Category Archives: Weekly News Columns

You Can Do It

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

I have heard that you can get free TV channels without your cable provider.  This could be very helpful in the case of an emergency when land lines are out of service.  It could also be a helpful way to avoid those large cable bills!

I thought I would give it a try and see if I could get some of these channels on my new TV. I began by locating the TV instruction booklet.  The booklet had a few pictures and a lot of words that didn’t help an inexperienced technician like me.  But, I pressed on hoping for success.

I disconnected the cable wire and hooked up the portable antennae.  Then I grabbed the remote control and started pushing buttons.  I tried the menu button and tried to find settings.  It didn’t go very well.

So I re-read the instructions and tried it again.  No luck.  I did this over and over again, but never found any wireless channels.

I’m sure they are out there.  We used to have “on air” TV when I was a kid, but I couldn’t find them now.  Maybe it is a cable channel conspiracy?

When I have encountered challenges fixing my car or other projects around the house, I have found helpful videos on You Tube.  Many people have posted “How To” videos on line that have saved me a lot of time and enabled me to do repairs at home myself.

So, I went on the Internet and found some You Tube videos with information on how to get “on air” channels on my flat screen TV.  The video confirmed that there are free channels available and gave instructions on how to program my TV to get them.

I tried to follow the You Tube instructions and after a few mistakes I actually did it!  It took the TV several minutes to locate a number of HD “on air” channels, but there they were. Amazing!  I really never expected to find these free channels, but I did.

Maybe you are facing some difficult challenges in your life.  You may have tried many times, but feel you just can’t do it.  Here are some lessons that I learned.

I learned that the two most helpful “keys” on the remote control are the “menu” key and the “input” key. I’m not sure what they actually do, but I used them several times and got the results I was hoping for. When in doubt, hit the “menu” and “input” buttons!

Be willing to get help.  The instructions that came with the TV were not that helpful, but the You Tube video was great.  Ask a friend, classmate or co-worker.  Pray and ask God for help, too.

If others can do it, you can too.  A friend told me that his father used to say, “If one man built it, another man can fix it.”

Many other people have struggled with programming their TV and other electronic devices.  If they can do it, so can you!

Never give up.  England’s Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, is remembered for his famous saying during the dark days of World War II, “Never give up, never give up, never, never give up.”

I was ready to give up many times with my futile efforts trying to program my flat screen TV.  But, it was so rewarding to figure it out and succeed in finding those “on air” channels.

I don’t know what challenges you may be dealing with in your life right now, but “you can do it.”  Don’t give up.  Keep on trying.  You’ll be glad you did!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter from a Frustrated Friend:

Q:  My best friend has not returned my calls for the last three months.  The last time I saw her she told me she was having personal problems.  I guess maybe she has the blues, but I’m getting really frustrated and I wonder if maybe I have done something wrong.  She lives over one hour away.  Should I visit her and force her to talk to me?

 

A:  Call your friend once again and let her know your concerns.  Ask her to at least let you know if she is okay, using the communication method of her choice.  Tell her a text message is perfectly fine if she isn’t up to chatting.  Do not make this situation about you.  Some people are extremely private when they are facing tough situations and prefer to work through their issues on their own.  If this is your friend’s style, then do whatever you need to do to make sure she feels supported.  Let her know you are there for her when she feels up to talking again.  Consider sending an occasional card or note as a way to express your friendship without pestering her.  However, if you suspect your friend is in true emotional danger, go see for yourself, and get the appropriate support she needs.  Follow your heart on this one.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.23

Mind Changing Meditation

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Since I was 17 years of age, I have been meditating.  I think it is the healthiest and most effective way to clear one’s mind.  Meditation can be done anywhere and anytime and does not require anything but discipline and a willingness to be patient, because to achieve total meditation takes years.  I love meditation because I don’t need to use pills or alcohol to relax and quiet my mind.

Some time ago, a school district did a study with their students and the effects of daily meditation.  They found that their students were able to focus and concentrate better and in turn their grades and their test scores improved drastically.  They found their students to be less angry and the number of school infractions went down as well.  They noticed their students having a much improved mindset, being happier and more balanced. This idea could have a profound effect on students with Attention Deficient Disorder.

So take five minutes from your day and find a quiet place.  Pick one word to focus on, and just think about that word.  When other thoughts come rushing back in, go back to your word to push away the thoughts.  Start with small increments of time and then extend the time you are meditating based on your newly acquired skills.  I like the word, “peace,” as it seems to work very well for me.

I know that I’m a much more efficient human being because I have a pretty quiet mind, and I attribute that to all the years of daily meditation.  The goal of meditation is to clear your mind of all thought, acquiring total inner peace.  You will sleep better and feel much happier and more balanced.

So, do yourself a favor and start the daily practice of meditation today.  I promise if you practice consistently you will literally transform yourself and your life.  I wish you peace.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

 

Leading Or Leaving?

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

As I shared in my last article, I recently “passed the baton” to a younger pastor at our church.  My wife and I have served at the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar for over 27 years.  But, as of Sept. 1, we have a new senior pastor. His name is Tim Park.

Tim has a wonderful wife and two teenagers.  He has served at various churches and has been on our staff for over three years.  He is a good shepherd and a good communicator with lots of energy and enthusiasm.

Part of the transition plan that our church adopted included the opportunity for my wife and I to continue to attend and serve here.  Tim will be the new senior pastor and I will work under his leadership in various ministries at our church.

The best way I have explained it to our people is, “I’m not leaving; I’m just not leading.”

We love the people at our church and want to continue to serve them.  We are thankful for all the help and support my wife and I have received from these friends over the years.

We don’t want to leave.  But, we realized it is time for a younger couple to lead.  So, “We are not leaving, we are just not leading,” as a younger pastor on our staff takes the pilot’s seat at our church.

I suppose many of us face the same question: When is it time to let younger people lead a church, business or other organization?  When is it time to pass the baton to the next generation?

There are not any simple answers to this question.  I’m sure that each situation and each leader is different.  But, the reality is that each of us in leadership will eventually need to hand over the baton to another member of the team.

The leaders at our church read a variety of books and articles on the topic of transition.

One theme that we found is that wise leaders should already have a transition plan in place.   Every company and organization should prepare a transition plan in case the leader leaves unexpectedly, is unable to lead due to health or other issues, or simply retires.

The second lesson that was emphasized in many books and articles was that wise leaders should always be preparing and training future leaders.  One of the greatest privileges and responsibilities of leaders is to be training and mentoring younger men and women for future leadership responsibilities.

My wife and I are thankful for the privilege of leading our church over the past 27 years, and we are grateful that our church has encouraged us to continue to serve here. We are thankful for the new senior pastor, Tim Park, and look forward to serving under his leadership.  I hope you will come and visit our church and get to know our new senior pastor.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

An Anonymous Letter

Q:  My husband is overbearing.  When he thinks someone has done something unfair to him, he overreacts.  Yelling, finger pointing, arm waving.  Intimidation is his answer to almost all problems.  He has even had tantrums on my behalf when I do not feel offended.  He has become a real bully.  I am embarrassed, but I don’t know how to tell him to knock it off.  In other areas he is a really nice man.

A:  Having adult tantrums, and using intimidation as a form of communication is a sign of immaturity and low self esteem.  Perhaps he is really hurting about something and feels it would be weak to address his suffering, so he masks it with anger.  I don’t know your husband or his issues, so I will address your situation.  Whenever your husband displays a behavior in your presence that you find unacceptable, it is your right to tell him not to act that way in front of you again.  If he decides to test you and does it again, remind him that you have communicated clearly once before, then leave his company immediately.  Walk away, call a cab, do whatever it takes to set a new boundary.  Do not nag, plead, or repeat yourself again.  Make your statement, and then act on it.  Since you say he is basically a nice man, he should catch on quickly and soften his approach when he’s with you.  Good Luck.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

The Mindset Of The Successful Student

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I know many of you helped your child get ready to start school again, or maybe even for the first time.

As parents, we bought them new clothing, backpacks, notebooks, organizers and all of the other necessities that they needed for school.  We believed that in buying these things for them, we were helping start the year the right way – and that is a correct belief.

We started planning lunches (whether they were buying or bringing), and we made transportation plans for getting them to and from school.  Finally, we helped them ease into a bedtime that is appropriate for school, because summer is over.

Even though we believe we have done all of the right things, we may be wondering why our children don’t do well in school.

I think it’s important to help your child adjust their mindset about school and about how they will do.  What I’m suggesting is that we help our children prepare in so many ways for school, but we forget the emotional component in getting them ready.

It’s very important that as we are helping them physically prepare for school, we must remind them of how very capable we believe they are.  We must remind them and also give them the tools they may need to get through their long school days.  We must teach them how to deal with bullies and help them find the inner confidence to be successful and happy students.

I think it can start with a conversation regarding what was good and what was bad about the last school year.  Or perhaps what was easy and what was hard about the previous year.

Help remind your child of the tools they already have and take time to help them clean and sharpen them. Talk to them about what they are nervous about and calm them down by reminding them of all of their previous successes – and how proud you already are of them!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Transition

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

On Sun., Aug. 30, I passed the baton to a younger pastor at our church.

I have had the privilege of serving as the senior pastor at the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar for over 27 years.

As of Sept. 1, the church has a new senior pastor.  His name is Tim Park.  He has served as an associate pastor at our church for several years, and is well liked and very qualified to take on the leadership of our church.

Our church leaders have been working on this transition plan for many months.  We presented this proposal to our church family in March, and it was unanimously approved at our church business meeting in April.

Actually, there was one “no” vote.  Since the vote was by secret ballot, we don’t know who cast it.  Some suspect it might have been my wife!  Just kidding!   But it was encouraging to see the strong support for this plan.

Different denominations have different traditions and procedures when they transition from one senior pastor to another.  Some reassign their pastors to new churches every few years.  In other churches, the local Bishop or Presbytery appoints new leaders to each church.

In our church, the lead pastor and Elders make recommendations to the congregation on major issues like budgets, building programs and the selection of the senior pastor.  I’m thankful that this proposal was so well received and supported by our church members.

There are many examples in the Bible where an older leader “passed the baton” to a younger person.  Moses passed the baton to Joshua; Elijah passed to Elisha; and the Apostle Paul to his young disciple, Timothy.

It is not uncommon for businesses to follow a similar practice where an older leader passes the baton to a younger member of their staff.  This can provide a smooth transition for the company or organization and help maintain their values and priorities.

I hope you will visit our church in the coming months and meet our new senior pastor.

We sure like him, and I think you will, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Lost Something Lately?

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

My wife is beginning to worry about me because I keep losing track of things.  Recently, I lost my cell phone and could not find it.  I could not remember where I had left it. It was very frustrating.

I started my search by trying to retrace my steps.  When was the last time I used my phone? Where was the last place I had my phone with me?

The first thing we did was to look around the house.  Did it fall between the cushions on our couch?  Did I leave my cell phone in a pair of pants?

I asked a family member to call my phone number and hope we could hear the ringer somewhere in the house.  No luck.  We didn’t hear a thing.

Then I looked in my car.  Maybe I left it there or it fell under the seat.  No luck there either.

Maybe I left it in my office.  But, a careful search of my office did not reveal anything either.

My son suggested we try to use the Apple phone search app.  I guess this can help guide you to your phone’s location.  A friend of mine had done this and actually recovered phone that had been stolen!  But, apparently my phone’s battery was dead and we were unable to locate it.

Now I was beginning to get desperate.  I have phone numbers and contact information that I frequently use on that phone.  I could go buy a new phone, but how would I recover this vital information?

I finally resorted to prayer.  I genuinely prayed, “Lord, please help me find my phone.”  I know this is not a deep, theological prayer, but I was sincere.  I needed help to find my lost phone.

The answer did not come immediately.  I did not hear an audible voice.  But, later that day a thought came to my mind that I had not considered before.

A few days before, a friend of mine had driven me in his pickup truck to buy some building materials at Home Depot.  Did I have my phone with me when we went to Home Depot?  Could I have left my phone in his truck or at Home Depot?

We drove to his house, knocked on his door and looked in his truck.  We found my cell phone under the passenger seat!  The phone is black and his interior is black, so he had not seen it.  You would not have noticed it for months unless you were specifically looking for it!

I was so thankful to find my lost cell phone.  It really was an answer to prayer.  I was ready to celebrate!

There is a passage in the Bible where Jesus tells a parable about a lost sheep, a lost shekel and a lost son (Luke 15).  There is a celebration at the end of each parable when the lost sheep and the lost coin are found and when the prodigal son came home.

Each of these stories illustrates how much God loves us and wants us to come back to Him.  The passage says that there is a celebration in Heaven every time a child or adult comes to Him.

If you have lost something and can’t find it, you might want to stop and pray and ask God for help.  If you want to start a celebration in heaven, open your heart to God.  Put your faith in Jesus today.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

An Anonymous Letter

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I have been depressed for a long time.  I used to have really good friends, but now when I need them the most, they are never there for me anymore.  My daughter is even too busy for me.  My husband says people are busy with their own lives, but I feel neglected.  I have tried medication and a psychologist, but that didn’t help me any more than my friends did.  I gained weight from the medication, and I felt even worse about myself.  I will never do that again.  Do you have any advice to help me get my friends back into my life?

 

A:  If your friends are “really good” as you mentioned, I’m sure they have done everything they could think of to assist you in feeling better.  When there is no improvement, people often feel defeated and move on.  Let’s face it, being around a depressed person all the time is difficult and painful.  It is hardest when you really love the person.  Please try to understand the limitations of a person who is doing their best to support you. This is not easy for most people, especially, when they are not skilled in the area of your needs.  The fact that you say you feel neglected, makes me wonder if you have a sense of entitlement about what is owed to you by your loved ones.  Your friends and family do not owe you their personal time on an ongoing basis.  You also make it clear that their efforts were not really helping you anyway.  Please realize you need a skilled professional when you’re dealing with something as serious as depression.  If medication and psychotherapy have not helped you, then it’s time to have a really long talk with yourself.  Are you willing to take personal responsibility for your own emotional and mental health?  If the answer is yes, then you are about to turn the corner and improve your sense of well being.  If you truly don’t require medication or psychotherapy, and are completely resistant to trying again, then I suggest personal coaching.  A personal coach can often help you guide your life in a positive direction. For now, it would be a very good idea to forgive your family and friends for their absence in your life.  They are not responsible for your mental health and emotional happiness.  You are.  Personal responsibility on your part may help your friends and family feel better about sharing their time with you again.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Help Make This Your Child’s Best School Year

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

School has just begun and you already feel worried.  You worry about your child repeating last year’s mistakes and you wonder just how to prevent this.  You tell yourself you did all you could to get them off to a good start and now you know most of it is truly up to them.

Maybe this year you need to get them some tutoring or maybe even some counseling.  It’s important for a student to feel good about him or herself.  It’s important for a student to believe that they can be successful if they truly try their best.  I know it’s hard sometimes to figure out the missing component, but this year, don’t wait until they are at the point of no return.

If your child is being bullied or having emotional problems, I guarantee it will get in the way of their academic performance.  Think about how it feels to go to work when you’re emotionally struggling.  It’s just as bad – if not worse – for your child.  Don’t be afraid to talk with your child or to ask for some help. You may have to learn to ask very specific questions to get them to give you more than a yes, no or okay answer.

There are so many pressures on our children and teens today.  So many of them I’ve had the honor of working with just feel so very alone and different.  These feelings can really get in the way of their academic performance and in the way of them being successful adults. Many of our students get into drugs and other bad things because they think that’s the only way they can make it through their days.

Make this the year you don’t ignore the red flags.  I know you are very busy, but you only have the here and now to help your child grow into a responsible and proud individual.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter From C.J.

Q:  I am a senior citizen.  I am wondering how to overcome a constant negative focus on my health issues.  These issues are both real and imaginary.  My poor health consumes my thoughts, and I feel depressed.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.  Please help.

A:  It’s important to understand that where you place your focus in life is where you will have the most growth.  If you focus on negative matters, your negative concerns will seem to expand.   My guess is that you don’t have enough balance in your life.  Constantly looking at a problem is not as helpful as concentrating on a solution.  Try to balance your worry with some activities that bring you joy.  Just because you are a senior citizen, does not mean you have to start preparing for a life filled with illness.  Better yet, it’s time to plan for as much enjoyment as possible.  Shift your thoughts to people and situations that bring laughter into your life.  Release the ones that bring you upset and grief.  This is very important. If you are sitting around watching television as your main activity, you are taking on a lot of negativity from the news and being exposed to lots of commercials relating to health disorders.  Free yourself from all the negative feedback and visit some healthy and happy friends and family instead.  If visiting is too hard, then invite them to visit you, but don’t weigh the conversation down with your health concerns.  Altering your point of view will alter your life.  I hope you realize the choice is yours to make.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

The Winner Of Your Personal Revolution

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Do you ever feel like you just need to make a huge change?  Are you afraid, and so you stay stuck because this is what you have always done?

Maybe it’s time to have a personal revolution and really shake things up.  I think it starts by making a list of what you need to keep about you, and what you really need to finally let go of.  It’s time to revolt and personally attack those demons and the lies that hold you back from being a great and powerful you.

I know it sounds crazy to stage a revolution against yourself or against the pieces you are sick and tired of.  I don’t know any other way to move forward if you are really stuck.  Fight hard and fight smart and do your interpersonal work.

What better day than today to claim the rights to you.  Stop letting others hold you hostage to being a lesser version of you.  Today is the day you take control of yourself and of your mind.  If somebody has made your doubt yourself, today is the day to fix that.  Today is the day you decide that you are proud of yourself and that you will fight to become the best you can be.   I know you can win that internal battle, and you can revolt against all the lies.

You owe yourself this revolution and I know you can win.  The past is over, the future is uncertain, but the present is a gift that can help us unwrap our true inner being.  This is an inner being we can be proud of, and we can feel confident like never before.  This newly found confidence can help us see that anything is possible, and there are no limits for us!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Tools Of The Trade

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

I have a great respect for people in the construction trades.  Plumbers, carpenters, electricians and many others help build our homes, schools, churches and industries.

One of the things that they have in common is the “tools of their trade.”  Each craftsman has to have specific tools in order to do their work.  That is why many of them drive pickup trucks filled with saws, hammers, wire cutters and pipe wrenches.

Pastors and teachers have their own “tools of the trade.”  One of their tools is books.  Teachers use books to help their students read and learn, and for preparing their lessons.  Students use books to learn on their own.

Pastors use books to study and prepare sermons, and for Bible lessons.  We use them to broaden our understanding of theology and gain insight into passages in the Bible.

Today, many pastors and teachers are using books and other resources that are available on the Internet.   The number of these resources is almost unlimited.

I have gathered my “tools of the trade” over the past 45 years.  I have books that I purchased decades ago that are still very helpful in my studies.  Some of the books in my library were given to me as gifts from friends, family and church members.

In addition, I have dozens of notebooks filled with over 40 years of sermons, study notes and illustrations.  I am grateful that I have preserved years of material that I can refer to as I prepare new studies and sermons.

I have often told the people at our church that if there is ever a fire on our property, don’t worry about the music equipment or office computers – save my books!  These are priceless resources that cannot be replaced.

When the Apostle Paul was near the end of his earthly ministry, he wrote a letter to his young apprentice, Timothy.  In that letter he instructed Timothy, “When you come, bring the books and the parchments that I left with Carpus,” (2 Timothy 4:13).

These resources were some of the “tools of Paul’s trade.”  They were portions of the Bible and other resources that he used in his ministry.  Even in his older years, he had an insatiable desire to keep on learning.

What are the tools of your trade?  For many people today, it is their smart phone and computer.  For others, it may be some specialized piece of equipment or a motorized wheelchair.

Whatever your “tools” are, treat them with care and use them to help others.  You will be glad you did, and they will, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

A Letter From Danielle:

Question:  My daughter just graduated from high school last June and she has already decided to move out with two girlfriends.  I feel she is not ready to be on her own, but when I try to give her advice she gets nasty.  How can I make sure she is okay without making her look childish in front of her friends?  I am really worried, because she is still so immature.  By the way, none of these girls are in college, but they all have jobs. They believe they can make this arrangement work out.  Please help!

 

Answer:  This is one of those difficult times in the parenting cycle.  You sound like a very caring mom and your daughter will appreciate that some day.  Have faith that you did a good job in raising your daughter, and create space in your relationship for her to develop self reliance.   When I felt a deep need to visit and “check in” on my young adult kids, I made favorite food items, or offered to share my giant bundle of paper towels or toilet paper.  Youngsters are usually very open to receiving these gifts when they are first starting out on their own.  Be careful not to criticize their dwelling if it is messy, and resist the urge to fix all the difficulties that crop up.  When young adults make a decision to enter adult living, you should allow them to sort things out on their own.  However, let your daughter know she can seek your assistance before she allows anything to become a crisis.  I am assuming you have given her guidance about credit card debt and basic health practices.  Also, you might want to explain that you will not be taking steps to maintain her former lifestyle once she moves out. For example, clothes shopping, haircuts, cell phone bill, extra gas money, medical or dental expenses.  This talk should be informative, but not manipulative.  Often young adults are so excited at the thought of being on their own, that they don’t see the big picture.  When my son called with a very expensive utility bill he and his roommates couldn’t pay, I explained that I would assist them, but made it clear that I would not fix the same problem twice.  This shows you’re interested in a good outcome, but allows respect for the fact that you’re both functioning adults. If she still decides to move out after this friendly and informative conversation, be supportive, wish her well, and get back to your own interests in life. Be well.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Anxiety And Our Youth

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

 

I have been a psychotherapist for 15 years, and have worked with people of all ages with various issues.

I’m constantly amazed when I have a child or teen brought to me for anxiety issues. We seem to have created a generation that feels very inadequate and struggles with growing up and being successful.  The issues this generation worries about are things my generation didn’t have to deal with.

Our colleges are impacted and hard to get into.  Now kindergarteners have homework and are expected to read and know many more things.  Video games and television are replacing playing outdoors in the fresh air and getting much needed exercise – this outdoor playing is such a great way to reduce or eliminate stress.  Social media, unfortunately, has made this generation very lazy and childhood obesity and diabetes are on the rise.

As parents and community leaders, we have a social responsibility to help this generation find a healthy balance in their lives in every area.  We need to support and encourage our youth.  We need to provide them with the necessary tools to help them strive to become their best.  We need to have faith in our youth, as so many of them are diamonds in the rough.  We need to give them the guidance to help them shine and reach their full potential.

We need to teach our teens that problems can be worked through, and that drinking and drugs are not a solution.  We need to teach them how to meditate, not medicate, to quiet their busy minds.  We need to teach them how to relax by finding balance, getting organized, prioritizing and effectively managing their time and communicating what’s working and not working in their lives.

Please don’t assume that our youth are all pot-smoking, video-game-playing, lazy, worthless human beings.  They are just scared and need some help finding their way!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Borrowing From Others

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

As we go through life, it seems that we are always borrowing things from our friends or neighbors.

When we were in grade school, many of us asked to borrow a pencil or piece of paper from a friend or classmate.  Parents and teachers tried to teach us that we needed to share with others.

Today, kids in school are asking to borrow a friend’s smart phone, tablet, computer or iPad.  How times have changed!

When we were in high school, many of us were eager to borrow the family car to go out on a date or with a group of friends.   The old family station wagon was a prized possession until we could afford a car of our own.

During the college years, it was not uncommon to borrow a text book or lecture notes from a classmate so you could catch up after you skipped a class.

As new home owners, we frequently asked to borrow a neighbor’s shovel or wheelbarrow as we planted landscaping or put up a fence.  Neighbors helped neighbors install sprinkler systems and new appliances.

If you owned a pickup truck, you were one of the most popular people on the block.  Personally, I never wanted to own a pickup truck, but I was sure glad to have a few friends who had one just in case I needed to borrow it!

As we get older, the items we need to borrow change.  At our church, we have a wheelchair and some crutches that people have donated.  People often borrow these items for themselves or for older loved ones.

Recently, I had surgery on my knee.  One of the items that I needed was an ice machine that enables you to wrap a flow of cold water around your knee or leg.  It sure helped!  My wife put out a request on Facebook and we received several replies.  I was surprised to learn how many people have had similar surgeries and owned an ice-wrap machine!  What does that tell you about the age and health of my peers?

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,” (Psalm 112:5).  God is pleased with those who are generous and willing to lend and share with others.

Let me encourage you to be more willing to share and lend the possessions and resources God has entrusted to you.  Be willing to allow others to use your shovel, wheelbarrow or crutches, just as others have been willing to share theirs with you.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Danice,

I attended a lecture on women’s health last year, and heard you speak about some products you recommend for hot flashes, mood swings, and PMS.  I need it for hot flashes and my daughter needs it for PMS.  I’ve never heard of a Naturopath doctor before, but I enjoyed your lecture.  Thank you.

-Marlene

 

Dear Marlene,

My favorite product for mood swings and PMS is a product called FEMALE drops.  This product is offered by Dr. Richard Schulze.  He also offers FEM PLUS drops.  This formula has additional herbs to help you relax, so it’s best to take it only at night.  Dr Schulze’s web site is www.herbdoc.com.  His herbal formulas are outstanding.  I have used many of them myself over the years.  As for the hot flashes, the product I like best is called DIM. (Di-Indolylmethane) This is also a plant based product.  It is available from a company called Health Resources (www.healthresources.net) – wishing you relief.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Starting This School Year Prepared

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

School starts very soon and you need to help your children prepare.  This is a good time to start having them go to bed a little earlier and to help them get organized.  Make sure to buy them a good notebook with subject dividers and folders in those subject dividers to organize their work.

Take some time to talk with your child about what worked in the last school year for them, and what they can improve upon this year.  Help them set some goals for this year to make them be better students.

Every year, many parents bring their children to me to help them be better in school.  I teach them time management skills and we work on not procrastinating.  You can help your child with this as well.  You can set up a reward system when you see them making positive changes.

Time management and organizational skills are essential in helping your child succeed in school, and in life in general.  Also, if your child is starting at a new school, take them to the campus beforehand to help them feel more comfortable.

Getting your child to eat a good breakfast and a healthy at lunch is crucial for getting them through the day with the necessary energy to do what they need to do successfully.  Besides enough sleep and good nutrition, I feel a multivitamin is very important as well.

Many of these ideas are taught at my Monday evening free counseling groups.  We meet at the Walnut Teen Center every Monday from 6 to 8 p.m.  No invitation is needed and everybody is welcome to attend. The address is 21003 La Puente Road in Walnut.  Feel free to contact me at (909) 229-0727 if you have any questions. Midnight the therapy dog is also there to help!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

New Life

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

The Ninth Ward in New Orleans is filled with contrasts.  The upper and lower Ninth Ward were one of the areas of the City that were the hardest hit by Hurricane Katrina ten years ago.

Recently a team from our church spent a week helping with the ongoing rebuilding effort in New Orleans.  As we drove and walked through some of these neighborhoods, I noticed several things.

On some streets you might see empty lots where houses once stood.  The foundations and concrete steps might be the only things that remain.  There were also broken down homes that had been destroyed by the flood waters and abandoned by their owners.   Roofs had collapsed, windows were gone and vines weeds had taken over these homes.

But among the empty lots and abandoned homes, new houses are being constructed and older homes are being rebuilt. New life is emerging from the destruction and desolation of Hurricane Katrina.

I enjoyed meeting some of the people living in the Ninth Ward.  Each one had their personal story of how they survived the hurricane.  Some were remarkable.  Others were amazing.

These were friendly people who expressed their appreciation for the nationwide response to help rebuild their neighborhoods.  It was a privilege to have a small part in this ongoing effort.

The Bible is filled with amazing accounts of people who found new life and a second chance through the grace and love of God.  Even today, many people who have have experienced heartaches and hurricanes in their own lives have found help and hope in the pages of the Bible.

If you are going through a stormy season in your life, let me encourage you to dust off your Bible and read through the Psalms in the Old Testament and the Gospel of Mark in the New Testament.  These and many other books in the Bible are filled with words of hope and new life.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

An Anonymous Letter

 

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I come from a religious family background.  My husband, kids, and I are at church most of the day on Sunday and other days during the week.  Several months ago, I started feeling overwhelmed.  I realized that this is just another church, and what really counts for me is spirituality and not organized religion.

I want to tell my family, but I know they will be crushed and think I’ve lost it.  I feel like a hypocrite.   I also have guilty feelings, because I agreed to raise my children in this religion.  My youngest child (of five) will turn 18 at the end of the year.  Do I dare to be honest, or continue feeling like a hypocrite?

 

A:  I’m very impressed with the fact that you have chosen to keep your agreements with your husband, even though you’ve had a change in your point of view.  People in committed relationships will often face growth and change in different directions, and adjustments need to be made.  Arrange a time when you can have a quiet conversation with your husband.  Explain your feelings and request a renegotiation.  Explain that you are willing to fulfill your agreement until the end of the year when your last child will legally become a young adult.  Let him know you will not take any steps to alter the belief systems of any other family members.  Then express your plans to participate in the spiritual practices of your choice.  If he seems to need some time to adjust to the new situation you’ve presented, respect his position.  Please recognize that large changes can affect the whole family, and it may take a bit of time before relations return to normal.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.