Designing Your Own Life

By Nancy Stoops

Do you let everybody else run your life?  Do you feel as though you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better?  What is it that seems to keep you stuck?  How many times have you asked yourself these questions?  Let’s see if we can’t answer a few of them.  I think we let others run our lives because we feel that we don’t know how to, and, out of fear, we allow others to run things for us.  In terms of feeling, we seem to have no choices. As a therapist, I think this way of thinking is a bad habit that limits our expectations so that we do not have full faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable, even if we are miserable.  It also takes a lot of energy to change, and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy.  The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck.  Sometimes, we ask ourselves the same questions over and over, and at the time, we tell ourselves this time we will finally change.  I believe people mean it at the time they say this, but then they become complacent when it comes to actually doing the work involved necessary to get where they want to go.

Stop assigning blame to everybody else and everything else other than yourself as to why you don’t have the life you want.  We all have things that get in our way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome that adversity that stops us dead in our tracks.  I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can if they tried harder and fought for the life they want.  People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be.  The truth is that all they are really putting off is…. life!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at


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