Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Jen

Q:  I was out for a business meeting on Saturday night that was about ten minutes from my parent’s house.  I decided to visit and didn’t call in advance.  As I walked up the driveway, I could hear my mom and dad laughing on the patio.  I let myself in with my key and headed toward the patio.  I was pretty surprised to see my parents in a party mode like I have never seen before.  In order to avoid embarrassment for all of us, I left without making my presence known.  My cheeks are still burning.  My parents never did these things when my sister and I lived at home.  Should I pretend like I never saw this?

A:  Yes, you should pretend that you never interrupted the privacy of other adults.  When parents are finally done raising their children they often go back to enjoying themselves in ways that are inappropriate when youngsters are around. Never show up anywhere uninvited or unannounced.  If your family shares house keys, it’s probably for emergency reasons at this point in your lives.  Is it also possible that you might be caught in a private situation if your parents decided to let themselves into your home uninvited and unannounced?  Learn from this one, Jen. Please be respectful and keep their business to yourself.

A Letter from Chrissy

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  What is your opinion about people who are always late?  Why do you think some people have no respect for time management?

A:  In my opinion, I think personal power plays a role here.  People who are habitually late generally don’t have a good sense of their own personal power.  They are often passive-aggressive, imagining that they have power over others by keeping them waiting.  Of course, some people are just poor managers of their time, but I think the personal power thing comes into play more often.  They are misguided in thinking that their time is more valuable than yours.  Let’s not forget the people who are basically clueless and have poor manners.

Buying a puppy without my permission – a Letter from Barb

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi

Q: I was out of town for a week when my mother was sick.  I came home to find a new puppy in the house.  My husband gave in to the kids when they visited his friend who had a batch of puppies to get rid of.  I am mad at my husband.  I have always said no to the kids when they ask for a dog because I don’t want the extra work.  He knows how I feel.  Every hamster, fish, or bird they bring home falls on me to take care of.  And a dog is ten times more work with walking and grooming needs.    I promised myself that I am not taking care of this dog or any other new animals.  I am already really busy. Eventually, I believe my husband and the kids will lose interest and the poor animal will suffer.  I am hardly talking to my husband.  Please respond right away, I don’t know what to do.

A: Feeling disrespected is a terrible thing and will greatly diminish your relationship with your husband if you don’t get things cleared up right away.  You need to have a serious conversation with your husband that determines the items that are non-negotiable in your marriage.  Adopting pets without your agreement should definitely be on the list. Your husband was 100% wrong to bring a pet into your household without you being on board to participate.  Sit down with him and present him with a list of what it takes to tend to a puppy/dog properly.  If he is willing to be 100% responsible for the dog’s daily care then you should find a way to agree and carry on with your life.  If he breaks his agreement about the care and it falls to you more than three times, get him to agree that he has thirty days to find a new and appropriate home for the dog.  If he won’t agree to being responsible for the care at all, then the same thirty days to find the puppy a new home applies.  When the kids start crying, direct them to their dad.  This situation is his creation and he should be the one to solve it.  Putting you in the position of having to be “the bad guy” in the eyes of your children is also quite inconsiderate.  Deal with that issue as well.

I’m not my best friend’s maid of honor

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi ND

Dear Danice Akiyoshi ND,

I am terribly upset.  My best friend and I have had a fight and I don’t know what to do.    Her boyfriend proposed to her a few months ago and they have started to plan their wedding.  We met at a boutique last weekend to start shopping for her wedding dress. There, she told me that she hoped I would understand, but she wouldn’t be able to have me as her maid of honor because her fiancé doesn’t feel I’m deserving of that position. He told her that he would like to see her choose his cousin that he’s close to and she agreed.  I was speechless.  I admit that I am not close to this man, but my friend and I have been best friends for three years.  I was hurt and upset and I told her that her fiancé is an idiot and so is she for allowing him to control her that way.  I left the store and we haven’t spoken to each other since that day.  I’m very upset.  Should I call her?  Should I call him?  My mom says that I should send her an apology card and accept that I will be just a regular bridesmaid.  Just the thought of that upsets me because we are best friends and she hardly even knows his cousin.  What’s your opinion?

Thank You,

Desi

Dearest Desi,

I’m so sorry to inform you of this, but it looks to me like you’ve already lost your best friend.  If your friend’s fiancé feels like he can insert his opinions about who she chooses as a maid of honor and she allows this, then she has already lost her personal identity and given away her personal power to the degree that your friendship is bound to fade away no matter what you do.  Work hard to accept the reality of that now and save yourself the expense of a bridesmaid dress and all of the painful additional drama that goes along with being involved in this wedding.  My guess is that your friend has probably reported your behavior to her fiancé and he has already been pointing out that this just proves that his cousin is the better choice.  Manipulation will probably continue to be a big part of your friend’s life until she resumes thinking for herself.   Look at it this way; she is no longer a good match for you in the best friend department.  I hope you will find some delightful new friends soon.

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.