Category Archives: Weekly News Columns

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

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A Letter From Nina

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Q:  My daughter is dating a man who has special diet restrictions connected to his religion.  When we have social gatherings at our home, my daughter asks us to include several members of his family.  My husband and I have no problem including his family – the more the merrier – but I find it irritating to be asked repeatedly if the food I’m serving falls in line with their dietary restrictions. We’ve had eight such gatherings and I’ve taken their needs into consideration every time, but it’s wearing thin.  The whole thing has started to feel rude to me.   I would like to return to my regular party menus and entertaining routine.  Or maybe I should move the gatherings to a restaurant in the future which would eliminate the problem for me.  I don’t want to upset my daughter so I haven’t said anything to her.  Am I being unreasonable?

 

A:  This is a touchy subject because it involves religion.  We live in a time when everyone wants their religion respected, and those that have no religious beliefs want that respected as well.  However, when an invitation is accepted, it’s my opinion that it’s proper to accept the offerings of the host and hostess without additional or special requirements.  Having special expectations or making demands in any way is poor manners.  Just because your daughter is interested in this man, doesn’t mean that you have to overly alter your lifestyle to accommodate his differences.   Would you expect special treatment at the homes of his family members if you had special requirements for your meals?  These are her choices, not yours.  If it irritates you, discontinue your offers of hospitality and dine in restaurants.  It’s really that simple.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Dear Dad

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Dear Dad:  I’m writing to tell you about some things that have really changed this year.   I will always miss you and my brothers, but I have so very much in my wonderful life to be grateful for.

Mom is still here with me and I’m very grateful for her.  You picked a good mom for me, and I thank you.

I have this amazing son that I couldn’t be prouder of.  He has turned out to be quite a terrific young man.  If I could have hand-molded a son, I couldn’t have done any better than what I already have; I couldn’t ask for a better son.

I have a husband that would go to the ends of the earth to make me happy.

My best friend is my dog, Midnight.  He is such a blessing!  I honestly believe you sent him to me. He is so healing for me.

Oh, and my business has grown into something I could have only dreamt about.  I think you’d be amazed by how well things are going.

While I will always miss you, I have this new sense of peace around Father’s Day; I feel like everything is going to be alright.  I feel like I can breathe and that it’s okay for me to get on with my life.  I know you and the boys would want that for me.

I think this is how I honor your memory – by just being the best I know how to be.  So I will continue to do my best to make you proud of me.

I thank you for all that you gave me during your lifetime, and I am truly honored to be your daughter. I’m grateful for all the years that I did have you with me on Father’s Day!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Happy Father’s Day

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

I suppose we all have a variety of impressions of our fathers.  I wonder what impressions my children have of me.

When you think of your father, do you think of someone who was kind and tender, or critical and impatient?  Was your dad a strict disciplinarian or easy going and laid back?

Fathers have a unique role in the lives of their children.  Mothers have their unique role as well. Sometimes these roles may merge together, but there is a unique role and relationship between a father and his children.

One of the things that dads can do is make memories with their children.  These memories don’t need to always be expensive trips to amusement parks.  They can be a simple outing to a local park.  Taking walks and playing games in the backyard can create lasting memories for kids and dads.

I remember one time, when my father took my brother and me on a fishing trip in the mountains in eastern Arizona.  My mom stayed home; it was just my father and his two young sons.

I don’t know whose idea it was, but I do know that my brother and I still remember that trip with our father.  I don’t remember how many fish we caught or what food we ate.  But I do remember going fishing and camping with my father.

My son and I have shared some memorable adventures together.  We climbed to the top of the highest mountain in southern Arizona.  Mt. Wrightson is a little over 9,000 feet.  It was a long hike.  But every time we visit Tucson, I look at that tall peak and remember we climbed it together.

I think my son would say that one of his favorite memories that he and I shared together was our trip to the beaches of Normandy, France, several years ago.  It was amazing to walk together on those broad beaches and through the cemetery at Omaha Beach.

I also enjoyed some special trips and outings with my daughters when they were younger.  One time my youngest daughter and I flew together to a cousin’s destination wedding in Hawaii.  It was a memorable time for both of us.

Being a dad is a wonderful privilege and a unique responsibility.

If you are a father, let me encourage you to make some memories with your children.  It is never too late to set a date and do something together with your sons or daughters.  They will be glad you did, and you will, too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

 

Dear Dr Akiyoshi:

I have a problem sticking up for myself.  The words are in my mind, but I can’t get them to come out of my mouth when people are pushy with me.  I once bought $700 worth of silverware that I didn’t need, accepted auto financing that wasn’t in my best interest, and hosted a baby shower and a bridal shower for my cousin because my aunt was too lazy and dumped it on me. I’m the one that gets asked to take people to the airport at awful hours.  I’m the dog and house sitter, and the friend who is always asked to be the designated driver.  In short, I get taken for granted.  I like to be nice, but I’m starting to think I’m my own worst enemy.  What is your recommendation?

-Sincerely, Roberta

 

Dear Roberta:

First of all, I will say that I can tell you are a very sweet and gentle-natured person.  These are marvelous qualities.  Many gentle-natured people get taken for granted and many eventually learn to have healthy boundaries so they don’t feel abused.  Developing your sense of self worth would go a long way in helping you to stand up for yourself.  Once you have a workable set of skills, keeping yourself from constantly feeling compromised is no longer difficult.  There are many books and self-help courses available on this subject.  If you need additional guidance, I would be happy to work with you.  Good Luck, Roberta.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Getting Out Of Our Own Way

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

People love to blame others for their failures or for why they haven’t become who they were intended to be.  We do this so we don’t have to accept responsibility for getting in our own way.  It’s much easier to convince ourselves that somebody else is to blame for our failures, rather than looking inward.

There is usually a reason we get in our own way.  Sometimes we get comfortable in our misery or in our failure to change.  I think there is some amount of fear that comes with change.  I think there are those that are afraid of success, because it comes with a certain amount of expectation.  For me, staying stuck is much more fearful.

I think about someone having so much potential, but never seeing that or becoming who they were intended to be.  You need to take a look at why you keep getting in your own way.  Do you fear change?  Do you fear success?  Do you fear becoming who you were intended to be?  Maybe you just don’t feel like you deserve anything more than you already have.  Whatever the reason is, you need to get out of your own way and stop preventing the good from coming.

You need to tear down the road blocks you have put up and begin to understand just how wonderful you are and how amazing life could be.  We all have the potential to be who we are intended to be.  The trick is to stop fighting with ourselves and give ourselves permission to overcome our obstacles and find our true selves.

What a beautiful world this would be if everybody would allow themselves to be who they are intended to be.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Conversations At Costco

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

My mother-in-law lives in Scottsdale, Arizona.  We enjoy visiting her as often as we can.  The drive from California to Arizona takes about five hours each way.

My wife and her mother often go out to lunch when we are in town.  My wife has several sisters who live in the Phoenix area, so they usually join in these lunch time adventures.

One of my jobs is to go to Costco to refill our car with gas and to pick up a few groceries, too.  So, I usually have lunch at Costco by myself while my wife and her sisters have lunch with their mother.

The Costco in Scottsdale has an indoor eating area.  I’ve noticed that a lot of the people eating at Costco are retired people.  Many have come from different parts of the country to spend the winter in sunny Arizona.  Some of them have settled in Scottsdale permanently.

Almost every time I sit down to eat at Costco, I find myself in conversations with total strangers.  I suppose I am the one who usually starts the conversation, but most folks are very friendly and are willing to share about themselves.

Each conversation is delightful.  I have met nice people from Maine to Minnesota.   There are people from Seattle to St. Louis.  They always talk about how wonderful the weather is in Arizona.  They are friendly folk.

Some are just seasonal visitors, but many have bought a home and settled down in the desert.  Some are new transplants, but others have lived there for many years.

When I tell them that I grew up there many years ago, they act like they are speaking to a celebrity.  They can’t believe that my parents came to Arizona with me and my brother in the 1950s.  Some joke that we probably came in a covered wagon!

Scottsdale certainly has changed since the days when my parents moved there 60 years ago.  There are a lot more houses and a lot more people.  It seems like most of the people today shop at Costco.  And, a lot of those people take time to eat lunch and talk with folks they have never met before.

Let me encourage you to watch for an opportunity to begin a conversation with someone at your local Costco or coffee shop; maybe an older couple or individual sitting by themselves.  You will enjoy it, and they will too!

The World Of Paul

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

My wife taught 6th Grade at Chaparral Middle School for many years.  Her subjects included language arts and social studies.  In California, 6th Grade social studies covered ancient civilizations like China, India, Egypt, Israel, Greece and Rome.

Over the years, my wife and I have been able to travel to each of these countries.  Sometimes we went on guided tours.  Sometimes we went with short-term teams from our church.  Every country and every culture has been very interesting.

Next year, we will be leading a tour to experience some of the world that the Apostle Paul lived in and traveled.  We will be going to cities like Rome, Corinth, Athens and Ephesus.  We will see historical sites where Paul spoke before city leaders and where he was held in prison because he was a follower of Christ.

In the past, my wife and I have led groups to Israel where we saw many places that are mentioned in the Bible.  It was fascinating to see the Sea of Galilee, the Dead Sea and the beautiful city of Jerusalem.

This time we will be traveling on a modern cruise ship on the Mediterranean Sea with stops in Italy, Greece and Turkey.  We will have local guides in each city we visit.

If you would be interested in traveling with us on this 16-day tour,  please contact our church office for more information.  The dates of the trip are April 21 to May 6, 2016.  We have a brochure available with all the details.

We are thankful that we have been able to travel to so many different places around the world.  We are looking forward to our next adventure in 2016.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My adult daughter has recently made a mistake that causes me shame.  She needs my help, but I am so hurt that I don’t know if I can be there for her.  My husband has turned his back on her.  He is tired of her chaotic lifestyle.  I feel so alone.  My daughter is too embarrassed to ask her siblings for help, because this is not the first time she’s been in trouble and needed us to bail her out.  I wish she had decent friends and didn’t always depend on me.  When is a mother’s job done?

-Francis

Hi, Francis:

Mother’s have many ways in which they interact with their children to enhance their lives.  If you are a mother who constantly bails out wayward adult children, then you are an enabler. That’s a big problem, in my opinion.  I feel for you if your spouse deserts you when the going gets tough.  This probably contributes to your enabling ways, but you still need to correct this.  As for your shame, if you need time to deal with your feelings of shame over the poor behavior of your daughter, then take it.  You are not obligated to push your feelings aside just because your daughter finds herself in hot water once again.  Maybe it’s time for you to allow your daughter to deal with the consequences of her poor behavior.  I know it’s hard, but it may be a better option since she’s a repeat offender.  Perhaps you could improve your marriage if you discontinue being in charge of keeping your daughter’s life together.  You would be wise to work on the issue of “shame,” as well.  Let me know if you need help.

Sincerely,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Thoughts On Your Last Day

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

Imagine for just a couple of minutes that this your last day here.  You’re not in any pain and you are just recalling the events of your life.  Are you feeling content about the way you lived, or are you filled with regret?

I’m not trying to be morbid in anyway, I’m just trying to get you to think about how you’re living your life.  Do you seem to spend most of your days worrying about things you have no control over?  Do you find yourself constantly holding grudges when people make you angry?  Do you waste much of your time proving you are right?  Are you living in the past and use it as an excuse for not being able to move forward?

Take a moment and think about what it is that you want your life to represent.  For me, I need to have love, peace and a sense of purpose in my life.  I need to know that I make a difference.  I need not only to love and be loved, but also to be really connected to those I love.  I need to have peace in my mind, heart, and soul – and this comes with keeping things cleaned up in my life.  I don’t like it when I’m off from my loved ones, so I need to clean things up quickly.

I want to be able to look back at my life with no regrets and have a sense of peace knowing I lived life as the person I was intended to be.  I need to believe that I did everything I could to do my best and to be the best person I could here in this world.  Those are the thoughts I want running through me my last day here – and every day until then!

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am only 41 years old and my hair is falling out.  I have tried every expensive hair restoration product I can find, but they aren’t working.  I have lost about thirty five pounds in the last year and I exercise five days a week.  I eat well and my female cycle is regular.  I feel I am healthy.  My doctor can’t find anything wrong with me other than allergies and sinus problems.  A friend at the gym said she started taking Biotin when her hair got thin during Menopause and that it helped her.  Do you believe this?

-Heather H.

 

Hi, Heather:

Yes, I am a fan of Biotin.  I use it myself and I feel it makes my hair nice and thick, but I know a few people who feel that it made no difference for them. Everyone responds to things differently.  Weight loss can often result in hair loss if it happens too rapidly.  Is this true in your case?  Did you make sure that you got an adequate amount of protein as you were reducing your food intake?  A lack of protein can easily cause hair loss and muscle wasting.  Blood work is probably in order.  Maybe you should also consult a nutritionist.  Of course stress can also play a role, too.  Good Luck, Heather.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and c03oncerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Two Teachers That Changed My Life Forever

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops

In high school I had the honor of meeting two teachers that seemed to know who I was meant to grow into.

Mrs. Miller, my psychology teacher, told me that out of all the students she had ever had she taught, she knew I was meant to be a psychotherapist – and now I am.  She told me I had a gift and that I just seemed very skilled at helping people and understanding the root cause of their problems.

The other teacher was Mrs. Litton, and she was my creative writing teacher. She pushed me really hard and had me writing from my heart and soul about my life and my feelings. She would praise each piece I wrote in her class, and told me someday I would be a published author.  I now have three published works and have written this column since the paper began many years ago.

These two amazing teachers believed in me and saw who I could become if I believed in myself and worked hard.  I dedicate this article to Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Litton and all of the amazing teachers that make a huge difference in their student’s lives.  As the school year comes to an end, please understand that you all make a difference even though you may not get all the results you would like with all of your students.

The truth is, I’m forever changed because of these two teachers.  Two teachers that took the time to care, inspire and instill a kind of confidence in a young woman that made her believe they were telling the truth about her – and that she could become a psychotherapist and a published author.  Mrs. Miller and Mrs. Litton, I am forever grateful and both of you will live in my heart forever!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Old Friends

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

One of the highlights of our 40th Class Reunion was reconnecting with some “old friends”.  During our four years at Dallas Seminary, my wife and I enjoyed making many new friends, but we found ourselves spending more time with two other couples.

We had a lot in common.  Each of us were newlyweds.  Each couple had just finished college and had moved to Dallas from different parts of the country for graduate school.   The wives worked full time while the husbands went to school full time.

Although we each attended different churches in the Dallas area, we made time to get together for dinner or a weekend BBQ.  In addition, we loved to play board games that included a lot of laughter and conversation.

I learned a lot from these two men.  I watched the way they helped their wives and the way they communicated with them.  In many ways our time in Dallas was like an incubator for our marriage and these two couples helped us strengthen our own marriage.

All of us had our first child during our time in Dallas.  We helped one another learn how to be new parents during those busy days.

After graduation, we all went in different directions.  One couple moved near San Antonio.

Another couple went to Iowa.  We went west to Arizona.  Later, one of these couple moved to Louisiana and another became missionaries in Spain.  We moved to California.

Although we kept in touch through the years with Christmas cards and an occasional phone call, we rarely saw each other.  So it was a special opportunity to reconnect at our 40th Class reunion.  We spent hours sharing together and showing off pictures of our kids and grandkids.

The bond we shared during our seminary days was evident by the comments and conversation we enjoyed together again.

In the book of Proverbs, the authors frequently mention the value of friends.  In Proverbs 17:17 it says, “A friend loves for all times.”

Hopefully all through life we keep making new friends.  But, there is something special about “old friends!”  I hope you will take time this week to express your appreciation for some “old friends” in your life.  We’re glad we did.

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

 

Reunion (Part 2)

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

I shared in my last article that my wife and I recently attended the reunion of my graduating class at Dallas Theological Seminary.  Seminary is like Law School.  The purpose is to prepare students for church leadership and Biblical studies.  It was a rigorous four year program after college.

The school was honoring graduates from the classes of 1965, 1975 and 1985.  I was in the class of ’75.  I noticed that those people in the class of ’65 sure looked old!  I wonder what the class of ’85 thought about us?

The highlight was reconnecting with former classmates.  It was encouraging to hear about their journeys over the past 40 years.  Most of us were young married couples in our mid-twenties when we left Dallas 40 years ago.

Classmates scattered across the country to begin serving in various churches and ministries.  Dallas Seminary is non-denominational, so graduates could serve in a variety of denominations and independent churches.  My wife and I drove west where we began serving at a small church in Tucson, Arizona.  We were thrilled that they wanted us to come.

Other graduates went overseas to join churches, ministries or teach in schools in Europe, Asia, Africa and Latin America.  It was wonderful to hear individual stories from these former classmates.  So much had happened during the past 40 years in each of our lives.

Many brought pictures of their families.  Many of us started our families during those seminary years.  Our first child was born in Dallas.  Families grew and more children were added.  Now, most of us are grandparents.  Several even had great grandkids!

Our reunion reminded me of the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis.  When Joseph was reunited with his father and his 11 brothers, they had many stories to share about their lives during many years of separation.

I wonder if you have taken time to attend one of your high school or college reunions.  Maybe there are some friends or former classmates that would enjoy reconnecting with you.  It doesn’t need to be a formal “reunion”, maybe just a phone call or reconnecting through the Internet.  Why not reach out to an “old” friend or classmate this month?  You will be glad you did, and they will too!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I just came home from my dear friend’s funeral. I was devastated because I thought he died suddenly from a mysterious illness.  Another friend found him unconscious in his home after none of us had heard from him for a couple of days.  We were all close and spoke almost daily.  At the funeral luncheon his sister told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer six months ago, and that was the real cause of his death.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  I didn’t say anything, because I don’t know his sister, but I am mad as hell at my friend!  Why didn’t he tell me the truth?  He was at my house for dinner a couple of times a week.  He and my husband were pretty close, too. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t let me help him.  Why didn’t he fight for his life?  He was only 60-years old. I don’t exaggerate when I tell you that nobody suspected he was this sick.  I feel deceived.  A real friend wouldn’t have lied to me this way.  My feelings are very hurt.  My husband won’t share his opinion with me.  Do you have any idea why someone would treat a true friend this way?  I am sick at heart to think I never knew this man at all.

-Gloria.

 

Dear Gloria:

I am sick about the way you’ve turned your friend’s death around to make it all about you.  I don’t know you, but your emotional maturity needs a lot of work.  Has it ever occurred to you that your friend was trying to spare you from grief and sadness?  Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your friend wanted his relationships with his friends to be normal and not filled with pity or tears?  Not everyone wants to undergo Chemotherapy and traditional therapies that are difficult to tolerate when their days are numbered anyway.  Why can’t you find a way to respect that?  You are a woman.  Let’s pretend you are about to give birth.  Do your friends have the right to force their opinions on you about what style of child birth you choose, or whether or not you are going to nurse your baby? Can they insist that you have an epidural when you really prefer to try natural childbirth?  Grow up, Gloria.  You are choosing to suffer.  This stems from your inability to accept that you can’t always control things.  People do not owe their friends and family all of their private information.  If you’d like assistance for anger, grief, or in improving your emotional maturity, I would love to meet with you.  I wish you well, Gloria, and sincerely hope you will feel better soon.

-Danice Akiyoshi, ND

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Ordinary Miracles

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

Nancy Stoops and Midnight

By Nancy Stoops         

Learning to go slow and embrace each and every moment can truly be a wonderful thing.  I think by living in the moment you can experience all of the daily ordinary miracles.  We live in a world that honors our senses with many ordinary miracles.  Ordinary miracles are free, and to me some of the best our world has to offer.

Let me share what I believe to be ordinary miracles:  I watch the sun smile upon us for another day and then at night it goes to bed, only to be replaced by the moon and stars.  I look at all the trees and flowers around my house and I think about how they grew from a seed.  The growing of a baby in a mother’s belly and their birth into this world is miraculous. I can sit for hours and watch the waves move in and out on the shore and am blessed with another miracle.  To me finding a soul mate or your kindred spirit is a life-changing ordinary miracle.

Now that I’ve shared a few of mine, I want you to think of some of your ordinary miracles.  Take a few minutes and write them down.

Now that you have a list of what you believe to be ordinary miracles, post the list in a room you are often in.  The next time you feel badly about your life, I want you to spend some time with the list you have made.  I think it is impossible to stay depressed or angry when you see all miraculous things in your life and in this world.

Stop focusing on what you don’t have and embrace those little everyday ordinary miracles.  I promise if you can do this, your life will be much more meaningful and joyful.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Reunion

Pastor Mark Hopper

Pastor Mark Hopper

By Pastor Mark Hopper

Recently, my wife and I traveled to Dallas, Texas, to attend my 40th reunion from Dallas Theological Seminary.  We both had graduated from college at Arizona State University, and then I went on to study for four more years to prepare for church leadership and Biblical studies at DTS.

During those years in Dallas, I served on the staff of Northwest Bible Church where together we led the High School and College ministries.   This was a growing and dynamic church and we enjoyed working with these teens and young adults.

On our recent trip to Dallas, we had a small reunion with a number of these people. 40 years ago they were in school and planning for their future.   Now, they are mature adults who are not much younger than we are.

Most of these former students found careers, got married and have raised their own families.  In fact, most of them are now grandparents!   How can that be?  We knew them when they were in high school and college, but now they are grandparents just like us.

It was delightful to hear each one share a little of their story about who they married, where they lived and what they are doing now.  We were surprised by how many children and grandchildren they have.  It was interesting to discover that many of them still live in Dallas not far from where they grew up.

It was encouraging to learn that most of them are still active in local churches and many continue to volunteer as teachers and leaders.  We are thankful that the faith they embraced during their high school and college years is still a vital part of their lives today.

I wonder if your children or grandchildren are part of a high school or college group at a local church in our area today.  Are they learning about the importance of a personal relationship with God that they can carry with them during the rest of their lives?

It is not too late to take your children or grandchildren to a church near you.  There are many churches in our area that have vital programs where children and teens can study the Bible and discover what it means to have a personal faith in God.

The children and teens of today will become the parents and grandparents of tomorrow.  Your faith in God will impact generations to come.  Let me encourage you to find a Bible teaching church near you and begin a journey of faith.   40 years will go by quicker than you think!

Pastor Mark Hopper is from the Evangelical Free Church of Diamond Bar, 3255 South Diamond Bar Ave. Sunday services are 9 a.m. and 10:45 a.m. For more information, call (909) 594-7604 or visit http://www.efreedb.org.

Straight Talk With Danice

Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I was the victim of a violent crime 18 months ago.  It has affected me terribly.  I won’t ever be the same again and I cry all the time.  I am filled with fear and I struggle to go to my part time job.  I’m embarrassed by my weakness.  Relying on my family for help all the time makes me want to die.  My doctor pushed me to go to a counselor, but he was not helping me at all.  I went for six months and gave it a fair try.  I looked on your website and read about the Emotional Release work you do.  I think I need something like this.  Do you think you can help someone like me?  I need to get control of my life again.  Thank you.

-Sandra W.

 

Dear Sandra:

Yes, I absolutely do believe I can assist you in improving the quality of your life.  You are not weak.  You are suffering the effects of emotional trauma.  I have assisted many people in your situation.   The Emotional Release work assists with releasing the trauma from your subconscious mind.  Even though the memories and details of your ordeal are harsh, I believe I can get you to a point of feeling neutral about it, instead of highly charged and emotional.

-Warmest regards,

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

When A Young Person Dies

By Nancy Stoopsstoops-and-midnight-bw-ORIG

I have done a lot of grieving work with various ages and losses.  These situations are all horrible and very hard to recover from.

The one we seem to struggle with the most is when a child or teenager dies.  Recently I helped a group do some grieving work over a 17-year old. One of the teens in the group told me it was very hard to see somebody his age die.  In the same group the parents in the room told me that teenagers shouldn’t die.

I have also worked with many people that have lost young children.  For them their child’s death feels out of order because as parents we assume we should die before our children.

I guess the truth is that it is never the right time for a person to die, but it does seem more acceptable when somebody is 80 or 90 years old versus 5 or 17.  We have such a hard time when a young person dies because they haven’t had a chance to live their lives.  Death in itself is a tragedy, but when it involves a young person it is doubly so.

I don’t know why some of the sweetest young people die early and some of the most horrible people live a very long life.  I also think many people suffer from survivor’s guilt.  I think this is especially true for parents that outlive their children.  It also seems to be true for the friends of the young person that passed away.  It’s nobody’s fault that you lived and your loved one or friend didn’t.

We don’t know how long any of us have here.  All we can do is love each other well and make sure we spend quality time together while we have the chance.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

danice-akiyoshi-color-ORIGBy Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My cousin was recently complaining about how awful she’s been feeling and how her weight has reached an unacceptable range.  We were having this chat when we met for drinks at my house.  After we had a glass of wine, she stepped out on my patio and smoked a cigarette.  When I said, “I thought you quit,” her response was, “I don’t smoke all week, only when I have drinks and on the weekends.”  I didn’t say anything further and we moved on to our favorite late night diner where she ordered a healthy meal, but asked me if I want to split a short stack of pancakes with her.  I declined, and mentioned our earlier conversation about her complaints about her weight and feeling awful.  I was caught by surprise when she threw her napkin on the table, stood up, and said, “I don’t need a mother,” and headed for the door.  I drove, so I knew she couldn’t leave without me.  I hustled to pay our bill and drove back to my house.  She went directly to her car and hasn’t returned my calls for five days.  Now I don’t know how I should handle this.  Was I wrong to point out her concerns?  I am miserable.  I probably should have stayed silent. What’s your advice?

-Frannie

Dear Frannie:

Unfortunately you got caught up in the, “I can put myself down, but you’d better not,” situation.  I have been in your shoes many times.  I also learned the hard way.  The way I currently handle situations like this is to ask my friend, “Are you just hoping to vent to a friend in order to feel better as you sort through your own thoughts and feeling, or do you prefer that I listen for awhile and then offer some sensible and sound advice?”  Then I smile and say, “It’s your call, I can go either way.”  This way, you’ll know exactly how to manage the conversation.  I do give you credit for trying to calm the situation, but your cousin is obviously emotionally immature.  You’ve been a decent person, made the proper phone calls to apologize and she hasn’t responded.  Your work is done here.  Get back to your own life now.  The ball is in her court.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Help Stop the Suicide Epidemic

stoops-and-midnight-bw-2x2By Nancy Stoops

Almost every month somebody tells me a story about another teen committing suicide.  I can’t tell you how much this concerns me.  Yes, I had a brother that successfully committed suicide, but more than that it speak volumes regarding the severe depression that many youth seem to be suffering from.

Our world is different now. Technology offers wonderful things, yet it has hindered the way we communicate – especially our youth.  So many of them are relying on the friends they are meeting online to help them solve their very serious problems.  As good intentioned as these people are, they don’t have the skills or the knowledge to help somebody that is truly suicidal.

If you are reading this right now and you know of a truly suicidal person, go to an adult you trust who can assist in getting your friend some help.

The truth is most people don’t kill themselves at the lowest part of their depression.  They just don’t have the energy to formulate a plan.  The time they actually commit suicide is when they begin to feel just a little bit better.

I have done many suicide assessments.  I look to see if the person has a definite way they will do it and the means to follow through with the plan.  This is a person that isn’t playing around or threatening suicide for attention.  This person has put much thought into dying and how they will do it.  They make sure they have the pills, the gun, the rope, or whatever means they are planning to use.

I know it’s hard to see the truth, especially with our kids.  Please don’t believe the depression will go away on its own.  Please don’t ignore the warning signs.  Instead, insist that this person get some professional help before it is too late!

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients; she is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members.  Nancy runs free family support groups, including a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727, or via email at nancyjstoops@verizon.net.  Nancy’s books, “Midnight the Therapy Dog,” and “Live, Heal and Grow,” are available at Amazon.com.