Tag Archives: Counseling

Depression

BY NANCY STOOPS

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Do you seem to be always sleeping or not able to sleep at all? Are you eating everything in sight or suffer from no appetite at all. Have you lost pleasure in doing the things that once made you so happy? Are you unable to focus and concentrate? If you are able to answer yes to the questions above, you may be suffering from some type of depression.

Depression comes in many forms. Dysthymic Disorder is a very mild form of depression. People suffering from this are very functional but just don’t feel happy. People suffering from severe depression aren’t very functional and need to be treated. Severe depression can lead to suicide and must be taken seriously.

Bipolar Disorder involves a cycle of very manic moods and then a fall into a very severe depression. Many times the mania is accompanied by severe spending or some other risk taking behavior. People suffering from Bipolar Disorder need to be on medication. There are subtypes within these main categories that I won’t expand upon.

Depression comes from a lack of serotonins, a chemical produced in the brain. Many people choose to take a pill that will put the serotonins you are lacking back into your body. Exercise is also a great way to increase your body’s serotonins and to do it in a natural way. Many of my clients are asked to keep a daily feelings journal as a way to help combat their depression as well.

Don’t let your depression or the depression of a loved one become a way of life. Everybody should be able to feel joy, and depression stops us from doing that. Take the time to journal, exercise and possibly get some professional help so you can feel the joy in your life.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens. For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818. You may also email her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s book, “Live, Heal and Grow” is available for purchase at http://www.RoseDogBookstore.com or Amazon.com

Designing Your Own Life

BY NANCY STOOPS 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Why do you let everybody run your life? Why do you feel you have no choices and that life can’t ever get better? What is it that seems to keep you stuck? How many times have you asked yourself these questions? Let’s see if we can answer some of these questions.

I think we let others run our lives because we fear we don’t know how to. In terms of feeling we have no choices; I think it’s just a bad habit of limiting our expectations and not having faith in ourselves.

I believe we stay stuck because we get comfortable even if we are miserable. It also takes a lot of energy to change and many times we don’t want to put forth that kind of energy. The alternative is to do nothing and to just stay stuck. We ask ourselves the same questions over and over, and at the time we tell ourselves this time we will finally change. I believe people mean what they say at the time, but then they get lazy when it comes to actually doing the work involved to get to where they want to be.

Please stop assigning blame to everybody and everything except yourself. We all have things that get in the way of our journeys, but it’s also up to us to overcome the adversity that literally stops us dead in our tracks. I get so tired of people telling me they can’t when I know they can, if they would just try harder and fight for the life they want. People are always putting off having the life they want by telling themselves that once they get though this or that, life will improve and be what they want it to be. The truth is that all they are really putting off is life itself.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. She is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. Nancy conducts free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727. You may also e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.

Inland Empire: Crash Victim and Teen Raise Awareness for Teenage Depression

BY TIANA GOEGEBUER

In a story of forgiveness and partnership, the victim of a violent car crash has united with the teen that crashed into him. Together, they are working to help other teens who are battling depression.

In 2012, Inland Empire teenager, Luke Maxwell, drove a van head-on into an oncoming vehicle in Temecula. The crash was not an accident. Maxwell, who was 16 at the time, was attempting to commit suicide. He had been silently suffering from severe depression for years, and had decided that he was “done with life” when he woke up that morning. Following the crash, the teen was hospitalized and charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

Lenny Ross, 53, was the driver of the vehicle Maxwell crashed into. Surprisingly, he was not angry with the teen. After finding out that Maxwell was only 16 and that he had been trying to commit suicide, Ross said that his heart really went out to the boy.

Not long after the crash, the two men met face to face in a coffee shop. According to Maxwell, the first thing he did was give Ross a big hug and say that he was so sorry. The teenager immediately felt the compassion Ross felt for him, and knew that Ross did not want to hurt him, but help him to heal. That feeling of forgiveness and acceptance was significant in Maxwell’s recovery.

Together, Ross and Maxwell have a new mission in life: to raise awareness for teenage depression and help those who are battling it. Maxwell has now posted videos about teenage depression, and maintains a blog. He says that he knows he made a huge mistake, but that he is trying to make the best out of it by helping others.

Maxwell’s teen depression support group meets the first Saturday of each month (except the July 4th weekend) at 10 a.m., St. Martha Catholic Church, 37200 Whitewood Road, in Murrieta. The group is open to all teens 13 to 17 years of age who are struggling with depression, self-harm, and related issues.

 

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

I have a friend who is very religious. She is always inviting me to events that center around her church. I went a few times, but I feel like I am under a microscope. They ask me a bunch of questions and I feel very nervous. My friend is the nicest person and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but her church group is not for me. How should I tell her?

Maria in Covina

Dear Maria:

It’s considerate that you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings. Do you think she notices that you’re ill at ease when you are being questioned by her church friends? Hopefully she is just as considerate. Your dilemma is easy. Be honest. Tell her that you don’t feel enhanced by that particular experience, but that you enjoy doing lots of other things with her. Invite her to join you in something you both enjoy and then move on.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My boyfriend is too conservative. I want us to get tattoos together, and he won’t do it. He said his mom would kill him. He is 19 years old and still lives with his parents while he’s in college. I keep telling him that he’s an adult now, and he should make his own decisions. I love him but he needs to grow up.

Jolie

Dear Jolie:

It seems to me that your boyfriend IS making his own decisions. He said no, and then he told you it was because he didn’t want to upset his mom. But he did make a decision. In my opinion, his behavior seems more grown up than yours. He’s made a decision to avoid being pressured into something he doesn’t want to do. Manage your own body, and allow him to do the same. Pressuring a friend into something they don’t want is immature and unkind. His motives for not wanting a tattoo are really none of your business.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

San Gabriel Valley: Building Better Families

 BY NANCY STOOPS

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Every week in my groups and my private sessions, I hear the same things over and over. Parents want to become more effective and their teens want more freedom. I tell my clients that are trying to become better parents they must learn to be consistent. They must learn to follow through with what they say they are going to do. I tell my teens that they will earn more freedom if they do what is expected of them. 

It’s very easy for me to tell people what they need to do. The problem for my clients comes from actually having to do the work. It’s hard to break old negative behavioral patterns and replace them with healthy ones. Our children, and people in general, want us to be consistent with them. I think consistency allows people to know what to expect and that makes them feel secure. I think when we are inconsistent, especially with our children, we really create a reason for them not to respect us. We then believe we have a reason not to give them freedom, because of how they treat us. It really is a vicious cycle. As parents, we need to lead our children by teaching them how to respect us. We instill respectful behavior by creating loving, consistent, and fair rules within our homes.

 

There is so much uncertainty going on in our world right now. Many people are feeling unsure about the future. I think this is a good time to try to make your family stronger and find some peace and comfort. If we can start to do this within our families, then who knows what we can do as a world? I wish you all some peace and comfort in these very uncertain times.

 

This article was written by Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens. For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818. You may also email her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s book, “Live, Heal and Grow” is available for purchase at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or Amazon.com.

San Gabriel Valley: Having Some Faith In Our Youth

BY NANCY STOOPS 

 

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Soon they will be running our country and have children of their own.  Soon they will be telling their children all the things we told them.  I have had the honor of working with thousands of kids and teens of this generation and I’m here to tell you that they are amazing.

 

Now keep in mind there is good and bad in every generation, but I think we have misjudged this one.  Yes, some of them have dabbled with drugs and alcohol and some are even afraid to grow up.  On the other hand, many of them are working on making this world a better place.  The problem is we more often hear the stories about how they are shooting their classmates instead of some of their heroic measures.

 

Just as we did, they are crying out to be accepted and valued.  We shouldn’t put a label of lazy or frightened on this batch of youth because then they might become just that.  Instead we need to guide them and encourage them to grow into who God intends them to be.  This generation is very gifted in so many ways.  They care about making our world a better place, but are frustrated because they don’t know where to begin since we have so many problems.  I see many future psychotherapists, environmentalists, lobbyists, songwriters, singers, and attorneys.   I have had youth that are interested in pursuing careers in the mental health field come and observe my support groups.  I have had some even help me with my groups.  Mentoring can make a huge difference in a young person’s life.  Mentoring can offer hope and guidance.

 

Please don’t give up our or youth because that means giving up on our world.  Help guide and encourage them to grow into adults that we can be proud of.  Teach them to not give up on themselves because each one of them can make a difference.

 

This article was written by Nancy Stoops, M.A., M.F.T.  Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  She runs free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups for teens.  For more information about any of these services feel free to page her at (626) 935-3818.  You may also email her at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net. Nancy’s book, “Live, Heal and Grow” is available for purchase at www.RoseDogBookstore.com or Amazon.com.

 

 

 

San Gabriel Valley: Your Presence Is Valued In Our World

BY NANCY STOOPS

I bet you don’t think you matter or make a difference. I’m here to say you’re wrong. Every interaction we have with each other matters. Every time we smile or share a greeting we make a difference. Those very interactions can literally change the way another feels about their day. We still have the power to make the world a better place and to make somebody feel good. I’m always given hope during those brief but powerful interactions with others. An exchange of a smile can literally fill me with warmth and a wonderful glow inside. Just for that brief second there was a very nice exchange of good energy between two humans.

Licensed Marriage Family Therapist

Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Take a minute or two out of your day to say hello, smile, hold a door open, help somebody cross a street or perform any act of human kindness. These acts really go a long way and can help you understand that you matter. I value these acts and the people that have the social graces to perform them. Please understand how much power you have each day to help make this world a better place. I hear heartwarming stories about people doing good deeds and I think about how much I value these people and their presence in our world.

Every time somebody thanks me for my work, their kind words seem to wrap around me and hug me and fill me up with such appreciation for my life and my work. I so value the presence of the people in my practice and in my groups. My group members are so supportive of each other and make a huge difference for each other. I walk through my neighborhood and Midnight and I have many very brief but meaningful interactions and I am reminded of how valuable humans can be if they want to.

This article was written by Nancy Stoops M.A., M.F.T. Nancy is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She has a private practice in Diamond Bar and is currently accepting new clients. She is also a motivational speaker who can inspire your employees or group members. Nancy conducts free family support groups, a group on loss for seniors, and groups on how to manage anger. For more information about any of these services, feel free to contact her at (909) 229-0727. You may also e-mail Nancy at stoopsshecter@earthlink.net.