Tag Archives: personal coaching

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I overheard my brother’s girlfriend trying to hook up with our cousin at a family party.  My brother and my cousin are best friends.  I told my cousin I heard what she said to him.  He told me not to worry about it because he was not attracted to her. I think we should tell my brother, but he said no, that it would just cause a bunch of problems.  I don’t want my brother to get hurt, but I don’t want him to fight with my cousin either.  Should I keep it to myself?

-P. L.

Dear P.L.:

If I were in your shoes, I would confront the ‘girlfriend’ and tell her that you’re aware of her shabby behavior.  Ask her to be honest with your brother if she is no longer interested in being in a relationship with him.  Make it clear that if you see or hear unbecoming conduct from her again, that you will share the details with your brother.  Try very hard to stay out of this sort of business.  It often doesn’t end well for the person in the messenger role.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

When it comes to my group of friends, I am the smart one.  My friends get themselves into trouble and then they call me to help them figure it out.  I help them as much as I can, but sometimes I have problems of my own or I’m just plain tired so I don’t return their call or text right away.  Then the nasty messages start.  They are trying to make me feel guilty.  I don’t get this.  I was only trying to help in the first place.

-Amber.

 

Hi, Amber:

Here is the age old question, “What do we really “owe” our friends and family?”  In my opinion, just because you’re the smart one doesn’t mean that you owe anyone your thinking skills and problem solving talent.  It’s different in the work place. If you are hired to do a job, then they are renting your skills and intelligence by giving you a paycheck, so you realize you’d be wise to perform.  When it comes to your personal life, I’ll offer my opinion.  You owe every human being simple “decency.”  You only owe your personal time, skills, effort, care, etc. to your spouse (because the two of you have formed a team), your minor children, and any animals you have caused to become dependent on you.  Maybe your parents should be on this list, too, but only if they are decent human beings.  Aside from these people, any gift of your time, skills, intelligence and resources should be considered a PERSONAL FAVOR.  If people have a sense of entitlement with you, fix that situation.  Remember the words, “Personal Favor.”  Do not feel guilty for having boundaries.  Good Luck.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

 

 

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Danice:

I have been going to therapy for months to combat depression.  I have chosen to keep this to myself.  When friends come to my apartment uninvited, I don’t answer the door.  I have also stopped returning phone calls.  Talking to people and answering their questions is too hard for me while I work on my problems.  I have only one friend who I feel good talking to.  She says I should just admit my depression so that everyone understands me, but I think even more people would bother me.

-Alfonso

 

Dear Alfonso:

You have the right to process your therapy and your emotions in your own way.  You do not owe anyone an explanation about why you are operating in a standoffish way at this time, but this just keeps people checking in on you.  If you have friends you truly love, maybe you would consider sending them an e-mail or text message. Let them know that you are working through some things and that you will not be in touch on a regular basis.  Ask them to respect your need for privacy at this time.  I think this is a polite social obligation given to people who care about you.  Doing it once should be enough.  I hope you will be feeling better soon.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

My niece is having her wedding on a cruise ship. Over 20 people from our family are invited to join them on this cruise. My niece asked me if I would book the largest stateroom so I can babysit the youngest kids who aren’t old enough for the kids club. This way, everyone is free to drink and go to the casino late at night. I don’t drink or gamble very often, but that doesn’t mean I want the task of nightly babysitting. I want to have fun, too. Now I’m not looking forward to the trip at all. I would feel guilty if I cancelled. I already said I would go, and everyone just assumes I will babysit because I’m not as wild as they are. I feel like I’m not really a guest at all. What should I do?

-Auntie M.

Dear Auntie:

It’s time for a family meeting. Explain that you look forward to doing your part with the youngest members of the family in the evenings. Then present a schedule with the names of all the viable babysitters. Assign a night to each capable party or couple. They are free to switch and trade off if they like, but make it clear that you intend to enjoy yourself too, even if you don’t choose to drink and gamble. Do not feel guilty when you resist being taken advantage of. Have fun!

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

 

 

Straight Talk With Danice

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

My husband was not invited to walk his daughter down the aisle at her wedding. She chose a close family friend instead. My husband and his ex-wife had a horrible relationship which made it impossible for him to have a decent relationship with his daughter. He is very down on himself and feeling depressed. I don’t know how to help him. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

-Ali V.

Dear Ali:

Maybe your husband’s ex-wife was able to influence his daughter when she was a child, but most women who are getting married are adults. Certainly he had access to his young adult daughter without the influence of her mother.   In my experience, no one can keep a good parent away from their child (especially an adult child). If the bride is not interested in a relationship with her father, he should do his best to find out why. Everyone is an adult now. Try for a fresh start when they return from their honeymoon. Do not add any additional stress to their lives before the wedding.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My boyfriend is still friends with three of his ex-girlfriends. I think this is inappropriate when he is in a committed relationship with me. What do you think?

-Debbie A

 

Dear Debbie:

In my opinion your immaturity and insecurity are inappropriate for a committed relationship. Adults should be free to choose their own friends. You either like this guy or you don’t. If you need to control him, spare him the drama and move on. I think it’s a good thing when people have shared hard times and they can still manage to be friends. Stop shopping for problems. Join a drama class if you need an outlet.

-Danice Akiyoshi ND

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dear Danice:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

My mom is becoming very embarrassing. She is 82 years old. She just blurts out whatever is on her mind. She says she is old now, and finds no reason to waste time on censoring her comments. She told her doctor that he was the biggest disgrace she’d seen all year, because he didn’t do anything for her except push more pills at her. She said his mother would be disappointed in him if she knew how lazy he was. It was very uncomfortable. Then she told the girl at the market that she used no logic when she bagged the groceries. My mom often has valid opinions, but she seems so impatient now, even mean and rude. Do you have any ideas for me?

Barb

Dear Barb:

It seems your mom is not willing to waste time on soft conversations. This is not all that uncommon as people get older. Plus, some medications can make people grouchy. I wanted to say ‘speak with her doctor,’ but that seems to be off the table at the moment since she is agitated with her doctor. If I were in your shoes, I would provide my mom with some personal pampering to see if that will take the edge off. Try manicures, pedicures, massages, and the like. Take her for an ice cream or a movie. Maybe a drive to the old neighborhood where she was happiest would be nice. Visit her friends. If you balance the daily grind with some pleasant activities, maybe she will relax and lighten up. Human touch, laughter, hugs, and visits down (good) memory lane, can work wonders for improving a person’s mood.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

There is a guy I like at my neighborhood bar. I go there three times a week hoping I will run into him. He is always polite to me when I talk to him, so I thought I had a chance with him. He hasn’t been there for the past two weeks now, and some of the waitresses told me that it’s because he thinks I’m stalking him. I have heard this before a few times from other guys I like. I swear I am just being friendly. What is wrong with people? Why are they so mean? How should I show men I am interested in them?

Hannah

 

Dear Hannah:

If the word ‘stalker’ has been used to describe you a few times, then you have some social malfunctions going on. You are probably not able to read body language very well, and are coming on way too strong. If you are willing to really take a look at this, I have plenty to say on the subject, but this is not an adequate setting to have this sort of discussion. Call my office if you’d like to see me privately.

This is a very important issue, and I hope you will address it quickly. Be careful, until you get this sorted out.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

I know I am getting older (71), but I’m annoyed with the way my daughter-in-law has started criticizing every move I make. It’s getting to the point that I don’t even want to be around her anymore, and I used to love her company. Here are a few examples:

“Mom, do you notice that you don’t park as well as you used to? Your gravy isn’t as good as it used to be. You should stay out of the sun; those dark spots on your face are getting bigger. You already told me that; maybe you should see a doctor. Why do you need a new car? You hardly ever go anywhere. Have you considered changing your hair? Would you let me pick the new style? You’ve been wearing it this way for too long, it’s outdated. You spoil your dog. You over cook your vegetables. Your skin looks so dry, you need a different moisturizer.”

The list goes on and on. I love my daughter-in-law, but I need a break from her. I mentioned it to my son, but he says I should ignore her comments. I don’t think I can do that, and I feel self-conscious and rattled every time I’m around her. Getting old is hard enough. I don’t need a constant reminder. I am totally self sufficient, and I don’t need her assistance in any way. I need advice.

Mary in Diamond Bar

 

Dear Mary:

I am sorry you are going through this. My response to anyone who takes steps to ruin my experience would be this:

“I’ve made peace with the fact that I am on the second half of my life. I don’t casually throw my days away like I did when I was twenty or thirty. I’ve decided not to spend my time feeling negative emotions. I’ve also decided I won’t share my time with people who diminish me in any way. At this stage of my life, I’m interested in interacting with people who enhance my days. I think it’s time for us to discontinue our visits. However, I do wish you well.”

If your daughter in law wishes to spend time with you, she will adjust her behavior. If she offers a sincere apology, accept it. As a courtesy, you might want to let your son know of your plans.

Good Luck,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

 

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.
Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

My cousin and I had a nice time planning a bridal shower for her future daughter-in-law. I booked a private room in an upscale restaurant that is owned by a dear friend of mine. She gave me a very good deal, and we were proud of how nice it was going to turn out. I was more than happy to host this party as a gift to the bride and groom, as well as my cousin. I was upset when my cousin called me in tears. She said her future daughter-in-law wasn’t happy with our food selections. She wanted to see the menu so she could select the meal and appetizers. She was also unhappy that we were planning to serve a traditional cake for dessert. She said, “That’s for old ladies,” and that her friends would want something different. I was furious, shocked, and hurt. This ungrateful girl did not deserve all the nice things we had planned for her. I wanted to cancel the whole thing, even though it was too late to get my money back. My cousin pleaded with me to reconsider. She asked me to speak to my friend at the restaurant to see if we could change the menu. I will probably do this because of my love for my cousin and her son, but I have decided not to attend the shower. Do you think I am being too harsh?

Bella

 

Dear Bella:

Wow. I am shaking my head. I know I should probably tell you to take the high road; keep the family harmony in place; turn the other cheek; allow this young woman to grow up a bit; do it for your cousin and her son; and go to the shower because it’s only one day out of your life. BUT…I’m not going to say any of that today.

When you allow people to behave in an abusive manner, with no consequences, you are giving them the impression that their behavior is acceptable. This is a huge mistake. With this immature, ungrateful, classless girl, there will be no family harmony anyway, so there is nothing to preserve. If I were in your shoes, I would let the party go on exactly as you planned it, with no changes. I say this only because you can’t get your money back. If a refund was in fact possible, I would cancel the shower. You owe NOTHING to this girl. Her sense of entitlement is appalling, and so are her manners. Do not accommodate her poor behavior in any way. Help your cousin understand that this has nothing to do with your love for her. The poor woman is in for a hell of a ride if she doesn’t learn to state her personal boundaries as well. If a sincere apology is ever offered, accept it, and start fresh. Holding a grudge is a waste of time.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

 

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D. 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

 

I am 30, and my fiancé is 32. We travel all the time. We’ve taken trips all over the world together. I couldn’t have a better match. Now that our wedding is only five months away, he has made a few comments about how long we should wait before we start a family. I didn’t know he had these thoughts, and I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want any kids. I want our lives to stay fun and carefree. He never makes time for any of his nieces and nephews, so I thought he felt the same way I do. He doesn’t even want a dog because he said it’s too much work and obligation, and would get in the way of our traveling. We are both into ourselves, and I like it that way. I’m not sure if he’s changing or if he’s just trying to do what everyone else does after they get married. I don’t think I’ll change my mind about having kids. I wish I would have known this before we got engaged.

 

Anonymous

 

Dear Anonymous:

 

I know you’ll hate to hear this, but now is not the time to remain self-focused or silent. Getting married is like being on a team. You must consider the other person, or there is no reason to become a team in the first place. You admit that you are both self-centered people and enjoy that lifestyle. Is it possible that he is trying to start a conversation to see if you might change your mind and desire children in the future? This is important. Be honest, and admit your true feelings. This is a big issue to consider. You must be on the same page before you get married. Get the conversation started immediately.

 

Good Luck,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

BY DANICE AKIYOSHI, N.D.

 

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi: 

I’m a 25-year old, healthy female, and I decided to stop dating eight months ago. I don’t know if I’m attracting the wrong type of man, or if I’m too conservative. I need several dates before I can make a decision about intimacy. I became tired of men insinuating there was something wrong with me because I don’t want to follow their time frame. My mom is pressuring me to meet the contractor who is remodeling her kitchen. She says he’s a nice man, but they all seem like nice men at first. I want to say yes, because I trust my mom, but if it doesn’t work out I don’t want it to affect her kitchen.

 

I’m Nervous

 

Dear Nervous:

 

I agree that you should be able to trust your mom’s opinion, but just about anyone can present themselves as a good individual for a short period of time. The real key is when a person can offer decent behavior for a long period of time. This is where your struggles come into play. You are young, and people in your age group are often not fully mature yet. However, years added to someone’s age does not necessarily guarantee maturity. When the time feels right to you, accept dates with people who interest you. Take your own car, and meet in a place where you feel comfortable. Choose a location where unwanted advances won’t happen. If the guy is willing to continue this way until you are comfortable, then you can branch out to other types of dates. As for your mom’s contractor, I would wait until her kitchen is finished.

 

Good luck,

 

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

 

Straight Talk With Danice

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My boyfriend is too conservative. I want us to get tattoos together, and he won’t do it. He said his mom would kill him. He is 19 years old and still lives with his parents while he’s in college. I keep telling him that he’s an adult now, and he should make his own decisions. I love him but he needs to grow up.

Jolie

Dear Jolie:

It seems to me that your boyfriend IS making his own decisions. He said no, and then he told you it was because he didn’t want to upset his mom. But he did make a decision. In my opinion, his behavior seems more grown up than yours. He’s made a decision to avoid being pressured into something he doesn’t want to do. Manage your own body, and allow him to do the same. Pressuring a friend into something they don’t want is immature and unkind. His motives for not wanting a tattoo are really none of your business.

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Inland Empire: Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My husband is a mechanic who works for an auto dealership.  He is a very nice man who takes on side jobs at our home on his days off.  I know it gives him satisfaction to help his friends and relatives who can’t afford dealership prices, but my house is always overrun with people dropping off their cars.  I feel like I don’t have any privacy.  People come into the house to use the restroom, or if they are friends and family they think I want to make time to visit with them.  I don’t want to be rude, but I have a lot to do on the weekend to keep things good for our family.  I work full time, too. We have two kids and we only see my husband if we go out to the garage on the weekends. I feel guilty complaining, because my husband is trying to help people.  He often doesn’t charge for his labor, so this is not helping our family financially either.  I can’t ignore this anymore.

Frustrated Wife

Dear Frustrated Wife:

Your husband sounds like a decent man, but he is confused about how a family unit should work in order to keep the happiness and satisfaction levels in good shape.  It sounds like you are in charge of the children all weekend, while he serves friends, neighbors and family members.  I think your frustration stems from feeling like you are in it alone, and your marriage is suffering.  He would probably feel the same if he were in your shoes.

Let’s look at a few things.  Is your husband avoiding you for any reason?  Have you clearly communicated your frustration to him about having no privacy or time with him on the weekends?  Have you been over functioning on your own for a long time and he has come to believe this is acceptable?  Sit down with your husband privately and set some boundaries.  Discuss how the weekend routine needs to be in order for you to both have a satisfying experience.  Do not wait until your resentment is so severe that you no longer desire his company.

Good Luck,

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Inland Empire: Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Dr. Danice:

I have been going to therapy for months to combat depression.  I have chosen to keep this to myself.  When friends come to my apartment uninvited, I don’t answer the door.  I have also stopped returning phone calls.  Talking to people and answering their questions is too hard for me while I work on my problems.  I have only one friend who I feel good talking to.  She says I should just admit my depression so that everyone understands me, but I think even more people would bother me.

Alfonso

Dear Alfonso:

You have the right to process your therapy and your emotions in your own way.  You do not owe anyone an explanation about why you are operating in a standoffish way at this time, but this just keeps people checking in on you.  If you have friends you truly love, maybe you would consider sending them an e-mail or text message. Let them know that you are working through some things and that you will not be in touch on a regular basis.  Ask them to respect your need for privacy at this time.  I think this is a polite social obligation given to people who care about you.  Doing it once should be enough.  I hope you will be feeling better soon.

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

 

Inland Empire: Straight Talk With Danice

Dear Danice Akiyoshi, ND:

My sorority sisters and I plan to take a cruise to Mexico this summer.  There are eight of us going, so we drew names to decide how the rooms would be shared.  I am nervous because I drew the girl who has OCD, and she has to have everything perfect all the time.  I’m a spontaneous person and never plan a thing.  Do you think it would be wrong of me to see if any of the other girls might be willing to switch roommates with me?   We are the worst match.

Gabriella

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Gabriella:

Your roommate is bound to discover your feelings if you approach the other people in your group.  Names were drawn; all is fair, so accept the outcome and get off to a good start.  Partnering with this person only applies to your stateroom right?  Where you sleep and shower should not have a significant bearing on how much fun you experience with your sorority sisters on this cruise.  I am old enough to know that things often happen for a reason.  You may find yourself forming a magnificent friendship with your roommate.  Maybe you even have something important to teach each other.  Carry on and concentrate on having a good time.

Danice Akiyoshi,ND

San Gabriel Valley: Straight Talk With Danice 03.07.14

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am an esthetician. Every year I give my three best girlfriends a facial for their birthday gift. They each book their appointment for the week of their birthday like clockwork. If our schedules permit, I also take them out for lunch or dinner afterward to continue the celebration. For the last three years, one of my friends has ignored my birthday completely. If it was a financial hardship I wouldn’t give it a second thought, but it’s not that for sure. I am not a materialistic person, so it’s not about a physical gift. I would be sincerely happy with a card or a phone call. I am even mad at myself for having these thoughts. This friend means the world to me; I just don’t understand why the birthday wishes don’t go both ways. I have never mentioned this to anyone. I am just wondering what this means, if anything.

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous:

If your friend books an appointment with you for her birthday facial like clockwork, she probably looks very forward to your services. I must say that I am at a loss about why she does not make it a point to remember your birthday. This is a new year, so when your friend calls to book her annual birthday facial, let her know that you’ve decided to discontinue that routine. Wish her a wonderful year and suggest getting together for a visit. I say this, because giving a facial is a lot of work, and in your case, a labor of love. If you are feeling taken for granted in any way, then this is not the appropriate gift to be giving. If your friend is showing you that she is not really into gift ‘giving,’ then she should not really be into gift ‘receiving’. Keeping it simple will help you return to enjoying your friend without this weirdness between you. If she brings it up, you can honestly say that it was obvious to you that she was uncomfortable with gift exchanges.

I wish you a Happy Birthday, in advance.

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Inland Empire: Straight Talk With Danice – February

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My best friend is perfect in every way, but for some reason she is always criticizing herself and her appearance.  Now I’m starting to feel self-conscious every time I’m around her.  She is much prettier than I am, so if she magnifies her own flaws, I wonder what she must think of me.  I’m starting to avoid her unless I’m looking my best.  What should I do?

Farzi

Hi, Farzi:

Your friend might be suffering from insecurity or low self esteem.  Just because she judges herself harshly does not mean that she has the same magnifying glass on you.  Don’t avoid your friend.  Share your feelings instead and help her see her true value.

Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Inland Empire: Straight Talk With Danice-January

DEAR DANICE AKIYOSHI:

My daughter has started hanging out with a group of kids at school who are dyeing their hair unusual colors. When I say unusual, I mean green and purple and blue. So far she has only put a small streak of color on her bangs. I have not said anything, but my husband has asked me to deal with it. These kids are all seniors in high school, and aside from this weird thing they’re doing with their hair, they seem like a nice group. Can you give me any pointers on how to handle it?
Janie

Hi, Janie:

If the kids seem to be in good order with their grades and other behaviors, then I would be careful about being excessively critical. Your daughter is a senior, so I’m assuming that she is close to age 18. This is a very tricky time for parents. Sometimes teens want to exert the power they think goes with the magical adult age of 18, yet they are far from being an adult in most cases.
If I were in your shoes, I would watch and wait. Allow your daughter a little elbow room and observe how far she pushes her desire for personal expression. Sometimes when parents are too rigid, a youngster in this age group will rebel or bolt, and then you have a new set of potentially dangerous problems. I’m hoping your daughter knows your ‘firm’ boundaries and won’t cross them. If she does, then it’s time for the serious sit down conversation. Many parents choose to tolerate bizarre hair styles and wardrobe fads, knowing that these things are not permanent. Whatever you do, please think your actions through. As I said, this is a tricky age group. They need a lot of support and positive feedback.

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passion for alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Straight Talk With Danice

I suspect my friend is seriously ill. She has recently lost a tremendous amount of weight, broken up with her long time boyfriend, and seems very withdrawn. When I ask if she is feeling ok she says yes, but it’s obvious that isn’t true. All her relatives are out of state. I’d like to help her, but she won’t open up.
Jan in Diamond Bar

Dear Jan,
When dealing with an adult peer, I think it’s best to respect the way in which they want to handle their own private issues. Make sure your friend knows you are there for her if she ever needs a friend. Make it easy for her to change her mind by respecting the boundaries she’s set. Stay available, polite, and open minded. Keep yourself in existence in her life but don’t push. Keep in mind that some people prefer to keep their personal issues private.
Take care,
Danice Akiyoshi ND

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi, Naturopathic Doctor, Coaching, Counseling

Dr. Danice Akiyoshi

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She has a great passionfor alternative healing and has over 20 years of experience in this field. She provides a form of energy psychology called The Emotion Code, where she helps people literally get rid of their emotional baggage. She also offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.