Tag Archives: Nancy Stoops

Designing Your Own Life

BY NANCY STOOPS 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Why do you let everybody run your life? Why do you feel you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better? What is it that seems to keep you stuck? How many times have you asked yourself these questions? Let’s see if we can answer some of these questions.

I think we let others run our lives because we fear we don’t know how to. In terms of feeling we have no choices; I think it’s just a bad habit of limiting our expectations and not having faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable even if we are miserable. It also takes a lot of energy to change and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy. The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck. We ask ourselves the same questions over and over, and at the time we tell ourselves this time we will finally change. I believe people mean what they say at the time, but then they get lazy when it comes to actually doing the work involved to get to where they want to be.

Please stop assigning blame to everybody and everything except yourself. We all have things that get in the way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome the adversity that literally stops us dead in our tracks. I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can, if they would just try harder and fight for the life they want. People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves that once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be. The truth is that all they are really putting off is life itself.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. She is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. Nancy conducts free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727. You may also e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Staying Out Of The Negative

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

BY NANCY STOOPS

Do you see the glass as half full or half empty? Do you focus on the good in your life or on what’s wrong? Do you take the time to count your blessings each and everyday?
We all have things that go wrong in our lives, but I believe we create our own energy based on what we focus on. I mean, if all we see is the negative and can’t seem to find the positive, then I think we will be pretty negative.
Stop what you’re doing for a moment and do this little exercise with me. Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. Write down all the negatives in your life on one side, but write a positive thing to negate the negative thing on the other side. Now decide how you want to live your life and which side of the paper you want to focus on.
I believe everything happens for a reason. Each and every trial life offers us also teaches us a lesson, if we take the time to see and learn it. Don’t make the negative the focus of your life; learn the lesson and move on.
Good and bad times are going to come and go. We must learn to be victorious through the bad times and celebrate the good. We must also learn to stop taking the good times for granted. Take control of your life and help yourself learn to create positive energy by focusing on the good. Learn to trust in yourself and have faith that you will find your way through the negative things that come your way. Make the decision to invest your energy in the good in your life and if you do, life will be good and you’ll be very happy.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. She is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. Nancy conducts free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727. You may also e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Respecting The Lives Of Animals

BY NANCY STOOPS 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

For years now my husband has called me, Elly May, from the Beverly Hillbillies show on television. Elly May was always rescuing “critters,” as she would call them. Over the years I can’t count how many critters I have helped. I have always loved animals and felt a very special connection with them.

It makes me sad to see a lost animal, especially without an identification tag. It infuriates me when a human hits an animal with a vehicle and leaves the animal to die.

There was a dog that lived by a local McDonald’s for years. The dog was very clever and was never able to be rescued, but everybody in my neighborhood fed her and took care of her. I thank all of the kind people that helped her.

My mom had a tree cut down in her yard, and in the tree were three baby birds. Of course my mom called me to take them. I fed them and helped them get strong, and two were able to fly away. But the last one needed to go to a bird rescue center because it didn’t want to leave me. The problem was it was a wild bird and eventually they helped the bird fly away.

My message is, please be a loving a responsible person and pet owner. If you own a pet have a chip installed in your animal with all of their information. Make sure your animal has a collar and an identification tag. Anytime you see a lost animal try to help find the animal’s home by putting up flyers, and if all else fails, take the animal to a No Kill shelter.

Make sure your pet always has fresh water, healthy food, shelter, necessary vaccinations, daily walks, baths, and lots of love and affection. If you don’t have the time for these things you shouldn’t have a pet. Remember, animals make our world wonderful, so please respect them and their lives.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens. For more information about any of these services, feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818. You may also e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s new book, “Live Heal and Grow,” is available at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or at Amazon.com.

 

 

San Gabriel Valley: Building Better Families

 BY NANCY STOOPS

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Every week in my groups and my private sessions, I hear the same things over and over. Parents want to become more effective and their teens want more freedom. I tell my clients that are trying to become better parents they must learn to be consistent. They must learn to follow through with what they say they are going to do. I tell my teens that they will earn more freedom if they do what is expected of them. 

It’s very easy for me to tell people what they need to do. The problem for my clients comes from actually having to do the work. It’s hard to break old negative behavioral patterns and replace them with healthy ones. Our children, and people in general, want us to be consistent with them. I think consistency allows people to know what to expect and that makes them feel secure. I think when we are inconsistent, especially with our children, we really create a reason for them not to respect us. We then believe we have a reason not to give them freedom, because of how they treat us. It really is a vicious cycle. As parents, we need to lead our children by teaching them how to respect us. We instill respectful behavior by creating loving, consistent, and fair rules within our homes.

 

There is so much uncertainty going on in our world right now. Many people are feeling unsure about the future. I think this is a good time to try to make your family stronger and find some peace and comfort. If we can start to do this within our families, then who knows what we can do as a world? I wish you all some peace and comfort in these very uncertain times.

 

This article was written by Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens. For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818. You may also email her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s book, “Live, Heal and Grow” is available for purchase at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or Amazon.com.

San Gabriel Valley: Having Some Faith In Our Youth

BY NANCY STOOPS 

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Soon they will be running our country and have children of their own.  Soon they will be telling their children all the things we told them.  I have had the honor of working with thousands of kids and teens of this generation and I’m here to tell you that they are amazing.

 

Now keep in mind there is good and bad in every generation, but I think we have misjudged this one.  Yes, some of them have dabbled with drugs and alcohol and some are even afraid to grow up.  On the other hand, many of them are working on making this world a better place.  The problem is we more often hear the stories about how they are shooting their classmates instead of some of their heroic measures.

 

Just as we did, they are crying out to be accepted and valued.  We shouldn’t put a label of lazy or frightened on this batch of youth because then they might become just that.  Instead we need to guide them and encourage them to grow into who God intends them to be.  This generation is very gifted in so many ways.  They care about making our world a better place, but are frustrated because they don’t know where to begin since we have so many problems.  I see many future psychotherapists, environmentalists, lobbyists, songwriters, singers, and attorneys.   I have had youth that are interested in pursuing careers in the mental health field come and observe my support groups.  I have had some even help me with my groups.  Mentoring can make a huge difference in a young person’s life.  Mentoring can offer hope and guidance.

 

Please don’t give up our or youth because that means giving up on our world.  Help guide and encourage them to grow into adults that we can be proud of.  Teach them to not give up on themselves because each one of them can make a difference.

 

This article was written by Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818.  You may also email her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s book, “Live, Heal and Grow” is available for purchase at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or Amazon.com.

 

 

 

Inland Empire: Imagination

BY NANCY STOOPS

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I can remember gathering leaves of all colors and shapes, collecting sea shells, and anything else that one might find in the water.  I would fill up my wagon with water and create an underwater adventure for everybody to enjoy with the use of a snorkel and mask.  My friends and I would put on singing and dancing shows for the entire neighborhood.  My brothers and I would create backyard carnivals for everybody to experience.  I was always playing dress up and had the ability to become so many different people.  This dress up play helped prepare me for all the hats I have worn over the span of my lifetime.

I can remember my imagination was encouraged by my parents, family and friends.  I credit that imagination for who I am today.  I credit my imagination for making me a creative thinker and a person that always thinks way beyond the box.  As I was raising my son, Bryan, he always used his imagination in his play as well.  He would create the most wonderful lands in our living room.  His creations could literally make you feel as if you were transcended to another world.  We would spend days playing in the worlds he created.  As an adult, my son is one of the most creative people I have ever met.  His imagination was encouraged and totally supported in every way.

Universities are now looking for the well-rounded individual.  I think helping your child develop their imagination is an important part of becoming well-rounded and learning to think for yourself and out of the box.  Imagination is such a crucial part of play, but also a very important part of many careers.  Don’t allow technology to take the place of imagination.  Instead, find a way to incorporate both imagination and technology into your life and your child’s life.  Don’t be afraid to imagine.  Many times our imagination creates a path for our lives.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She also runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, groups for teens, and is available as a motivational speaker for employees and organizations.  For more information about any of these services, feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818.  You may also e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s new book, “Live Heal and Grow,” is available at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or at Amazon.com.

Inland Empire: Apathy Is Deadly

BY NANCY STOOPS

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I believe apathy is the root cause for many of the problems in our world today.  What has happened to us and when did so many of us stop caring?  I know our world is hard and sometimes can feel like a very lonely place.  I also know that I come across many people that still believe in themselves, others and in our world.

I hate when I hear people just give up.  I hate when people just stop caring and seem to exist in a full time pity party.  Life throws us many things that get in our way but if we give up, then we have wasted our lives.  I think we use apathy as a defense mechanism to stop feeling our pain.  I guess it’s easier to not care, than to feel our pain.  I guess it makes it easier to hide from ourselves by acting like we just don’t care.  Eventually if we are apathetic enough for a long period of time, the people trying to help us might even start to leave us alone.  We may think this is what we really want, but I don’t think anybody truly wants that.

I look at apathy as being emotionally shut off or wanting to show the world that you are.   We are here to live our lives to the fullest.  We are supposed to care and yes, sometimes we can get hurt a lot, but turning off emotionally helps nobody.   I hear a lot of people tell me they don’t care because there’s nothing they can do to make our world better.  I disagree, because as long as we still care then we will work hard to be the best we can be and to keep improving our families, communities and eventually our world.

 This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar, and is currently accepting new clients.  Nancy also runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, groups for teens, and is available as a motivational speaker for employees and organizations.  For more information about any of these services, feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818.  You may also e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s new book, “Live Heal and Grow,” is available at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or at Amazon.com.

San Gabriel Valley: Designing Your Own Life

BY NANCY STOOPS

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

SGV — Why do you let everybody run your life?  Why do you feel you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better?  What is it that seems to keep you stuck?  How many times have you asked yourself these questions?  Let’s see if we can provide some answers.

I think we let others run our lives because we feel we don’t know how to. Out of fear, we allow others to run things for us.  In terms of feeling, we have no choices.  I think it’s just a bad habit of limiting our expectations and not having faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable even if we are miserable.  It also takes a lot of energy to change and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy.  The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck.  We ask ourselves the same questions over and over, and at the time, we tell ourselves that this time we will finally change.  I believe people mean it at the time they say it, but then they get lazy when it comes to actually doing the work involved to get to where they want to.

Please stop assigning blame to everybody and everything, except yourself, for why you don’t have the life you want.  We all have things that get in the way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome that adversity that literally stops us dead in our tracks.  I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can if they would try harder and fight for the life they want.  People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves that once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be.  The truth is that all they are really putting off is life.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services, feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818.  You may also e-mail her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s new book, “Live Heal and Grow,” is available at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or at Amazon.com.

 

San Gabriel Valley: Your Presence Is Valued In Our World

BY NANCY STOOPS

I bet you don’t think you matter or make a difference. I’m here to say you’re wrong. Every interaction we have with each other matters. Every time we smile or share a greeting we make a difference. Those very interactions can literally change the way another feels about their day. We still have the power to make the world a better place and to make somebody feel good. I’m always given hope during those brief but powerful interactions with others. An exchange of a smile can literally fill me with warmth and a wonderful glow inside. Just for that brief second there was a very nice exchange of good energy between two humans.

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Take a minute or two out of your day to say hello, smile, hold a door open, help somebody cross a street or perform any act of human kindness. These acts really go a long way and can help you understand that you matter. I value these acts and the people that have the social graces to perform them. Please understand how much power you have each day to help make this world a better place. I hear heartwarming stories about people doing good deeds and I think about how much I value these people and their presence in our world.

Every time somebody thanks me for my work, their kind words seem to wrap around me and hug me and fill me up with such appreciation for my life and my work. I so value the presence of the people in my practice and in my groups. My group members are so supportive of each other and make a huge difference for each other. I walk through my neighborhood and Midnight and I have many very brief but meaningful interactions and I am reminded of how valuable humans can be if they want to.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. She is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. Nancy conducts free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727. You may also e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.