By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter from a Frustrated Friend:

Q:  My best friend has not returned my calls for the last three months.  The last time I saw her she told me she was having personal problems.  I guess maybe she has the blues, but I’m getting really frustrated and I wonder if maybe I have done something wrong.  She lives over one hour away.  Should I visit her and force her to talk to me?

A:  Call your friend once again and let her know your concerns.  Ask her to at least let you know if she is okay, using the communication method of her choice.  Tell her a text message is perfectly fine if she isn’t up to chatting.  Do not make this situation about you.  Some people are extremely private when they are facing tough situations and prefer to work through their issues on their own.  If this is your friend’s style, then do whatever you need to do to make sure she feels supported.  Let her know you are there for her when she feels up to talking again.  Consider sending an occasional card or note as a way to express your friendship without pestering her.  However, if you suspect your friend is in true emotional danger, go see for yourself, and get the appropriate support she needs.  Follow your heart on this one.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.23

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

An Anonymous Letter

Q:  My husband is overbearing.  When he thinks someone has done something unfair to him, he overreacts.  Yelling, finger pointing, arm waving.  Intimidation is his answer to almost all problems.  He has even had tantrums on my behalf when I do not feel offended.  He has become a real bully.  I am embarrassed, but I don’t know how to tell him to knock it off.  In other areas he is a really nice man.

A:  Having adult tantrums, and using intimidation as a form of communication is a sign of immaturity and low self esteem.  Perhaps he is really hurting about something and feels it would be weak to address his suffering, so he masks it with anger.  I don’t know your husband or his issues, so I will address your situation.  Whenever your husband displays a behavior in your presence that you find unacceptable, it is your right to tell him not to act that way in front of you again.  If he decides to test you and does it again, remind him that you have communicated clearly once before, then leave his company immediately.  Walk away, call a cab, do whatever it takes to set a new boundary.  Do not nag, plead, or repeat yourself again.  Make your statement, and then act on it.  Since you say he is basically a nice man, he should catch on quickly and soften his approach when he’s with you.  Good Luck.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

An Anonymous Letter

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I have been depressed for a long time.  I used to have really good friends, but now when I need them the most, they are never there for me anymore.  My daughter is even too busy for me.  My husband says people are busy with their own lives, but I feel neglected.  I have tried medication and a psychologist, but that didn’t help me any more than my friends did.  I gained weight from the medication, and I felt even worse about myself.  I will never do that again.  Do you have any advice to help me get my friends back into my life?

A:  If your friends are “really good” as you mentioned, I’m sure they have done everything they could think of to assist you in feeling better.  When there is no improvement, people often feel defeated and move on.  Let’s face it, being around a depressed person all the time is difficult and painful.  It is hardest when you really love the person.  Please try to understand the limitations of a person who is doing their best to support you. This is not easy for most people, especially, when they are not skilled in the area of your needs.  The fact that you say you feel neglected, makes me wonder if you have a sense of entitlement about what is owed to you by your loved ones.  Your friends and family do not owe you their personal time on an ongoing basis.  You also make it clear that their efforts were not really helping you anyway.  Please realize you need a skilled professional when you’re dealing with something as serious as depression.  If medication and psychotherapy have not helped you, then it’s time to have a really long talk with yourself.  Are you willing to take personal responsibility for your own emotional and mental health?  If the answer is yes, then you are about to turn the corner and improve your sense of well being.  If you truly don’t require medication or psychotherapy, and are completely resistant to trying again, then I suggest personal coaching.  A personal coach can often help you guide your life in a positive direction. For now, it would be a very good idea to forgive your family and friends for their absence in your life.  They are not responsible for your mental health and emotional happiness.  You are.  Personal responsibility on your part may help your friends and family feel better about sharing their time with you again.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter From C.J.

Q:  I am a senior citizen.  I am wondering how to overcome a constant negative focus on my health issues.  These issues are both real and imaginary.  My poor health consumes my thoughts, and I feel depressed.  I don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling this way.  Please help.

A:  It’s important to understand that where you place your focus in life is where you will have the most growth.  If you focus on negative matters, your negative concerns will seem to expand.   My guess is that you don’t have enough balance in your life.  Constantly looking at a problem is not as helpful as concentrating on a solution.  Try to balance your worry with some activities that bring you joy.  Just because you are a senior citizen, does not mean you have to start preparing for a life filled with illness.  Better yet, it’s time to plan for as much enjoyment as possible.  Shift your thoughts to people and situations that bring laughter into your life.  Release the ones that bring you upset and grief.  This is very important. If you are sitting around watching television as your main activity, you are taking on a lot of negativity from the news and being exposed to lots of commercials relating to health disorders.  Free yourself from all the negative feedback and visit some healthy and happy friends and family instead.  If visiting is too hard, then invite them to visit you, but don’t weigh the conversation down with your health concerns.  Altering your point of view will alter your life.  I hope you realize the choice is yours to make.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Danielle:

Question:  My daughter just graduated from high school last June and she has already decided to move out with two girlfriends.  I feel she is not ready to be on her own, but when I try to give her advice she gets nasty.  How can I make sure she is okay without making her look childish in front of her friends?  I am really worried, because she is still so immature.  By the way, none of these girls are in college, but they all have jobs. They believe they can make this arrangement work out.  Please help!

Answer:  This is one of those difficult times in the parenting cycle.  You sound like a very caring mom and your daughter will appreciate that some day.  Have faith that you did a good job in raising your daughter, and create space in your relationship for her to develop self reliance.   When I felt a deep need to visit and “check in” on my young adult kids, I made favorite food items, or offered to share my giant bundle of paper towels or toilet paper.  Youngsters are usually very open to receiving these gifts when they are first starting out on their own.  Be careful not to criticize their dwelling if it is messy, and resist the urge to fix all the difficulties that crop up.  When young adults make a decision to enter adult living, you should allow them to sort things out on their own.  However, let your daughter know she can seek your assistance before she allows anything to become a crisis.  I am assuming you have given her guidance about credit card debt and basic health practices.  Also, you might want to explain that you will not be taking steps to maintain her former lifestyle once she moves out. For example, clothes shopping, haircuts, cell phone bill, extra gas money, medical or dental expenses.  This talk should be informative, but not manipulative.  Often young adults are so excited at the thought of being on their own, that they don’t see the big picture.  When my son called with a very expensive utility bill he and his roommates couldn’t pay, I explained that I would assist them, but made it clear that I would not fix the same problem twice.  This shows you’re interested in a good outcome, but allows respect for the fact that you’re both functioning adults. If she still decides to move out after this friendly and informative conversation, be supportive, wish her well, and get back to your own interests in life. Be well.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Dear Danice,

I attended a lecture on women’s health last year, and heard you speak about some products you recommend for hot flashes, mood swings, and PMS.  I need it for hot flashes and my daughter needs it for PMS.  I’ve never heard of a Naturopath doctor before, but I enjoyed your lecture.  Thank you.

-Marlene

Dear Marlene,

My favorite product for mood swings and PMS is a product called FEMALE drops.  This product is offered by Dr. Richard Schulze.  He also offers FEM PLUS drops.  This formula has additional herbs to help you relax, so it’s best to take it only at night.  Dr Schulze’s web site is www.herbdoc.com.  His herbal formulas are outstanding.  I have used many of them myself over the years.  As for the hot flashes, the product I like best is called DIM. (Di-Indolylmethane) This is also a plant based product.  It is available from a company called Health Resources (www.healthresources.net) – wishing you relief.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

An Anonymous Letter

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  I come from a religious family background.  My husband, kids, and I are at church most of the day on Sunday and other days during the week.  Several months ago, I started feeling overwhelmed.  I realized that this is just another church, and what really counts for me is spirituality and not organized religion.

I want to tell my family, but I know they will be crushed and think I’ve lost it.  I feel like a hypocrite.   I also have guilty feelings, because I agreed to raise my children in this religion.  My youngest child (of five) will turn 18 at the end of the year.  Do I dare to be honest, or continue feeling like a hypocrite?

A:  I’m very impressed with the fact that you have chosen to keep your agreements with your husband, even though you’ve had a change in your point of view.  People in committed relationships will often face growth and change in different directions, and adjustments need to be made.  Arrange a time when you can have a quiet conversation with your husband.  Explain your feelings and request a renegotiation.  Explain that you are willing to fulfill your agreement until the end of the year when your last child will legally become a young adult.  Let him know you will not take any steps to alter the belief systems of any other family members.  Then express your plans to participate in the spiritual practices of your choice.  If he seems to need some time to adjust to the new situation you’ve presented, respect his position.  Please recognize that large changes can affect the whole family, and it may take a bit of time before relations return to normal.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Ali

Q:  My husband was not invited to walk his daughter down the aisle at her wedding.  She chose a close family friend instead.  My husband and his ex-wife had a horrible relationship, which made it impossible for him to have a decent relationship with his daughter.  He is very down on himself and feeling depressed.  I don’t know how to help him.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.

A:  Maybe your husband’s ex-wife was able to influence his daughter when she was a child, but most women who are getting married are adults.  Certainly he had access to his young adult daughter without the influence of her mother.   In my experience, no one can keep a good parent away from their child (especially an adult child).  If the bride is not interested in a relationship with her father, he should do his best to find out why.  Everyone is an adult now.  Try for a fresh start when they return from their honeymoon.  Do not add any additional stress to their lives before the wedding.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

A Letter From Debbie

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  My boyfriend is still friends with three of his ex-girlfriends.  I think this is inappropriate when he is in a committed relationship with me.  What do you think?

A:  In my opinion your immaturity and insecurity are inappropriate for a committed relationship.  Adults should be free to choose their own friends.  You either like this guy or you don’t.  If you need to control him, spare him the drama and move on.  I think it’s a good thing when people have shared hard times and they can still manage to be friends. Stop shopping for problems.  Join a drama class if you need an outlet.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

A Letter From Jason

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  My best friend is in a relationship with a woman who seems to be controlling every move he makes.  Even his opinions on worldly matters have drastically changed to match hers.  He looks unhappy, but he never complains.  I hate seeing him this way so I don’t socialize much with them anymore.  I can tell my friend is hurt and puzzled when we see each other at business events.  Should I be honest about my feelings?

A:  Yes, be honest.  Tell him your concerns.  Make sure he knows he can count on you in times of crisis, but that you’re not interested in casually socializing with them as a couple.  Do not put her down in any way; this is unnecessary.  Be clear that you would like to see him whenever he can break away. Do your best to keep in touch and try to show up for his major life events.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her atstraighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Ross

Q:  When I was going through my divorce two years ago, my neighbor was very supportive.  She listened to my concerns and offered good advice that helped me a lot.  When I was suffering in the beginning, she even brought meals to my house.  She was the nicest friend I had at the time.  Now I’m having problems in my new relationship and I’ve tried to get together with her so I can get some advice. She always seems to be in a hurry and is not interested in talking in the driveway when she comes home from work.  She used to invite me in, but I haven’t had that invitation in months.  I really need to talk to her. She already knows me and my problems and I can’t afford counseling.  How can I get her attention?

A:  Just because your neighbor is a good soul does not mean that she owes you her time or thinking skills.  For whatever reason, it sounds like she has zero interest in getting involved in your problems again. Be grateful that she was once there for you and move on.  You are not entitled to her time just because you catch her in the driveway when she comes home from work, either.  Reconsider your stand on professional coaching or counseling.  You need help seeing the big picture.  Wish you well, Ross.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

A Letter From Jen

Q:  I was out for a business meeting on Saturday night that was about ten minutes from my parent’s house.  I decided to visit and didn’t call in advance.  As I walked up the driveway, I could hear my mom and dad laughing on the patio.  I let myself in with my key and headed toward the patio.  I was pretty surprised to see my parents in a party mode like I have never seen before.  In order to avoid embarrassment for all of us, I left without making my presence known.  My cheeks are still burning.  My parents never did these things when my sister and I lived at home.  Should I pretend like I never saw this?

A:  Yes, you should pretend that you never stupidly interrupted the privacy of other adults.  When parents are finally done raising their children they often go back to enjoying themselves in ways that are inappropriate when youngsters are around. Never show up anywhere uninvited or unannounced.  If your family shares house keys it’s probably for emergency reasons at this point in your lives.  Is it also possible that you might be caught in a private situation if your parents decided to let themselves into your home uninvited and unannounced?  Learn from this one, Jen. Please be respectful and keep their business to yourself.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

A Letter from Chrissy

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Q:  What is your opinion about people who are always late?  Why do you think some people have no respect for time management?

A:  In my opinion, I think personal power plays a role here.  People who are habitually late generally don’t have a good sense of their own personal power.  They are often passive-aggressive, imagining that they have power over others by keeping them waiting.  Of course, some people are just poor managers of their time, but I think the personal power thing comes into play more often.  They are misguided in thinking that their time is more valuable than yours.  Let’s not forget the people who are basically clueless and have poor manners.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

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A Letter From Nina

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Q:  My daughter is dating a man who has special diet restrictions connected to his religion.  When we have social gatherings at our home, my daughter asks us to include several members of his family.  My husband and I have no problem including his family – the more the merrier – but I find it irritating to be asked repeatedly if the food I’m serving falls in line with their dietary restrictions. We’ve had eight such gatherings and I’ve taken their needs into consideration every time, but it’s wearing thin.  The whole thing has started to feel rude to me.   I would like to return to my regular party menus and entertaining routine.  Or maybe I should move the gatherings to a restaurant in the future which would eliminate the problem for me.  I don’t want to upset my daughter so I haven’t said anything to her.  Am I being unreasonable?

A:  This is a touchy subject because it involves religion.  We live in a time when everyone wants their religion respected, and those that have no religious beliefs want that respected as well.  However, when an invitation is accepted, it’s my opinion that it’s proper to accept the offerings of the host and hostess without additional or special requirements.  Having special expectations or making demands in any way is poor manners.  Just because your daughter is interested in this man, doesn’t mean that you have to overly alter your lifestyle to accommodate his differences.   Would you expect special treatment at the homes of his family members if you had special requirements for your meals?  These are her choices, not yours.  If it irritates you, discontinue your offers of hospitality and dine in restaurants.  It’s really that simple.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr Akiyoshi:

I have a problem sticking up for myself.  The words are in my mind, but I can’t get them to come out of my mouth when people are pushy with me.  I once bought $700 worth of silverware that I didn’t need, accepted auto financing that wasn’t in my best interest, and hosted a baby shower and a bridal shower for my cousin because my aunt was too lazy and dumped it on me. I’m the one that gets asked to take people to the airport at awful hours.  I’m the dog and house sitter, and the friend who is always asked to be the designated driver.  In short, I get taken for granted.  I like to be nice, but I’m starting to think I’m my own worst enemy.  What is your recommendation?

-Sincerely, Roberta

Dear Roberta:

First of all, I will say that I can tell you are a very sweet and gentle-natured person.  These are marvelous qualities.  Many gentle-natured people get taken for granted and many eventually learn to have healthy boundaries so they don’t feel abused.  Developing your sense of self worth would go a long way in helping you to stand up for yourself.  Once you have a workable set of skills, keeping yourself from constantly feeling compromised is no longer difficult.  There are many books and self-help courses available on this subject.  If you need additional guidance, I would be happy to work with you.  Good Luck, Roberta.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My adult daughter has recently made a mistake that causes me shame.  She needs my help, but I am so hurt that I don’t know if I can be there for her.  My husband has turned his back on her.  He is tired of her chaotic lifestyle.  I feel so alone.  My daughter is too embarrassed to ask her siblings for help, because this is not the first time she’s been in trouble and needed us to bail her out.  I wish she had decent friends and didn’t always depend on me.  When is a mother’s job done?

-Francis

Hi, Francis:

Mother’s have many ways in which they interact with their children to enhance their lives.  If you are a mother who constantly bails out wayward adult children, then you are an enabler. That’s a big problem, in my opinion.  I feel for you if your spouse deserts you when the going gets tough.  This probably contributes to your enabling ways, but you still need to correct this.  As for your shame, if you need time to deal with your feelings of shame over the poor behavior of your daughter, then take it.  You are not obligated to push your feelings aside just because your daughter finds herself in hot water once again.  Maybe it’s time for you to allow your daughter to deal with the consequences of her poor behavior.  I know it’s hard, but it may be a better option since she’s a repeat offender.  Perhaps you could improve your marriage if you discontinue being in charge of keeping your daughter’s life together.  You would be wise to work on the issue of “shame,” as well.  Let me know if you need help.

Sincerely,

Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I am only 41 years old and my hair is falling out.  I have tried every expensive hair restoration product I can find, but they aren’t working.  I have lost about thirty five pounds in the last year and I exercise five days a week.  I eat well and my female cycle is regular.  I feel I am healthy.  My doctor can’t find anything wrong with me other than allergies and sinus problems.  A friend at the gym said she started taking Biotin when her hair got thin during Menopause and that it helped her.  Do you believe this?

-Heather H.

Hi, Heather:

Yes, I am a fan of Biotin.  I use it myself and I feel it makes my hair nice and thick, but I know a few people who feel that it made no difference for them. Everyone responds to things differently.  Weight loss can often result in hair loss if it happens too rapidly.  Is this true in your case?  Did you make sure that you got an adequate amount of protein as you were reducing your food intake?  A lack of protein can easily cause hair loss and muscle wasting.  Blood work is probably in order.  Maybe you should also consult a nutritionist.  Of course stress can also play a role, too.  Good Luck, Heather.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and c03oncerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I just came home from my dear friend’s funeral. I was devastated because I thought he died suddenly from a mysterious illness.  Another friend found him unconscious in his home after none of us had heard from him for a couple of days.  We were all close and spoke almost daily.  At the funeral luncheon his sister told me that he had been diagnosed with cancer six months ago, and that was the real cause of his death.  I could not believe what I was hearing.  I didn’t say anything, because I don’t know his sister, but I am mad as hell at my friend!  Why didn’t he tell me the truth?  He was at my house for dinner a couple of times a week.  He and my husband were pretty close, too. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t let me help him.  Why didn’t he fight for his life?  He was only 60-years old. I don’t exaggerate when I tell you that nobody suspected he was this sick.  I feel deceived.  A real friend wouldn’t have lied to me this way.  My feelings are very hurt.  My husband won’t share his opinion with me.  Do you have any idea why someone would treat a true friend this way?  I am sick at heart to think I never knew this man at all.

-Gloria.

Dear Gloria:

I am sick about the way you’ve turned your friend’s death around to make it all about you.  I don’t know you, but your emotional maturity needs a lot of work.  Has it ever occurred to you that your friend was trying to spare you from grief and sadness?  Has it ever occurred to you that maybe your friend wanted his relationships with his friends to be normal and not filled with pity or tears?  Not everyone wants to undergo Chemotherapy and traditional therapies that are difficult to tolerate when their days are numbered anyway.  Why can’t you find a way to respect that?  You are a woman.  Let’s pretend you are about to give birth.  Do your friends have the right to force their opinions on you about what style of child birth you choose, or whether or not you are going to nurse your baby? Can they insist that you have an epidural when you really prefer to try natural childbirth?  Grow up, Gloria.  You are choosing to suffer.  This stems from your inability to accept that you can’t always control things.  People do not owe their friends and family all of their private information.  If you’d like assistance for anger, grief, or in improving your emotional maturity, I would love to meet with you.  I wish you well, Gloria, and sincerely hope you will feel better soon.

-Danice Akiyoshi, ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

Danice Akiyoshi

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

I was the victim of a violent crime 18 months ago.  It has affected me terribly.  I won’t ever be the same again and I cry all the time.  I am filled with fear and I struggle to go to my part time job.  I’m embarrassed by my weakness.  Relying on my family for help all the time makes me want to die.  My doctor pushed me to go to a counselor, but he was not helping me at all.  I went for six months and gave it a fair try.  I looked on your website and read about the Emotional Release work you do.  I think I need something like this.  Do you think you can help someone like me?  I need to get control of my life again.  Thank you.

-Sandra W.

Dear Sandra:

Yes, I absolutely do believe I can assist you in improving the quality of your life.  You are not weak.  You are suffering the effects of emotional trauma.  I have assisted many people in your situation.   The Emotional Release work assists with releasing the trauma from your subconscious mind.  Even though the memories and details of your ordeal are harsh, I believe I can get you to a point of feeling neutral about it, instead of highly charged and emotional.

-Warmest regards,

Danice Akiyoshi ND

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.

By Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Dear Dr. Akiyoshi:

My cousin was recently complaining about how awful she’s been feeling and how her weight has reached an unacceptable range.  We were having this chat when we met for drinks at my house.  After we had a glass of wine, she stepped out on my patio and smoked a cigarette.  When I said, “I thought you quit,” her response was, “I don’t smoke all week, only when I have drinks and on the weekends.”  I didn’t say anything further and we moved on to our favorite late night diner where she ordered a healthy meal, but asked me if I want to split a short stack of pancakes with her.  I declined, and mentioned our earlier conversation about her complaints about her weight and feeling awful.  I was caught by surprise when she threw her napkin on the table, stood up, and said, “I don’t need a mother,” and headed for the door.  I drove, so I knew she couldn’t leave without me.  I hustled to pay our bill and drove back to my house.  She went directly to her car and hasn’t returned my calls for five days.  Now I don’t know how I should handle this.  Was I wrong to point out her concerns?  I am miserable.  I probably should have stayed silent. What’s your advice?

-Frannie

Dear Frannie:

Unfortunately you got caught up in the, “I can put myself down, but you’d better not,” situation.  I have been in your shoes many times.  I also learned the hard way.  The way I currently handle situations like this is to ask my friend, “Are you just hoping to vent to a friend in order to feel better as you sort through your own thoughts and feeling, or do you prefer that I listen for awhile and then offer some sensible and sound advice?”  Then I smile and say, “It’s your call, I can go either way.”  This way, you’ll know exactly how to manage the conversation.  I do give you credit for trying to calm the situation, but your cousin is obviously emotionally immature.  You’ve been a decent person, made the proper phone calls to apologize and she hasn’t responded.  Your work is done here.  Get back to your own life now.  The ball is in her court.

-Danice Akiyoshi, N.D.

Danice Akiyoshi is a Naturopathic Doctor and the head of Candid Coaching Service. She offers personal coaching services relating to all types of issues and concerns. This is a letter she received from an anonymous reader. To send a question to Danice, email her at straighttalk@candidcoachingservices.com. You can also visit her website at http://www.candidcoachingservices.com.