Category Archives: Weekly News Columns

There Still is a Lot of Good

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

I see the lady in the wheelchair at the post office collecting money for the Salvation Army and I know there is hope for the world.  I look at all of the fundraising going on to help sick and less fortunate children and my heart feels happy.  There are so many organizations helping all the wonderful animals in this world and they all make my spirit light up with joy.  As Midnight and I run through our community, people honk and wave and so many wish us a good day and my entire being feels so grateful for the honor of living and working in a community filled with such wonderful and caring people.

Every time I run one of my support groups I have the rare privilege of hearing people share their stories and as they share, they help others heal in my groups.  I see our community offering support for the people that live here and others offering to lend a hand.  I see breakfasts with Santa and snow being brought in to provide snow days for the children that live here.  I see the magic that lives in this world still.  Oh and the houses all decorated with lights and all the colors of the rainbow make me feel so very alive.

I guess you could say I’m loving this wonderful thing called life.  I guess you could say I love the holidays as well.  I think it’s a great time to see all that is right and good in our lives and our world.  I hope this article will make you stop and reflect on all of the good that is still in our world. Give the gift of helping people see all the good in this gift called life!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy is now accepting new clients.  She also works as a motivational speaker.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s book’s Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

A Man Named Mark

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

The worst home improvement project is plumbing.  When you start a plumbing project in most homes, you can expect to go back to the store at least three times and often more.

Recently, my wife and I were in Arizona visiting her mother and working on some home improvement projects. One of the major projects I undertook was to change the valves on the water connections for the washing machine.  A main reason that plumbing projects are so frustrating is that you have to turn off the main water supply into the house before you can change out valves and other water supply outlets.  Once the water is off and old valves are removed, there is no turning back.  You are committed to finishing the job completely before you can turn the water back on.  There is no room for error or only doing the job halfway.  Once you start, you have to finish.   Inevitably, you run into a problem that you did not expect.  In my case, I was trying to replace the two valves that supply the hot and cold water to the washing machine.

On my first trip to the store, I bought two identical valves and they looked the same.  When I brought them home and tried to install them, one fit but the other one did not.  How could that be?  I went back to the home improvement store looking for help.  Although there were several people willing to help me, they all said I needed to talk to Mark.  He was an experienced plumber with a good name.  He was the one I should talk to.  It turned out that the man named Mark was rather shy and soft spoken, but I quickly discovered that he was both knowledgeable and helpful.  He agreed that my two valves were not the same.  One valve had “compression threads” and the other valve had standard “pipe threads”.  I knew pipes had threads, but I did not realize that there are different kinds of threads!

He said that I needed a transition connection that would enable both of the valves to fit the compression threads coming out of the wall.  No one else in the plumbing department could diagnose my problem, but Mark did.  With his help, some Teflon tape and a lot of pipe dope, I soon had the problem solved and the valves reassembled.  I could turn the water back on and life could return to normal.

I’m thankful that there are “Marks” in the world who can solve problems for us.  It’s great to have someone who is knowledgeable in their field to ask for help and advice.  I’m sure there is someone in your life who knows a lot about computers, car repair or baking cookies. You may have a skill or expertise that enables you to help others, too.  I hope that you will watch for an opportunity to help others like Mark helped me.  And, I hope you will say “Thanks” to the people who have stepped in to help you solve a mystery or problem in your life.

I not only said thanks to Mark, but I also sent an email to his boss to express my appreciation for Mark’s help and guidance in solving my problem.   I hope my brief note will result in some recognition or reward for my new hero named Mark.

 Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Blvd.  Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m.  For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk with Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter from Meghan:

I have a friend who is constantly competing with me.  I hope you can help me understand her.  When I got a new car, within three months she got a new car.  When I changed my hair color and style, she attempted to duplicate my exact look.  When I got a dog, the next month she got a dog.  When I got engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years, within 6 months she was wearing an engagement ring from some guy she’s only been dating for a few months.  She doesn’t realize that all of our friends are laughing at her behind her back.  I feel embarrassed for her, but this is awkward for me.  I do not enjoy being the center of attention this way. We aren’t very close.  She is one of my sorority sisters and we have regular gatherings because many of us are getting married, having bridal showers and weddings.  I don’t want to pull out of the group. Aside from this problem we have a great time together. May I have your advice please?

 

Dear Meghan,

This woman obviously idolizes you.  If there is nothing about her behavior that harms you then let it go.  When your other friends attempt to make mention of your copy cat friend, discourage them.  This woman obviously has struggles about her personal identity.  She likes what she sees in you.  Perhaps you can view it as a compliment.  Even though it is awkward, I don’t see this as harmful for you.  If she starts to violate your personal space in any way then that’s a different story.  If that’s not happening, feel flattered; enjoy your days and your friends.  Take note that humans copy each other in many ways.  Look around.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

A Gift from the Heart is Priceless

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

 

Times are tough for so many right now. I know the media makes us feel like we show our love by spending lots of money. It shows people giving diamonds and luxury cars and the message is that if you really love somebody you’ll give them this type of gift.  The truth is the most people don’t have that kind of money to spend on themselves much less somebody else.

Many people tell me they feel bad because they wish they had more money to spend this holiday season. Maybe I’m wrong but the true meaning of the holiday is to spread love and kindness and those things are free. There are many ways to show love and kindness. This time of year is about reminding all the special people in our lives how very much we appreciate them.  I have many people every year besides my family and friends that I get a tiny gift for. I don’t spend too much but they sure do appreciate my gesture.

I always love spending time with my family and friends but this time of year is special because we all have time off and we have more time to be together.  We love sharing meals together, singing songs, baking cookies, laughing, creating memories, taking pictures and getting all of the generations together. For us the holidays are about having fun and just having more time to express our love for each other. We make sure to always make time for lots of hugs and kisses as well. Over the years I have made many gifts for friends and family.  We are all very sentimental so a gift from the heart is priceless in my family and doesn’t have to cost you a cent. Just enjoy the holiday season!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy is now accepting new clients.  She also works as a motivational speaker.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens and can handle many court mandated needs.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. You may purchase Nancy’s book’s Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

An Unseen Friend

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Mark Hopper

We have two citrus trees outside our kitchen window.  When the weather is nice, we like to open the window in the morning and leave it open in the evening until we go to bed.

A few months ago, we began to notice that in the evening, just before it got dark, we would hear a bird in the tree outside the window.  He would chirp and whistle and sing as it got dark.  It was like he was saying good night before he went to sleep.

We continue to hear this same chirping and singing every night.  The unseen bird must consider our tree his home.  We actually enjoy hearing the bird each night.  We are glad that he is safe and survived another day.

Since we get up at different times in the morning, I don’t remember hearing our feathered friend.  However, about a week ago I heard the same singing just as day light was returning. I think the bird was saying “good morning” to our family just as he had been saying good night in the evening.

I suspect that the bird is also saying good morning and good night to his feathered friends in our neighborhood, too. This must be one way that the birds check in at the beginning and end of each day.

What is interesting is that I don’t think we have ever actually seen the bird who greets us each morning and each night.  He or she is an unseen friend.  We know he is there, but we have never seen him.

There are several passages in the Bible that talk about an unseen friend.  He is called the comforter, the counselor and the helper – the Holy Spirit.  In John 14:16, Jesus said, ” I will ask the Father and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees him or knows him…He will be with you and dwell in you”.

Jesus said that the Holy Spirit would be an unseen friend, who would help and strengthen those who follow Him.  Jesus promised to never leave us alone, but to provide the Holy Spirit to be our companion, comforter and helper.

The Holy Spirit is just like our unseen friend in the tree outside our kitchen window.  Even though we don’t see him, we know that he is there.  We may not hear his voice, but we are confident that we are not alone.

Let me encourage you to dust off your Bible and do some reading in the Gospel of John, especially chapters 13-16.  You can discover some encouraging lessons about the ministry of the Holy Spirit in your life.

Make time to visit a church near you that teaches the Bible and learn more about how God provides a helper and comforter to those who put their faith in Christ.  You can find comfort and hope knowing that you have an unseen friend!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter From Melanie:

I earn my living as a preschool teacher, but I have a passion for writing poetry.  I submit my poems to various publications and several of them have been published.  When I share my exciting news with my friends and family it seems like they don’t really care.  My work was even included in a small poetry book that is available for sale.  I’m very disappointed that hardly any of my friends or family has bothered to purchase it.  I have always supported everything they do.  I have spent hundreds of dollars on their kid’s school fund raisers and they can’t spend $8 to buy my work.   This makes no sense to me. I am hurt.

Melanie G.

 

Dear Melanie,

I’m sorry you are feeling disappointed in your friends and family.  You are obviously a sensitive person who participates in the needs and accomplishments of your loved ones.  I have no idea why your family is unsupportive about your accomplishments.  This is not true for every family, but I see this sort of issue quite often in my practice.   Everyone suffers disappointment from time to time.  The way I handle an unsupportive loved one is to allow the issue to hurt my feelings for about 10 minutes.  If my suffering is severe then I allow 30 minutes.  I think about it, shed a tear, say a few curse words in my head, pace around, and feel sad, angry, resentful, and insignificant.  After the allotted time I stop and move on to another topic in my life.  Do you get where I’m going with this?  I process my feelings for the allotted period of time and then I let it go.  If it pops up again, then I do the same routine.  The hurt feelings usually fade after doing this process a few times.  Please don’t dedicate days of your life to feeling disappointed in people.  People are basically self focused and are busy taking care of the things that are near and dear to them.  If poetry is not high on their priority list then your accomplishment will get pushed aside. Do not let their lack of interest define you or your talent. If you are a kind person who puts effort into caring about the accomplishments of your loved ones, regardless of your personal interest, please stay that way.  The world needs people like you! Meanwhile, market your work to the appropriate audience and let the rest go.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Finding Support during the Holidays

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

The holidays for many of us are joyful and fun but that isn’t the case for everybody or every family.  I think especially with the way our economy is this holiday season may be hard for many families.  I wanted to let you all know that I run free support groups.  I run a group every Monday evening from 6-8 p.m. every week at the Walnut Gymnasium and Teen Center located at 21003 La Puente Rd. in Walnut.  Their phone number is (909) 444-0089.  I also run a grieving group the first Friday of every month from 9-11 a.m. at the Walnut Senior Center located at 21215 La Puente Rd. in Walnut.  Their phone number is (909) 598-6200.  Both of these groups are subsidized by the city and in turn are free to you.  These groups have been in place for over fifteen years and have helped thousands over the years.  All you have to do to participate is show up.  My Monday evening group handles many court-mandated needs as well.

So whether you’re feeling depressed during the season or just plain overwhelmed come to a group and find some support.  It can be very consoling to find out that you’re not the only one feeling the way you are during the season.  Just remember to not get so caught up in worrying about giving the perfect gift, or providing the perfect meal or worrying your house isn’t looking good enough to host a party.  Keep in mind that the season is just about sharing and spreading our love.  So focus on doing just that and don’t worry so much about not having a ton of money to spend on your loved ones.  We tell our children and loved ones to just to their best, well now I’m telling all of you the same.  Embrace the season and enjoy good times with your loved ones, all the while reminding yourself how very blessed you really are!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free contact her at (909) 229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the Therapy Dog at Amazon.com.

A Free Lunch?

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

We have all heard the phrase “There is no such thing as a free lunch”.  I’m not sure when or where this saying got started, but I have discovered that it is not true.

Two recent incidents made it clear to me that there really is such a thing as a “free lunch”!  One example was a delicious lunch that was provided for our church staff by an anonymous member.

Many churches celebrate “Pastor Appreciation Month” in October.

Different churches honor their pastors and staff members in different ways.  Someone at our church offered to pay for lunch for all of our church staff.  We went to a Korean BBQ restaurant and really enjoyed it.  It really was a “free lunch”.

More recently, I stopped at a local fast food restaurant for a quick lunch.  While I waited in line to order my food, the owner greeted me and asked how I was doing.  He does not attend our church but recently came to an event on our campus.

As I placed my order and pulled out my wallet to pay, he insisted on making my lunch complimentary. I was caught by surprise. I did not expect to receive a “free lunch”.  I felt awkward but I did appreciate his kindness and I did enjoy my lunch, too!

We have all heard stories of people paying for the food or coffee for the car behind them in the drive through lane at Starbucks or a fast food restaurant. We have heard of examples of people anonymously paying for some one’s lay away items in a local department store.

The Bible teaches us to be generous and share with others. In First Timothy 5:17-18, it says, “Instruct those who are rich in this present world…to be rich in good works, to be generous and willing to share”.

You may not think you are rich, but you probably have more money and more possessions than most people in the world.  You may not be able to help people in another country or on a different continent, but you may be able to help someone nearby.

I hope you will watch for an opportunity to help a neighbor, co-worker or classmate this season.  A thoughtful gift card or small amount of cash in an envelope could be just the encouragement that someone needs to lift their spirits at Christmas time.

Maybe you can provide a “free lunch” for the car behind you in the drive thru lane or give a gift to someone in need.  You will be glad you did and they will, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter from Ray

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I have a serious problem with anger. My sister said she will never drive with me again or allow me to take her kids to the movies anymore because I had an episode with road rage when she was a passenger in my car.  I can tell that she thinks less of me now and it really bothers me. I am a nice man, but when people do stupid things on the streets I can’t control myself. I will do anything to get her to trust me again.  She says she doesn’t understand me anymore. I already miss my niece and nephew. I don’t have any friends outside of my family.  What should I do to regain her trust?  I regret upsetting her. She is my best friend. Thank you.
-Ray

 

Hi Ray,

In my opinion, anyone who would lose their temper in public with a total stranger to the degree that their own loved ones will turn away from them is in serious trouble. Quite often, unnecessary aggression stems from low self esteem and a feeling of having no personal power. I hope you will seriously consider some sort of personal coaching or counseling to identify what is bothering you so deeply that you take these dangerous risks.  The fact that you show remorse and feel sad because of the distance your sister has imposed on you shows me that you care enough to get better. Please call a skilled professional and schedule an appointment. Consider inviting your sister to attend therapy with you eventually so that she can see how serious you are about repairing things with her.

From a safety standpoint I’m glad you are addressing your problem. Please make an appointment to get help right away. I wish you well.

-Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Giving Back This Holiday Season

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.
This holiday season, Midnight and I will continue our volunteer work at the Infusion Center at St. Jude Hospital in Fullerton.  I think it’s very timely because to me the holidays are partly about giving back.  We take a lot for granted and working with cancer patients makes you really appreciate life.  So this year if you’re feeling grateful or maybe even sorry for yourself and not so grateful, do something wonderful for a good cause.  Do something wonderful for somebody else.

I think the holidays are about getting together with family and friends but also about giving something back.  You can make a huge difference in somebody’s life by being unselfish and volunteering, donating or whatever your thing is.  The holidays are a special time to show this world how very much you care.  Stop complaining about the state of our world and get out there and do an act of kindness.  I promise you, it will feel fabulous and you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually feel good this holiday season.

Take that money that you’re planning to spend on drugs or alcohol and give yourself a different kind of medicine. Give yourself some medicine that is good for the soul. The kind of medicine that comes from helping others and understanding that’s what we are suppose to be doing here. What I speak of can be very healing and maybe you’ll begin to forgive yourself for all you’ve done wrong and start moving in the right direction.  Ending the year helping others can be a great way to motivate you to make 2016 a better and more productive year. It’s never too late to become a better person and somebody that you can be proud of. This year, give the gift of giving back!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (9090229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at nancyjstoops@verizon.net. You may purchase Nancy’s books Live Heal and Grow and Midnight the therapy Dog at Amazon.com.  For lots of tips and advice for living fully, healing and growing into who you are intended to be, feel free to visit Nancy’s website at http://www.nancystoopsmft.com.

Cleaning The Garage (Part 2)

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

 

In my last article, I shared about cleaning up the garage at our house. It was like “Spring Cleaning” in November. It felt good to throw things away and get the garage organized.

But as I thought more about this experience, I wondered how did we get so much of that stuff in the first place? Part of the problem is that we tend to keep things we really don’t need any more. The other part of the equation is that we keep buying and adding to the stuff we already have.

We live in a consumer economy. Advertisements entice us to buy more things. They also sow a sense of discontentment that motivates us to buy newer, bigger and better things than we already have.

There is an interesting story that Jesus told in the Bible in Luke chapter 12. Jesus warns his listeners about always wanting more and more things. He says in verse 15, “A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions”.

Jesus goes on to tell a parable about a farmer who was so successful that he did not have room to store all of his crops. He faces a dilemma. His barns are filled to capacity. He doesn’t have any more room to store all his stuff.

Instead of sharing some of his abundance with others, he decides that he will tear down his barns, build bigger ones so he can keep everything for himself. It is like the person whose garage is so full that he can’t even get his cars in. Instead of cleaning out his garage and giving some things to others, he decides to rent a storage unit so he can keep it all for himself.

At the end of the parable, the man dies suddenly and all of his earthly possessions that he saved and hoarded are left to others. Jesus calls this man a fool.

Someone said that a parable is an earthly story with a heavenly message. Jesus told this story to remind us that there is more to life than our material possessions. He warns about the danger of greed and the importance of sharing what we have with others.

I wonder what Jesus would say about our homes, closets, attics and garages that are full of stuff? I wonder what He would say about the thousands of self-storage units that people rent to keep the things that they can’t fit into their own homes and garages?

Let me encourage you to look around your house this month and see if there are things that you no longer need or use. Why not have a garage sale and use the proceeds to help others. Why not give some extra books to your local library and some clothes that you no longer wear to Goodwill? Why not buy a little less this holiday season and put a little more in the Salvation Army’s Red Kettle?

Don’t be a fool and cling to all your material possessions. Be wise and be generous and share some of what you have with others.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

A Letter from K. Lee:

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I am 28 years old and live with my parents. My problem is that my parents are mean to me. When I’m not doing things their way they put me down. They say I am over weight, or that I shouldn’t go out with my friends because my face is having a break out, or that my girlfriend really doesn’t care about me and she’s just using me. I wish I could move out, but we all work together at the same company and we carpool which saves me a lot of money. I’m getting depressed. Help.

-K. Lee

 

Hi K. Lee,

When people make comments to make you feel off balance or injure your self esteem, they are attempting to manipulate you. Usually they have an agenda and are trying to direct you in a way that gives them their desired outcome at the expense of your own happiness. You are in a dangerous situation where your emotional health is concerned and you need to discuss this with your parents. If they are not responsive, please consider personal coaching so you can build your own sense of personal power and better manage personal conflicts. There are plenty of other roommates who are willing to share expenses without chipping away at your well being.  At the age of 28 you should have the developmental skills to restructure your life and still maintain decent family relations. If you are emotionally immature and afraid to face adult living, please get some assistance. You will feel so much better being in control of your own life.   Good Luck.

-Danice Akiyoshi N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Forgiveness

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

Over my lifetime I have gotten hurt from time to time. Many times I will think one way and somebody else will see things differently. I know I hurt myself when I hang on to the hurt when somebody disappoints me or I disappoint another. I have come to understand that we are all human and we all make mistakes.

This last year when I had my near death experience I changed. I have always appreciated my life but now more than ever. I don’t want to waste time being hurt or angry. I want to learn to deal with things as they hurt me and learn to let go of them. I want to be free of anything that isn’t productive for me.

I guess coming so very close to death has really changed my perspective and has made me just a healthier being.

I find I keep my relationships cleaned up because I have learned how very fragile we are and that we just don’t know when our time here will be over. I have learned that it doesn’t matter who is right or who is wrong as long as we are lucky enough to surround ourselves with those that love us and those that we love.

People seem to believe there is disgrace in admitting you are wrong and just apologizing to another. I am learning it can be a very humbling experience. I don’t want to live my life with any bad feelings between myself and another human being. I know I am going to make more mistakes and I will be doing more apologizing. I know I will need to be forgiving and hope others can be forgiving with me as well.

I hope this article will inspire you to forgive or ask for some forgiveness. I hope reading this will help you understand how precious our time here is. I want to spend my time here being happy and peaceful not hurt or angry!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Cleaning The Garage

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

Spring cleaning usually happens in March or April. But, it happened at our house in the middle of November! Maybe we should call it “fall” cleaning?

There are several lessons that I learned while we were cleaning out the garage. The first lesson was that you have to start! My wife and I had talked about cleaning the garage many times, but this time we finally did it. Sometimes the hardest part of any job is getting started!

Another lesson I learned was that we tend to keep things we really don’t need any more.

As we cleared off some shelves and reorganized some different things, we both asked each other, “Do you know why we have saved this?” Sometimes we even asked, “Do you know what this is or what it belongs to?”

At the same time, I was glad to find some things that we had saved and I had not been able to find. There were several tools and other items that we discovered hidden behind boxes or covered up by other stuff. Nice to find some things that we thought were lost.

I think any cleaning project goes better if you do them with other people. It is harder to get motivated when you are working alone. There is something about working together with other people that keeps you going.  And, the conversation makes it more fun, too.

One slogan that we have used is, “When in doubt…throw it out”. My wife said, “Sometimes, you just have to let it go”.  It can be hard to throw some things away, but sometimes we have to make the tough decisions. And, some things can be recycled, too.

This may not be the time of year for “spring cleaning” but it might just be the right time for you to tackle a cluttered closet or maybe even the two-car garage. Find a friend and get started. You will be glad you did!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

A Letter from Blake

 

My wife is a terrible back seat driver.  She complains about my driving every time she’s in my car.  She says things like, “everyone is stopped ahead, and maybe you should take your foot off the gas.”  “You’re getting too close to that truck.”  “Why are you being so aggressive, let that guy get in front of you.”  “Please don’t take that phone call, traffic is busy; you need to pay attention to the road.”  And the list goes on and on.  I’m driving out in traffic all day.  I’ve had very few tickets or accidents in my life.  I am not a bad driver.  My wife only has a 15 minute commute.  I hate to criticize her, but she is not an expert driver and I’m tired of her comments.  How can I get her off my back? Thank you.

 

Dear Blake,

It doesn’t seem as if your wife is actually insinuating that you are a bad driver.  It sounds a lot more to me like she struggles with anxiety.  Do you notice this in any other areas of her life?  I think when it comes to your driving she’s not doing a very good job of communicating and you’re taking it as a personal insult.  If she were a better communicator, she might say, “I’m feeling a little nervous, would you mind slowing down…please don’t drive next to big trucks or talk on the phone in busy traffic, it makes me terribly uneasy.”  If she were to own this as ‘her’ problem instead of making you feel inadequate, would you drive more cautiously or perhaps be a little more passive on the road to cater to her comfort zone?  Experience with my patients tells me that it might be doubtful, because you’re hearing this as a personal attack when she is basically trying to communicate her fear to you. I hear this complaint in my practice all the time.  My ‘simple’ advice is to let her drive or invite her to do whatever it is that will help her to relax before she gets into your car.  Or you could be more considerate of her road anxiety. The best answer by far would be for her to address the underlying reasons for her excessive anxiety.  I hope she makes that choice. Good Luck to both of you.

Danice

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Thoughts on Gratitude

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops, M.A., M. F.T.

I can’t believe Thanksgiving is here next week already. It is truly one of my favorite holidays. I love the gathering of my special family and friends. I think about having a whole lazy day with my favorite people and I get very happy. We are all usually so rushed but on Thanksgiving we take our time together and that is a gift.

Having time to share with my loved ones is something I’m very grateful for. Having loved ones to share the holiday with is also something that makes me feel grateful. We sit together in my big house, with much more food than we could ever really eat and again, all I feel is gratitude. I look around the table and everybody is really enjoying themselves and I think how grateful I am and how special my loved ones are. I love when people have a really good time at my house. It fills my heart with joy.

I have lost all of my siblings and my father but this year I will not mourn the losses, instead I will be grateful for their memory and for the people I have left, to help me celebrate. I know I’m a very blessed woman and this year on Thanksgiving and every other day, I will be grateful. I will sit at the table and look into the faces of the people I love. The room with be filled with wonderful smells and so much laughter our bellies will ache. My heart will sing with joy as I have the honor of celebrating all my gratitude, with all of my favorite people I wish you the most wonderful Thanksgiving. This year, really pay attention to how blessed you are and just take some time to be grateful for everything!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Saving Water And Saving Money

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

We continue to hear about the drought here in California. We tend to forget that we actually live in a desert. Even though we have an ocean only miles away, we have cactus growing on the hillsides right here in Diamond Bar!

I sense that many people are making sincere attempts to conserve water. Some have actually removed their lawns and installed artificial grass. Others have re-landscaped their yards with drought resistant plants and shrubs.

We have reduced the amount of water we are using at our home and the number of days we water our lawn. I’m encouraged to see that our water bill reflects that we are using less water each month.

Recently I noticed that there was moisture in the flower bed where we left our water hose. I soon realized that the hose valve was not shutting off completely. A tiny steam of water was getting through. We were wasting water.

My first step was to try to turn the valve off more tightly. But that did not stop the water completely. I realized that the valve was not working properly. Calcium and mineral deposits had built up on the inside of the vale and it was not shutting off completely. How expensive was this going to be?

I went to Home Depot and bought a new valve but when I got home I discovered that it was not the same size. It looked like this project was getting more difficult and probably more expensive.

Then I want to my neighborhood Ace Hardware store hoping to could replace the parts inside the shut off valve and not have to remove the whole thing. They did not have the replacement parts that I was looking for, but I had an idea. Did they sell a simple rubber washer that is inside the shut-off valve?

Not only did they have the small washer, but the price was right, too. It cost a total of eighty cents – less than a dollar!

I went home and scrapped off the sediment and calcium that had built up inside the valve and installed the small rubber washer. It worked! No drips, no water seeping out of the garden hose!

I was so encouraged that I was not only saving water but I also save a lot of money.

Who would have thought that a small rubber washer could make such a difference? No more drips. No more wasted water!

Let me encourage you to look for some simple steps that you can take to save water and save money.

You will be glad you did and your neighbors will too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

A Letter from Shirley:

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi,

I am 86 years old.  I recently had a terrible cough so my doctor ordered a chest X-ray.  They found a very large mass on my lung and want to do further tests and a biopsy.  I have declined.  I am in pain almost every day with my back and I don’t want to deal with anything else.  They are suggesting I sign up for hospice care and that feels like a relief. I’m not sure how to tell my sons that I don’t want further treatment.  I don’t want them to be disappointed in me for not trying.   I’m tired and this ordeal seems like too much to handle at this stage of my life.  I’ve had a good life and I accept that it’s almost over. Can you suggest a way to help them understand my feelings? Thank you.
-Shirley

 

Hi Shirley,

You are a brave and considerate person.  In my opinion you have the right to handle your end days as you’ve handled all the days before them.  If you are not interested in any life prolonging procedures that might put you in further pain, that should remain your choice.  Tell your sons that you’ve been happy with your life, but that you’d like to only receive treatments that help you stay comfortable.  Tell them clearly that you do not feel compelled to agree to anything that is designed to prolong your life.  Make a kind request that they respect your wishes, especially if you should reach a point that you are unable to speak for yourself.    Remind them that you want to enjoy their company now and have no interest in arguing about medical procedures.  If you feel unable to have this conversation on your own, I would be happy to assist you. Warmest regards.
-Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

All Great Things Are Possible If You Believe In Yourself

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

By Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.

What is it that seems to set you apart from somebody you consider a successful human being?  Do you find yourself always doubting your capabilities?  Are you really willing to always settle for less than you really deserve?  Don’t you understand that you have wings and that you really could fly if you just believed in who you are and how capable you really are?

Please trust me when I tell you that there are no limits except the ones that are self imposed.  You can be and have whatever you desire if you set goals and just keep moving toward them.  If you do this, after awhile you will be who you want to be and have the wonderful life that you are so very deserving of.  Right now, this very moment make a promise to yourself that you refuse to settle anymore.  Today is the day that you will change that mindset that allows you to always be less and have less of a life than you desire.  Today is the day that you will discover your wings and each and everyday from now on you will discover how to fly.

I want you to become the author of your very own fabulous script for your life. Tomorrow is much too long to wait because all you really have is today.  Stop deceiving yourself and start being somebody you are proud of.  I know if you tell yourself the truth you will grow into somebody you really want to be.  I have witnessed the transformation of many and have had the honor of helping in the process as well.  Just know that I have faith in you and I know you can grow into who you are intended to be!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger.    For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909)229-0727.  You may e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Right Back Where I Started From

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Recently, my wife and I were looking forward to spending a week in Hawaii, but it was a lot more difficult than we expected.

Our travels started easy enough.  We got up early at 4 a.m. and left our house before 5 a.m. to catch our flight to Hawaii.  Freeway traffic was better than we expected and we got to the airport in plenty of time for our 8 o’clock flight.

We had made our reservations using airline miles almost a year ago.  We were scheduled to go from LA to San Francisco and connect with a Hawaiian Airlines flight to Maui.  Unfortunately, our flight out of LAX was delayed and we began to wonder if we would make our connection in San Francisco.  But, our airline was reassuring.  We had time to catch the Hawaiian flight.

When we finally got to the San Francisco airport we discovered that we had to go outside security, go to another terminal and go through security again.  There were about 10 people like us who were scheduled to connect with the Hawaiian flight.

As we ran to our departure gate we could see the big, beautiful Hawaiian plane pulling away from the gate.  It did not wait for us and it did not come back for us.  We missed it.

All of us were told to go back to our original airline’s ticket counter to get booked on another flight since they had caused us to miss our connection.  We were told there were no other flights available to Hawaii from San Francisco on that day.

We could stay at a hotel near the airport (at our own expense) and try again the next day.  Or, they offered to fly us back to LA and see if there were any empty seats on planes going to Hawaii that evening.  All 10 of us decided to take our chances in LA.  So we flew back to where we started from!

Two couples got rebooked on a Hawaiian Airline flight from LAX to Honolulu and then on to Maui.  Two other couples got on a flight from LAX direct to Maui on our original carrier.  We did too.  We got the last two seats on the last flight of the day!

Hurray, we were finally going to Hawaii!  Our flight was packed but we were just glad to be going to Maui and not going back to Diamond Bar.  We arrived at about 10 p.m. Hawaiian time which is about 1 a.m. our time.  We had been waiting and flying and waiting and flying for almost 24 hours!

Just when we thought we had successfully completed our travel adventure, we discovered that our bags did not make it.  Thankfully, we had our clothes in our carry-on bags but the most important one, my golf club bag, did not make it.  How can you enjoy Hawaii without your golf clubs?

The airline assured us that my golf clubs would be on the next flight and would be delivered to our hotel the next day.  What they didn’t tell us was that my golf bag was actually still in San Francisco. I finally found it in a locked office at the Maui airport two days later.  I’m not sure what happened to the overnight delivery.

I know that there are many things much worse that can happen in life.  Our little Hawaiian adventure was more of an inconvenience, not a national disaster.  You probably have a similar story of missed flights and lost bags.  I suppose we should expect things to not always go as planned.

There is a verse in the book of Proverbs that says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

In all of life there will be unexpected bends in the road and delays at the airport.  We need to learn to trust God to direct our paths and not become impatient or frustrated with the missed connections of modern travel.  Who knows, you may find yourself right back where you started from, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.