our journey called life.

So take some time to smell the roses, walk on the beach, feel the breeze on your face, and just enjoy your life.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Don’t Stop Running

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

When I was in high school, I enjoyed playing several different sports.  My parents discouraged me from playing football, so I opted for cross-country in the fall.  I was not the top runner at our high school, but I did manage to earn a varsity letter my sophomore year.

Distance running is a lot more popular today, and it is common to see people jogging through neighborhoods and along the main streets in our community.

Many people now participate in 26-mile marathon races.  In fact, the Los Angeles Marathon is coming again in a few weeks.  Thousands of runners will fill the city streets and thousands of fans will line the sidewalks to watch them.

When I ran cross-country many years ago, it was one of the loneliest sports in school.  Five runners from each school would participate in the race and there were usually fewer spectators than actual runners!

I grew up in Arizona, so it was common for the race course to wander along desert paths lined with cactus instead of people.  There might be a few people at the starting line and a few at the finish line, but there were no cheerleaders or marching bands to urge us on.

The basic principle in long distance running is, “don’t stop.”  You have to keep on moving, keep on trying and keep on running.

There were times when you just felt like stopping and giving up.  Your muscles would get tired and your feet would get sore.  It was tempting to just stop and not run anymore.

I was not the fastest member of our team. I actually only won one race when I was in high school, and that was on the JV team.  But it was thrilling to win the race and be the first to cross the finish line!

In many ways, life is like a long distance race.  You have to keep on running and never give up.  You may be exhausted and feel like stopping, but you have to keep on going.  You may be involved in a difficult project at work or school and feel like you are ready to give up.  Don’t!  Keep your eye on the finish line and keep on going!

There is a verse in the Bible, in Hebrews 12:1, which says, “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”  The author is using the image of the ancient Greek games where thousands of spectators cheered the athletes in the sports arena.  But, the author is applying the analogy to our everyday life and faith.  Keep on running. Don’t give up.

Whatever you are facing in life, keep on going, and don’t give up.  And, encourage those around you that may be weary and discouraged to keep on going, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am very attracted in my friend’s ex-girlfriend.  They broke up over a month ago, and I can tell she’s looking at me in a new way, too.  We all go to the same gym.  I don’t want to hurt my friend, but I want to ask her out.   How should I approach this?

-J.S.

Dear J. S.:

This is a tricky situation.  I’ve seen it go well, and I’ve seen it go horribly wrong.  I have a few questions for you to consider.  Are both parties completely over each other?  Are they mature?  Will anyone suffer humiliation? Do you have mutual friends, therefore making the situation awkward?  Do you want to take the risk of losing your friend over a new person to date?  Has enough time really gone by?  Please look ahead a few months into the future and decide if you can live with the possible consequences that may occur if you date your friend’s ex-girlfriend.  My personal opinion is to wait six months.  If you still feel the attraction, then approach your friend and see what his views are, and make your decision at that time.  Don’t rush on this if you value these relationships.  Thanks for writing.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Happy Birthday Mom

By Nancy Stoops

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

This week is my mom’s 90th birthday, and so I dedicate this one to my wonderful mom.

She is such an amazing woman.  No matter what life throws her way, she just keeps going.  She has lost both of her sons and her husband but she refuses to give up, and I admire her so.  She tries to enjoy each day and does it with a positive attitude.  I know it’s that attitude that has kept her alive.

Let me tell you about my mother’s heart.  She is so loving, kind, and is always giving to others.  She’ll always lend an ear to hear somebody else’s troubles and is just such a good human being.  She’s very generous with what she has and would never let anybody go without.  She’s continually helping her friends and her family.  She just wants the people she loves to have what they need and to be happy.

I’m very proud to have this wonderful woman as my mom.  She has taught me many valuable lessons and has always been there for me.  As a little girl, she told me I could fly, and I believed her.  She taught me there are no limits for what I can become and what I can do in this world.  She always praised me so that I would grow into a confident woman, and it worked.

So, Mom, I thank you for believing in me and teaching me to believe in myself.  It was those lessons I know have enabled me to become a successful human being. It was your words that made me never give up and settle.  I want you to know I wouldn’t be who I am without all of your love, guidance, encouragement, support, and all of the faith you have always had in me.  I want you to know that it is an honor to be your daughter, and that every year you are here with me is a gift!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Home Sweet Home

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

My wife and I bought our first house in Arizona in 1975.  It was a brand new tract home on the west side of Tucson with about 1,200 square feet under the roof.  We were thrilled.

I had finished graduate school without any debt.  But, we also didn’t have any money.  My starting salary at our first church was $1,000 a month, so buying a house was a big step of faith.

When I asked one of the church leaders if he thought we should try to buy a house, he thought it was a good idea but added, “I worry about those monthly payments”.  The principle, interest, taxes and insurance were just under $300 a month!

Where would we get the money for a down payment?  I think we needed about $1,200 down to buy the house.  The realtor suggested that we look into my wife’s school retirement fund.  She had taught school for two years in Dallas, Texas, while I was in graduate school. We discovered that she had about $1,000 in her retirement account that we could use. Both of our parents and my grandmother gave us some money, and we were able to make the down payment and become home owners.

When you buy a new home, you discover that you lack just about everything you need to get started.  We didn’t own a rake or shovel or garden hose.  We did not own a washing machine or dryer.  But, we were excited to have a house.

The washing machine was a top priority since we had an 8-month old child in diapers. In those days, parents still used real cloth diapers. Since we didn’t have the money to buy a dryer, we discovered that a clothes line worked just fine in the dry Arizona climate.

The landscaping provided by the builder included five one-gallon plants, two five-gallon plants and gravel to cover the front yard.  It wasn’t much, but we were thrilled to have a house.

During the 13 years that we lived in Tucson, we added three more children to our family.  We also built two room additions to the house.  First, we added a large family room to the back of the house.  Later, we added a new master bedroom and bath to the side of the house.  As our family grew, our house grew, too.

During the whole home buying process, we saw God provide in some remarkable ways.  We had no idea how we could afford a house or how we would find the money to make the down payment.

We also saw God provide money for a back yard fence through a tax rebate program for first-time home buyers.  A used clothes dryer was provided by some friends who were replacing their old one.  Later, a dish washer was provided through someone who was remodeling their kitchen.

There is a wonderful verse in the Bible that says, “My God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 4:19). We have seen this principle to be true many times in our married lives, and especially when we bought our first home!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am in my early 20s.  I have worked as a secretary for my uncle’s company since I graduated high school.  I have finally saved enough money for the down payment to buy a new car.  When I was applying for the financing, I discovered that my uncle used my social security number and credit to buy himself a car.  When I confronted him, he admitted that he didn’t have enough available credit to buy his car.  He said I would have no problem getting financing because he would co sign for me.  He also asked me not to tell my dad (his brother) about what he did.  Now I don’t trust my uncle, but I don’t want to lose my job.  Please help me know what to do.

-Theresa

Dear Theresa:

I’m just going to come right out and say it.  Your uncle is a criminal and a rotten relative.  What he did is illegal and you could easily press charges against him.  He has no right to “borrow” your social security number, along with your financial identity to buy himself a car.  At your young age, I’m doubtful that you have the developmental skills to know how to deal with a person like this.  He has no regard for your well-being and you should definitely tell your dad what has happened.  I think you’re going to need someone with experience to help you correct this situation.  Start looking for a new job immediately.  Do not rest until his fraudulent charges are cleared from your credit.  This is so important for your future.  Good Luck.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Calling For Responsible Pet Owners

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

It is on behalf of dogs everywhere that I write this article.  Being the proud owner of Midnight – the black lab/black shepherd mix shown with me in my photograph – is truly a joy and honor.  Midnight is almost 8-years old and very healthy.  Midnight and I take lots of long walks in our neighborhood and he has many buddies along the way.  Some of his buddies are very well cared for and live safe lives.  Some of his buddies aren’t so lucky and are let out to walk themselves.

I can’t believe how many wonderful dogs I have seen without tags that are let out to walk themselves.  I can’t believe how many dogs end up hit by cars and die because they are illegally let out.  Legally, dogs are supposed to be licensed, vaccinated and leashed when they are out off their property.  They should be walked by humans that can help guide them on what is safe and what is not when they are outside of their house or yard.

A dog is a huge responsibility and an enormous joy.  Caring for a dog properly involves feeding them healthy food, cleaning them, vet visits, walks, licensing them, cleaning up after them, and always providing clean drinking water and shelter…and lots of love, affection and attention.

It’s not okay to have a dog – or any animal – that is neglected.  There have been many new laws passed to help protect animals, and people lose their pets every day because of neglect.

So I ask you to think about all of this before you get an animal.  I beg you to stop allowing your dogs to walk themselves.  I ask you to understand how helpless they are and how much they count on us to care properly for them.  Please take the time to be a responsible and loving pet owner!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I have been married for a year.  My wife and I are having a serious disagreement about how we handle food and grocery shopping.  She prefers to shop at the big warehouse markets so she can save money.  The problem with this thinking is that she has to buy extra large sizes of everything and she serves the same meal for a week (there are only two of us).  I earn a substantial salary so it is not necessary for her to be a frugal shopper.  She said that this is the way her mom did it, and I said that my mom made a fresh meal every night.  If anything was left over from dinner it was used for lunches or snacking.  We were raised so differently.  This is such a problem for me that I have started eating fast food on my way home from work just so I can have some variety.  When I get home, I choke down a little of her four or five day old chicken and wilted salad.  When she sees me dump most of it in the trash she gets mad and says I’m wasting food and money.  I have had to buy new clothes, too, due to the amount of fast food I’m eating.  For all I care, we could eat out every single night and it would not put a dent in our budget.  I hate to fight because my wife is off work right now with a disability, but this is affecting my health.  Any suggestions?

-Pete

Dear Pete:

Differences in upbringing can have a serious impact on a new marriage.  I agree that you should not dread the way you nourish your body, nor should you have to sneak around eating fast food and growing out of your clothes.  If you and your wife cannot get on the same page, I suggest that you take a firm stand and have your own meals handled in a way that is comfortable and healthy for you.  I wonder if your wife has a desire to be frugal because she is not working right now.  Before you do anything drastic, have a heart to heart talk and express how badly you’re feeling about the dinner situation.  Admit your deception with the fast food and state that you will not allow yourself to continue down that path.  If your finances are in great shape, you should not have to live this way.  Food is a serious and often personal issue.  Take immediate steps to get things turned around.  One person’s needs and choices should not destroy the basic happiness and health of another.  Make it clear to your wife that you will not interfere with the way she chooses to eat, but at the same time you will be choosing what’s best for you where your meals are concerned.  Call my office if you and your wife need further assistance.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Don’t Let Life Pass You By

By Nancy Stoops

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

When we are young, we can’t wait to turn 18.  When we are 18, we can’t wait until we are 21.

Now that we are adults, we can’t wait to graduate college and get married.  Now that we are married, we can’t wait to have a family and buy a house.

We now have it all:  the family, the big job, and the big house.  Now we can’t wait until we retire.

Why is that we have such a hard time just living in the present?  It’s as if we are literally wishing our lives away.

People seem to believe the future holds the happiness that the present just doesn’t.  I always hear people say things will be different when I get past “that”.  So time moves along and they do indeed get past “that”, and from out of nowhere something else comes along.  Now they are thinking things will be so much better when they get past “this”. And so it is that this just keeps reoccurring.

Do you see a pattern here?  It’s called life, and it seems as if it is always giving us something that we must get through.

Life is not a neat little package; it involves a lot of hard work and challenges.  Even so, there are times that we don’t get what we think we really deserve.  Maybe these are the times to look at what we did end up with and realize it is even better.

We spend so much time looking at what we don’t have and feeling sorry for ourselves.  Life has a way of giving us what we need, if we just pay attention.  Things seem to work out if we are patient and willing to accept life’s challenges and live each day to the fullest.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

Water Damage

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper Diamond Bar

Pastor Mark Hopper

We have lived in our home in Diamond Bar for over 25 years.  About ten years ago, we had a slab leak under the floor of our kitchen.

We hired a company to find out where the water line was leaking.  Their technician had some pretty impressive equipment that was able to locate it quickly.  Instead of tearing up the floor, I was able to re-route a new water line from the hot water heater up through the attic and down inside a wall.

Recently, we had two neighbors who had slab leaks under their floor. The leaks occurred within a month of each other.  The houses were on the same street with the same floor plan and the leaks were in the exact same location in each house – in the family room near the kitchen.

I was not here when our homes were built in the early 1980s.  I know it was common at that time to run the water lines under the concrete slab.  The kitchen, bath rooms, and laundry water supplies were stubbed up through the floor in different parts of the house.

I don’t know what the quality of the copper was at that time.  Maybe the home builder used an inferior or cheaper copper pipe.  Maybe the copper water pipe just deteriorated over time.  But I think it is reasonable to expect vital materials, like the water lines, should last longer.

Another factor could be the frequent movement of our ground due to earthquakes.  We have had a couple of good ones over the past few years.  There was a very strong jolt last spring in Diamond Bar.  Could it be that the shifting of the soil put stress on the pipes causing a leak?

We all know that water is a vital resource.  We need water to live.  We need water to drink, wash and bathe.  We need water for our lawns and shrubs.  We need water to flush the toilets and wash our clothes.  Water is pretty important.

It is interesting that water can be both helpful and harmful.  Water can help us cook and clean, but it can also ruin the carpet or cause someone to drown.  When water is under control, it is useful.  When it is out of control it can be harmful and even fatal.

Let me encourage you to give thanks for the water we enjoy. Be wise in how you use it and careful not to waste it.   Be grateful for all the people who supply it to our homes and communities.  And, keep your eye out for a slab leak if you own a home in Diamond Bar!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My best friend is perfect in every way, but for some reason she is always criticizing herself and her appearance.  Now I’m starting to feel self-conscious every time I’m around her.  She is much prettier than I am, so if she magnifies her own flaws, I wonder what she must think of me.  I’m starting to avoid her unless I’m looking my best.  What should I do?

-Farzi

Hi, Farzi:

Your friend might be suffering from insecurity or low self-esteem.  Just because she judges herself harshly does not mean that she has the same magnifying glass on you.  Don’t avoid your friend.  Share your feelings instead, and help her see her true value.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

A Life Without Regret

By Nancy Stoops

Just for a moment, picture your last day here on earth.  You’re not in any pain and you’re lying on your bed.  As the day goes by, you’re entire life is flashing by and you’re really taking stock of your life.  I want you to ask yourself, will you be content with your life or will you be filled with regret?

So once again, I find myself writing a very motivational article that is intended to wake those of you who always put off ‘living your life’.  I wonder what it is that you fear, and why you don’t understand that this is the only chance that you will get.

We seem to believe that we have many more tomorrows than we actually do.  All we really can count on is today, and the here and now.  Today is the day to start making your dreams come true.  Today is the day to start living a life with no regrets.

Don’t feel guilty because you have a dream and need to put energy into making it happen.  I mean, after all, dreams coming true are just our rewards for hard work.  I’ve seen many of my own – and many other people’s – dreams come true.  I believe anything is possible if you are willing to do the work.

To me there is nothing worse than a life filled with regret.  To me a life filled with regret is a life wasted.  Trust me when I tell you, it’s never too late to go after a dream.  Don’t tell me you’re too young or too old, but instead modify that dream for the time being.  I know that part of a dream come true is better than none at all.  Inner peace comes by living a life without regret, and so does happiness!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. Nancy is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact Nancy at (909) 229-0727; or you may e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books, Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.