Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I think we underestimate our instincts. We seem to go to others more than trusting ourselves to make decisions.
I’ve always thought of our instincts as our own personal guide or life coach. Our instincts need to be trusted because they are a gift from God that helps us know what is right or wrong for us. We all have felt our stomachs change when we go against our instincts.
In reality, our instincts guide us. I’ve never understood why people would trust anybody else more than they would trust themselves. I think when people are generally insecure, they struggle trusting themselves and their instincts.
My instincts never fail me. When I was younger, I didn’t always follow them and would end up in trouble. Now that I’m older, and hopefully wiser, I know I can always trust my instincts.
Learn to pay attention to the red flags or warning signs, because they are there to protect us from potential harm. I have found that they generally are trying to tell me something that I need to know. Learn to have faith and start to believe in yourself. Start making decisions that are good for you and learn to trust your gut. The more you follow your instincts and see that they guide you well, the more trust you will develop in yourself.
You wouldn’t throw away a map that would take you to a very sacred destination. By not following your instincts, I think you are throwing away one of the most valuable tools you have for self exploration and finally finding confidence in yourself.
Learning to trust your instincts can also make you a good judge of character when it comes to deciding whether or not to let people into your lives. Once you find that confidence, you will be free to depend on yourself to decide what is right for your life. This confidence is a very empowering tool that can change a life.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I believe apathy is the root cause for many of the problems in our world today.  What has happened to us and when did so many of us stop caring?  I know our world is hard and sometimes can feel like a very lonely place.  I also know that I come across many people that still believe in themselves, others and in our world.

I hate when I hear people just give up.  I hate when people just stop caring and seem to exist in a full-time pity party.  Life throws us many things that get in our way, but if we give up then we have wasted our lives.

I think we use apathy as a defense mechanism to stop feeling our pain.  I guess it’s easier to not care, than to feel pain.  I guess it makes it easier to hide from ourselves by acting like we just don’t care.  Eventually, if we are apathetic enough and for a long period of time, the people trying to help us might even start to leave us alone.  We may think this is what we really want, but I don’t think anybody truly wants that.

I look at apathy as being emotionally shut off, or wanting to show the world that you are.   We are here to live our lives to the fullest.  We are supposed to care and, yes, sometimes we can get hurt – but turning off emotionally helps nobody.

I hear a lot of people tell me they don’t care because there’s nothing they can do to make our world better.  I disagree, because as long as we still care then we will work hard to be the best we can be and to keep improving our families, communities and eventually our world!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

In just a few weeks, our carefree summers will end and school will begin. The lazy late nights will be replaced by endless hours of homework and studying. Very soon sleeping late during the week will come to an end, and rising early and on time will be the goal.

Don’t wait until the evening before school starts to change behavioral patterns.  Start right now on adjusting sleeping schedules and give your child or teen an advantage.  It’s really hard to make that sleeping change all at once and in one evening.

Getting organized correctly can be such a help for creating an organized student.  A good notebook with tabbed dividers and a separate folder for each subject within the dividers can be very helpful.  A pouch with the necessary writing implements and a hole-punch, stapler and whatever else will help, is also very necessary.  I think some type of planner or organizer to write down assignments can really help as well.

Help your child or teen figure out why they didn’t meet the academic goals they had for last year.  Teach them to set daily, weekly, semester and annual goals that are realistic and obtainable.  It’s important to understand that many times just doing class and homework isn’t enough, and that studying is an important part of academic success.

I work with many young people in my practice, and they seem to have a hard time asking their teachers for help because they don’t want to appear stupid in front of their peers.  Help your student find ways to get the help they need and in a way that they are okay with.  Remind them to tell you right away before they are failing and can’t raise that grade.

I wish you success this year!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Over my lifetime, I have gotten hurt from time to time.  Many times, I will think one way and somebody else will see things differently.

I know I hurt myself when I hang on to the hurt when somebody disappoints me, or I disappoint them.  I have come to understand that we are all human and we all make mistakes.

This last year, when I had my near death experience, I changed.  I have always appreciated my life, but now more than ever.  I don’t want to waste time being hurt or angry.  I want to learn to deal with things as they hurt me, and learn to let go of them.  I want to be free of anything that isn’t productive for me.  I guess coming so very close to death has really changed my perspective, and has made me a healthier being.

I find I keep my relationships cleaned up because I have learned how very fragile we are, and that we just don’t know when our time here will be over.  I have learned that it doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong, as long as we are lucky enough to surround ourselves with those that love us and those that we love.

People seem to believe there is disgrace in admitting you are wrong and just apologizing to someone.  I am learning it can be a very humbling experience.  I don’t want to live my life with any bad feelings between myself and another human being.  I know I am going to make more mistakes and I will be doing more apologizing.  I know I will need to be forgiving, and hope others can be forgiving with me as well.

I hope this article will inspire you to forgive or ask for some forgiveness.  I hope reading this will help you understand how precious our time here is.  I want to spend my time here being happy and peaceful, not hurt or angry.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

I have always believed there is a blueprint for our lives.  I know that we are meant to live in a way that shows the best version of ourselves.  I believe with my heart and soul that our creator doesn’t want us to settle and only be part of who we really could be.

I think sometimes we settle out of fear and self–doubt, but then we only sort of live the life we are intended to.  To me, there is nothing sadder than this because there is so much more to most people – and so much more potential for a great life!

I mean, what do you really have to lose by digging deeper and going after the life that you were intended to live?  You might actually be happy and fulfilled and live the life that you have always dreamed about.

I also think that many people feel that they aren’t deserving of a better life.  I am here to tell you that you are wrong, and to stop throwing away the gift of life.  Make today the day you stop making excuses and finally make a decision to get out of your own way.

I know how hard change is, but I also think it’s harder to come to the end of your life and be filled with regret.

So right now, write down the life you want vs. the life you have, look at the gaps, and think about what you need to do to change the way you live.  Start by setting some realistic goals that you can meet.

Learn to be patient with yourself, because the kind of changes I’m asking you to make will not occur over night.  These changes will occur, however, if you are tenacious and have faith in yourself and focus on growing into the best version of you!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Why do you let everybody run your life?  Why do you feel you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better?  What is it that seems to keep you stuck?  How many times have you asked yourself these questions?  Let’s see if we can’t answer some of them.

I think we let others run our lives because we feel we don’t know how to, and out of fear we allow others to run things for us.  In terms of feeling we have no choices, I think it’s just a bad habit of limiting our expectations and not having faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable even if we are miserable.  It also takes a lot of energy to change and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy.  The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck.

We ask ourselves the same questions over and over and at the time, we tell ourselves this time we will finally change.  I believe people mean it at the time they say it, but then they get lazy when it comes to actually doing the work involved to get to where they want to be.

Please stop assigning blame to everyone and everything else for why you don’t have the life you want.  We all have things that get in the way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome that adversity that literally stops us dead in our tracks.

I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can if they try harder and fight for the life they want.  People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be.

The truth is that all they are really putting off is life!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

I am a very big believer in rest and relaxation and feel summer is a great time to do that.  I take a lot of time off in the summer to do exactly that, but I must feel my summer is productive as well.  I force myself to move at a much slower pace and I do play a lot more, but I try to remember the concept of balance as well.

Summer also allows for some unique activities.  I see summer as a time to work on special talents and projects.  Having a project can be very grounding and give you something to be working toward, which I believe is a very important concept.  This doesn’t in anyway, take away from a very well deserved break.

The other really great piece about all of this is your child won’t lose all of their skills over the summer if you keep them engaged, and returning to school will be easier.

Common sense tells us if we don’t use something for three months, our skills can become rusty    By allowing our children to do absolutely nothing over the summer we are not doing them a favor, we are doing them a grave injustice.  Encourage your children to read a book, write a story about something fun, walk the dog to keep their muscles strong, help you add and subtract how many miles you’ll be traveling this vacation, understand why when you throw the ball up, it always comes back down – and just keep learning the whole summer through.

Teaching children the way to find that balance that will enhance their relaxation, make them feel good about their productivity, and allow them to have more fun than they ever have!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.